Uncharted Waters (23 page)

He hesitated, but he didn't stop. Somewhere in the back of her mind, Alison knew she shouldn't have said it. She knew they were words he didn't want to hear. Until this moment she hadn't even been able to put her feelings for him into words. But she'd spoken from the heart at a moment when she'd been at her most vulnerable. And now she was spiraling out of control.

Completion bore down on her. Alison didn't want to let go, didn't want to lay herself open. Even with her senses overloaded and her heart stripped bare, she knew his instant of hesitation meant something. Something profound that she should have foreseen. But her body didn't care, and Drew didn't give her the chance to take it back. He took her to the precipice. Alison fought him, knowing deep in her heart that once she went over the edge with him, she would never be able to find her way back.

And then she tumbled into a freefall.

* * *

Drew stared into the darkness and listened to the rain pummel the roof. Next to him, Alison slept. Her body
was soft and warm against his, her breathing slow and deep. He should have been exhausted considering it was nearly 3:00 a.m. and they'd spent the last three hours engaging in the most mind-blowing sex he'd ever had in his life. But his mind was troubled. The reality of what he'd done weighed heavily on his heart.

I love you.

He couldn't get her words out of his head. He couldn't stop thinking about what those words meant in terms of their relationship. He'd believed talking to her about Rick would explain why he was so determined not to get involved with her. Instead, talking about what happened that night had only brought them closer—and made things infinitely worse. He couldn't go on letting her think there could be something between them.

Not because he didn't love her. No, he thought darkly. He'd loved Alison for close to six years now. Loved her with his whole heart. His body. His soul. He'd fallen for her the instant he'd set eyes on her. Only he had never been able to admit the truth to himself because Rick had been there first. Drew had respected and cared for Rick and he'd taken a giant step back and sworn to never interfere.

He wouldn't change his mind now. Even with Rick gone, nothing had changed. Drew might be in love with Alison Myers, but there was no way in hell he could ever have a relationship with his deceased best friend's widow.

The decision should have been a comfort, but it wasn't.

He thought about Kevin and another wave of pain broadsided him. That little boy was everything a man
could want in a son. He was exuberant and smart and sweet. More important, he needed a father. A father who had it together a hell of a lot more than Drew did. A father who didn't run when life got too complicated. A father who didn't spend so much time thinking about the dead.

Drew didn't want to hurt Alison. She was a good person with a kind soul. She'd already endured her share of pain. He didn't want to screw up her future. The last thing she needed was a man like Drew walking into her life and messing things up.

How the hell was he going to handle this?

Restless and unsettled, Drew started to get out of bed, but Alison stirred and looked at him. In the dim light coming in from the streetlamp outside the window, he could just make out her features. Large eyes that were cautious even in sleep. A full mouth he had spent half the night kissing.

Even with her hair mussed, he'd never seen a more beautiful woman. They'd made love less than an hour earlier, but he was already hard again. He already wanted her. And when she smiled, something vital shifted inside him.

“Are you okay?” she asked. “You look...troubled.”

“Just restless,” he said. “I didn't want to wake you.”

She turned to face him and propped her arm under her head and frowned. “Sounds serious.”

“It is.”

“Anything you want to talk about?”

“Not right now.”

“You don't think I'm going to let you brood like this all night, do you?”

He stared at her, keenly aware that he was now fully aroused. But he was just as aware of how wrong it would be for him to do anything about it.

“We may be lovers now, Drew, but I'm also your friend. You can talk to me.”

“I know.” He sighed. “I think that's the problem.”

“The fact that we're friends?”

“Sometimes we say things in the heat of the moment that we really don't mean.”

Uncertainty flashed in her eyes. “I've never been good at hiding the way I feel. I'm sorry if that's not what you want to hear, but it's the truth. It's been true for quite some time. I just didn't realize it.”

He stared at her, aware that his heart was pounding. He didn't know what to say, and that made him feel like a fool. Any normal man would give his right hand to hear a woman like Alison Myers tell him she loved him.

