Undeath and Taxes (5 page)

An Agent at the Convention
1.

“Okay, one more load should do it!” Krystal announced happily, her face sweaty but beaming. Bubba and I looked around her apartment with considerable doubt. There were still at least ten boxes remaining, and even with two us sporting enhanced strength, the unwieldiness of such burdens made lugging them down the stairs of Krystal’s apartment a highly suspect proposition.

“If you say so,” Bubba muttered at last, pausing to take a drink of his beer. “What all you got in these boxes, anyway?” Bubba spoke with the sort of twang one would expect from someone sporting such a moniker. His frame (massive, with ample muscle), wardrobe (Baseball caps, jeans, and flannel), and occupation (truck driver) also fit well within the bounds of appropriate stereotypes. These small conformities only highlighted the unexpected bits: his wisdom, gentleness, and unashamed homosexuality being a few examples.

“Mostly stuff for the booth,” Krystal said. Somehow, she still managed to look sexy, even in a pair of gray sweatpants and an old T-shirt from the high school we’d both attended. Krystal had been significantly wider of frame back then, so it hung loosely on her in a way that I found appealing, but couldn’t quite understand. Slung over her shoulder was a large duffel bag, nearly bursting it was so full. She hadn’t let it out of her possession since Bubba and I arrived and had begun loading a significant number of boxes into the back of her pickup.

“Don’t agents have teams to set this stuff up?” I asked, hefting a large box that would have thrown my meager back out when I was still alive. Thankfully, one of the boons of a being my type of parahuman was a hardier frame. Krystal was also parahuman, but one of incredible rarity and power. That was part of why she worked as an Agent (an emissary from the secret branch of the government charged with keeping peace and upholding treaties in the parahuman world), since, in a world of big bad monsters, Krystal was near the top of the heap. Sometimes, her job involved putting down supernatural beasts that had decided to chuck our covert existence and go hog wild. Other times, like this upcoming weekend, it involved a more diplomatic set of tasks.

“Fred, agents are highly specialized resources,” Krystal reminded me. “They aren’t going to take time out of their day to come help me set up a booth for CalcuCon.”

“Your entire organization cannot be made up of just agents,” I pointed out, setting my box back down. “There must be people who make coffee, clean restrooms, and mop up the messes after you leave a wake of destruction. There is always grunt work, and I know you well enough to presume you are not the one doing it.”

“
Fiiiine
,” she said, stretching out the word like a cat basking in a sunbeam. “I could have put in a request for a moving and set-up team, but it’s a shitload of paperwork to deal with and I found employing the boyfriend-labor to be far easier. And Bubba will do anything for a case of beer and a well-prepared steak.”

Bubba nodded his agreement, setting two boxes on top of each other as he began constructing a teetering tower he would then lug down the stairs. The truth of the matter was that Bubba would do anything for Krystal. She’d been his friend for a long time, and just last Thanksgiving had saved him from a company of dracolings that had had enough debt on him to make him a slave for life. Pointing this out at the time would have been impolite, however, so I shifted topics.

“I still find it mildly insulting that you named a convention solely based around the idea of parahumans congregating “CalcuCon,” as if no other parties might want to come to that,” I grumbled.

“First off, I didn’t name it. CalcuCon has been around for like twenty some years,” Krystal informed me. “Second, no, you’re not the only nerd drawn by that name. We’ve had plenty of applicants try to sign up for it over the years.”

“How do you dissuade them?” Parahumans weren’t exactly a secret on par with nuclear launch codes, but great pains were taken to keep the veil of disbelief drawn across society’s collective eyes. Letting them come to a place where we gather en masse, without hiding our natures, would be the height of unacceptability.

“Red tape, usually,” Krystal said. “Lost applications, extra fees piled on top of extra fees, constantly changing dates, and overall horrendous customer service. We make the experience so terrible no one wants to come, let alone try again the next year.”

“I think my cable company has been stealing plays from your book,” Bubba remarked, as he set a fourth box on the pile.

“Other way around. Every couple of years, we have someone set up a Castcom account, just to see if they’ve come up with any new tactics. They never fail to disappoint,” Krystal replied.

“How big is CalcuCon, anyway?” I interrupted. All I’d been told was to pack a bag and come help lift things, so now I had to gather information on the fly. I was largely unbothered by it all though; this was pretty much par for the course with Krystal. “If there’s a large enough presence, perhaps I’ll get a booth to advertise my accounting services next year.”

“It’s pretty damn big,” Krystal said. “Several thousand parahumans make the trek for it. That’s why I’ve got to set up an Agency recruiting booth. This is a chance to reach lots of people we’d never otherwise get a chance to court.”

“Seems like people would be coming to you, not the other way around.”

