Unbound (32 page)

Gabriel’s
gaze shifted to the upper balcony. “Then we find ourselves in the very unusual
position of selecting an immortal from those who have been waiting for a
match.”

I’d
known this would happen. I had seen in my head the way it might end. The way it
had already almost ended. I was prepared, I was almost grateful.

But
I didn’t want to die.

Sabas’s
velvet voice floated down to the dais.

“It
would be my pleasure to carry out Eaden’s much-neglected duties.” The derision
in his voice was unmistakeable. “Perhaps it will be the child’s pleasure as
well.”

I
gritted my teeth, determined not to let him see my fear and disgust. Determined
not to let Eaden see it either, but for different reasons entirely.

Gabriel
gestured to the balcony dismissively. “Come down then, brother, and spare us
the commentary.” Gabriel shook his head slightly as he looked at me. “You are
resolved, young one?”

I
didn’t let myself think. “Yes.”

My
chest felt so tight I could barely breathe. I didn’t know where to look. I
couldn’t bear to look at Eaden, couldn’t look up to meet Stuart’s troubled
expression, and was sure that looking at Amerlyn or the three Sisters would
only send me into hysterics.

Closing
my eyes tightly again, I was desperate to find a piece of my reality to focus
on. My hands were sweaty and trembling terribly and as I shoved them into my
pockets to hide them, my fingers touched on something cold and hard. Wrapping
them around the old brass key from
Tír na
nÓg
, I almost laughed. The key. My key. Jacob’s sweet sunny face filled my
mind and his chubby hand stroked my hair.

Protect
him, Rachel. It’s not what you think.

The
band in my chest loosened so that I could breathe again. This was what I
needed. I could do this. Knowing what survived me, knowing that my small narrow
existence had a purpose beyond me was enough. I would rise to this occasion. It
would be a relief, actually. To know what was next.

Sabas
was behind me now. Waves of numbness began to wash over me, the tranquility of
apathy that signalled the end of everything I cared about.

Fighting
against it, I turned to face Sabas. “No.”

His
countenance changed, if only slightly. Doubt crept across his arrogant
features.

“Have
you changed your mind, child?” Gabriel asked from the dais.

“No.
But I don’t want to be tranquilized. This is my choice; I don’t need to be
lulled.”

From
the corner of my eye, I saw Eaden lift his head to stare blankly in our
direction.

Don’t look, Eaden. It will be
easier if you don’t look.

I
tried not to look at him directly, knowing it would take more courage than I
had to do this. Knowing If I saw the anguish in those steel grey eyes, I would
never be able to finish this.

“As
you wish.” Sabas shrugged carelessly. His expression plainly stating his lack
of concern for the way I chose to die.

I
glanced briefly towards the faces of my new friends. Amerlyn still stood
looking forlorn and apologetic. I shifted my gaze to the three women.

“Thank
you,” I whispered softly. Very softly. “Take care of him.”

Mara
nodded and the three Sisters moved forward to stand next to Eaden, where he
still knelt in front of the dais.

I
imagined throwing my arms around him one last time, having him kiss my tears
away, having the safety of his love as the home I would live in forever.

And
then I let him go.

Sabas
was waiting. He was eager, but more subdued with the eyes of his peers upon us
than he had been the last time.

Gabriel’s
voice echoed throughout the now silent chamber. “Witness, brothers and
remember.”

Sabas
smiled and pulled his shirt over his head with one hand, revealing the well
muscled torso I had seen before. With remarkable steady hands, I pulled my
sweater off and let it fall to the floor. My thin tank seemed inconsequential
in the large hall, but I wasn’t cold.

I
felt every single pair of eyes upon us in that instant. The weight of their
attention and their curiosity. But there was only one person’s eyes I was
thinking of.

Not yet.

Sabas
placed a cold hand on my neck and then slid it down to cover my heart. With a
deep breath I reached my hand out to touch his chest. My fingers trembling, but
purposeful.

It
was different this time, without being calmed. His touch was not ice, but fire,
not numbness, but a fever that swirled and leapt, like flames on dry kindling.
First my chest blazed, and then I felt it spread throughout my legs and arms.
It was not painful yet, not quite, but it was electrifying and all consuming.

