Unforgettable (14 page)

Gracie glared at him. Insensitive swine. She couldn't think what Dolly saw in him. His looks were dark and gypsyish, but he always seemed to have money to flash around, and Dolly never minded having a bit of it spent on her.

The trouble was, blokes like Jim usually expected something in return.

‘You coming to the dance wiv us tonight, Gracie?' Billy said, red-faced.

She turned to him with a sigh. ‘It looks like it,' she said shortly. ‘Otherwise I'll be sitting on my own in my room all night.'

She was still peeved about them. She'd thought it would be just her and Dolly, going out together, having a laugh about the goings-on at Lawson's Shirt Factory, or the sayings of the old boys at Mrs Warburton's boarding-house.

Instead of that, she'd be going dancing up West, and wishing she was anywhere else as she moved around the floor in Billy's
sweating embrace, and wincing as he tried to do the Charleston with his two left feet. She shuddered.

‘So are we going to the funfair or aren't we?' she snapped, thoroughly out of sorts.

‘Blimey, gel, what's rattled your cage?' Dolly said in surprise. ‘I thought it was me keen to get there.'

‘I just want to do something,' Gracie said. ‘I'm fed up with sitting about.'

‘You have to excuse her,' Dolly said to the men as they all stood up and brushed the grass off their clothes. ‘She's still feeling bad after her folks died.'

Gracie strode ahead, crosser still at having Dolly apologize for her to these two oafs. She was truly starting to feel hot and edgy among all these crowds, and was wondering why she had come. A moment later they had to step hastily aside as a party of elegant young men and women swept past them. She instinctively admired and envied the cut and style of the women's shimmering dresses—and knowing exactly why she was here, her spirits rose.

Once they reached the vast amusement park and Dolly and Jim headed off for the caterpillar, the double-track mountain chute, and the other hair-raising rides, she was thankful that Billy was content to be her faithful shadow at some of the sideshows.
They threw balls at the coconut shies; tried in vain to pin the tail on the donkey; then threw darts on to a board full of playing-cards to try and win a fabulous prize or two, and ended up with their arms full of rubbish that could be bought at the market for a few coppers.

‘You're much more fun to be with than Dolly,' Billy told her when they had bought some lemonade to cool down.

‘Am I?' she said, smiling at the antics of a fellow with a mechanical monkey on a stick entertaining a group of excited children.

She hadn't felt as if she was much fun a little while ago. There was a large assortment of souvenir tea-caddies and biscuit-tins on one of the stalls, and without thinking, she was wondering which one to buy for her mother. It had given her a nasty jolt in her stomach to think she had forgotten, even for a moment, that her mother wouldn't need anything like that ever again.

‘She always wants things,' Billy was going on.

‘Who? Oh, Dolly. Well, everybody wants things, Billy,' she said, no longer listening to him properly, and having a job to remember what he'd been saying.

‘Yeah, but it's not what Jim wants,' he said, and something in his voice made her stop watching the screaming children so vacantly
and look at him properly.

‘What do you mean?'

‘Nothing.'

‘Yes you do. What is it that Dolly wants and Jim doesn't?' she demanded, giving him all her attention now.

He looked uneasy. ‘What all girls want. Getting hitched and all that stuff.'

‘Oh, I see.'

She relaxed. Whatever Dolly might think about it, if Jim didn't have any intention of marrying her, that was all right by Gracie. She couldn't think of anything worse than getting tied for life to that bullish fellow.

‘They're coming back from the rides now, and I reckon even Dolly's had enough,' she told him with a grin. ‘She looks green.'

When the others reached them, she said cheerfully: ‘You're not going to throw up all over us, are you, Dolly?'

Dolly's answer was to retch violently, but as people nearby glanced her way in disgust, Jim laughed loudly and thumped her on the back a few times, and said she should take more water with it if she couldn't stand the pace.

‘Oh Gawd, I think it's time I went home, or I'll never be any good for dancing later,' Dolly finally gasped. ‘We'll see you two charmers at the club tonight. Come on, Gracie, let's go for the train before I really disgrace myself.'