“Agents ain’t exactly universally beloved in the parahuman world,” Bubba informed me, setting the last of his boxes on top of the pile. “Lots of folks grew up with their parents treating them like the bogeyman, the sort of thing that gets whispered about, but is hopefully never seen. You know how you get an uneasy feeling in your gut when a cop starts driving behind you, even if you ain’t speeding?”

I nodded. My general anxiety meant that even the possibility of a confrontation with authority was enough to spur a bout of nausea—at least, back when I could have such things.

“Amp that up by a few dozen degrees, and that’s how lots of parahumans feel when they hear about or see an agent. Even if we ain’t doin’ anything wrong, we understand that that person can completely wreck our shit. It doesn’t exactly lead to warm and fuzzy sentiments.”

“Which is precisely why we do things like set up booths at CalcuCon,” Krystal jumped in. “We want to take every opportunity to let people know we’re not the evil gestapo, and we’ll play nice as long as they do.”

“I suppose that might help soften your image,” I agreed.

“Oh no, we don’t try to do that,” Krystal said, giving her head a shake that sent tumbles of her blonde hair bouncing about. “We like the terrifying image. That’s something we work hard to preserve. The Agency is fine with being perceived as a horrifying monster, so long as it is a just, well-intentioned horrifying monster.”

“That is slightly disturbing,” I said, and then sighed, piling my set of boxes in a manner that imitated Bubba’s technique.

“Think of it as preemptive shock-and-awe,” Krystal urged.

“I would prefer not the think of it at all,” I replied. With a mighty heft, I lifted my pile into the air and was nearly knocked off balance by the unexpected lightness of my load. This was not due to the boxes being packed with nothing but Styrofoam or other such silliness, but because I still hadn’t really grasped my current strength. Ever since I’d had that drop of dragon blood several weeks back, my physical power and senses had been exponentially heightened. For a more classic, action-oriented vampire, this would have been a blessing of incomparable worth. For me, it meant I’d broken three keyboards and pulled the handle off my refrigerator. I couldn’t wait for the effects to fade and my more manageable level of augmented power to return.

“That’s the best strategy,” Bubba concurred, lifting his own set of boxes as well. A cursory glance around the room told me that, even with Krystal pitching in, there was still going to be another trip up here before we were finished. Evidently, my girlfriend reached the same conclusion.

“Well, damn,” she muttered. “Looks like I was off. I thought you two could do heavier lifting.”

“If we try and carry any more than this, we’re likely to drop the whole lot during our descent down the stairs,” I pointed out.

“Excuses excuses.”

“You could always set down the duffel and lift a little more,” Bubba tossed out.

“No can do,” Krystal replied. “The contents of the duffel bag have to stay with me at all times until we reach the convention. No exceptions.”

“Oh. There must be something really valuable in there,” I noted.

Krystal let out an unladylike snort, the sort of characteristic that endeared her to me. “I wouldn’t really say ‘valuable,’ just needy.”

“Needy?” I asked.

“Like a colicky baby,” Krystal affirmed. She bent down to pick up a box, and as she did, something in bag shifted, striking her in the back of the head. “Ow! Look, assholes, I might have to bring you along, but pull that shit again and I won’t bother with any polishing or lighting.”

These words were clearly directed at the duffel bag, a fact which Bubba and I noticed and pointedly chose not to comment on. In the parahuman world, you learn that asking questions often leads to answers you either didn’t want or don’t understand. Sometimes, it was better to just accept things as they were and focus on the task at hand.

“We’re ready when you are,” I told her.

“Yeah, I’m ready,” Krystal said, grabbing the final box she would carry. “Let’s get this done. We’ve got a long drive ahead of us. On the plus side, after this run we should only have one load left.”

Bubba and I exchanged glances, then began the awkward trek down the stairs and into the street, where Krystal’s oversized truck was waiting for the next round of boxes.

2.

Horbon, Nevada was a town roughly an hour’s drive north of Las Vegas. Its claim to fame was not any particular aspect the town itself possessed, but rather its quasi-adjacent location to other, more tourist-friendly towns. Horbon capitalized on that convenience in a rather ingenious method—they billed themselves as an economic way-station between popular locales. With an airport that hosted cheaper flights than either LA or Vegas, along with budget-friendly hotels and accommodations, Horbon was the place people went if they wanted to pop by one of the well-known cities, but didn’t feel like spending enough money to stay there. This, quite understandably, made Horbon a favorite of many companies looking to do off-site meetings and conventions without having to reallocate budgets.

It was this desirability as a host city that had led Horbon to build the massive convention center that Bubba, Krystal, and I were hauling a small cart through. Piled atop the cart, secured by a few thin strands of rope (and a whole lot of hope) were the boxes we’d hauled over from Winslow. The drive had been largely uneventful, save for Krystal’s always adrenaline-inducing driving. Her handling of an automobile was beyond exceptional; however, her aggressive personality often led to tight turns and accelerations that left me wondering how my undead body would fair in a head-on collision. Thankfully, we’d arrived in one piece, and, after Krystal grabbed us badges and a cart, we began the process of locating her booth.

