Unstitched (13 page)

One eyebrow raised and then fell quickly back into place. ‘There’s more?’

Her teeth pressed against her bottom lip. I looked at her plump, wet lip hungry to take it between mine.

‘I was also wondering whether you would…kiss me again.’ She was breathless.

I laughed. ‘I was thinking the exact same thing.’ I stroked a finger down the length of her soft cheek. ‘I’ve wanted to kiss you again so much.’ I leant closer, brushed my lips across hers, ever so tingly light. ‘But not here. Let’s go upstairs.’

Slightly breathless, Anthea blinked dazedly and nodded. ‘Sure.’

Anthea

The Audi climbed the winding road that cut through the mountainous landscape. Luscious rainforest bordered the road and beyond that was a sharp descent to the grassy slopes that folded against one another before blending with the distant hazy-blue coastline.

‘I’d forgotten how beautiful the scenery is up here. It’s been at least ten years since I last visited,’ I said to Lucas, stealing glimpses from the passenger side window and swallowing hard, trying to unblock my ears, which were doing their best to cope with the changing air pressure.

The steep ascent flattened as we neared our destination: a little town buried deep in the hinterland of the Sunshine Coast. It was a charming village, bustling with tourists. We parked, I climbed out of the car and breathed in the crisp air, letting it occupy my accepting lungs. It smelled like damp timber and fertile forest flooring. I pulled my jacket tighter around my middle to defend against the cold.

Lucas took my hand in his, those recurrent flutters filling my belly. It still amazed me how the slightest expression of intimacy thrilled me — and the deepest expressions made me scream. I’d never had these reactions to anyone else I’d ever dated. I ached to be with him when he wasn’t around, thought ceaselessly of him, even dreamt about him. And when I was with him, all was right with my life — no ragged unstitched threads pulling at my heart. With Lucas, I felt…healed.

‘Are you hungry?’ he asked.

I ran my eyes up and down his enormous physique and nodded. ‘I’m starving.’

We strolled past the many quaint shops to a restaurant on top of the hill. We settled at an outside table so we could take in the view of the undulating valley below, uninterrupted all the way to the ocean.

‘I could easily live up here,’ Lucas said, peering out at the endless countryside before us.

‘Definitely. Beats the city lights hands down. And smell that air, it’s so fresh.’

Lucas reached over the table and took my hand in his. ‘I’ve a question for you.’

‘Should I be worried?’

‘Maybe.’

I pulled my hand away, rested back against my chair and crossed my arms over my chest. ‘That’s not the answer I wanted to hear.’

He paused a moment then smiled. ‘Can you remember when I came over to your apartment that day, when Leith was there?’

I nodded.
How could I forget?

‘What exactly did you mean by, “You know what it’s like to not be with the one you love”?’

I turned my face to the view, so he couldn’t see my eyes, my face, the ever-present bounty of emotion.

‘Anthea,’ he pleaded.

I found his face again. ‘It’s complicated.’

He smiled. ‘Come on, Anthy, that’s so cliché.’

My mind was screaming at me to back away, but my heart was open to telling him the truth. A truth he may reject as insanity or accept as a possible reality. That was the risk.
And with a risk that huge, where he could run far away from me and never want anything to do with this level of crazy again. It was almost too enormous to consider. But, he did deserve the truth and I’m not sure how much longer I could hide it from him anyway. He did say he wanted to know every part of me, even those parts I didn’t understand myself.

I looked into his waiting eyes and sighed. ‘What I’m going to tell you may sound a little strange.’

He smiled. ‘I’m familiar with strange.’

‘You’re not allowed to laugh at me.’

‘Anthy, I won’t laugh at you.’

‘And you’re not allowed to run away.’

He shook his head. ‘Never!’

I shifted in my seat and smiled nervously. ‘Do you believe that certain people are destined…no, not destined…
designed
would be a better term. Do you believe that two people could be designed for each other and for no-one else?’

He nodded slowly. ‘Sure, I could believe that.’

‘I can’t really explain this, because I don’t understand it myself, but, for as long as I can remember, I’ve had a kind of knowingness that there’s someone else in this universe that I should be with.’

He arched his eyebrows.

