Unbreak My Heart (18 page)

But he latched onto my upper arms and forced me to look at him. “You don’t mean that.”

“Yes, I do.”

His gaze roamed over my face. “Then why are you crying?” he demanded softly.

“Because I hate that you’re doing this stupid thing. And I hate you.” The last word came out as a sob.

“No, baby, you don’t.”

“Don’t call me that!”

“Sierra. Come here.”

“No! Don’t touch me.”

“You don’t mean that either.” Boone crushed me to his chest.

I fought him for a few seconds, swinging punches that didn’t land, yelling and thrashing, but he just held on. I gave up fighting the pull of him and clung to him as I cried.

How many times had I imagined Boone holding me, stroking my hair and murmuring sweet things to me? Hundreds.

But never like this.

My voice was muffled against his chest when I finally spoke. “When do you go?”

“Tomorrow morning.”

I squirmed away from him. “You’re just telling me
now
? When did you sign up?”

Boone looked away.

“Tell me.”

“Three days after your accident.”

All the air left my lungs. I forced my lips to form the word
why
.

“Because that night at Tyler’s party when I told him we were together? I wanted it to be real.”

“You think I would’ve shot you down?”

“No.” His eyes were locked on mine. “I know you would’ve said yes.”

My cheeks burned with mortification; he’d known how I felt all along.

“You understand my history. Since I was twelve years old I’ve been counting off the damn days until I can get the hell out of Wyoming. Last fall, the start of my senior year, I was taking the prep classes I needed and I was getting a year of practical experience as an EMT and moving on was finally within my grasp. And then you showed up.

“From the moment we met on the bus, you sucked me in. You were so gorgeous, feisty, funny and sweet—and so easy to talk to. I tried to stay away from you, but something about you, Sierra, just kept pulling me back.”

I stared at him, absolutely speechless.

“That night at the party I wanted to kill Tyler for thinking he had the right to put his hands on you. After the accident, I about lost my fucking mind because you were hurt… That’s when I knew you could keep me here. If I got involved with you, like I wanted to, I wouldn’t leave. And I
have
to leave. I had to have a solid plan to go so I enlisted.”

“No.” I found my voice and said it louder. “No.” Then I was screaming at him. “No, no, no, no, no! You don’t get to do this to me, Boone. You don’t get to treat me like a friend, and then tell me you’ve always felt more for me…the night before you
fucking
leave! You don’t get to make me feel guilty for you joining the army because I have some kind of magical hold over you. That’s total bullshit and it’s not fair!” God. This could not be happening.

“Not fair? You think this has been easy for me? Especially the last four months? When we’ve been together all the damn time because I couldn’t stay the hell away from you? And I had to act like it’s not fucking
killing
me when you look at me like your world would be perfect if I just kissed you.”

Infuriated, I slapped my hands on his chest and shoved him. “The only thing you can kiss, Boone West, is my ass.” I spun around and considered kicking over his stupid bike as I skirted the back end of my car. Jerk. Asshole. Jerkoff. Asshat. He wanted to leave me? Fine. He could just go. I’d be better off.

Such a fucking liar you are, Sierra.

“So that’s it?” Boone shouted. “That’s how you’re gonna say goodbye to me?”

I whipped a U-turn and marched back up to him. “How did you expect I’d say goodbye? Strip my clothes off and let you take my virginity in a field of wildflowers under a full moon? Screw that. I’m saving my virginity for someone who deserves it. And. That. Is. Not. You.” I punctuated each word with a poke on his hard chest.

Boone said, “You do that,” in a throaty rasp I’d never heard from him. “In the meantime, I’m taking this.” He wrapped one hand around the back of my neck and clamped the other on my butt, pulling me in for a kiss.

I should’ve shoved him away. But his kiss was like a drug. Intense, determined, amazingly seductive, as if he was trying to convince me that his passion for me was—and always had been—real. That he’d been imagining this kiss for as long as I had. That he’d wanted it as much. Our mouths and tongues clashed and I slipped my arms around his waist, my hands clutching his shirt as if that could keep him here.

The kiss was beyond anything I’d ever experienced. Rough and sexy, bringing alive things inside me that I’d heard about but had never felt.

Then Boone slowed it down. The kiss became soft. An unhurried tease, as if we had all the time in the world to explore. To learn each other.

But we didn’t. By this time tomorrow, he’d be gone.

I kept kissing him even as my tears fell.

Then Boone’s hands were on my face, trying to wipe away the moisture.

He moved his mouth back; I felt his lips against mine and his breath in my mouth as he whispered, “Sierra. Baby, please don’t cry.” He planted tender smooches on my trembling lips. His mouth wandered down my neck and my entire body erupted in goose flesh. He nuzzled the sweep of my shoulder and stopped, breathing against my skin.

I had to bite my lip to keep from sobbing when he strung soft kisses along my collarbone, right where the injury from the car accident had hurt the most. But that pain was nothing compared to the pain I felt now.

Boone entwined his fingers in my hair and tipped my head back. His beautiful eyes were dark with remorse and something else, something that made my pulse quicken. “I knew it’d be like this between us.”

“But it’s still not enough.”

He didn’t answer. He just consumed my mouth again.

While kissing him was better than I’d dreamed, it still felt like someone was stabbing me in the gut with a rusty knife as Boone took the kiss deeper, until I feared I’d never get out.

I broke away first, resting my forehead to his.