“Alison...” Reaching out, he pushed a lock of hair from her eyes, let his hand linger against her face. She pressed her cheek into his palm and kissed his fingertips. Her skin was incredibly soft. A sharp wave of affection washed over him. More than anything he wanted to lean forward and set his mouth against hers. He wanted to tell her all of the things that were in his heart. He wanted to make love to her again.

“You know I love you,” he said.

She smiled and his resolve not to touch her began to melt. “As a friend.”

The comforter slipped, exposing the curve of her breast. Alison didn't notice, but Drew's concentration went south. His resolve faltered. He swore he wasn't going to let her get to him. He swore he was going to use this time to talk to her. To do the right thing and
tell her that sometimes love wasn't enough. That even though they'd breached the parameters of friendship, that remaining friends was going to have to be enough. He would do it to protect her. To protect Kevin.

To protect himself.

But the words tangled in his throat. And when she looked at him from beneath the dark sweep of her lashes, he finally realized the gravity of his mistake.

He'd fallen in love with her. Not as a friend, he realized with a rise of panic, but in every way that a man could love a woman.

Desperate now to touch her, to feel her against him, he reached for her. She sighed when he pulled her against him. When he nudged her with his sex, she opened and he slipped inside her, began to move. Closing his eyes against the hot burst of ecstasy, he pumped into her, trying desperately to forget, trying even harder not to feel.

He failed on both counts.

A
lison woke to the sound of clanging. Groggy, she opened her eyes to see the gray light of dawn slanting in through the window. The bedroom door stood ajar. Cocking her head, she listened, realizing belatedly that the clanging was coming from the kitchen. Judging from the aromas of bacon and coffee filling the air, she suspected Kevin and Drew were fixing breakfast.

Comforted by that, she sank back into the pillows and stretched like a lazy cat. Everything that had happened between her and Drew the night before rushed back. A thrill that was part emotional, part sexual ran the length of her body and she smiled. It had been a long time since she'd been with a man, and she'd forgotten how good sex could make a woman feel. For several minutes she lay there, immersed in the memory of their lovemaking and listened to her son and the man she loved chattering and laughing and clanging pans.

Her heart felt so light that she actually laughed aloud. Stretching languidly, she sat up. Her body felt sensuous and alive and incredibly happy. They'd made love most of the night and every moment had been wonderful. At just before dawn, Drew had crept out of the room and sacked out on the sofa. He didn't want Kevin to see that he'd spent the night in her bedroom.

Suddenly, Alison couldn't wait to see them. She
couldn't wait to share this beautiful morning with them. To hold her son and kiss the man she loved.

The man she loved.

The thought took her breath away.

After Rick's death, she'd been certain she would never love again. That she would never be this happy or feel this complete. The power of the emotions inside her made her feel giddy and breathless and incredibly alive.

Leaving the bed, she pulled on her pajamas and robe, then left the bedroom. At the end of the hall, she stopped and peeked into the kitchen. Her heart clenched at the sight of Kevin and Drew. They were standing side by side, facing the stove. Kevin was standing on a stool with a spatula in his hand and Drew was trying to show him how to flip a pancake. On a plate next to the stove, several mangled pancakes had suffered the effects of Kevin's lack of culinary experience.

“Like this, sprout.” Leaning close to him, Drew put his hand over the little boy's and quickly flipped the pancake. “See?”

“Lemme do it!” Kevin cried.

“One more try, or else we're going to run out of batter.”

Alison watched as his little shoulders tensed with concentration. Then he shoved the spatula beneath the pancake. Drew's hand hovered close, but Kevin finally managed to turn the flapjack.

“Hey, that's great,” Drew said.

“I did it!” Kevin brought his hands together and did a little dance on the chair.

Alison had to put her hand over her mouth to keep from laughing aloud. Finger-combing her hair, she
entered the kitchen. “Hey, kiddo, you managed that like a pro.”