‘I’m sorry, I’m not really explaining myself well.’ I breathed in and out heavily; sweat was misting my forehead despite the cold temperature. ‘I’ve been in love with a man my entire life. Catch is, though, I’ve never known who this man is. All I know is that I love him so much that it hurts me to not be with him, right here in my heart, such an intense pain.’ I pushed my hand to my chest. ‘Can you imagine being with your soul mate, blissfully happy and then all of a sudden they’re snapped from your life and you’re left alone?’

He nodded.

‘That’s how I’ve felt my entire life. As though my one true love has been taken from me and I’ve been left with the pain of his loss and miss him every single day.’

Lucas took my hand again and squeezed. The grief I thought I’d recognised in his eyes that day in my apartment was present so intensely now. A lump swelled in my throat and I swallowed it down.

‘I’ve been fumbling through the darkness — searching countless, pointless relationships trying to find him, only knowing that this man even exists because of the aching that has been left in my heart by his absence.’

The waitress came over with menus, glasses and a bottle of water. It allowed me enough time to calm myself with a long, deep breath. Lucas gave the waitress a forced thank-you smile as she left.

He leant over the table and kissed me gently on the lips. ‘I’m sorry you’ve had to feel that way, Anthy.’ His words were drenched in emotion as though he was admitting responsibility for all that I’d told him. ‘I’ve one question, though.’

‘Yes?’

‘Do you think I am that man you’ve been missing?’

I peered into his beautiful green eyes, knowing that there was only one answer to that question. The answer I’ve known to be true, deep down, from the first moment I saw him smile at me. The answer I’ve tried hard to believe myself.

‘Yes. You’re that man, Lucas. Most definitely that man.’

His eyes twinkled with pleasure, a smile spread across his amazing lips. ‘It means a lot to hear you say that.’

My brow crumpled. ‘This is definitely not how I pictured this conversation going.’

‘What do you mean?’

‘I’ve just told you, after only knowing you for a matter of weeks, that I think you’re m-my soul mate, and you’re not running away screaming.’

He shook his head, mouth twisting. ‘Surely you can understand that you haven’t been the only one stumbling in the dark?’

I gasped. Could I have been so short-sighted to not even consider that the one I’ve been missing for so long has been missing me too? My throat was tight and achy. I couldn’t lull the tears and they spilled onto my cheeks. They were tears of happiness, but, at the same time, tears of sympathy. It was heartbreaking to know that he had suffered as much as I had.

‘What are you saying, Lucas?’

He wiped the tears from my cheeks with his thumbs. ‘I love you, Anthy. I have always loved you.’

I had waited my entire life to hear
him
utter those words. Words that have been said before by others, but had fallen on deaf ears. But now, spoken through his perfect lips, I ate them up, swallowed them down, and made them a part of me. My heart swelled and tingled, absorbing the emotion that was flourishing in my body and soul. An emotion I had always known existed, but hadn’t been stirred and impressed upon me by the right man. The combination was like a chemical reaction; tiny explosions releasing and intensifying this emotion until it filled every aching need and satisfied the endless pining.

The emotion was love. Biting, burning love. It was irrational and impetuous, but it was real. As real as the pink flush of my cheeks, as real as the thrumming of my heart and as real as the tears that spilled from my eyes.

I barely had enough breath, but I managed to whisper, ‘I love you too.’

Lucas leant over the table and kissed me hard on the lips, sealing our reciprocal admission. Even though we’d kissed many times, this was the first saturated with and supported consciously by love.

Many, many questions swirled through my head, but they could wait. Right now, as his lips moved hotly against mine, gently caressing and nibbling, I was content to simply be. No words, no thinking, no reason. Only Lucas, me, and love, fresh and fiery, yet so strong it imitated a love built on millennia of togetherness. I pulled away and opened my eyes, only to see the waitress standing over us with a notepad in hand.

‘I-I’ll come back later,’ she said and skulked away.

A laugh burst from my lips, my shoulders shook. ‘Oops.’

Lucas laughed, too, a throaty chuckle. Relief floated in the air around us, lightening my head until it felt like I was drifting in the heavens.

Still smiling wide, I ran a hand through my hair. ‘Lucas, since deep and meaningful is on the agenda…’

‘Yes.’

