Unnecessary Roughness (13 page)

With revulsion Connor shook his head. “Hannah. Not like this. Not outside.” He wasn’t even hard.

She opened the rubber and began working him, trying to get the condom on.

He peeked down knowing there was no way in hell he was going to able to screw her. “Hannah, come on. No way. In the back of the lecture hall?”

“Come on. I really wanna do it and you never return my text messages. Do you even read them?” She pushed the rolled up condom against the head of his soft dick. “Don’t you want to make love to me?”

It occurred to him she was high as a kite. “In public? I don’t think so. Christ, how much pot did you smoke?” He tried to yank up his pants.

“But I’m horny. I want to screw you,” she said. “Can’t you just put it in?” She flopped his cock up and down between her fingers.

“Put it in? I’m not even fucking hard. You think this scenario is turning me on?” He gestured to himself.

“Most guys want to.” She pouted her lower lip.

He knew this little episode would be spread across campus if he failed. “Fuck!” He grabbed his dick and tried to jerk himself enough to get hard and not seem like he was masturbating. He was literally between a rock and a hard place. It wasn’t working.

Connor was becoming furious Hannah had placed him in this position. He gave up. He destroyed the rubber and tossed it on the ground, then zipped his pants.

“Unreal,” Hannah said. “Any guy would think this was really sexy. I can’t believe this.” She sighed and crossed her arms over her chest.

“Sexy? Screwing behind a lecture hall with a chick who’s completely stoned? Come on.” Her glare didn’t relent and Connor was terrified it would morph into suspicion. “Look, I’m starved and I don’t have enough time for this.” He dug his fingers through his hair in frustration. “I just want to grab a bite to eat, get this fucking day done, and go home, study, and rest.”

“Fine. Whatever.”

At her callous tone, Connor knew this wouldn’t stay their little secret. When they began making their way back to the front of the building, Hannah gestured to another couple kissing, and said, “I hope they’re having more fun than we were.”

Connor snarled, “Fuck you.”

“Hey! Don’t blame me. You were the one who couldn’t get it up.”

It was said so loudly, Connor cringed. All the pain of his childhood washed over him. Failure. He was always a failure in the eyes of his family and now himself. 

Suddenly Connor spotted Kyle standing by the front entrance, waiting.

Connor knew, just knew, Kyle had heard her comment about his sexual performance.
Christ, she screamed it so loudly, everyone must have.

Instantly Kyle connected with Connor’s eyes. 

“See ya.” Hannah stormed off.

Once she vanished, Kyle approached him and touched Connor’s arm. “You okay?”

“Yeah. Fine.” Connor was mortified.

“You sure?” Kyle ran his hand over Connor’s back, stroking him soothingly.

About to explode from frustration and tell Kyle the truth, instead, Connor exhaled a great, stressful sigh. He lowered his head and enjoyed Kyle’s touch.

Kyle had heard Hannah’s accusation regarding Connor. It was so cruel he wanted to comfort him. Kyle continued to pet Connor gently, loving the feel of his long hair and broad back. When Connor finally faced him they connected gazes in what felt to Kyle like kindred spirits. Kyle held his breath. He could swear Connor wanted to kiss him.

“So, how was class?” Connor whispered.

“Fine. What’s the deal with Hannah?”

“Not fine. You heard what she said, didn’t you?”

“Yeah.” Kyle didn’t want to lie.

“I couldn’t do it with her. She pulled my pants down, shoved a rubber at me, and asked for sex. I was humiliated, Kyle.”

It was easy to visualize the encounter. Kyle felt his heart beat faster at the thought of doing to Connor what Hannah had just done. The amount he wanted to hold Connor was pure agony. He wondered what Connor would do if he reached to hug him. “It’s okay,” Kyle whispered.

“Is it?” Connor raised his lashes to Kyle’s gaze. “What the hell’s wrong with me? She was right there. Willing! Any guy would have done it.”

“Maybe she just didn’t turn you on.”

“No. She didn’t. You’re right. She’s really high at the moment and she does nothing for me.”

“Connor, it’s okay. Don’t beat yourself up about it.”

“No. It’s not okay. It’s fucking humiliating. My luck, she’ll tell everyone on campus now and they’ll all think I’m some kind of freak, or impotent or something.”

“All right. Stop it.” Kyle wrapped his arms around him. It just felt right. Yes, it was right there in front of everyone. So what?

Connor reacted in surprised at first, then relaxed against Kyle. Connor held him tight and Kyle closed his eyes, savoring the masculine embrace.

