Read Uncle John’s Briefs Online
Authors: Bathroom Readers’ Institute
Uncle John’s Briefs (34 page)
THE BEST
&
WORST TIPPERS
According to a poll in
Bartender
magazine:
• Lawyers and doctors are the worst tippers. Normally, doctors are the #1 tightwads. In rougher times, it’s lawyers. The reason: “There are more lawyers and less work.”
• The biggest tippers are bartenders and “service personnel.”
• As smoking gets more restricted, cigar and cigarette smokers—who are, in some states, allowed to smoke in the bar instead but not at restaurant tables—are becoming notably good tippers.
• Other leading tightwads: teachers, software engineers, musicians, professional athletes, and pipe smokers.
• Other top tippers: hairstylists, mobsters, tavern owners, regular customers.
• Vodka drinkers are good tippers. People who order drinks topped with umbrellas are bad tippers.
• Democrats tip better than Republicans.
No plant on Earth has an absolutely black blossom.
An unusual legend, and a fascinating place to visit
.
T
HE ROYAL TOMB
If you’re visiting the tiny village of Shingo in the far north of Honshu island in Japan, you can take a path up into the woods until you come to a dirt burial mound. Rising above it is a large wooden cross. This, says local legend, is the final resting place of Jesus Christ.
The legend claims that Jesus’ brother took his place on the cross, allowing Jesus to escape from Israel. He made his way across Siberia, then traveled into what is now Alaska, and finally ended up in Japan. There, the legend continues, he married a Japanese woman named Miyuko, had three daughters, and lived to the ripe old age of 106. Many people in Shingo believe the legend is true—and the “Christ Museum” next to the tomb claims it has the proof.
The story seems to have started somewhere around 1935, when a priest in the area discovered what he claimed were ancient scrolls. The 1,900-year-old documents were Christ’s last will and testament, he said, indicating that Shingo is the location of Jesus’ grave. According to a local museum, the original scrolls were destroyed in World War II and all that exist now are copies. But other evidence supposedly supports the claim:
• Although the tomb was never opened, rods thrust into the dirt around it confirm it is lined by stones, an honor only bestowed on people of great importance.
• For hundreds of years it has been a local tradition to draw charcoal crosses onto babies’ foreheads, a practice found nowhere else in Japan.
• Many ancient kimonos from Shingo have been found decorated with what appears to be a Star of David.
No serious historian believes the legend, but more than 40,000 people make the trip to the “Tomb of Christ” every year, and many visit with the garlic farmer who owns the land on which the tomb sits—a man who is reputed to be a direct descendant of Jesus. He, like a surprising number of other people in the area, has blue eyes.
Pop Quiz: What was the real name of Larry from
The Three Stooges
? A: Louis Feinberg.
Some goofs from Best Picture winners
.
M
ovie:
The English Patient
(1996)
Scene:
During a flashback, Almásy (Ralph Fiennes) writes a note that ends with “December 22, 1938.”
Blooper:
When Hana (Juliette Binoche) reads the note in the present, it ends with “December 22.” What happened to the year?
Movie:
Rain Man
(1988)
Scene:
Raymond (Dustin Hoffman) is spouting off air-travel statistics, stating that QANTAS is the only major airline to have never had a fatal crash.
Blooper:
Between 1927 and 1951, QANTAS had eight fatal crashes. (QANTAS, by the way, was the only major airline that didn’t delete this scene for its in-flight movie version.)
Movie:
The Godfather, Part II
(1974)
Scene:
Toward the end of the movie, the characters are talking about Pearl Harbor and how it happened on “Pop’s birthday.”
Blooper:
The Japanese attacked Pearl Harbor on December 7. According to the tombstone from the end of
The Godfather
, Pop’s birthday is April 29.
Movie:
Gladiator
(2000)
Scene:
During the Battle of Carthage in the Colosseum, one of the chariots flips over.
Blooper:
Look closely when the dust settles and you can see that this ancient Roman chariot was equipped with a gas tank.