“Sierra—”

“Don’t say anything.”

We stayed like that for a long time. Not looking at each other, clinging to each other, so close but so far apart.

I whispered, “I have to go.”

“Not like this.”

“There’s no other way. This was your choice.”

He placed one last soft kiss on my lips.

I pulled away from him. “Goodbye, Boone.”

“See you around, McKay.”

I hadn’t looked back. Not once. Not even in the rearview mirror when I bumped over the cattle guard.

I just drove away.

And for the
first time, in a long time, when I thought of that night? It wasn’t as painful.

Maybe being older helped.

Maybe the passage of time helped.

Or maybe the fact Boone was back in my life again made all the difference.

With that surprising, comforting thought in mind, I finally fell asleep.

T
wo obnoxiously loud
knocks sounded on my bedroom door Saturday night.

I didn’t have time to dive into my closet before Lu burst in and said, “Sierra! What the hell? Get ready for the party.”

“I’m not feeling it tonight, Lu.”

“Bull. You’ll feel it if you get your ass outta bed and into something slutty like this.”

My BFF had gone all out for the party. She’d tied the billowing ends of her low-cut poet’s shirt below her breasts, showcasing the flame tattoo around her navel above the plaid skirt. The rest of her outfit, fishnets and patent leather over-the-knee dominatrix boots, brought to mind Bavarian bar wenches. Despite the contrasting styles, I’d be damned if the outfit didn’t work. “You are da bomb, Lu.”

“I know, right? So get up and slip on the mermaid dress.”

I wore the mermaid dress—nicknamed such because the metallic material resembled shimmering fish scales and the skintight fabric fit to my every curve—whenever I needed a pick-me-up. “I already told you I’m not going.”

“You are killing me here. This isn’t like you. Lying in bed navel-gazing.”

“It’s been a rough week. I’m taking time to regroup and reassess.”

“Reassess tomorrow. Hit the party for one hour. If it sucks you can go.” Her pause lasted like fifteen seconds. “Kyler is your family. Today was a huge game for him. You know he wants you there helping him celebrate.”

“I was
at
the game, which is the important part. Besides, I doubt he’d even notice if I didn’t show up—and that is not a statement of pity.”

“It’s a statement of fear. You’re skipping the party because you’re afraid Boone will be there.”

“Afraid?” I snorted. “Uh, no.”

Lu flopped on the edge of my bed. “You’re giving Boone way too much power. You were happy living your life before he showed up. And you’ll be happy living your life after he’s gone. A blip in the radar. That’s all he is.”

Boone wasn’t a blip on the radar. That was the problem. He was the whole fucking map.

“You need a mood enhancer. What’s the shot your sister Rory always makes?”

“A ‘bang me from behind’?”

Lu snapped her fingers. “Let’s pregame with those. I’ll line up the shot glasses, you find that inner slut and let her come out and play.”

It was impossible to resist Lu in a party mood. I loved her for that. “Fine. I’ll get ready. But I’m not wearing the mermaid dress.”

Lu knocked back
three shots to my one. Mine was more like a half shot, which turned me into the DD.

Parking was a bitch. Why did the neighbors in this upscale neighborhood put up with this? It wasn’t like the house was just down the street from frat row.

I’d never seen so many people. Lu spied her senior design project partner and they strolled away, arm in arm, singing the school fight song.

As I wove through the throng, I didn’t recognize a single person. Maybe I oughta take it as a sign I’d outgrown these parties, because a few kids looked like high schoolers. What was Mase’s personal liability if the cops showed up? Maybe he wasn’t home. That would upset me more, to think Kyler was throwing parties because he thought he deserved it.

Stop being Debbie Downer and have some fun.

A bunch of jocks were standing on the steps, obstructing the entrance to the house, assigning a number to every female that walked by.

“Four.”

“Six.”

“Jesus, are you guys drunk? She’s a two at best.”

Laughter.

Tempting to kick every one of these douchebags in the nuts. As I tried to slide in behind them, I accidentally bumped one of them.

He whirled around with, “Watch it.”

“Then quit standing in front of the door.”

That had him blocking it even more. “Aw, hey baby, don’t be like that. You’re hot. Hang out with us. We’ll show you a good time.”

“Pass. I’m meeting someone. Now let me through.”

Surprisingly, he moved. I’d just made it inside when I heard, “Face and body a solid eight.”

“Yeah. Too bad she opened her mouth ’cause it dropped her to a three.”

Bite me, fuckers.

Music blasted. The air temp inside was stifling. I scanned the clusters of people, hoping to spy Lu’s pigtails, when I caught a glimpse of the action in the living room. A guy sat in the center of the couch, two topless blondes straddling him, one chick riding each thigh. They were making out like crazy. They took a break to focus on the man whose eyes were closed and he wore a stupid, happy grin.

Yeah, Mase was completely down with this party.

I was jostled. I was groped. I was cajoled into taking pictures.

I was so over all of this.

Thirty minutes had passed when I finally gave up looking for Lu. I cut through the dining room, hoping to find Ky.

He wasn’t at his usual station in the kitchen. I fought the crowd and ended up outside.

It was a zoo out here too.

Anton and his group from rodeo club were in the backyard, leaning against the fence in that sexy casual way cowboys were so good at. Anton smiled at me, tipped his hat and returned his attention to whatever tall tale his buddy Diaz was spinning.