Unintentional Virgin (14 page)

Karma shrugged. “No idea, I keep falling asleep.”

A few people in the class snickered. 

“Is that right? Late night or just find my lecture not stimulating enough?”

Stimulating?
Please
. “A little of both, I guess.” Karma straightened a little in her chair. 

“In that case, perhaps you should finish the lecture?” The professor raised one of his huge caterpillar eyebrows. 

Karma’s mouth fell open. No way in hell was she getting up in front of the class. “Umm, no, thank you. I’ll pay more attention.” 

“You do that. I would like a ten-page paper from every one of you on my desk by Wednesday.” The whole class groaned and glared at Karma. As if it were her fault. Hughes probably had it planned all week. 

She just rolled her eyes.
Great.
 

When class was dismissed Karma made her way to the cafeteria, where Eva was waiting on her. 

“Damn, girl. I thought you disappeared for good on me.”

“Nah, and it’s only been like three days.” Karma shifted her backpack onto her other shoulder. “I’m starving, let’s grab something to eat.” 

They made their way to the end of the line, and Karma put a ham and cheese croissant and a bag of chips on her tray. She eyed the desserts, debated for half a second, and tossed an oversized chocolate-chip cookie on her tray. 

“So how’s it going with the bouncer?” Eva bumped her hip to Karma’s with one of her devious grins. 

Karma sighed, remembering the previous evening. “Incredible, but he’s really going to make me wait the full three weeks.” 

“I think it’s kinda cool.” Eva shrugged. “Honestly, I’m a little envious.” 

“Really? But if I’m only going to have three weeks with him, I’d rather it would be mostly horizontal. You know what I mean?” Karma grabbed a paper cup and filled it with raspberry ice tea. 

“You should be glad he wants to get to know you. Most guys are wham bam thank you ma’am. And half of them don’t even bother with a thank you or even learning your name.” Eva took a bite out of her pickle and made a face like it was too sour. 

“I wouldn’t know,” Karma said wearily and pulled out her wallet to pay. 

“We should go back to the club this weekend,” Eva said.

“I’ll see if Jax is working.” She liked the idea of seeing him at work. He looked so sexy with that no-nonsense face of his. 

“Good, because I feel like I haven’t seen you in ages. I hope you’re not going to forget about your friends for a guy.” 

“You’re my only friend and not a chance I would ditch you.” Karma took the change and threw it into her change purse. 

“Good, now that we got that settled, are you ready for the psych test this afternoon? It’s supposed to be a doozie, and you’re barely hanging on as it is.” 

Karma’s shoulders dropped. She hadn’t studied at all. Last thing she needed was to flunk a class. “Haven’t even cracked the book.”

“Good thing I brought my note cards. You can look them over while we eat.” 

“You’re a lifesaver. I don’t know what I’d do without you.” 

“Be lost and lonely,” Eva shot over her shoulder with a grin as she made a beeline for the only open table. 

Somehow Karma made it through the rest of the day. Thanks to Eva’s notes she probably passed her test by the skin of her teeth. Thankfully, because if she didn’t pull her grades up, she was never going to get accepted to a real university. Her mother would never let her live that down.

Karma pulled into a parking spot and cut the engine. She rolled her shoulders a couple of times, trying to release the tension she always felt before walking into her shrink’s office.

She let out a breath. She just had to make it through her therapy session, and she could go home and catch up on her TV shows. Maybe even do a little school work? She wanted to text Jax, but she wasn’t sure if he was allowed to text at work. And she didn’t want to come across as the clingy girlfriend. It was best to give him some space. 

“All right, let’s get this over with,” she said out loud before pushing her car door open and swinging her legs out. A cool breeze rustled her dress and Karma was glad she thought to grab a sweater.

The receptionist gave one of her usual toothy smiles as Karma walked through the door. Karma gave her the thumbs up and a cheesy grin. That woman was always way too chipper. It wasn’t normal. 

“She’s in a session but will be with you soon. We got a few new magazines in.”

Karma nodded and dropped into one of the colorful fluffy chairs. She looked around at the toys that dominated the waiting room. Thankfully, she was always the last appointment, so there were no kids playing or clinging to their parents. Dr. Blackwell was a child psychologist, but since Karma had been seeing her since she was young she’d agreed to keep seeing her. Really, she should have moved on by now, but Karma didn’t like the idea of having to bare her soul to someone new. And Blackwell had been with her through everything. 