Movie:
The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King
(2003)
Scene:
After defeating the big spider, Sam (Sean Astin) rushes over to Frodo (Elijah Wood), who has been paralyzed.
Blooper:
When Frodo is lying on the ground unconscious, his eyes are
open. When Sam picks him up, Frodo’s eyes are closed. When he’s on Sam’s lap, his eyes are open again.
Some asteroids have other asteroids orbiting them.
Movie:
Amadeus
(1984)
Scene:
Mozart (Tom Hulce) is watching a parody of his operas.
Blooper:
When the last little person pops through the paper backdrop with a toy horse, a member of the film crew—wearing blue jeans—can be seen walking backstage.
Movie:
Ben-Hur
(1959)
Scene:
The famous chariot race.
Blooper:
Do the math: Nine chariots start the race, six of them crash, but somehow four finish.
Movie:
Schindler’s List
(1993)
Scene:
Oskar (Liam Neeson) is in a car with Jewish investors.
Blooper:
Look at the passenger window and you can see the reflection of a movie camera and its operator. (Though it’s not entirely clear, the reflection may belong to director Steven Spielberg, wearing his famous “Class of ’61” hat.)
Movie:
Rocky
(1976)
Scene:
While Rocky (Sylvester Stallone) is training, he does several one-arm push-ups.
Blooper:
A careful look reveals that Stallone did only one push-up—the shot was then looped to make it look like he did a lot.
Movie:
Casablanca
(1943)
Scene:
Rick (Humphrey Bogart) is driving through France.
Blooper:
He’s driving on the left; the French drive on the right.
Movie:
Million Dollar Baby
(2004)
Scene:
Maggie (Hilary Swank) is driving to the new home she just bought for her mother.
Blooper:
The house is supposed to be in Missouri, so why are there palm trees on the side of the road?
There are more pets per person in France than in any other country in the world.
What happens when we start messing around with nature, trying to make
living conditions better? Sometimes it works…and sometimes nature gets
even. Here are a few instances when people intentionally introduced
animals or plants into a new environment…and regretted it
.
I
mport:
Kudzu, a fast-growing Japanese vine
Background:
Originally brought into the southern U.S. in 1876 for use as shade. People noticed livestock ate the vine and that kudzu helped restore nitrogen to the soil. It seemed like a perfect plant to cultivate. So in the 1930s, the U.S. government helped farmers plant kudzu all over the South.
Nature’s Revenge:
By the 1950s, it was out of control, blanketing farmers’ fields, buildings, utility poles and—often fatally—trees. Today, utility companies spend millions of dollars annually spraying herbicides on poles and towers to keep them kudzu-free. And instead of helping plant kudzu, the government now gives advice on how to get rid of it.
Import:
The mongoose
Background:
The small Asian mammals famous for killing cobras were brought to Hawaii by sugar planters in 1893. Reason: They thought the mongooses would help control the rat population.
Nature’s Revenge:
The planters overlooked one little detail: The mongoose is active in the daytime while the rat is nocturnal. “In Hawaii today,” says one source, “mongooses are considered pests nearly as bad as rats.”
Import:
The starling, an English bird
Background:
In 1890 a philanthropist named Eugene Schieffelin decided to bring every type of bird mentioned in Shakespeare’s plays to New York City’s Central Park. He brought in hundreds of pairs of birds from England. Unfortunately, most (like skylarks and thrushes) didn’t make it. Determined to succeed with at least one species, Schieffelin shipped 40 pairs of starlings to Central Park and let them loose just before the mating season on March 6, 1890.
The Mason-Dixon line had nothing to do with slavery. It was surveyed in 1767 to settle a border dispute between British colonies.
Nature’s Revenge:
There are now more than 50 million starlings in the U.S. alone—all descendants from Schieffelin’s flock—and they have become a major health hazard. They fly in swarms, littering roads and highways with their droppings, which carry disease-bearing bacteria that are often transmitted to animals and people. They’ve also become pests to farmers, screeching unbearably and destroying wheat and cornfields.