I was struck with surprise at how busy the floor seemed, given the late hour. We’d gotten an early start, so our arrival put us in at roughly three in the morning, and the area was positively bustling with people. Most were setting up their own booths and displays, but there were plenty who were merely standing by, watching the process of creation unfold around them. Given that the convention officially opened at ten—still seven hours away—I’d expected more attendees to do their work in the morning. This was my error in thinking, as I’d forgotten that parahumans tend to prefer the night whenever given a choice. For me, that choice was mandatory, thanks in no small part to my severe sunlight allergy. For others, it was simply a matter of tradition or preference. This observation resulted in my being struck by a thought, which I then realized I should have had before ever leaving my apartment. My vampire survival instincts were usually exemplary; however, I did have a tendency to get caught up in things when my girlfriend began leading us off on unexpected errands.

“Krystal,” I said, pushing the cart along carefully while she and Bubba manned the sides, watching for any falling boxes. “Do we have safe accommodations? I know sunrise is still some hours away, but I just realized that I don’t know where I’ll hole up. I suppose I can sleep in the truck, since the windows are enchanted to keep out sunlight.”

“Really? Freddy, you iron your socks. I don’t see you being comfortable passing out in the back seat and getting your khakis all wrinkled,” Krystal teased. “We get rooms as part of the deal. Not that you have to leave the floor, if you don’t want to. The Agency helped build this whole place with a shell company, so it’s about as parahuman friendly as you can get. The windows protect vampires from sunlight, several breaker systems help minimize the electrical short-outs one sees with mages, hell, we’ve even got a special warding system to keep the worst effects of a full moon at bay.”

“What happens during a full moon?”

“Lots of stuff,” Bubba informed me. “Full moons are powerful things; even humans can sense it. It puts therians on a transformation hair-trigger. The younger among us can’t retain human form at all. Then you’ve got how it impacts mages and their spells, pretty much any kind of water creature, and don’t even get me started on the fey.”

“Couldn’t have said it better,” Krystal surmised. She turned away from the boxes to pull out a large piece of folded paper, which she then unfurled and studied. “Okay, according to this, we’re in section C, row one-thirty-two. Where the hell is that?”

“Over there,” I replied, pointing to an area some distance away.

“How do you know?”

“The section lettering is in place,” I replied, motioning to the colored boxes with letters painted on them that were hung from the ceiling. They dangled down from a massive metal catwalk that criss-crossed over the entire ceiling. “Also, some of the booths have their numbers displayed. Not a lot, but it only takes a few to figure out the basic set-up. Assuming no deviation, C-132 should be in the area I pointed at.”

“Last time I worked one of these, it took me over half an hour to find my spot,” Krystal mumbled, putting the paper away. “Plenty of slacking off time. But noooo, I had to bring my boyfriend: the numbers expert.”

“I would say it’s less numbers expertise than basic pattern recognition,” I corrected.

We hauled the boxes over to the area I’d indicated, and sure enough, there was a booth waiting for us. My first thought upon seeing it, however, was that I must have been mistaken, because this booth was already manned. Or, wo-manned is perhaps a better phrasing. The person in question was currently setting up lights that would presumably illuminate a name or logo when the booth was complete. She was so absorbed in her task that she didn’t register our arrival until Krystal spoke.

“June?” There was something about her voice when she said June’s name, some indefinable quality not normally present, that was my first clue that this might not be the happiest of surprises. Krystal didn’t sound mad, or annoyed—tones I well accustomed to dealing with—no, she sounded . . . perhaps uncertain is the closest description, and that was not a sentiment I was accustomed to seeing from my girlfriend.

The woman, June presumably, turned away from her project to look at us. She was strikingly beautiful, but in a way I found somewhat off-putting. Her high cheekbones, blue-white hair, and gleaming eyes presented a sort of otherworldly aesthetic. June was beautiful in the way of a painting, or a sculpture, something that was pleasant to admire, yet brought forth no desire to touch. Of course, had she been an actual painting, I feel relatively certain the artist would have dressed her in fine silken dresses, rather than the paint-stained overalls and gray T-shirt that currently adorned her lithe form.

“Krys!” June yelped, nearly dropping a light bulb in the mad dash to run over and embrace Krystal. She hugged the blonde agent with gusto, dispelling much of the inhuman aura I’d associated with her. “Oh my goodness, I haven’t seen you in over a year! No one told me you’d be working the booth with me.”