“Mommy!” Kevin jumped off the stool and rushed to her.

She knelt and opened her arms. He threw his arms around her and gave her a smacking kiss on the mouth.

“Drew showed me how to make pancakes and I got to turn them all by myself!”

“I saw that, sweetie.”

She looked at Drew over her son's shoulder. His mouth was curved into a smile, but when she met his gaze, his eyes skittered away. A silent alarm went off inside her head, but she could hardly ask Drew what the problem was in front of her four-year-old son.

“Drew said there's a plane graveyard real close to our house, Mommy. He said he'd take us some day when it's not raining.”

She glanced at Drew and smiled. He met her gaze this time, but he didn't return the smile. “What on earth is a plane graveyard?” she asked, heading toward the coffeemaker.

“It's where they put all the dead airplanes.” He turned to Drew. “Tell her, Drew. Mommy, it sounds so cool. Drew said we could go see the planes. I wanna go!”

“It's an old salvage yard,” Drew said to Alison, then he tousled Kevin's hair. “But we can't go in this storm, sprout.”

“The storm's getting worse?” she asked, snagging a cup from the cupboard.

“The tropical storm strengthened overnight and is now Hurricane Debbie,” said Drew.

“We saw it on the news, Mommy. Boy, I love Florida!”

But Alison knew how dangerous hurricanes could be; Kimberly had been in South Florida during Andrew. Worry trickled into her brain one drop at a time. “How serious is the storm?” she asked Drew.

“Minimal,” he replied, keeping his hands busy with another batch of pancakes. “It's a Category 1, right now with sustained winds at about 75 miles per hour. They don't expect a direct hit, so things shouldn't get too bad.”

“That's a relief.”

“Maybe we can go to the plane graveyard tomorrow,” Kevin said.

Alison waited a beat, watching Drew out of the corner of her eye, telling herself he wasn't being distant. That she was imagining things. When he didn't respond, she set her hand on Kevin's shoulder. “Honey, why don't you go wash your face and hands and get ready for breakfast?”

“Aw, Mommy...”

“And did you make your bed?”

He sighed.

“Make your bed, and we'll have breakfast ready when you come out, okay?”

“Mommy—”

“Right now, young man.”

“Jeez!” Slapping his arms against his sides, Kevin stomped toward the living room.

She turned toward the stove to find Drew watching her, his expression grim. Her smile felt tremulous on her face, and she knew something was wrong. The realization sent a jolt of uneasiness through her.

“What's wrong?” she asked.

“Alison, before I say anything...” He paused as if struggling with what he needed to say next. “I just
want you to know you and Kevin mean the world to me.”

“You say that as if it's a bad thing.”

His jaw flexed with tension, his eyes burning into hers. Remembering all the things they'd shared the night before, she suddenly felt incredibly vulnerable. She'd given him the power to hurt her, she realized. And in a small corner of her mind, she knew he was going to do just that.

“I've never been much good at beating around the bush.” Setting the spatula on the stove, Drew turned to her and gave her his full attention. “So I'm just going to say what's on my mind.”

Alison knew she should say something, but for the life of her she couldn't rally her brain to come up with anything even remotely intelligent. For several long seconds the only sound came from the rain pattering against the window and the hard thrum of her own heart.

“Last night...” He grimaced. “I need to be honest. I'm just not sure it was a good idea.”

His words were like a knife, but Alison was prepared and steeled herself against the stab of pain. “Oh, so now that we've slept together, we're back to the friendship thing?”

“That's not how it is.”

“Then just how is it, Drew?”

He looked away. When his eyes slid back to hers it was as if he'd slipped on a mask. “I don't want you to base your decision to live in Miami on me. On us. I don't have a whole lot to offer you or Kevin. I'm not the man you think I am. And I'm doing us both a favor by telling you that now.”

Alison stared at him, felt the floor caving in beneath
her feet. After everything they'd shared the night before, she couldn't believe he would do this to her. That he would be so cold. So hurtful.