Uncle John’s Bathroom Reader Wonderful World of Odd (39 page)

The photographs were still sitting, almost completely forgotten, in the Smithsonian’s archives in 1992 when Naomi Wolf’s letter to the
New York Times
sparked interest in them again. A
Times
reporter named Ron Rosenbaum—who as a Yale freshman in the 1960s had posed for his own posture photo—was assigned to the story. He eventually tracked down Roland Elderkin and learned that the photos were in the Smithsonian.

For five years only Elderkin, a handful of staffers at the Smithsonian, and perhaps a researcher or two who happened to stumble across the photos knew they were there. And even when people did find them it was almost impossible to get permission to see them: The Smithsonian had realized from the start how sensitive the photos were, and had locked them away from prying eyes. Even Rosenbaum, a respected journalist and subject of one of the photos himself, was only allowed to see unlabeled negatives, not the actual images.

But that all changed when Rosenbaum’s article, “The Great Ivy League Nude Posture Photo Scandal,” was published in the
New York Times.
Suddenly the whole world knew about the pictures and where to find them. They were locked up, but to concerned alumni the pictures seemed to be just one crooked Smithsonian employee away from popping up on the Internet and splashing across the front pages of newspapers all over the world. For decades, thousands of college graduates had wondered about those naked pictures taken so long ago, and now it seemed that their worst fears might soon be realized.

It didn’t take long for alumni groups to spring into action. Five days after Rosenbaum’s article appeared
,
the Smithsonian announced that, after talking to representatives from Yale, Mount Holyoke, and other schools, it was cutting off public access to the
photographs entirely and launching an investigation to find out how and why they had agreed to take custody of the pictures in the first place. Nine days after that, Smithsonian officials shredded and then burned all of the Yale photographs and negatives in the collection, at the request of the university. In all there were more than
100 pounds
of Yale photographs, and a representative from the school was on hand to make sure that the photos and negatives really were destroyed. The Smithsonian offered to destroy the photographs from other colleges (and the Oregon Hospital for the Criminally Insane) if asked to do so.

Is that the end of the story? Not quite.

One of William Sheldon’s redeeming qualities was that he had a wide range of interests. One of those interests was coin collecting, with particular emphasis on the American penny. So when his reputation as a top psychologist went down in flames, he could at least fall back on the fact that he was also a nationally recognized coin expert, and had written two books on the history of the penny that are considered classics even today.

The
books
are considered classics, but once again Sheldon didn’t get off so easy. He did much of his research for the books at the American Numismatic Society in New York, which gave him unfettered access to its enormous collection of early pennies. Sheldon put together an impressive penny collection of his own, and a year before his death he sold it to another collector for $300,000.

How did he amass such a valuable collection?

The American Numismatic Society now believes that he did it by stealing dozens of valuable coins from its collection while he was researching his book, and covering up the theft by replacing them with inferior coins from his own collection. When the society first noticed the irregularities in its collection in the 1980s, it began a search for the missing coins and eventually found 58 of them in Sheldon’s collection. In all, Sheldon is believed to have stolen 129 rare and valuable coins from the society’s collection; at last report about 40 of the coins were still missing.

From the depths of some strange, mysterious world they come, sharing our earthly realm—sometimes peacefully, but often not. Are they real? Are we real? Are YOU real? Ahhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!

C
REATURE:
El Petizo

SPOTTED IN:
Argentina

THE STORY:
El Petizo is a “malicious shadow” who attacks lone travelers at night. So far, six people have been wounded by the monster, most recently a teenage boy who was on his way home from a hunting trip. He was knocked off his bike and then rose to his feet to find the dark shadow approaching him. Armed with a gun and a knife, the teen shot and stabbed the shadow, but it had no effect. Before he knew it, he was being dragged across the ground by his hair. A man who was nearby heard the boy’s cries and ran to his aid, but by the time he got there, El Petizo was gone.

CREATURE:
Horny Horse Man

SPOTTED IN:
Nigeria

THE STORY:
According to news reports, a menacing half-human/half-horse beast appears at night in the town of Zamfara and chases women into their houses. To local residents, it’s no laughing matter. It’s so serious, in fact, that many women won’t risk being outside between sunset and sunrise. (So far, efforts to capture the horse/man have proven unsuccessful.)

CREATURES:
Goblins

SPOTTED IN:
Norway

THE STORY:
Håkon Robertsen’s neighbors want him to tear down his old barn. It’s mostly in ruins and could be dangerous to curious children, so local authorities ordered Robertsen to level it. But he refuses. Why? “Underworld creatures have taken up residence in the building.” And by “underworld creatures,” he means goblins. According to Norwegian folklore, the grotesque little monsters live underground and rarely visit the human world. But Robertsen believes that his barn—built on an ancient Viking
site—must have become some kind of goblin lair…and they do not want it disturbed. “A while back, I removed the top of the building and that is an experience I will not repeat.” Robertsen says he got the message that if he disturbed the barn again, his life would be in jeopardy. The town has threatened to fine him 300 kroners ($47.50) every day that the barn remains standing. Robertsen’s response: He’ll build a fence around it to keep people out—he’ll even sue the town to keep the barn undisturbed—but he pledges never to set foot near the barn again.

CREATURES:
Fairies

SPOTTED IN:
Cumbria, England

THE STORY:
Anne Rowe, a historical archivist, unearthed a strange death certificate while searching through the burial register for the parish of Lamplugh. According to the records, between 1656 and 1663 four people were scared to death…by fairies. “I’ve never come across anything like this,” said Rowe, who added that those were “insecure times.” Further research of the records mentioned several more fairy encounters…all apparently ending badly.