Ten minutes later a middle-aged woman and a young girl about the age of seven walked out. The girl clung tightly to her mom’s leg and kept her eyes cast downward, not looking up at Karma. Karma wondered what her story was. What horror had happened to the girl to take her innocence away, or was she just born with social issues? It’s amazing—you see people every day, but never know what goes on behind closed doors and closed minds. 

“Karma.” Dr. Blackwell smiled. Her eyes looked a little strained, like she was tired or had a long day. As usual, she was dressed in all black. A black pencil skirt and a black button-down shirt with a high collar. Her pale blonde hair was pulled up in a severe bun. She seemed to go for the no-nonsense look, but it just highlighted her natural beauty even more. 

Standing up, Karma trailed behind the good doctor. Her eyes darted over to the fish tank, which always soothed Karma for some reason. She watched as the large koi swim back and forth before she sank into the red leather seat across from Dr. Blackwell. As usual, her pen tapped against her leather notebook. She seldom took notes, but she always had it ready just in case. 

Dr. Blackwell stared at her expectantly. Karma hated this part. Sometimes they would sit there the whole session and not say a word. Her shrink always wanted Karma to talk first. She told her to say whatever came to mind, and they would work on that. Because whatever was at the forefront of her conscious was what needed the most attention. 

Karma thought it was a crock of shit. The woman made a killing just sitting there sometimes. 

“I met a guy,” Karma said and was surprised the words came out of her mouth. She hadn’t meant to say it. 

Blackwell sat up straighter. “Tell me about him.” 

Karma squirmed in her chair. You would think after all this time she would be used to the shrink’s probing gaze, but it still made her uncomfortable. “His name is Jax; he’s a bouncer and firefighter and he wouldn’t have sex with me.”

“Wouldn’t have sex with you?”

“Well, he said he will, but I’d have to spend three weeks with him first.” Karma crossed her ankles and tucked them under one of the legs of the chair. 

“That is very interesting.” Blackwell scribbled something on her pad.

Karma shrugged. “I guess. At first, I just thought he didn’t want me, but now I’m not so sure.” 

“You’re still a virgin, correct? We haven’t talked about this in quite a while.” 

“Unfortunately, still holding on to the V-card.” Karma slid down the seat a little bit. 

“And you like this Jax?”

Heat rushed to her face. “Probably too much.” 

“You’re afraid he’s going to hurt you?”

Karma’s eyes shifted back to the fish tank. “I don’t know. I guess I’m afraid he’s going to spend time with me and not like what he sees.” 

“Karma, what are you afraid he’s going to see?”

“Me. I’m afraid he’s going to see me.” Her eyes cast down at the carpet. How in the hell did this woman get her to admit these humiliating pieces of her soul?

“Oh, Karma. All these years and you still can’t accept you are a wonderful young woman.” 

Gazes locked, Karma said, “Jax thinks my shrink sucks.” 

“Wh—” Dr. Blackwell tapped her pencil again. “Maybe I do. We’ve been at this a very long time, kiddo. Perhaps it’s time for you to see someone else.”

Panic gripped at her chest. She had just wanted to get under the woman’s skin, not have her throw her out on the curb. “No, I don’t want to see anyone else.” Karma crossed her arms over her chest. 

“Karma you are holding on too tightly to your childhood. You’re still living at your dad’s, and seeing your child psychologist. Maybe it’s time to branch out on your own.” 

“If you don’t want to see me anymore, that’s fine,” Karma huffed. She knew she sounded like a spoiled brat, and she didn’t care. This woman was one of the few things in her life she knew she could count on, and now she was telling her to see someone else? 

“You know that’s not it. But you haven’t seemed to advance much in all these years. We take one step forward and two back.” 

“What do you want me to do? I think I’m fine.”

“Do you really? You just told me you didn’t want Jax to get to know the real you. But from the sound of it maybe he is the first person you are letting see who you really are. What are you really afraid of? That he’ll like what he sees?” 

“Maybe,” Karma said quietly. “I don’t know.” 

“Why don’t you want to be on your own? What are you so afraid of?”

