Unknown (3 page)

Shit.
My lips dampened and my thighs destabilized. All I could hope was once I got to our usual motel hideout, he would be gentle and go easy on me. See, fucking him was like a sport. If at first I didn’t succeed in blowing his mind, I would need to try again. I was playing this game to win him over, make him mine, and win his heart. Every time he treated me like the only girl in his world, it’s always taken away the second he thinks he's being disrespected. He was already giving me the good dick, conversation, and money when I wanted it. So he might as well belong to me totally since it already felt like a relationship.

The only thing that was wrong about him was that I felt like he was trying to hide me from someone as I was doing him. He never took me to his house or around none of his friends. It was the ultimate sign that he might have had a secret life, one everyone else knew about but me. I could not prove it and bringing it to him put me at risk of losing him. He was the only thing that made me feel good all year. I could not bare to lose him. Chino did not have the balls to handle me the way my body needed to be controlled. The shockwaves Brian inflicted on my being was the ultimate pleasure.

“Okay baby. I’ll be there,” I giggled.

“If I get there before you do, you ain’t getting none of this mouthpiece, Starla. Fuck with it if you want to.”

He hung up in my face. My eyes stared down at the screen disheveled, one eyebrow raised. Nervousness shot to my palms, while they turned into soft moist towelettes. I was about to stuff the phone inside my black leather Michael Kors satchel perched upon the coffee table, when it rang back. The number was all too familiar and there was no way in hell I was about to answer that shit. I was in a damn good mood and it seemed like he had a radar for it. Like he got a tingling as to when to fuck it up before I had too much fun without him.

Chino was a pathetic excuse for a man in my eyes. He could not even impregnate a healthy child inside of me. He played a pivotal role in ruining my life, not telling me until our daughter got sick that his little sister died of the same thing when she was little. At least then I would have had a choice as to whether or not I wanted to have kids with him. I would have had a fucking choice. Yet another thing he stole from me.

Shaking my head, I brushed those thoughts off and tossed that water under the bridge, as I did mentally with the marriage. I snatched up my purse scurrying out the door. Being late was not an option with Brian and neither was upsetting him. I remote started my Infiniti QX56, refusing to take the Benz that matched the one Chino drove everyday. I hopped in and laid my foot on the gas like it was a boulder. I was not even thinking of calling Chino back, no matter how many times he rang my phone off the hook. And, I was not thinking about work either. Being a secretary was not the hardest job in the world. I’m sure he could get whatever file or conference call he fucking needed on his own. Fuck him.

Chino

It was Friday. Starla had not been into work in three days. Every time I called her she refused to answer the phone and did not show her face until late in the evening, 8pmish. I settled in on one of the black leather couches, thinking about what the hell I was going to say to her. Once she brought her ass through that front door, it was mine. She had been playing these games with me since Kenya's death but she had milked that sympathy card too long.

I’d been taking it and taking it but enough was enough. Tonight, I was going to finally confront her on her bullshit. Whatever she was out there doing, did not matter to me. The only thing I wanted her to do was promise to change and stand on it. All I wanted was for her to be my loving wife again, nothing more. I grew restless from waiting. My cell vibrated the glass end table wildly.

“Jacobs.”

“Hey guy. It’s after hours and you still answer the phone with only your last name. Get your mind off of work for a change and live a little,” Mario yelled so loud, he damn near busted my eardrum.

“Yeah, well we’ve been friends since college and you would think I would have gotten used to your loud crazy mouth by now.” A sigh of disappointment resounded from my lips through the receiver. “What’s up, bro?”

“Man, are you in the house sobbing over that wife of yours again? You need to cut that shit out and come hang with me tonight at the club or something.” He sounded as if he was already at the club with the loud music banging in the background.

“Um, I’m not really in the mood for partying tonight, Mario. I think I’m just gonna lay down and catch some z’s.” No matter how hard I tried to conceal it, depression resonated through my voice anyway.

