Uncle John’s Impossible Questions & Astounding Answers (21 page)

How fast can an alligator run?

Coleoptera
—the beetle. The 350,000 known species comprise roughly one-fourth of all species on Earth, both animal
and
plant. (For comparison, there are “only” about 10,000 known species of ants, and roughly 600 species of primates.) Beetles exist in every habitat except for the polar regions and the ocean (although the whirligig beetle dives into streams and travels inside its own air bubble). Beetles range in appearance from the little ladybug to the African goliath beetle, which can reach six inches long and weigh more than a Big Mac. All beetles have wings, though not all of them fly. So what’s the key to their success? They’re very strong, even for insects, and are protected by tough exoskeletons. (Uncle John’s favorite: the dung beetle.)

If an alligator ran past a school zone, it could get a ticket for speeding—the reptiles have been clocked at 30 miles per hour. Still, you don’t have to worry too much about being chased down by one on land; they prefer to hunt from the water, where they use the snatch-and-grab method. Alligators only run fast on land when they need to get to the water.

Another surprising alligator fact: Their jaw muscles are incredibly strong, but only for closing. You could easily hold a gator’s jaws closed with only two fingers. Try it at your own risk, though, or “Two Fingers” might just become your new nickname.

One of humankind’s favorite leisure activities is to sit and enjoy things that other people created. Now you can sit and enjoy these Q&A’s about the creators…and the createes
.

Whose head did Thomas Edison chop off in 1895? And how did it make history?

Miss Piggy made a surprise appearance on a London soundstage in 1979. What movie was being filmed?

Edison’s 1895 short film
The Execution of Mary Stuart
had three cinematic milestones: the first dramatic screenplay, the first actors to appear on film, and the first use of special effects. In the 18-second film, an actress playing Mary, Queen of Scots is placed on the chopping block (reenacting Mary’s 1587 execution for plotting to assassinate Queen Elizabeth I). After the executioner raises his ax, there’s an obvious edit; the actress is replaced with a mannequin. The ax comes down, and Mary’s “head” comes off. Then the executioner picks it up and raises it over his head. The end.

The Empire Strikes Back
. What’s the connection between the sci-fi film and the Muppets? Frank Oz—the voice and puppeteer of both Miss Piggy and Yoda. Mark Hamill, who starred as Luke, was a big fan of the Muppets, so when Oz arrived on set, Hamill begged him to do his Miss Piggy voice, but Oz refused.

Here’s what happened a week later during rehearsals. Oz was hidden underneath the set, holding up the Yoda puppet, which was “talking” to Luke. “Follow your feelings, you must,” said Yoda. Luke responded, “I
am
following my feelings!” Just then, right next to Yoda, up popped Miss Piggy, who exclaimed, “You want feelings? I’ll show you feelings, punk! What is this hole? I’ve been booked in some dumps before, but never like this. Get me my agent on the phone!”

A man gets poisoned and dies. A woman drowns. Another man gets stabbed to death. Two friends are beheaded. Another woman drinks poison and dies. Yet another man gets nicked with a poisoned blade and drinks more poison. And another man gets cut with a poisoned blade. He dies, too. The last man, same name as the first, is also poisoned. What are we talking about?

Claude Perrault designed the front of the Louvre. What did his little brother Charles do?

That bloodbath takes place in William Shakespeare’s
Hamlet
. Written circa 1600, the play’s full title is
The Tragedy of Hamlet, Prince of Denmark
. Filling in the pronouns from our question (spoiler alert!), it is King Hamlet who first gets poisoned, Ophelia who drowns, Polonius who gets stabbed to death (by the younger Hamlet), Rosencrantz and Guildenstern who get beheaded, Gertrude who drinks poison from a chalice, Claudius who gets nicked with a poisoned blade and is then forced to drink poison, Laertes who (also) gets cut with a poisoned blade, and the younger Hamlet who gets poisoned by Laertes. Tragic, indeed.

Charles Perrault invented the fairy tale. After losing his government job and pension at the age of 67, the former French bureaucrat decided to become a writer, and began composing moral tales for children. In 1697 he elaborated on traditional folk tales, concocting such stories as “Puss in Boots,” “Sleeping Beauty,” “Cinderella,” and “Little Red Riding Hood.” Perrault’s book was the first to credit the tales to “Mother Goose.” Later, the Brothers Grimm and then Hans Christian Andersen applied Perrault’s works to their respective countries’ folk tales, which is where we get “Hansel and Gretel,” “Rapunzel,” “The Little Mermaid,” “Thumbelina,” and the fairy tale Uncle John most identifies with, “The Ugly Duckling.”

Among Ash-Heaps and Millionaires; Under the Red, White, and Blue
; and
The High-Bouncing Lover
were working titles for what important American novel?

Who were Tristam, Laomorak, Tor, Palomides, Kay, Bors, and Mordred?

The Great Gatsby
. Up until the early 1920s, F. Scott Fitzgerald wrote (self-admittedly) “trashy” novels and plays. Hoping to pen something more important, Fitzgerald told his editor he was embarking on a “consciously artistic achievement.” After two years of writing, rewriting, and starting over (and a
lot
of titles), Fitzgerald found his groove with this opening line: