Twisted Pursuits (10 page)
Authors: Krystal Morrison
IT WAS QUIET HERE, THERE
was no sense of time, no rush to be anywhere, no one existed in this world but herself and no one could hurt her here; she was numb. It was better this way, she told herself, the pain was too unbearable. She cringed at the mere thought of it. Someone was sitting beside her, without looking she knew who it was; his face came into view, a pained expression marring his handsome features. The wound in her chest began to ache, she struggled to shut him out but she kept seeing his face clouded with hate as he had seen the dead remains of their child.
He stared at her tormented expression, feeling as if someone was squeezing his heart, he steeled himself for what he was about to do.
“Lauren”, he said, shaking her gently.
“Go away”, she rasped, clutching her chest as if to prevent it from tearing apart.
“No!” he said emphatically, perhaps if he had insisted that she talk to him from the onset she would have leaned on him and they would have gotten through this together.
She sprang out of his grasp in one fluid movement and headed for the door. She had to get out of here, a voice in her head insisted, quickly before Jordan caught her. She had barely gotten to the door, before he pounced on her, his hand snaking around her waist.
She kicked and screamed as the painful memories of that night came rushing back. The rippling contractions, her voice begging the doctors to save her baby, the nurse holding the dead remains, Jordan’s face as he had seen it, it was all too much to endure. Jordan pulled her to the floor with him, using his body to pinion hers; he palmed her face to still her thrashing head.
“Listen to me”, he said forcefully, “I am not leaving, not now, not ever”.
He repeated it over and over until her flaying subsided and her chest heaved under him as she fought to breathe. He stared at her wan cheeks and tormented eyes and everything crumpled within him. Nothing mattered anymore except that she get well again. His own feelings took a backseat; it didn't matter anymore why she had gotten the abortion. What mattered was the fact that she was the kindest person he had ever known and she would never intentionally hurt a soul, least of all him. He sat up and pulled her with him, mindful to hold on to her in case she tried to escape him again.
“I long to see your smile, hear your voice”, he stroked her cheeks, her lips, “serve you coffee in the mornings. I live to make you happy. I cannot bear the thought of you suffering, it kills me inside”.
“But you hate me”, she whimpered, her voice rough from disuse, her eyes brimming with tears, “I see it in your eyes”.
She was speaking, he felt giddy with relief, “the only hate I feel is for myself, for not being there for you, you will never know how I have suffered for it”.
He grasped her hands in his, as if doing so would allow him to draw some of the sorrow from her.
“You are not alone, help me to understand, tell me how you feel, let me help you, please”, he begged.
“You can’t”, she insisted between sobs, “and you shouldn’t”.
He inched closer to her, resting his weight on his knees, his eyes stinging with unshed tears.
“I love you Lauren, do you hear me I love you and it’s pure hell to see you wasting away in that God forsaken bed”, he was tired of denying it, perhaps now that she knew, she would start living again.
“No, no, you can’t love me”, she tried to pull away from him.
“It’s ok if you don’t feel the same”, he ignored the pang in his heart.
“Of course I love you”, she responded, frowning as if it was absurd of him to think otherwise.
He closed his eyes briefly at her admonition. To think that he had intended to throw this woman out of his life a few weeks ago was unforgiveable, the callousness with which he had treated her was unpardonable yet she still loved him. He did not by any means deserve her.
“I’m sorry I hurt you Jordan”, she said tearfully, “I did not intend to… I swear”.
“I am the one who should be sorry for abandoning you those first weeks”, he responded, totally abashed.
“They took our baby Jordan”, his hand was numb where she clutched it to her chest, squeezing it as if her life depended on it.
He frowned, she was speaking incoherently again. Had he pushed her over the edge with his foolish mechanism, dread settled in his breast at the thought.
“I didn’t even know I was pregnant”, she choked, “Nana was the one who told me”.
Rage boiled inside him at the mention of that evil woman’s name.
“It’s insane, but in those moments I knew I loved and wanted him more than anything else”, she spoke with a reverence that took him aback, her expression dismayed, “then Nana came and said she was taking me to the doctor”.
“It’s ok, you don’t have to talk about it”, fear gripped him; she had that raw look in her eyes that he knew all too well.