Inhaling Connor’s scent, Kyle was in heaven. The noises around them dissipating to empty silence, Kyle rocked Connor, rubbing his back and wishing he could kiss him. They broke the hug so it didn’t appear too obvious they adored each other. 

Connor hummed contentedly at first, then he stood back to see Kyle’s face. “Now I know I’ve cracked.”

“Why?” Kyle stared at him in concern.

“I enjoy your affections more than hers.” As if the comment was some kind of painful admission, Connor looked away and began walking off.

Kyle followed him.
Get a clue!

Hours later, after a quick lunch, and their last lecture class, they were back at the apartment. They had eaten a store-bought pizza and split a six-pack of beer.

Neither of them broached the topic of Hannah or their embrace. Kyle was afraid to. He was beginning to think Connor was just now realizing his true sexual nature, and didn’t want to push Connor or scare him off the way Hannah had.
Well, you want someone to play the aggressor, but not Hannah. Hmm.

Seated on the couch, their books open on their laps, the yawning and rubbing of the eyes had begun as the clock hands moved closer to midnight.

Kyle made the first move to get up. “I’m exhausted. I’m getting ready for bed.”

“All right.” Connor stretched his arms over his head.

Once he scuffed to the bathroom, Kyle washed up and relieved himself. When he was finished he headed to his bedroom and took his shorts off, then folded back the blankets on his bed, climbing in.

Before he checked the alarm clock, he noticed Connor standing in his doorway.

“You okay?” Kyle asked. 

At the covert invitation, Connor entered his room, sat on the bed, and gazed at him. “What’s wrong with me?”

Kyle propped himself up against the headboard and asked, “Aren’t you too tired to talk about it?”

“Yes. I’m completely out of it, but do you mind if we still talk?” Connor touched Kyle’s leg through the sheets.

“I don’t mind. What do you want to talk about?”

Connor climbed over the bed to lean against the headboard beside him.

When he did, Kyle’s mouth opened in surprise as they just fit on the single mattress together. “It’d be easier in your room. Your bed is bigger.”

“I like it cozy.” Connor wiggled against him. “Oh, all right, come on. Let’s go to my room then.” Connor hopped off the mattress and disappeared down the hall.

Why is my life so strange
? Kyle kept still, trying to decide what they had between them, if anything, before he followed Connor. Just as he was about to enter his room, he spotted Connor’s naked backside climbing under the sheets.

As Connor fluffed the pillows to lean back against them, he noticed Kyle at the doorway and waved. “Come here.”

Kyle kept his hands in front of his crotch, hiding his hard-on under his briefs, and walked in slowly.

Connor patted the spot next to him in bed. “What’s the matter? Are you too tired? I just feel wired, Kyle. I need to talk. We don’t have early practice tomorrow. Please?”

Suddenly Kyle felt as if his limbs were made of lead. He was walking toward Connor’s bed, with Connor completely naked in it. Was this the night he’d been waiting for?

Connor squirmed, as if he was excited at the idea of Kyle climbing in bed with him. Connor repositioned to where the side of the mattress met the wall and leaned up on his elbow, staring at him.

When Connor folded back the blankets, intending on Kyle getting under, Kyle felt the sweat break out on his forehead. “You want me under the sheets with you?” he asked to clarify.

With a wicked smile, Connor said, “It’s safe. I promise. I won’t grope you.”

Slightly disappointed, wanting that grope badly, Kyle climbed under the covers with him. He kept his back sealed to the headboard and froze.

Connor scooted closer to be at eye level with him. “I’m a little frightened, Kyle. What if Hannah tells everyone I couldn’t get it up?”

Kyle figured this would be the topic. He let out a deep exhale and faced Connor like a mirror image. “Stop thinking about it.”

“Right. Stop thinking about it. I can’t. I can’t stop. I already tolerated an illegal lacrosse stick to the nuts because a teammate thinks I’m gay. This will kill me. I’m dead.”

As Connor spoke, Kyle concentrated on his face. It was only a few inches away. Connor’s hair was so long it was in his eyes and swept passed his bronze shoulder. His lashes were full and dark and his lips were lush and salmon pink. Kyle was becoming distracted.
I’m lying in his bed, we’re almost touching, and he’s naked
!

“Kyle?”

“I don’t know what she’ll do. She may be embarrassed she didn’t turn you on and never talk about it. Or maybe you can just say you were too tired and she’s not your type. You could use all sorts of reasons as to why, if she does blab.”

“So, I shouldn’t be nervous she’ll spread gossip? Or worse. That I couldn’t get it up?”