‘I want to share something else with you; one of my beliefs. It’s a little, perhaps, philosophical.’

He arched a single eyebrow.

‘Do you believe that we’re only to live one life, this life?’ I asked.

He shook his head slowly. ‘No, I don’t.’

‘I have a theory as to why it is that I’ve known of your existence long before we met, and why it is that every time you smile, or hold me or look into my eyes, it feels so familiar. And why it seems as though I’ve loved you for a thousand years — rather than just a few weeks.’

He shifted his body forward, his eyes intent on mine. ‘Why do you think that is?’

‘I don’t believe this is the first time I’ve known you.’

He hesitated a moment then said, ‘You think we’ve been lovers before?’

I nodded. ‘Could you believe that?

‘I can’t think of a better explanation.’

‘I think we’ve perhaps been lovers, not just once, but many times over, as though, magnetically, we somehow float into each other’s lives again and again.’

He nodded, whispering, ‘Perennial.’

‘Yes,’ I said. ‘Perennial.’

Brendt

I could hear the band, the thump thump thump of the drummer, the slow slide of guitars, as me and the girls waited at the front gate for entry into the venue.

‘He actually sounds great,’ I said, hearing Lucas sing for the first time — sober anyway.

‘He is,’ said Anthea.

I laughed, wrapped an arm around her shoulders. ‘Come on, let’s get you in there before your knees are so weak you can’t walk.’

We zigzagged through the crowd to a table Lucas had reserved for us, only metres from the stage. The club was dim and warm, the buzz of chatter and clinking glasses swarmed around us — a backdrop to the music
Perennial
were rocking out.

Despite my attempts at remaining reserved, I cringed when I saw Lucas wink down at Anthea and she returned the gesture with a totally-besotted smile. She was goo goo-gaga over the guy and I had resigned myself to the fact.

I took a seat between Anthea and Rachel, while Roslyn sat on the other side of Rachel next to Matt, the guy she had now seen three weekends in a row — a record for her.

We ordered snacks and drinks and settled in for the show. Lucas was brilliant. It fucking killed me to admit it, but he was really, really good. Every woman in the room was mesmerised by him, ready to rip their underwear off and throw them up on the stage. I wanted to reach up there and grab his perfect fucking neck and squeeze tightly.

Resigned to their relationship, my arse
.

I turned away from the stage and sighed. My heart was heaving in my tight chest, especially knowing that tonight would be the last time I would see Anthy again. Over the last few weeks, I’d made some heavy decisions. The situation at work with Leith and then at home with Rachel was taking its toll. A change was required before I sank further into an inescapable misery. Tonight was that night.

I was to start a mentorship in property development under my dad in a fortnight. The only thing left to do was to end my relationship with Rachel, which would then automatically remove Anthy from my life as well. Rachel deserved more than half of my heart, and I couldn’t kid myself any longer that what we had was going to last.

‘Okay, guys,’ said Lucas, his voice echoing from the surround speakers. ‘We’ll be taking a ten minute break.’ He clipped his microphone back into the stand, jumped off the stage and jogged over, pulling up a chair beside Anthea. He kissed her, lingering for a long moment at her lips. ‘Hello, beautiful.’

I grimaced and downed my drink, seeking distraction. A thick, boiling dissonance roared in my ears as Lucas and Anthea whispered and kissed. I tap-tap-tapped the toe of my boot against the floor, trying to dispel the raging energy in my body.

Lucas stood. ‘I’ll catch up with you all later. I’m going to grab a drink, then head back up on stage.’

‘Hang on,’ I said. ‘I’ll come with you. I need to grab another drink anyway.’

I followed Lucas to the bar.

‘What’s up?’ asked Lucas, as we waited for service.

‘Do you love her?’ I blurted out, white-knuckled fists at my side, wanting a reason to punish him.

Lucas sighed — empathetic. Not the reaction I anticipated. I needed to hate this man, not receive his sympathy.

‘I know you love her,’ Lucas said.

My jaw clenched. ‘You haven’t answered my question.’

‘Yes. I love her more than…more than anything.’

I glared at him, but the frustration, the bitterness, wasn’t gathering any force. I could see in every action Lucas made that he loved Anthea. Forcing him to say it with words wasn’t going to prove the point any harder, nor change things.