Gracie needed no second prompting. Going dancing was still furthest from her mind, and she'd have thought Dolly would have gone off the idea as well. But within a couple of hours Dolly was egging Gracie to try on one of her frocks for the evening.

‘You were always bigger than me in the bust department,' Gracie protested. ‘Anything of yours will just hang on me.'

‘It'll just look fashionable, so stop your objections. You didn't think we'd just be sitting around like two old maids all the time, did you?'

‘I don't know what I thought,' Gracie said, looking at the small selection of frocks Dolly had spread out on her bed now. ‘Certainly not to be going anywhere with boring Billy. And I'm still in mourning, remember.'

‘You're not still hankering over that trumpet player, are you?' Dolly said, ignoring any thoughts of dying and mourning. As far as Dolly was concerned, you were a long time dead, so you might as well make the most of living.

‘He's a saxophone player, and no, I'm not.'

‘Thank Gawd for that, but if you were, you don't have a cat's chance in hell of seeing him again if you carry on living in the sticks. So when are you moving back here properly?'

‘I don't know. I'm still thinking about it.'

‘Bleedin' hell Gracie, what's there to think about? You ain't needed at home any more, and I miss you. I ain't never had a friend like you.'

Since she rarely stated her feelings out loud, her voice was belligerent.

‘You'll be the first to know when I've decided. Can I borrow this cream frock then?' Gracie said, changing the conversation quickly before they started bickering, and knowing the signs of old.

Dolly shrugged. ‘You can have it if you want to alter it a bit. It's much too tight on me now anyway.'

‘It never used to be.'

‘Well it is now. You can borrow my tortoiseshell beads to go with it too if you like. Try it all on, then we'll persuade old Warby to make us a cup of tea.'

She could be as changeable as the weather sometimes. Gracie had always thought the cream frock was one of Dolly's favourites. It was a sleeveless style with a low waist but if it was too tight now, Dolly apparently couldn't be bothered to alter it herself. She would have done, once. She was as skilled as Gracie in that respect. But that was before she took up with coalman Jim, and before he occupied most of her time.

‘How do I look?' she said, once she had
donned the frock and twisted the long rope of tortoiseshell beads twice around her neck.

‘Very nice, if you like beanpoles,' Dolly said listlessly. ‘Now take it off, and let's go downstairs and holler for that tea. I'm parched.'

After the fun of the fair, Gracie was parched too, but the very act of trying on something different and seeing how well it suited her, had sent a sliver of excitement running through her. It was so long since she had dressed up and gone anywhere, and she couldn't mourn for ever. Not out loud, anyway. The feelings she cherished for her mother—and for her father, come to that—would always be there, but they didn't have to blight the rest of her life.

* * *

It was like old times, getting dressed up for the nightclub that evening, apart from the moments when she had to blot out the memory of the night of the Palais fire. Even Dolly wasn't totally insensitive about it.

‘Bit different from the last time, ain't it, Gracie? It was a few days after the fire that you got the phone call from your old man and had to pack up and leave, wasn't it? What a night that was, too.'

‘It's all in the past now and I doubt that they'll ever get to the truth about how it started,' she said, not wanting to think about that night any more than she had to. Not all of it, anyway.

She pulled her wayward auburn curls into shape, and pinched her cheeks to put a bit of colour in them while Dolly was pressing far too much rouge into hers. She was much paler than she used to be. Gracie's dad always said that burning the candle at both ends was no good to man nor beast—and much notice he had ever taken of his own advice, Gracie thought bitterly.

‘What happened to that sailor you was seeing?' Dolly said suddenly. ‘You ain't mentioned him since you came back. If you don't think about saxophone Charlie no more, have you set your sights on the other one?'

‘Me and Davey Watkins are just friends, though his mother would like to think otherwise,' Gracie said.

‘There you are then! And if he's away at sea a lot, you'll have to make the most of it when he comes home on leave, won't you? You know what they say about sailors, Gracie,' she added with a wink.

