Unsettled (22 page)

I helped Logan through the first and second rounds, but by the tenth he’d already lost thirty dollars. The night slipped by, with me munching on tacos and taking the occasional Baileys shooter. I held my own for most of the rounds, only losing four dollars. Logan had pretty much given up on any prospect of maintaining his dignity. He hadn’t won one game and I almost felt sorry for him, but not quite. When it came to business, Logan was a master. I took consolation in the fact that I was a better cook and card player than the man who made millions.

I laid out my third suit and tossed my final card to the table. “Pay me my money!” I squealed, my hands performing the “gimme” dance.

“Man, what’s really going on?” Jay complained, throwing his cards down. Tonight really wasn’t his night. He’d only won three games.

“I’m with you—seems like these lovely ladies are conspiring against us,” Logan said, planting himself back in his chair.

“Sounds like someone drank too much Haterade,” Alex shot back in our defense.

“I wouldn’t put it past them. They’re thick as thieves, those two,” Jay agreed.

“Aside from the fact that you are both being a bunch of babies, it’s probably a good idea to call it a night anyway,” Alex said. “It’s getting a little late, and I for one have work in the morning. The life of a junior associate.”

We called it quits on the game night. Jay was pretty buzzed and Alex was in charge of getting him in their room as quietly as possible. I was left to straighten up.

“Let me help you,” Logan said, collecting the glasses from the table.

“Thanks; just put them on the kitchen counter next to the sink,” I said while picking up the empty plates. I was shoving the cards back into their box when I heard the doorbell clang.

“Was that the doorbell?” Alex grunted. She was busy coaxing Jay toward their bedroom.

“Yeah, I’ll get it. You just deal with Jay.”

I walked to the front door and checked the peephole. I rolled my eyes so hard I thought they were going to fall out of the sockets.

“Hey Mys—Brooklyn,” Damon said as I opened the front door fully.
What was he doing here again?

“Hi—” I said, leaving him to close it behind himself.

“Jay is tapped out,” I said. I walked back to help Logan finish clearing the table.

“Hey babe. I’m going to take out the trash. It’s pretty full,” Logan said as he rounded the kitchen corner.

“Oh, um okay. The trash is out back,” I said, pointing to the sliding glass door that led to the backyard.

“What’s up man? I’m Logan.”

“Damon,” Damon said acidly.

I immediately looked to Logan. It was like watching the minute hand tick past as realization crept into his eyes. I wanted to let him know that I would be okay with Damon alone.

I probed Logan’s eyes. “I hope you’re still up for making those chocolate chip cookies. After your pathetic loss, they’ll make you feel better,” I said, smiling weakly. If I had to plan a chance encounter, this wasn’t how I would’ve wanted to introduce my current boyfriend to my cheating ex-lover who’d smashed my heart into a million pieces.

For a split second Logan creased his eyebrows in confusion, but then he seemed to get what I was trying to tell him secretly.

“Right, because chocolate chip cookies make everything all right,” Logan said, playing along. “I’ll be back in a few,” he said, and then he was gone, leaving me to deal with Damon.

As soon as the sliding glass door was firmly shut, I turned to Damon.

“What’s up? Jay’s passed out and I have better things to do than chat you up,” I said. I wanted to make our conversation as unpleasant as possible. I hoped he’d get the clue and leave.

“I didn’t come here to see Jay. I came to see you, but I didn’t know you guys had company,” he said.

“Why?” I responded bitterly.

“C’mon Mystic…” he said, throwing me the megawatt smile that used to melt my heart.

I closed my eyes. “I swear on all things holy Damon, if you call me that one more time—” I said, holding my hand in the air to stop him from talking. Every time I heard that name memories of our time together clawed their way back to my full focal awareness.

“Sorry—I keep forgetting,” he said, rubbing his face with both his hands. He looked like he hadn’t slept in a few days. Puffy half circles lined the bottom of his eyes. He looked slightly disheveled in running pants and a fitted tee—definitely not Damon Williams’ style.

“I came over here so we could talk,” he tried again.

“Fat chance of that happening,” I responded, folding my arms over my chest.

“Look—you’re going to have to talk to me at some point. I need an explanation. At a minimum you owe me an apology for slapping me.”

“You’re delusional if you think I would ever apologize for that,” I spat out.