Ignoring him she continued, babbling incoherently, “I was in such a daze, so happy that I did not think to question what he was doing or ask what the tablets he’d given me were for. I went into such a state of shock when he began explaining afterwards what would happen that I do not know how I managed to elude my Aunts or even how I ended up here”.
He must be hearing things, he thought, yet as he glanced at the anguish in her face he knew he had heard right. His heart stilled within his chest; all those weeks he had been blaming her. He was a cold, insensitive bastard and if she chose never to forgive him, he would see it as just punishment for what he had done. If it had not been for his carelessness perhaps she would not have fallen pregnant in the first place, yet she had borne it all alone. No wonder she had nearly gone mad. What kind of brute chooses to believe the worst of such a sweet, caring person? He was a low down scum and he did not deserve her love.
“I just... I just want my baby”, she wailed inconsolable and something snapped inside him.
Vengeance reared its ugly head in his heart, he trembled with his overpowering lust for it; she had been terribly wronged and someone would pay and pay dearly. He placed her on his lap and rocked her back and forth, stroking her back rhythmically, telling her that everything would be fine, until her racking cries ceased and she released a long sigh.
She snuggled into the cocoon of his arms, his warmth a balm to her wounded heart. Suddenly she realized the sun shining outside; the clock ticking away on the night table and the world was not such a desolate place anymore. Jordan was here and he loved her, nothing else mattered, the pain in her chest lessened significantly. She was suddenly exhausted, she had barely slept these past weeks, perhaps now she could rest.
“I’m so tired”, she muttered against his shirt.
“I’ll take you to bed”, he responded gently, rising from the floor with her in his arms.
She panicked as he placed her beneath the covers and did not join her, “don’t leave me, please”.
“I won’t”, he promised as he kissed her forehead and pulled her into his arms.
Instantly she fell into a tranquil sleep, safe in the shelter of his arms.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
LAUREN AWOKE THE NEXT MORNING
knowing instantly
that something had changed; for the first time in weeks she felt an urge to get out of bed. Jordan was not in bed with her, perhaps he had gone down to breakfast. Warmth spread through her heart as she recalled last evening’s happenings. Jordan loved her; she could climb a mountain with him by her side, his love would fill the void in her heart. A shadow shrouded her happy thoughts; she should have told Jordan the truth. What if he found out? Could he still love her, even want her or would he shun her for misleading him. Her chest tightened painfully, she could not do this, the shadowed abyss of the past weeks beckoned to her.
No! She flung the bed covers aside; she could not resort to such a pitiful state ever again, if not for herself, for Jordan. He deserved better than a mindless woman stashed away in a dark room dwindling away. He must never know the truth, not now at least. She was scared; scared of the world and what people would think of her if they knew what she had done. It was selfish of her but she needed him, she had no one else but him.
She wondered if her Aunts had told anyone from the church, she shivered at the idea of their crude remarks. She supposed even God hated her now because she had not sufficiently cared for the precious gift he had given to her. She closed her eyes on the turmoil that was eating away at her soul. She saw Jordan’s face, contorted with pain as he told her of how it killed him to see her wasting away. At that she steeled herself, proceeding to take a shower and making her way to breakfast. If she had learned anything from her tough upbringing, it was perseverance and hope where none existed.
She barely made it to the dining room as the walls seemed to drift in and out of focus and her legs wobbled precariously.
“Lauren. Are you alright”, Jordan’s anxious face came into view and he led her to a chair.
“I’m fine”, she laughed nervously, “I think the stairs have grown these past weeks”.
“You’re not well enough to be about on your own”, Jordan said softly, his eyes filled with such tenderness that she wanted to weep, “promise me you’ll call for assistance next time”.
“OK”, she muttered as he poured a glass of orange juice and placed it to her lips.
She sipped it slowly, allowing her taste buds to acquire the taste. He then insisted on feeding her a small bowl of chicken broth.
Jordan watched as she swallowed the last morel, his heart constricted with love. He had not known that someone could be this consumed with feeling. He had dragged himself out of bed this morning, reluctant to release the precious bundle he had held in his arms throughout the night, in hope that his absence would encourage her to do the same. He had been deliberating going in search of her when she had appeared.
“Ms. McKenzie!” Mrs. Stewart exuberant voice exclaimed, as she cleared the table, “Oh, it’s so nice to see you’re well again”.
“Thank you”, Lauren muttered almost inaudibly, quickly averting her eyes to the tapestries.