‘I
told
you—'

‘I know, and the moon's full of cheese,'
Dolly said, laughing as if she had said something hilarious. ‘Are you ready? You look a treat, by the way.'

‘So do you,' Gracie said generously, though Dolly had definitely put on a bit of weight. It suited her, even though it wasn't strictly fashionable, and she had spent a lot of time squeezing herself into a cotton brassière to flatten her chest.

* * *

Tonight was going to be an ordeal. Just walking into the brightly lit nightclub with the music playing was enough to make Gracie's heart thump. Jim and Billy were waiting for them, and they pushed their way through the crowds to find a table on the circular balcony overlooking the dance-floor.

‘Lovely, ain't it?' Dolly breathed in her ear, as the men went off for some refreshments. ‘You are going to enjoy yourself, ain't you, Gracie?'

‘Of course I am,' she said, forcing a smile, and willing her eyes away from the band. Just as if he would be here. Just as if pigs could fly.

She danced with Billy a few times, but since he didn't seem to mind sitting out, it suited her well enough to watch everyone else on the dance-floor. Dolly and Jim were always
in the thick of it, and once the music changed tempo from the slower tunes to the frantic Charleston, they hardly saw them for the next hour.

‘I thought Dolly was exhausted this afternoon, after all those rides at the funfair,' she said. ‘But she'll do herself an injury if she's not careful.'

‘Jim likes his girls to be lively.'

‘His
girls
? He doesn't have more than one, does he, Billy?'

‘Nah, ‘course not. Not at the same time,' he said hastily.

‘That's all right then.' For a minute Gracie thought he was implying that Jim was playing fast and loose. For all Dolly's airy-fairy ways, she knew she really fancied Jim, and she wouldn't want to see her get hurt.

Much later, she admitted that the whole evening hadn't been quite the ordeal she had expected. It was like falling off a bicycle, or so they said. You had to get on and ride again to get over your fear. By the time they returned to the boarding-house and crept upstairs, they undressed and crawled into bed, exhausted.

It had been a long day, especially for Gracie, after travelling from Southampton. She was nearly dropping with sleep, and not even the novelty of being back in her old
room again would keep her awake much longer, but she was still looking forward to their after-lights-out chats, when secrets were shared.

It was familiar territory, after all, she thought, with a rush of gladness. The constant noise of the London traffic throughout the night was as soothing as the sound of birds singing to a country-dweller.

She moved her head sideways on the pillow. In the slivers of moonlight shining in through the small square of window, she could just see the mound of Dolly's curled-up shape beneath the bedclothes.

‘You're not going to sleep yet, are you?' she whispered.

There was no reply for a few seconds, and the next thing she heard was a regular, rhythmic snoring coming from Dolly's bed. So much for sharing secrets then. With a small sigh of regret Gracie turned her head away from the light, and was asleep in seconds.

Dolly was glad she was staying an extra night. At least, that's what Gracie thought she said from the jumble of her bedclothes on Sunday morning.

‘But if you think I'm getting up at the crack of dawn, forget it,' the voice continued blearily. ‘I can't face breakfast, but don't let me stop you.'

With that, she rolled over again and buried her head beneath the blankets to escape the sunlight now streaming in through the window. It was a waste of a lovely day to be lying in bed, but Gracie had no objection to spending time on her own. Yesterday had been fun, but today was different, and being alone was probably the best way to decide whether she really wanted to live here again.

It no longer felt as if she would be deserting her mum or betraying her memory. Queenie had always urged her not to stay in Southampton, especially if it meant looking after her dad and becoming a drudge for him. That situation had changed more tragically and quickly than any of them had expected,
but the result was the same. Gracie had nothing to keep her in Southampton, and everything to make a new life for herself. And it wouldn't be sewing shirts for Ed Lawson, she thought determinedly.

Mrs Warburton welcomed her down to the breakfast table and fussed around her as if she was a long-lost relative.

As she went out to fetch the eggs and bacon, Mr Taylor winked at Gracie.

‘Treats us like schoolboys, she does, but her heart's in the right place. So what are you and Dolly doing today?'