“I don’t like the sounds of that man. Chino, you are too good of a brother to be going out like that over some female. If she doesn’t want you bro, then its time to move on. More fish in the sea. You need to jump your white ass in the shower and come outside to the club with my white ass. Huh? Huh? What do you say bro?”

Mario was very persistent in everything that he did. Some things never change once you graduate from college. In part, it’s what made him a damn good lawyer. But, I was in no mood to be watching females dance all around me. I'd only stand there sulking, wishing I were at home with my wife. I was no quitter. My dad did not give up on my mom and God rest her soul she did not give up on him either.

At least my dad had the dignity to wait until after we took her off life support from the car accident to begin sowing his wild oats. If he did cheat, it was unbeknownst to me. Cheating was not for everybody and I was one of those people. No, I wanted to fight for my marriage. That's what people in love did, right? They fought. Unfortunately, that road was a two way street.

“You know what, Mario? I think I’m going to go ahead and sit this one out bro. I’ll talk to you at the office on Monday.”

“Wait' huh? No, you’re not just going to brush me off like that dude. I’ll call and check on you tomorrow. You’d better hope I don’t just pop by. And, don’t think you will get off by not answering the door because you know I have spare keys.”

“Ugh, alright dude. Alright. Hit me tomorrow.”

“Alright and Chino, don’t get all worked up over her. The sooner you leave her alone the better off you’ll be. She doesn’t want you bro. I know it’s hard but you might want to learn to accept it.”

As much as it stung me to hear those words, Mario was right. At some point, I would have to get over Starla. I would need to realize that she had been over me for an entire year now. She showed no signs of wanting to reconcile. Hell, we lived like roommates and I was the only one trying to keep this lie we called a marriage alive. She had already moved on, surprising me with not even showing up to visit the grave of our daughter. The anniversary of her death was two weeks ago. I was truly at a lost for words, staring down at her grave alone. Blinking my eyes back to present reality, I could think of nothing to do to pass the time. And, as I turned to my cell for the time, I began to wonder if she was ever coming home this time. 9:25pm.

An hour later, I found myself standing in my glass shower. My body was so lathered up, I could have clogged the drain with suds. The rain of the shower covered the tears I tried so desperately to hide from everyone. Starla, Mario, even my own dad all knew that I was bleeding internally. It leaked so profusely that it had me in denial for a long time about my serious problem.

It was simply too hard for me to believe that she could destroy what we built so easily. Especially when she tried so hard to get me to notice her in the beginning. We started this relationship off with hate. In this day and age, the world still judges people. We were at the forefront simply because we are an interracial couple. Our love was cultivated through hate and now it looked as if we would end on it as well. The hate between us. Funny part about it was that I loved her through the struggle like a moth to the flame. And, I love her still. She is my air.

My hand drifted down to my lifeless dick wondering if it would ever see the sight of that dripping wet pussy again. I had not gone this long without sex in my life. The punishment that she was sending me through, made me think I understood what crack withdrawals were. I stroked my dick down the shaft and back up to the head squeezing my thumb and index finger around it every time my hand moved. That shit felt so damn good.

But, inside all I could feel was dirty and nasty for even having to wail away at myself. Touching my dick during sex with a woman was one thing. Touching myself alone in a dark shower only made me feel like I was some sort of predator or pervert. Either way, for the last year it’s been my only salvation, preventing me from ending up in a sleazy motel with a high-end escort.

It had been a month since I relieved the tension of my stress. I usually would wait until Starla was gone or asleep before I went whacking my dick off. The steam from the shower filled the room making it cloudy. I had the light turned off needing to remain in darkness. Not being able to see my reflection, helped allow me to perform the ungodly act. The sensation shooting through my body pulsated my dick as I closed my eyes.

My lips spread releasing a faint moan as my head tilted back. I envisioned that my hand was my wife’s mouth, tits’ canal, or her tight wet little cunt. My body tensed unable to move as my hand moved faster and faster. It squeezed a little bit tighter each time my muscles flexed. I found my mouth agape as my back hit the shower wall. Hot steaming water pummeled my face, stinging it with every drop. It was the least of my worries.