Sabas’s
grin was first wild and wicked. And then it was not.
 
Around the madness in his eyes, I saw
relief and fear. And then I wasn’t thinking about Sabas any longer.

Only Eaden.

I
felt the edges of my awareness dissolving into grey mist, knew that whatever
process had been started, could not be stopped.

Now.

I
turned my head slightly towards him and saw him riveted there. The intensity of
his gaze pierced me. It was enough, I tried to say with my eyes. If this was my
legacy, than it was enough to know that you would have sacrificed everything.
That I was that important to you.

It
was enough.

My
heart felt like it was about to leap from my chest, it thudded painfully
against my ribcage in a wild, staccato pattern. My vision narrowed until Eaden
was the only thing I could see, his eyes the last thing I looked upon.

He
was the safest thing I knew.

And
then there was nothing, but the drumbeats of my heart and blackness.

The
sound of Jacob’s laughter floated along the breeze as I watched him across the
meadow.
 
Gazing up happily at the
cloudless blue sky, I skipped after him.

I
took a deep breath, pulling in as much as my lungs could handle and relishing
how warm and earthy the air smelled. The last traces of snow had disappeared
weeks ago and the world seemed poised on the brink of spring. I watched the
rain trickle down the window that was propped slightly open, one stream of
water finding the other in a vertical imitation of spring runoff on the land.

“What’s
going on for you right now?”

I
pulled my attention away from the window and smiled wryly at Alex. “It’s
spring.”

She
nodded. “A time for beginnings.”

“I’m
ready to begin again, I think.”

She
leaned forward in her chair. “I wonder how you know.”

Taking
another deep breath, I met her gaze directly. “He’s back.”

 
“You don’t sound surprised.”

“I’m
not really. I guess I always knew he would be. I just wasn’t sure how I would
feel about it.”

“And?”
The word floated between us patiently, without demand.

I
looked back out the window. “I’m ready.”

“For
what it’s worth, I think you are, too,” she said quietly. “How does it work? Do
you know what happens next?”

“No
idea.” I shrugged. “I guess I’ll find out though, won’t I?”

“Be
well, Rachel,” she said standing. “I’ll see you next week.”

“Next
week,” I agreed.

I
walked down the steep steps of the brownstone and onto the wet sidewalk, not at
all minding the drizzle that landed on my face. Breathing deeply again, I
detected notes of decay and blossoms all in one giant gulp. Life and death.
Death and life. Not mutually exclusive after all.

The
still-bare branches of the maple tree on my left shook and shivered as two
squirrels raced along its limbs, engaged in the animal version of tag. Whenever
one seemed to be in the lead, they switched positions and ran the route in
reverse, tearing up and down without seeming to pay attention to the laws of
gravity.

I
glanced at my watch and quickened my pace, not wanting to be late.

The
old-fashioned brass bell above the door clanged loudly as I entered, startling
me so much that I flinched. The server cleaning the table in the small cafe
smiled sympathetically. “Happens to me all the time.”

Choosing
a table near the window, I plunked myself down on the rickety wooden chair to
people watch while I waited. The streets were busier than usual, the sunshine
beckoning people out of doors after the cold, hard winter we’d endured. Staring
listlessly for a few moments, I gave it up for a lost cause and stopped
fighting the urge I knew would be impossible to resist. Reaching into my purse,
I pulled out the thick cream envelope on which my name and address had been
written in impossibly well-formed calligraphy. I took the letter out and reread
the words that were becoming so familiar, although it had only been delivered
on Monday.

Dearest Rachel,

What an absolute delight to
hear that you’ve been accepted at the University of Toronto to study history.
Mara and Elora have both demanded that I pass along their congratulations at
once and say they hope to visit you once the weather turns a bit milder and all
that nasty cold weather in Canada has passed you by. Your letter arrived too
late to tell Sita and Stuart of your good news directly. They left last month
on a visit to India – Sannah has sensed a young child in need of
recruitment and Stuart has offered to stand in temporarily for Eaden in that
capacity. I sent them word, however, and will be sure to pass along their
congratulations once I hear back from them. The two of them are quite happy to
be gallivanting across the globe together. It’s just as well they’ve left.
Between Stuart and Sita and Mara and Elora I feel my state of bachelorhood more
acutely than ever. I’m incessantly surrounded by young love and moony eyes.
Makes me quite melancholy for my third wife. She was the best of the bunch.

