Unstoppable (Fierce) (16 page)

I shook my head. We only had a few hours until show time. I wasn’t going to risk it just so I could get handed more pills.
“Just get me to the arena,” I said.

Every bump the car took from the mall to the venue sent white-hot pain from my hip to my left foot. Eddie was uncharacteristically quiet as he watched me, unsure whether or not to override my decision and turn us toward a hospital. I took deep breaths to control the pain, concentrating on the techniques that Maggie had taught me to get through my therapy. Nothing helped. I could barely walk once we pulled into the valet parking area for the venue.

Eddie was affixed to my side all the way to my dressing room. “Do you need help getting dressed?” he asked, but I shook my head. “It’s not like you don’t have anything I haven’t seen before,” he added with a playful grin – one that reminded me of the innocent flirtations of our youth.

“I’m fine, really. I could use some water, though.
Maybe a cup of hot tea?”

He nodded. “I’ll be right back.”

I settled in the chair in front of the mirror to ride out the spasm. As I stared at my reflection, all those hateful comments from the press conference exploded in my brain. The word “fat” in particular went off like a shotgun blast. My eyes ran across my body, such a lump of bumpy, awkward folds of flesh that overfilled even the chair in which I sat. I could practically see my face widen the longer I stared at it, bloating to grotesque proportions. I looked down at the clothes, none of which came from T&L, or any other popular clothing chain.

Yes
, I thought to myself.
I am too fat for T&L clothing. And it sucks
.

I thought about Shelby, dancing around in her tight leather, dreaming of her hero coming to her rescue. She could dance. She could pose for photographs that never had to be retouched, or altered to look more socially acceptable.

Most importantly she didn’t have to worry about throwing her back out from one wrong move, just because her tiny frame wasn’t overburdened carrying a hundred extra pounds. The whole fucking production had to be rearranged to fit my limitations.

Yes
, I thought.
I am having trouble fitting into the industry
.

Even the question about my marriage hit the mark. If I were that coveted size-6, then Eddie wouldn’t resent me so much and punish me for not being perfect. He’d woo me the same way he tried to woo Shelby.

These thoughts haunted me as I gingerly changed into my performance wardrobe. I noticed every imperfection as I struggled to fit into clothes I now knew looked ridiculous in comparison to what Shelby wore.

Eddie didn’t add to the pity party, but he really didn’t have to. I knew how he felt about me. The echoes of his previous insults resounded in my brain like church bells.

By the time I made it to the stage, my self-esteem was down for the count. Given my physical limitations, I slowed down my set to include the ballad I sang for the
Fierce
finale, the song I had sung for Vanni and Andy’s wedding, and of course, Shelby’s song. It was a sleeper set that had no business in front of a rock show, exacerbated by my funk as I took the stage. I halfway into the second song when I realized I was losing my audience. I could see people leaving their seats in the front rows, going for refreshments before the “real” show started, and their lackluster energy only fueled my darkest feelings.

When I went into Shelby’s song, I was as morose as the song demanded I be. My voice was vulnerable and raw, because I was vulnerable and raw.
By the end of the song, the audience was on their feet and cheering, but I was in tears and halfway off the stage with a wave of my hand.

I brushed past Shelby, who was ready for her set of songs. Going first meant I could go hide in my dressing room until the encore, which was still a good hour away.

I needed the break. I couldn’t watch her sing my song, or see how the crowd reacted to it. My soul was wounded, my body was sore. I just wanted a bit of peace and quiet to still my noisy brain.

When I flipped on the light to my dressing room, I saw Jace sitting in my chair, facing the door. He held one red rose in his hand. The dam burst and I wept openly as I walked right into his arms. The minute his strong arms closed around me, I felt like I had come home at last. I held onto him for dear life as I emptied my pain on his shoulder.

His lips were against my scalp as he kissed me softly. “I’m sorry, Jordi,” he said softly.

“For what?”
I asked as I gulped back tears. “I’m the one crying like an infant.”

He brushed my hair back with his hand. “After that mess at the mall, who could blame you?”

He was still angry from that afternoon. “It’s not that,” I started, then clarified, “it’s not just that.”

“It made PING,” he said. “Including how they mobbed you after I left. If I had known you were there I would have walked you right out of that place with me.”