“I guess I’m afraid I’ll fail. And my mother will have more ammunition against me, and my father will have to pick up the pieces like always.”

“What if you soar on your own?”

“I won’t,” Karma said stubbornly. 

“Okay, we’ll leave that for another day. Tell me more about Jax.” 

Karma started from the club and filled her in on the bucket list. Blackwell listened with interest. 

“I think this boy is good for you.” She wrote another note on her pad. It was killing Karma not to know what she had written. 

“It’s only three weeks. And now we’re down to almost two.” 

“Do you really think it will end when you reach the self-imposed deadline?”

“Yes.” 

“Don’t pull away from him. Let it take the natural course.”

“I’m trying.” Karma picked at the arm of the chair. 

Blackwell looked down at her hand but didn’t say anything. “I think that’s enough for today. We’ll continue next week.” 

“Do you really think I should see someone else?” Karma asked as she stood up and looked around the office that was clearly set up for children. 

“I’m afraid so.” Dr. Blackwell smoothed down her skirt and then walked toward the door.  “But on your own time. When you are ready I can recommend a few therapists.” 

“Thank you,” Karma said, and her shoulders sagged as the door clicked behind her. Her mind was racing. What if her shrink and dads were right?

Stressed out from the session, Karma went back home, ran upstairs to her bathroom, turned on the hot water, and gingerly sank into the tub, leaning her head against the curve of it. Thoughts and emotions coursed through her mind. The muscles in her shoulders and neck were stiff. Maybe she should ask Eva if she wanted to move in together. Or would that be a cop-out too? Karma closed her eyes, too tired to think about it anymore. 

Chapter Twenty 

A black sedan wedged its way in front of him, and Jax cursed under his breath, tapping his fingers in frustration on the steering wheel. He honked his horn, and the guy held his hand out the window, flipping him off. Traffic was a mess. He was never going to get to Karma’s at this rate. The normal hour drive was turning into an hour and a half. He felt an unnatural pull to be near her whenever they were apart. The twenty-four-hour shift felt like a lifetime, even with the adrenaline rush of the fire. He should probably text her and tell her he was running late. He glanced at the clock, causing tension to build up in his shoulders. He should have left earlier. Traffic was too bad to text, so he hit the button to call wirelessly. 

“Hey, I’m running late, traffic’s horrible.” 

“It’s okay, I just got out of the shower myself.” 

Jax nearly groaned out loud at the thought of Karma soaking wet without a stitch of clothing on. “Shower, eh?” His voice was rough. He could feel a tingle of sexual anticipation and excitement stir within. 

Karma’s laugh crossed the line. “Wanna have phone sex?”

He nearly drove off the road. “I don’t think I could handle that right now. But I’ll take a rain check.” Jax shook his head; she was always full of surprises. 

“You’re no fun.” He could hear the pout in her words. 

“I’ll be there soon. I need to hang up the phone, or I won’t be able to walk to your doorway without your fathers knowing how anxious I am to see you.” 

“Really?” 

“Oh yeah, I’ll see you soon.” Jax clicked off the phone with a smile tugging at his lips. A few words with Karma and his road rage quickly evaporated. 

He couldn’t wait to see her face and that mischievous smile she seemed to save just for him.
Wishful thinking;
she probably smiled at all the guys like that. Just the thought sent a rare jolt of jealousy through him. Jax laughed at himself. What the hell had this girl done to him? And in such a short period of time. It made absolutely no sense. All he had wanted was casual sex, but he couldn’t walk away now if he tried. 

He conjured up a mental image of her crazy dark hair, curvy body, and striking eyes. She was so fucking hot. It still boggled his mind she was single—let alone a virgin. He must have done something right in a past life. Jax laughed at his own joke: Karma.

Once out of the hectic traffic and into the quiet country roads his shoulders relaxed as all his tension started to evaporate. Not much further now. A quick glance at the dashboard clock showed he was actually only twenty minutes late. Still, he hated to be late for anything. 

Jax flicked his blinker and turned into the quiet neighborhood. Tall oak trees lined the sidewalks along with old-fashioned lamp posts. He was still a little overwhelmed by obvious affluence, but you’d never know it from knowing Karma—she was so down to earth. His pulse raced when he turned into her driveway.