 
It will come as no surprise to you that
Mara plans to leave me in a few weeks. She and Elora are returning to Nanog
briefly and then have plans to visit a coven in Spain for the summer months. I
absolutely refuse to complain, however, or at least not too loudly, as Sannah
has arranged for a lovely young lass to come stay with me. She’s a horse lover
and so I’m quite sure we’ll make fine company for each other.

Now on to other matters. I’m
afraid you know me too well, young one. When you accused me of avoiding the
subject in my last letter, you were spot on. I am sorry to have put you off,
but I was unsure how ready you were to hear news of Eaden and I had so little
at the time to share.

Since that terrible day in
London, I had feared we had lost him forever. That he had given himself over to
the madness or else banished himself from humanity in its all it forms. But
recently, my hope has been renewed. He simply appeared one day, in my study,
about three weeks ago and we had a short but significant exchange. He said he
understood why I had acted as I had that day in Council and that he forgave me,
but not much more. Poor lad. He was in a sorry state. I can only imagine what
torturous hell he had created for himself in the months he was away. I hope you
won’t be angry with me, my dearest child, but I did manage to leave your letter
lying open in the study and then excused myself for a short time. When I
returned, the letter was gone. I’m not sure what it means, but my heart tells
me that what has been broken can be healed. At any rate, I believe you’ll know
quite soon, one way or another.

Which leads me to your last
question. And I’m afraid my answer will be less than satisfactory. I don’t
know. I don’t know why you survived, I don’t know why you can now sense
immortals as they could at one time sense you, and I don’t know what it all
means. I was as surprised as any other person in the room that day that you
endured the match. Well, perhaps not as surprised as Eaden. I do believe he was
more surprised than I. Don’t judge him too harshly for leaving so abruptly,
Rachel. He had resigned himself to an eternity of misery for failing to protect
you and instead was rewarded for his inability to keep you safe. You see, the
paradox would have been more than he could handle. Eaden’s ideas about himself
were forged in an age where men were either valiant or cowards. He was unable
to reconcile that he might be both. Immortality does not grant insight, just
long life. But I have hope.

When you are ready, young one,
come back to see me. The Council will respect you now, more than ever. You are
no longer simply Mafte’ach, but a very special woman. The only woman alive with
the power to grant them death without sacrifice. Live and study and be young.
And then come back to me,
nighean
-céile
and we will ponder the meaning of this gift together.

Bring Eaden.

With fondest thoughts,

Amerlyn

Bring
Eaden. I sighed, wishing it were as easy as Amerlyn suggested. I was ready, but
was he?

I’d
spent a good part of my first few weeks home contemplating little else. The
truth was, despite my best intentions, I understood why Eaden had left. I
didn’t regret the decision I’d made that day and knew that, at the time, I
couldn’t see another way out that left him in one piece. But I understood
nonetheless. I’d made the decision to end my life without him and I knew the
pain that must have caused him. Because when I woke up and he was gone, when I
realized he had left the Council building, the pain in my head was only an echo
of the agony of my heart.

Stuart
was the one, when I begged, who told me what happened after everything had gone
dark for me, after I had crashed to the floor in a tangled heap with Sabas
underneath me. He told me how Eaden had regained his feet and walked unsteadily
towards me. How with painstaking care, he had lifted me in his arms and walked
out of the Council chambers.

Days
later and only after I threatened to place my hands on his chest and suck the
life out of him, Stuart finally relented and told me the rest. Told me that the
three Sisters had sombrely followed Eaden out of the Council chambers. That he
had stood in the small antechamber and wept while clutching me in his arms, and
then when I stirred, that he had almost dropped me. That while Elora and Sita
had run to fetch me water and blankets and Mara had run to get Amerlyn, Eaden
had slowly, silently, left.