“If you’re with the right person and in the right place, you’ll get it up.”

“Would you do it with Vicky? If she offered it like that?”

“No,” Kyle answered quickly, averting Connor’s inquisitive eyes.

“No? Why not? Don’t all guys want it?”

Kyle began to think Connor was more innocent than he appeared. This man frustrated the hell out of him. Kyle moved to get comfortable, shifting on the bed and resting his jaw on his palm. “Maybe some guys want it with the right person. Not just anyone who offers it. When it’s right you just know it.”

“How? What if I just don’t know it and the right person slips away from me?”

Kyle wondered the same thing. What if he and Connor were right, but they never even tied?

“Kyle? You must be really tired. I keep losing you. Sorry. I won’t keep you up any longer.”

Kyle wanted to protest, to grab Connor and seal their bodies together under the sheets. “It’s all right. I don’t mind talking to you.”

Connor frowned sadly. “You don’t? You don’t think I’m a pain in the ass? Or a baby?”

He returned Connor’s solemn expression and shook his head at the inaccurate appraisal. “No. You’re not a baby. Connor, we’re only twenty years old. We still don’t know what the real world is about.”

“But you seem to. You’re so much smarter and more together than I am. My parents really fucked me up. I feel like I’m not equipped to cope. I have all these pent up feelings inside, and I can’t express them out of fear of rejection. Especially being rejected by the ones who mean the most to me.”

“What are you talking about?” Kyle became even more baffled. “You’re perfectly equipped. You’re smart. You’re athletic. You’re practical. And you are absolutely gorgeous.”

Connor’s mouth hung open in an exaggerated gesture of surprise. “Kyle Baker!”

Kyle froze and didn’t know what to do.
One adjective too many. Damn
.

His eyes appearing watery, Connor breathed, “You are wonderful for my ego. With you by my side, I can do anything.” He reached out and cupped Kyle’s face.

Kyle held his breath.

“I have never had anyone in my life who said those things to me. Do you have any idea what it is like to hear them said? By someone I respect and admire?”

With those hands still attached to his jaw, Kyle shook his head slightly. He had no idea what to say.

“God! I could kiss you.” Connor shook him.

“Kiss me, Connor Worthington,” Kyle whispered seductively.

Connor’s eyes widened in surprise. He laughed nervously as if it was said in a dare, then replied, “All right, then.” Drawing Kyle’s face closer he connected to his lips.

It was so hot Kyle felt his entire body burst with chills. Just when he was about to climb on top of Connor and stuff his tongue down Connor’s throat, Connor leaned back from him, ending the kiss.
No! No! Oh God, don’t stop!

Left yearning for more, Kyle let out a groan in agony. He wanted it to continue so badly he ached. How had it ended before it began? Kyle leaned forward, eyes closed, and waited for it to resume.

When nothing happened, Kyle blinked open his eyes. He wanted to say something to Connor, anything with meaning. Maybe to tell him the way he felt. That this wasn’t a crazy joke, that he was serious. That he was falling in love with him and didn’t know what to do about it.

Doubt reared its ugly side once again. With his father’s deep fierce voice screaming “faggot” in his head, getting a hit in the groin because his teammate thought he was gay, and Hannah’s potential damage to his reputation, Connor shrunk back. He wished he had a way of getting that nasty warning voice out of his brain once and for all. Or worse, maybe Kyle thought he was some kind of pervert by now.

Connor muttered, “Go to bed, Mr. Baker, before I start to enjoy kissing you and having you in my bed. Then you may as well kill me.”

As he spoke, Connor studied Kyle’s face carefully. He thought Kyle appeared too serious for it to have been a silly game. It was just a game, wasn’t it? He watched Kyle climb out of the bed slowly. Kyle kept peeking back, looking dejected.

“Goodnight, Kyle.” After he left, Connor covered his face, hating himself. Once Kyle realized he was attracted to him, Kyle would leave. Connor punched the pillows in frustration and tried to get to sleep.

Kyle mumbled something incoherent even to his own ears and scuffed back to his room. He dropped onto his bed and stared at the ceiling. Connor was dancing around the real issue, their sexual attraction. Sure Connor was well within the comfort zone of a best friend and confidante. That’s where they were. Best friends. Brothers. He assumed that’s where they were in Connor’s mind. But kissing? Heterosexual men
did not
kiss! Connor was too touchy-feely with Kyle to not be gay.  Obviously Connor just wasn’t ready to admit it to himself. Kyle also knew if he crossed that line before Connor was ready, he risked losing this man. A man who he knew he could not live without.