Uncle John’s Impossible Questions & Astounding Answers (6 page)

Dead skin cells. You shed them at a rate of about 600,000 per hour. If you were somehow able to collect all of this debris, you’d have well over one pound per year and more than 100 pounds by the time you were 70. (Of course, that’s impossible. Most dead skin cells just float away. You would have to vacuum yourself almost constantly.)

Eight have three bones. Two have two bones. What are they?

You’ve come down with a severe case of
sphenopalatine ganglioneuralgia
. It’s unbearable! What did you do to cause yourself so much pain?

Toes. Your big toe, called your
hallux
, has only two bones—the
proximal
and
distal phalanges
. All your other toes each have three bones: the
proximal, middle
, and
distal phalanges
(singularly called a
phalanx
). The hallux is your main weight-bearing toe; the other little piggies help you maintain balance.

You ate that bowl of ice cream
way
too fast. Now you’ve got a nasty ice-cream headache, otherwise known as a “brain freeze” or, as some like to call it, “Iceburger’s Syndrome.” Physicians, however, call it
sphenopalatine ganglioneuralgia
…which means “pain in the sphenopalatine ganglion”—a cluster of nerve cells located just above the roof of your mouth. So why does this happen? When you consume something cold, this nerve cluster alerts your brain that the temperature inside your head is falling drastically. Your brain tries to warm up the affected area by sending in a rush of blood. The blood vessels first constrict and then dilate, and because the sphenopalatine ganglion lies close to other nerves, the increased blood flow puts pressure on them as well, causing acute but temporary pain to your face and forehead.

The moral: Slow down. (Like Mrs. Uncle John always says, “Relax. No one is going to take away your ice cream.”)

In the “Flora and Fauna” chapter, we asked how long a cockroach could live without its head. According to an infamous French experiment, how long can a decapitated human head maintain consciousness?

Antoine Lavoisier (1743–94), a French nobleman and scientist, is considered the “father of modern chemistry.” He’s also known for the grisly experiment—his last—that provides the answer to this question.

First, some background: In his distinguished career, Lavoisier coined the terms
oxygen
and
hydrogen
, helped create the metric system, and was the first person to state the law of conservation of mass, which says, “Although matter may change its form or shape, its mass always remains the same.” Despite his discoveries, Lavoisier’s “elitist scientific ways” branded him as an enemy of the people during the French Revolution. Said the judge at his trial, “The Republic needs neither scientists nor chemists; the course of justice cannot be delayed.”

Verdict: Lavoisier was sentenced to death by the guillotine. Ever the scientist, he asked an associate to stand nearby during the execution. “Watch my eyes after the blade comes down,” he instructed. “I will continue blinking as long as I retain consciousness.” His friend did as he was told, watch in hand.

The time elapsed between the drop of the blade and Lavoisier’s last blink: 15 seconds. (That didn’t really prove anything, except that humans can still exhibit involuntary muscle movements after they die.)

Headnote:
A year later, French rulers realized they acted a bit overzealously…and exonerated Lavoisier posthumously.

When something painful happens to you, it is your brain that tells you that you’re hurting. Why is that odd?

What can be made from these ingredients: bacteria (both dead and dying), mucus, cellulose, cholesterol, phosphates, dead cells, bilirubin, and water?

It’s kind of ironic, but the brain—which informs you when something hurts—cannot actually sense pain when the brain itself is injured. Why? There are no nerve endings up there. So if you stub your toe, you’ll scream, but if you stick an ice pick into your brain, you won’t feel a thing. (That’s not to say you won’t experience any odd side effects, or that the skin covering your skull won’t hurt, but at least your brain will refrain from feeling pain.)

Poop. It’s actually three-quarters water, unless you happen to have diarrhea, in which case it’s almost all water. And if you’re constipated, the poop stays inside you too long and a lot of the water is extracted, which results in dry, painful bowel movements. As to the other ingredients: The phosphates are inorganic salts which, along with cholesterol, you didn’t digest. The mucus comes from your intestinal walls. The dead and dying bacteria produce sulfur- or nitrogen-rich organic compounds such as
indole, skatole
, and
mercaptans
, as well as
hydrogen sulfide
. (That’s what makes poop smell.)
Bilirubin
is a pigment that results from the breakdown of red blood cells. (That’s what makes poop brown.) Finally, the cellulose is the fiber that binds it all together. It also gives your poop traction as it moves through your intestines. Sure, it’s gross—but at least it’s outside of you now. Good riddance!

In this chapter, we quiz you about movers and shakers both famous and obscure
.

How much did Albert Einstein charge for his autograph—and who was the only celebrity who got it for free?

Who was the first female game-show host to win an Emmy award?

The greatest thinker of the 20th century charged $1 per autograph, which, in the 1950s, was roughly the equivalent of $10. Einstein did this for two reasons: 1) It reduced the number of people who bothered him for an autograph (for a scientist, he was very famous), and 2) it also helped the charities to which he donated the money. There was, however, one notable exception: Einstein gave a free autograph to one of his heroes, silent film star Charlie Chaplin. The comedic genius accepted the gift humbly, telling the physics genius, “People cheer me because they all understand me, and they cheer you because nobody understands you.”

Betty White. A TV star since the 1950s, she hosted the 1983 NBC daytime game show
Just Men!
It featured two female contestants who asked yes-or-no questions to seven male celebrities for a chance to win a convertible Ford Mustang. Among the celebrities: Fred Willard, Hervé Villechaize (Tattoo from
Fantasy Island
), and
Wheel of Fortune’s
Pat Sajak, who was just starting out. Despite the fact that the show lasted only 13 weeks, White won the 1983 Emmy for Best Daytime Host.