I
cried for days after he had finished and I’m afraid that Sita gave him the
rough side of her tongue for not leaving out some of those details. I can only
imagine that she must have suffered a part of what I did, knowing that she had
felt his heart break along with mine.

It
was only after the blinding headache had receded that day that I was aware of
the other change. That I became aware of my...awareness. Of them. Of all of
them.

I
could feel each and every one of them, although it took a little bit of time
before I was really able to differentiate. Only after there had been some time
to grow accustomed to these new sensations was I able to explain it to the
others. The best way to describe it was like being aware of your elbow or your
knee. During the course of the day, you don’t really think about them. You
don’t wonder where your elbow or your knee is. But the moment you concentrate,
you can feel them, tell the difference between them. You know where they are,
whether or not they’re bent or straight, hot or cold, aching or relaxed. It
doesn’t get in the way; it’s just there, all the time.

The
other part was just as surprising, if not more so. It had been completely
unexpected. I was simply annoyed and exhausted and fed up of being stared at
and talked about and argued over. Gabriel had been discussing me as I weren’t
even there when I had an overwhelming urge to stand up and just tell everyone
to leave me the hell alone and let me sleep. And cry. I wanted to cry forever.

I
wish I had been feeling better so that I could have truly appreciated how
shocking it was when he did just that. Gabriel turned to the room of Council
members, now clustered like old wives in the small antechamber, and ordered
them all out. He then excused himself and shut the door quietly, leaving Amerlyn
and the three Sisters gape-mouthed and staring at me quizzically.

Amerlyn
guessed first when I told him I could feel them. Our best guess is that somehow
the immortals’ ability to calm their
Mafte’ach
had been conferred on me along with their form of mind control. He had made me
practise on Stuart, who was thoroughly creeped out at being my guinea pig. I
was too desolate to really take advantage of it and at my worst, only forced
him to demonstrate his skills in highland dancing. He’s quite good, actually. I
think it helped his cause with Sita more than hindered.

Amerlyn’s
initial hypothesis was that my XX karyotype somehow mutated the genetic code of
the
Mafte’ach
chromosomal sequence
that I carried. He believes that whatever had prevented the other female
foetuses from being viable had finally worked itself out with my genetic code.
But that was just a hypothesis, and his recent letter seemed to shed no more
light on this unforeseen aberration.

Regardless,
the Council had no choice but to let me leave, seeing as how it seemed I could
make them if I had to. Or kill them. Not that I wanted to hurt anyone. Except
maybe Sabas, and he was already dead. Amun had disappeared that day, too
– he resigned from the Council and went on sabbatical. Coward
.

I’d
stayed in a hotel in London with Amerlyn and the Sisters for a few days. Stuart
had gone looking for Eaden, but with each passing day I knew he was further
away. I felt him leaving me every step of the way. And the worst of it was that
some part of me understood. I couldn’t even be furious with him for leaving me.
I had left him first. And I knew the fear of living could be worse than the
fear of dying. But this was Eaden. He was the best of men and so when he was
ready, I knew he would find me.

So
I came home. And began to live. Last week I had taken my G1 and passed with
flying colours.
 
I could even
parallel park. Next September, I would be a freshman at university.

For
the first time in a very long time, I felt fully present in my life. Except, of
course, for the part of me that wanted, needed, and demanded Eaden. I fed it
small scraps of hope, confident that our story was not over yet. Not yet.

“Sorry,
Ray-Ray, running late.” Lacey was breathless and stunning today with white
blonde hair.

I
got up and hugged her tightly, slipping the letter back into my pocket. “What
else is new?”

“But
you should have seen this guy I was talking to. He was delicious. I got
digits!” She held up a coffee cup triumphantly to show me the number written in
what looked like lip liner on one side of the tall paper cup.
 

Our
friendship had fallen back into the easy pattern of our childhood. Lacey was
pleased by my newfound confidence, but rather nonplussed. Like everything else,
she took it in stride. She didn’t challenge my story that I had run away with
my new boyfriend for an impromptu backpacking adventure in Europe, just as she
didn’t question my sudden return. She was just happy to have me back safe and
sound.