“Figures,” he said. Damon jerked his thumb towards the sliding glass door. “Who’s that clown anyway?” he asked.

“That’s really none of your concern, Damon.”

“Are you two together or something?”

“Actually, we are,” I said. My voice was sheeted with ice.

“So what, you’ve decided to try vanilla?” Damon asked, tossing me a snide look.

I let the anger that I felt from his shitty comment get the best of me. “As a matter of fact, I have. And you know what? He seems to have no problem keeping his dick in his pants. Don’t worry about me—Logan has all the right moves ‘for a white boy’ ” I bit out. My eyes were shooting daggers through his head.

“I see you’re going for the kill shot,” Damon remarked coolly, his voice reeking with sarcasm.

“You should leave. Jay is asleep anyway,” I said forcefully. The short tolerance that I had for Damon was exhausted. He was being unnecessarily rude and his stupid ass comment genuinely pissed me off. Who was he to judge?

“No—until we talk, I’m not going anywhere,” he said. He defiantly plopped down in one of the kitchen chairs next to the table. “We can do this all night,” he said, wrapping his fingers on the table, “I don’t have anywhere else to be.”
Had he always been such a child?
I wondered. Probably.

“Damon, we aren’t college kids anymore. I said what I had to say the other night, and I’m done,” I reiterated. For a split second I saw Damon’s mask slip.

“You’re done?” he asked, bewildered. “Well that’s great, but I’m not,” he hissed. “You drop this bomb on me and I’m just supposed to leave it alone?”

“Don’t do this. We’re done. It’s over. Leave it alone, Damon,” I said in my most calm voice. I knew where he wanted to go, but it would get him nowhere. I just wanted him to leave. Logan was going to be back any minute, and I didn’t want him to witness the stupidity of Damon. As much as I would have liked to let Damon have it again, I didn’t want to have a shouting match in front of Logan.

“Why do you insist on bringing this up, Damon? Are you so selfish that you can’t see how much it hurts me?” My voice was beginning to crack and my eyes began to sting as a picture of the first ultrasound I’d ever had popped into my mind. Damn it! This wasn’t what I wanted or needed. I ran my finger under my eye before any tears could fall.

“I’m sorry I hurt you. That’s why I’m here. I want to fix this…fix us. I miss you.” His words weren’t the analgesic I’d expected them to be. I felt like I was in a parallel universe, stuck in a time warp. On one plane, it was me and Damon, living happily ever after with our baby. On another, it was me and Logan against the world, braving unchartered territory.

“I screwed up. That’s all there is to it. Yes I slept with her—but she meant nothing. I was wrong,” he exhaled, his voice breaking slightly. “You were always there and I fucked up, but I wouldn’t have walked away…if I knew…if I knew you were pregnant,” he stammered. “Do you honestly think I wouldn’t have come back if you told me?” he said. Damon reached for my arm.

“Don’t,” I said, pulling back instinctively. “You made your choice. Now you have to live with it.” Even though sorrow pulsed through my veins like fluid in a carburetor, I knew what I wanted, and it was time for Damon to know as well.

“I don’t want you back, Damon. However you spin it, we’re done. The only reason you’re sorry for screwing someone else is because you couldn’t handle the guilt,” I pointed directly at him.

“You and I had our shot, and you blew it. I haven’t even had the courage to be with anyone since you shattered me, but since Logan’s come along, he’s slowly dragging my soul out of the black hole you left it in, so whether he was white, black, purple or green, I don’t care because he makes me insanely happy, and that’s more than I can say for you.” I drew in a deep breath, before continuing. I just wanted to get our conversation over with.

“Two—you have forgotten that I know you more than you know yourself. I know that you would never let anything get in the way of your goals or aspirations. You would have treated my pregnancy as a mere inconvenience in your life plan, and no child deserves to be treated like a burden.” I could feel my sorrow boiling. The tiny grasp I had on my restraint was weakening.

Just then I heard the sliding glass door being opened. Logan stepped in.

“Whew, it’s chilly out,” Logan exclaimed, closing the door behind him. I looked in Logan’s direction and greeted him with a halfhearted smile. “Hey.”

Logan was at my side in a heartbeat. “Hey, what’s wrong? Are you crying?” he asked, pulling me into his side.

“It’s nothing,” I lied. I turned to Damon. “It’s time for you to go…”

“Mystic…” Damon said.