Import:
The gypsy moth
Background:
In 1869 Leopold Trouvelot, a French entomologist, imported some gypsy moth caterpillars to Massachusetts. It was part of a getrich-quick scheme: He figured that since the caterpillars thrive on oak tree leaves, which are plentiful there, he could crossbreed them with silkworm moths, and create a self-sustaining, silk-producing caterpillar. He’d make a fortune!
Unfortunately, the crossbreeding didn’t work. Then one day, a strong wind knocked over a cage filled with the gypsy moth caterpillars. They escaped through an open window and survived.
Nature’s Revenge:
At first, the moths spread slowly. But by 1950, gypsy moths could be found in every New England state and in eastern New York. They’ve since spread to Virginia and Maryland—and beyond. Populations have become established as far away as Minnesota and California, probably due to eggs unknowingly transported by cars driven from the Northeast to those regions. They’re not a major threat, but can cause severe problems: In 1981, for example, they were reported to have stripped leaves from 13 million trees.
Import:
Dog fennel
Background:
At the turn of the 19th century, Johnny Appleseed wandered around the Ohio territory, planting apples wherever he went. It’s not widely known that he also he sowed a plant called dog fennel, which was believed to be a fever-reducing medicine.
Nature’s Revenge:
It’s not only not medicine, it’s bad medicine; farmers are sick of it. “The foul-smelling weed,” says the
People’s Almanac
, “spread from barnyard to pasture, sometimes growing as high as fifteen feet. Today, exasperated midwestern farmers still cannot rid their fields of the plant they half-humorously call ‘Johnnyweed.’”
More stories about the inspirations behind cultural milestones
.
P
OPEYE
Was there a real Popeye? Apparently so. E. C. Segar’s character was based on a beady-eyed, pipe-smoking, wiry old barroom brawler named Frank “Rocky” Feigle—a legend in Segar’s hometown of Chester, Illinois, around 1915. Feigle was reputed never to have lost a fight. But he was no sailor; he earned his drinking money by sweeping out the local saloon.
Note:
There was a real Olive Oyl, too: Dora Paskel, a shopkeeper in Chester. She was tall and skinny, wore her hair in a bun, and even wore tall, button-up shoes.
ROCKY
In March 1975, Chuck Wepner fought Muhammad Ali for the heavyweight boxing title. Wepner, a second-rate fighter from Bayonne, New Jersey, was considered a joke; Ali didn’t even bother training full-time for the match. But to everyone’s surprise, Wepner lasted 15 rounds with the champ, and even knocked him down. Sly Stallone saw the fight on TV, and was inspired to write his Oscar-winning screenplay about Rocky Balboa.
STAGE NAMES
• Nicolas Coppola always admired a comic book character named “Luke Cage, Power Man.” So he changed his name to Nicolas Cage.
• Roy Scherer got his stage name by combining two geographical spots: the Rock of Gibraltar and the Hudson River: Rock Hudson.
THE SHINING
Inspired by John Lennon…or at least the term was. Stephen King came up with the idea of the “shining” as a description of psychic power after hearing Lennon’s tune “Instant Karma.” King recalls: “The refrain went, ‘We all shine on.’ I really liked that, and used it. The book’s name was originally
The Shine
, but somebody said, ‘You can’t use that because it’s a pejorative word for Black’…so it became
The Shining
.”
In 1920
Billboard
became the 1st national magazine to give regular coverage to black musicians.
You won’t find trivia like this in any ordinary book
.
T
HE NAME
The word
fart
comes from the Old English term
foertan
, to explode.
Foertan
is also the origin of the word
petard
, an early type of bomb.
Petard
, in turn, is the origin of a more obscure term for fart––
ped
, or
pet
, which was once used by military men. (In Shakespeare’s
Henry IV
, there’s a character whose name means fart ––Peto.)