She was nervous Jordan realized as she colored all the way to her hairline and her hands shook slightly as she adjusted her blouse. Her vulnerability unleashed something primitive inside him. He wanted to heal her, to protect her so that nothing or no one could ever harm her again. She needed time to mend, to come to grips with her life again and return to the confident woman he had known her to be before the incident. He had never considered beyond her getting out of bed in the mornings or simply speaking. Now he discovered she would need much more.
“Come with me to my estate”, he said as soon as Mrs. Stewart quit the room.
She was taken aback by his invitation. She had been hoping to stay for a week or two to get her life in order, find somewhere to live but going to his childhood home was taking her deception a bit too far. She opened her mouth to say something but no words came.
“Just for a few weeks”, he rushed on seeming to gauge her hesitation, “until you’re your old self again”.
She really was not ready to face the world yet; she had been so uncomfortable around Mrs. Stewart a moment ago. Perhaps a few days would not hurt, by then she could settle her demons and tell Jordan the truth.
“Alright”, she conceded and Jordan visibly relaxed, his face creasing into a broad smile.
She stared into his stunning hazel eyes, glazed with affection and her eyes stung with unshed tears. She did not deserve his kindness much less his love.
THE MYLES’ ESTATE WAS AS MAGNIFICENT
as it was huge. Lauren had fallen instantly in love with its archaic charm and before she knew it days drifted into weeks. During her first days at the estate Jordan had insisted on a strict diet and lots of rest, claiming that it was the doctor’s orders, after which they would take short walks around the house and in the gardens. However as she regained her strength, their excursions grew more rigorous.
They would go
horseback riding on the hills that encompassed the property, rafting on a river that ran through the estate, take picnics or just lie in the grass and stare at the stars. She smiled at the memory of holding on for dear life as Jordan guided a racing Storm, his own personal horse, through the woods. Each night he would just hold her, his embrace undemanding and comforting, keeping the nightmares at bay.
At the end of her first week at the estate she developed the nerve to call Anna with Jordan prompting her on.
“It’ll be fine”, he had encouraged as she stalled, phone in hand, the hazy memory of their last meeting infusing her with guilt.
Holding her breath, she dialed, “hello. Anna, are you there”.
“Oh my God, Lauren, is that you!” Anna exclaimed.
“I just wanted to say I’m sorry and I miss you”, Lauren’s voice cracked with emotion.
“Oh Lauren I’m the one who should be sorry for not acting sooner when I didn’t get you on your cell”, Lauren could hear the tears in her voice.
“You were pregnant Anna”, Lauren declared, relieved that she had not lost her best friend, “besides Jordan was there”.
She had unconsciously leaned into him, inhaling the intoxicating scent of his cologne.
“That monster!
What did he do to you? Do you want me to come and get you?” Anna rushed on, apparently enraged.
“Anna, slow down. Jordan didn’t do anything”, she had defended hotly; hurt that Anna would even think such a thing.
“Oh”, Anna answered apparently embarrassed by her outburst, “I didn’t mean to sound offensive”.
Anna paused as if to give Lauren a chance to elaborate on her behavior of a few weeks ago and when she did not Anna had gushed on about her weeks old daughter Cara, insisting that Lauren
should come and visit them soon. Lauren had agreed, stomping down the sense of sadness brewing inside her heart at the mention of Anna’s child, chastising herself for being selfish.
In her third week at the estate Jordan took her to a local cafe about a quarter mile outside the
estate, although she had been reluctant to go, the outing turned out to be relaxing. As was expected Jordan knew almost all the locals who shared fond memories from his childhood. They cleverly drew her into the conversation and before long she was laughing so hard tears streamed down her face. For as long as she lived she would never forget the look of sheer pleasure on his face when she had burst out laughing at something one of the locals had said.
That night as she prepared for bed she saw his smoldering eyes following her and heat pooled in her abdomen. Facing him, she
slid the straps of her night dress down her arms allowing it to pool at her feet. His eyes followed its descent, branding her naked flesh as he drew her into his arms.
“Are you sure?" he asked, his voice husky with desire.
“I want you”, she placed his hands on her hips and fused her lips to his.