I hunched over, palming the shower wall shower wall with one hand for leverage. My toes curled and my balls jerked back and forth, heightening the intense feeling shooting through my piece. My breathing sped up, as did the moaning emitting from my moist lips. I felt the clear creamy mess ooze from my dick first, followed by a white thicker version shooting out in several shots. One right after the other it coated the wall. My body seized hysterically and for a moment, I was stuck, lost in contentment.

The back of my head bumped lightly against the shower wall, submerging it underneath the rain. In my mind, it cleansed me of the filth I felt for having to pleasure myself this way. My heart made me feel like I was at the lowest of my low. Disappointment poured over me as my head hung low. I washed away the evidence before I turned off the shower and stepped out. Grabbing a towel to cover my lower half, I moved into the bedroom and flopped back on the bed. The phone rang right when I was shutting my eyes.

“Jacobs.”

“There you go again, thinking you’re still at work.”

My mind was clear and level. “What do you need Mario?”

“You will never guess who I just bumped into, bro. I’m telling you when you hear this you’re gonna flip.” The excitement in his voice only pissed off my anticipation to find out.

“Who did you bump into dude?” My reply was unenthusiastic to say the least.

“Man, I ran into Ashley from law school, from Loyola.” The music in his background grew louder by the minute.

“Ashley from law school? Come on dude. You’re gonna have to do a little better than that.”

“Dude, Ashley Baker. Your height, gorgeous smile, big tits, tight little firm plump ass, and fat juicy lips. You know, Chino, the black chick that said she was from Hawaii or some shit but she's really dark skinned with fine long hair. My dick’s getting hard just thinking about her bubble booty ass and she just pulled off not to long ago from me.”

“Oh! Yeah…Ashley. How’s she doing?” I tried not to sound too anxious but damn if I was not excited to hear that.

"She's looking good bro. Damn good. She says she's about to make partner at her firm. Think she said she was at Simon and Simon. Chino when I tell you her body was banging in this tight little red dress, dude, you need to believe me."

"Damn."

"Told you to come out with me. Didn't I tell you? I told you," Mario repeated.

I sighed. "Yeah, whatever."

"Don’t worry my man. I still looked out for you though. I got her number for you bro!" His laughter penetrated the receiver. "And, she's single dude. Single! How do you like that?"

I had to admit, when he said those words, my dick jumped a little. Not for his ass but for Ashley being single. If memory served me correctly, she was tall, exotic, and every man’s dream. She was the well-educated model type, something like a threat to the female species, beautiful yet deadly. I had a crush on Ashley back then, but back then she was involved with a man who was so wrong for her. He treated her like shit and had females in her face like her feelings didn’t matter.

Yet, she stayed with him. I never understood why some women did it. But, every woman had their reasons why they would deal with a bullshit man. Ashley put me in the friend zone too many times back then. I was for damn sure not looking forward to revisiting that place. I would rather be lonely and beating my meat. It was far better than adding another sexy image in my mind of a woman I can’t have.

My excitement immediately turned down a few notches. "Good for her."

"And, guess what? She goes to my gym. I didn't even know that. But, I go during the day while she goes at night. Every night except for on the weekends. She's only there during the day then. But, isn't that crazy?"

"Why are you telling me all this, Mario? I'm a married man."

"An unhappily married man, bro. Why are you still in denial about that?"

I felt anger building up inside of me. "Because whether I'm happy or not I'm still married and fucking some old crush is not going to change the situation that I'm in."

"Who said anything about fucking her? Shit if that happened, I wouldn’t be mad at ya. I mean honestly dude, you could use another friend ’cause obviously I can't get you out of this funk you've been in for the past damn year. Maybe talking to her will at least bring your spirits up." He paused. "Look I'll text you the number. If you wanna talk to her then do that. If not, then delete it and I'll never bring it up again. Deal?"