I shook my head violently. “Stop talking.” My resolve was lost, and my tears began to fall. “You screwed up and there’s nothing left here for you to fix.”

Damon started to say something but Logan cut him off.

“Leave. You’re upsetting her,” he said. Logan pulled me closer to him and I willingly fell into his chest.

“This has nothing to do with you, and everything to do with me and Brooklyn,” Damon said. I could tell Logan wanted to say something, but I placed my hand on his chest to stop him,

“Damon, we have nothing to talk about anymore,” I said for the trillionth time as I wiped my cheek.

“Well good for you—but here’s a dose of reality,” Damon said nastily, eyeing Logan up and down. “I should have never walked away—and that’s what I really came here to tell her. She and I have too much history—so you can either bow out now, or get pushed to the side,” he said. I couldn’t believe it. Even after everything I’d told him, Damon still thought that he actually had a shot at reconciling what we had.

“Hmm—hindsight really is a bitch, isn’t it? Unfortunately for you, you did fuck up—but by pure chance I ran into this amazing woman—and have no intention of walking away. Maybe what you two shared was more than casual, but at the end of the day, know this—I’m the only one she needs to take care of her.”

I found my voice in the back of my throat. I needed to once again put Damon in his rightful place.

“Damon, the only thing I would ever accept from you is you out of my sight. It’s amazing to me that the very second I made a conscious decision to move on, you show up and try to screw it up. Get it through your thick skull—I don’t want to have anything to do with you!” I hissed.

“I know you don’t mean that,” Damon said, standing from his chair.

“I can’t…I can’t do this,” I said, breaking free of Logan’s embrace.

I stormed to the back door and slid it open wildly. I jogged down the back stairs, taking deep breaths.

After five minutes of breathing in cool air, I hadn’t quite staved off the fourth nervous breakdown in a mere matter of months. I sunk down onto the bottom step and rested my head on my knees, tears wetting my interlocked arms. I was amazed at how chaotic my Friday evening had become. One minute I was enjoying time with Logan and my friends, the next I was being barraged by Damon.

“Brooklyn?” Logan sat down beside me.

“Hey,” I said, wiping my face with my hand. “I’m sorry you had to hear that.

Ugh—” I pushed my hair out of my face. Handling my issues with Damon from afar was much easier than dealing with him in person. He was making my life miserable. On one hand I felt foolish for holding onto my anger for so long; on the other, I just couldn’t let go.

“Why are you sorry? I don’t even know him and he sounded like a supreme asshole.”

“I just don’t even know how I ended up here.” Tears were still managing to freely fall from my eyes. I couldn’t stop them, and that agitated me.

“It’s cold out here. Do you want to go inside and talk?”

“He hurt me so bad, Logan,” I whispered. The floodgates to my heart were wide open. I couldn’t hold in my anguish any longer.

I sniffed, making a last ditch attempt to hold back the tidal wave.

“Hey, come here, don’t cry.” Logan scooted closer to me, enveloping me. It was like he was wrapping me in the last life jacket onboard, before the ship sank. I turned into Logan and draped my arms around his neck. Once I laid my head on his shoulder, my dam broke, and I began to sob relentlessly. Logan firmly held me, not letting me go. As I cried he caressed my hair.

“Come on, let’s go for a walk,” he said after I finished blubbering on his shirt.

“Okay,” I said. Logan wrapped his coat around my shoulders and took me by the hand. Leading me slowly down the steps and onto the sidewalk, I was amazed at his sincerity. He stepped up to the plate and took the reins when I wasn’t strong enough to hold on.

“I feel like I owe you some type of explanation. We usually don’t have so many theatrics in one evening,” I started.

“No, you don’t. I won’t pressure you into discussing something if you’re not ready.”

“No. Talking about it seems to help me gain perspective, little by little. Plus, I’m sick and tired of being sick and tired.”

Logan and I walked slowly—and just talked. I told him about Damon and I, why I had such a fervent hate for him, how hard it had been to come to terms with the fact that I had lost a baby I didn’t even know I was carrying and how out of the whole experience, the thing I wanted most was to let go and move on—uninhibited.

When we got back to the house, Damon was gone thankfully. I was exhausted from the bevy of emotions that I had run through in a matter of hours. I collapsed on the couch.