CREATURE:
Yowie

SPOTTED IN:
The Megalong Valley in the Australian outback

THE STORY:
“It was sniffing the air and turning around to bite me, and I knew something was wrong. At that point I smelt a real foul stench, like salty blood, and I looked—the ground dropped down to the left and it was just standing there…10, 15 meters away, if that. It looked sort of like a monkey, but more human. I pretty much crapped my pants!” What was standing there? A Yowie, also called “Australia’s Bigfoot”—approximately four feet tall, very hairy, and very menacing. The sighting was recounted by a woman identified only as Catherine B., 22, who was horseback riding through the area with friends in September 2006. But this was just the most recent sighting. There have been hundreds of reports of these creatures in the Australian wilderness since the country was colonized by the English. And Aboriginal tales of a strange ape man predate those by centuries.

Every problem has a solution. Maybe.

W
HO:
Robert Cole, a 37-year-old Australian

PROBLEM:
Incarceration. (Cole was in prison.)

BRIGHT IDEA:
Cole decided to escape…by dieting. He consumed copious amounts of laxatives, resulting in the loss of 31 pounds. That took him down to 123 pounds. Why did he want to be so skinny? He planned to squeeze himself through the tiny gap between the bars of his prison cell and a small hole he’d chipped in the adjacent brick wall. Think that’s extreme? Well, he made it. Cole was free for three days before he was caught. (He’s in a different prison now.)

WHO:
Phillip W. Cappella of Boston, Massachusetts

PROBLEM:
Cappella was being audited by the IRS. He had won $2.7 million in the Massachusetts Megabucks lottery, which was to be paid to him in annual payments of $135,000 for 20 years. Apparently getting something for nothing wasn’t enough for Cappella—he wanted it to be tax-free, too. So he claimed $65,000 in gambling losses the year he got his first payment, saving him more than $20,000 in taxes. The IRS didn’t buy it and required him to provide proof.

BRIGHT IDEA:
Cappella paid a lottery ticket collector $500 to loan him a pickup truck full of losing tickets—200,000 of them—and then told the IRS that they were all his. The auditors figured out that in order for that to be true, Cappella would have to have scratched 550 tickets every single day of the year (and more tickets if he skipped a day now and then). He was found guilty of tax fraud and sentenced to two years probation.

WHO:
Stephen Hawking

PROBLEM:
We’re all going to die! According to Hawking, the world-famous physicist and author of
A Brief History of Time
, the
human race faces extinction from disasters such as asteroid collisions or nuclear war. Hawking said in 2006 that in order for humans to survive into the distant future we must colonize other planets. “Once we spread out into space and establish independent colonies,” he said, “our future should be safe.” The problem: We would have to find
hospitable
planets—and the closest
possible
one, at speeds that rockets can currently travel—is more than 50,000 years away.

BRIGHT IDEA:
No problem, says Hawking. We must simply invent a propulsion system similar to the one used on
Star Trek
. He says that taking advantage of “matter/antimatter annihilation” humans should be able to travel at speeds just below the speed of light. That would allow a ship to make it to the nearest star in six years. “That wouldn’t seem so long,” he said. (No word on how long it would take to invent such a system, though.)

WHO:
The National Crematorium Association of Denmark

PROBLEM:
Every year more than 40,000 Danes are cremated in natural-gas ovens at about 1800° Fahrenheit. But all the heat from the process goes directly into the air—so it’s wasted.

BRIGHT IDEA:
In 2006 the Association sought permission from the Ministry of Ecclesiastical Affairs to pipe the heat from crematoriums into nearby churches. “Instead of just letting the heat out the window, we can use it to warm up church buildings,” said Allan Vest, the Association’s president. “Maybe we could even sell some of it.” The idea, to the surprise of many, was approved. “We do not feel that using the heat defiles the corpses in any way,” said Ole Hartling, the head of Denmark’s Council of Ethics, “since they are already incinerated.”

*       *       *

“If someone were to harm my family or a friend or somebody I love, I would eat them. I might end up in jail for 500 years, but I would eat them.”

—
Johnny Depp

These weird conditions aren’t humorous, especially to the afflicted. But here’s a reality check: They’re all real illnesses.

D
isorder:
Trichotillomania

What is it?
People with this condition pull their own hair repeatedly—to the point of pulling it out. That means from the head, the eyebrows, eyelashes, and even pubic hair. It’s a painful, debilitating condition, and you might be surprised to learn that experts believe as much as 2–3% of the population has it. It’s also embarrassing (many victims don’t realize they’re pulling their hair out until well after they’ve done it), and sufferers do their best to hide it. To bring publicity to the disorder, the Trichotillomania Learning Center designated the week of October 1–8, 2006, as National Trichotillomania Awareness Week.

Disorder:
Emetophobia

What is it?
It’s a “persistent, abnormal, irrational fear of vomiting.” Millions of people have it. In extreme cases, the fear of encountering something in public that might induce them to vomit keeps victims from leaving their homes for years at a time. Some sufferers become obsessive about what foods they can and can’t eat. And perhaps the strangest part is that emetophobics almost never vomit. According to researchers, most sufferers had a traumatic throwing-up experience between the ages of 6 and 10. After that, they do everything they can to avoid it, with many women even going through entire pregnancies without a single throwing-up episode. (
Very
unusual.) Some people who have admitted to suffering from emetophobia: folk singer Joan Baez, actress Denise Richards, and
Today
host Matt Lauer.