He moaned in surrender and there were no more words. He made love to her as if it was their first and last, as if the world would end the moment he released her into the clawing heat of passion. He loved her with such tenderness, as if she was a precious gift that needed to
be nurtured. He held her with such care, such gentleness as if he feared he would break her. When it was finally over, they clung to each other, fulfilled; whispering words of love and soft sighs of contentment.
Jordan went into the office for short visits most days; however he often worked from his office at home. He was like her tower of strength and very soon she forgot all about her problems, more content than she had ever been in as long as she could remember.
“Last one to the river’s a coward”, Lauren dared before dashing down the path on her bicycle; she heard Jordan swear behind her as he rode off.
She threw her head back, savoring the tingling sensation of the sun on her face as the wind lifted her hair, the force of it tickling her scalp and laughed gaily. She had been at the estate
three weeks and like most days, today they were going riding in the woods surrounding the estate
“For heaven’s sake Lauren, slow down”, Jordan demanded, having caught up with her and she pedaled harder.
She drew to a halt on the banks of the river, springing up and down, grinning from ear to ear, “I won and you’re a coward”.
Jordan watched her, entranced by her utter magnificence, his annoyance at her carelessness slowly draining away. Her cheeks were flushed; her eyes sparkled with mirth as her head bobbed causing her curly light brown hair to fall over her eyes. He had no doubt in that instant that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with this very special woman.
To share in the radiance she seemed to exude, knowing she was his and his alone was an accomplishment exceeding that of any he could ever amass in the boardroom. When he was with her, the cares of life seemed less burdensome, inconsequential in fact. Together they could conquer any problems that came their way; these past weeks were proof enough of that.
He fell to his knees before her, fishing for the box he had been carrying around for over a week now, searching for the right moment; the moment had come. She froze, shock replacing the playfulness in her features, as his intention became clear.
“Marry me”, he beseeched, extending a beautiful diamond engagement ring, nestled in a soft velvet box, “say yes and I’ll be the happiest man on earth”.
The ring blurred out of focus as Lauren felt her world cave in on her. For three weeks she had pretended to be the perfect woman for Jordan. Captivated in the magic of the estate and Jordan’s tender care she had forgotten that she was an imposter, intruding on prohibited territory. Why, oh why, she questioned herself, had she not told Jordan the truth earlier. She had been so engrossed in their love that she had even forgotten to make preparations for when she left the estate.
‘You don’t have to tell him’, a small voice inside her whispered. She shoved the thought aside, what kind of life would they build based on deception and lies. Besides he would find out sooner or later, she acknowledged. She felt as if her heart was being torn from her chest as she knelt before him, cupping his face in her palms as the tears ran silently down her cheeks. He frowned slightly, apparently comprehending that her reaction was not borne solely of delight.
“I’m ecstatic that you would want me to be your… wife”, her voice hitched on the last word, she forced on, ‘but in all honesty I do not deserve it and I can’t accept”.
“What do you mean”, he whispered in a hushed tone, she closed her eyes on the hurt and confusion she saw embedded in his soulful hazel eyes.
“There is something you must know”, his expression grew stricken and she stared at the gushing spring and rushed on before she lost her nerve, “I won’t be able to have any more children”.
He gripped her upper arms, forcing her to look at him, “who told you that?” he demanded.
“Doctor Hedley”, she stared at him as if he had gone mad, he was about to comment when she continued hysterically, “Besides God will never bless my womb with another child after I so carelessly threw away his precious gift”.
Jordan shook her violently, “Don’t ever let me hear you say that again”.
She made to respond but apparently his fierce expression halted her.
“Doc said no such thing, he said you had complications”, his heart grew heavy at her anguish, “he said that you might have problems getting pregnant again, not that you wouldn’t”, he insisted.
“You knew all along”, she muttered disbelievingly, then resignedly, “it doesn’t matter what he says, it doesn’t change the fact that I’m... barren”.
She crumpled against him in tears, his heart broke for her; she had never done anything to warrant such misery. He felt a sense of satisfaction for ruining that Godforsaken doctor. After getting his Private Investigator to look into the matter, he had reported that the doctor was a terrible alcoholic and often came to his practice drunk.
The Private Investigator had also discovered that there had been several complaints filed against him. Jordan had taken the matter immediately to Doctor Hedley, who happened to be a member on the Medical Board on the island and his license was suspended immediately pending trial. However a few days later it was discovered that he had closed down his practice and left
the island.