June released her hold and flashed all three of us a dazzling smile. It created a curious sense of disharmony in me, as the logical, human part of my brain was warmed by the genuine outpouring of emotion. In contrast, the vampire part of my brain, hardwired like the predator it was, flashed a warning of danger. I’d been trying to ignore that part as often as possible recently, this being no exception. If she was a friend of Krystal’s, then I didn’t need to fear her, regardless of whether or not her kind was dangerous to mine.

“This is a hell of a surprise,” Krystal said at last. “I thought you were doing long-term work in New Mexico.”

“I was, but the situation took care of itself,” June replied. “Gremlin infestation was so deeply rooted that I spent months trying to find their queen, and then guess what she went and did.”

“What?”

“Tinkered with a damn meth lab and got herself blown to kingdom come,” June replied, letting out a laugh that reminded me of sleigh bells during Christmas.

“Gremlins like to mess with technology,” Bubba whispered to me, correctly assuming my ignorance. “Make it go haywire, glitch out, that sort of thing.”

I nodded, easily able to imagine how that tendency around a methamphetamine laboratory could lead to disastrous results.

“Anyway,” June continued, “how have you been? I want to hear all about your life. After the engagement fell through, I feel like we lost touch, which is a damn shame.”

“Engagement?” I really didn’t mean to interrupt; the word slipped out of my mouth completely unbidden. Given the chance, I’d have stuffed it back under my tongue without hesitation. Unfortunately, one of my vampire abilities is not the reversal of time, so the exclamation remained and the consequences of it began.

“I’m sorry,” June said, giving Bubba and I her full attention. “I was so caught up in seeing Krystal that I let my manners slip. My name is June Windbrook, and, like Krystal, I’m an agent. We’ve known each other since her recruitment.”

“Bubba Emerson,” Bubba said, sticking out his impressively sized hand. June accepted it, the handshake almost completely obscuring her own dainty digits from view. “Old friend of Krystal’s.”

“Fredrick Frankford Fletcher,” I said, mimicking Bubba’s offer to shake as I felt a familiar sense of social awkwardness wash over me. Should I introduce myself as her boyfriend? We were in a committed relationship, after all. But I didn’t know the rules surrounding agents and dating. Perhaps playing it aloof was a better strategy. Besides, June’s mention of an engagement still had me curious as to the full expanse of her connection to Krystal. “Krystal and I went to high school together, and we’re currently . . . um . . . well—”

“Freddy is my boyfriend,” Krystal said, ending my suffering with a mercifully swift assertion. Relief washed over me, but as the hand I was shaking grew cold and stiff, I realized I wasn’t the only one who’d had a reaction to her words.

“Boyfriend?” June asked. Her eyes looked me up and down once more, this time with an appraising gleam. I couldn’t fault her for her skepticism. With my khakis, glasses, clean button-down, and fresh sweater vest, I hardly looked the type to be romancing a beautiful woman like Krystal, let alone an agent.

“Yup, boyfriend,” Krystal confirmed.

“How lovely,” June said, finishing our shake and giving me a polite smile. There was no warmth in this expression; it was done clearly for the sake of formality. “Listen, Krys, I still want to catch up, but I could really use a break. Do you mind taking over the booth while I run and get a coffee?”

“Not at all,” Krystal replied. “We brought the rest of the stuff, so we’ll keep the set-up moving along.”

“Thank you.” June grabbed a small handbag from behind the booth and walked away at such high-speeds that it seemed like she was sprinting. Within moments, she was out of sight, and I began unfastening the ropes that had done a surprisingly good job of holding the boxes in place.

“Hey, Bubba, why don’t you go get us checked into our rooms. I’ll want a shower when this is done, and waiting though the line at reception won’t be fun,” Krystal said.

Bubba said nothing, merely took the hint and headed down the convention’s long hallway. Once he was gone, Krystal turned her attention on me.

“Freddy, you never need to do that.”

“Do what?” I asked.

“Be afraid that I’m ashamed of you, of what we are.” Krystal took my hand away from the rope I was having an unexpectedly hard time unknotting and held it in her own. “I know how you are, and I know you get worried and all, but I’m proud to be with such a sweet, caring man. Introduce yourself as my boyfriend, because I’m sure as hell going to introduce myself as your girlfriend when the tables are turned. Okay?”

“I . . . okay,” I said, abandoning all hope of pretending that wasn’t exactly what had just happened. “Sorry, it’s just intimidating meeting another agent. I felt she would expect you to be with someone more like you, a tough, powerful parahuman.”

“June’s expectations have no impact on my dating life. Trust me on that one.”

“Good thing, because she seemed pretty disappointed in your selection of men,” I pointed out.

“Don’t take that personally. June was just a little upset seeing me in a relationship at all. She had to know it was coming eventually, but I think she’s been pretending otherwise.”

“Why would it bother her for you to have a boyfriend?”

“Because,” Krystal said, her voice growing several degrees more timid. “That engagement she mentioned? It was mine. I was supposed to marry her brother.”