I shrugged. “That’s just the way things are. That lady was right. This is the beauty of the capitalist society. There’s a customer for every business. So I can’t shop at T&L. I can’t find clothes my size – that fit properly anyway – at most stores. I don’t want clothes designed for skinny people that just happen to be larger proportions. I want clothes that are designed for me. That’s not T&L, big deal. I think that reporter just wanted a controversy and used us to do it.”

“I don
’t want you to ever be a target. I don’t care what the motivation is. I called Graham to get me out of the contract.”

I shook my head. “Don’t do that. It’s not just you, it’s Shelby, too.”

“I think she’d understand. She’s your friend. She wouldn’t want to do anything that might hurt you.”

My red eyes met his. “You seem to know a lot about what she wants.”

He shrugged. “We’ve had a lot of free time to talk. How’s Eddie, by the way?”

I sighed. This was not the road I wanted us to go down now that we got time alone. “I’m sorry.”

He pulled me close. “No, I’m sorry. I’ve been jealous. I’m not the best version of myself when I’m jealous.”

“Nobody is,” I said as I straightened his shirt. “They call it the green-eyed monster for a reason.”

He echoed my sigh as he took both my hands in his. “When I was on the phone with Graham, I thought about just coming clean about the whole Eddie situation. Just force his hand.” My eyes widened so he continued. “I didn’t. I realized this is bigger than just losing the record deal or the tour gig. Having those tapes go viral would devastate you. Those reporters don’t give a shit about your feelings; they’d use anything they could to get the story. I’ve been a selfish asshole, Jordi. I’ve been thinking about what it would cost me… I didn’t even consider what it might cost you.”

“It wouldn’t be fun,” I admitted.
“For either of us.”

“Like I care what people say about me.”

“I care if they make fun of you for being with me.”

His eyes widened as he stared at me. “Please tell me you don’t honestly think that
would bother me.”

“Not now, maybe.
But you saw them, Jace. They’re brutal. And relentless.”

“And they are irrelevant. There are only two people in this relationship.
You and me. I don’t give a shit what anyone outside of us has to say about it. I never have, I never will.”

I touched his face with my hand. “I love you so much,” I said with a smile. “No one has ever loved me like you.”

He pulled me back into his arms. “I’m just waiting for the day when you understand why. Then you’ll know that videos, PING and all the Shelbys in the world will never change the way I feel.”

His head tilted toward m
e. I melted against him when his mouth covered mine. It warmed me all the way to my toes. All pain, both emotional and physical, was forgotten as I hungrily deepened the kiss. His strong hands lifted me up against his body, which strained toward me.

This was what we needed. It was all we needed.

“God, I want you so much,” he said into my mouth before he dragged his lips away. I wanted him too, but not some quickie in a dressing room. We needed so much more than that now. We owed it to each other to make up for all the crap we’d put each other through. We needed time to shut out the world, and T&L, and PING, and the tour, and Shelby, and Eddie. Dallas wasn’t going to give us that time, but it was only the fifth stop on our journey. This gave us something to look forward to, when we both desperately needed it.

I wrapped my arms around his neck. “Nashville?” I said with a smile.

“Nashville,” he agreed before he kissed me again with all the passion in his promise. As he pulled away, I let my hand run down his body, lighting over his growing erection with an evil smile. He groaned as he wagged his finger at me, and then gave me a swat on my ass as he raced out the door to prepare for his set.

I lingered in my dressing room, dreamily toying with the rose Jace had left behind, killing time until the encore performance.
In fact everything we had left to do in Dallas was just a matter of killing time until I could be with my love in Nashville. That was a hometown visit for Shelby, so I predicted she’d be just as busy with her folks as Jace had been with his. Jace and I could get there early and enjoy a little downtime away from the prying eyes of the press and the constant camaraderie of the tour.

It was a romantic getaway I was already counting the days to, so much that I nearly missed the disturbing sounds coming from the dressing room adjacent to mine. My brow furrowed as I slipped from the chair and made my way toward the other room. “Shelby?”

I was greeted by the sounds of violent vomiting coming from the bathroom. I moved further into the room. “Shelby? Are you OK?”

“I’m fine,” she croaked.

“You don’t sound fine,” I replied as I got ever nearer to her bathroom door.

“I think it was something I ate,” she said. “I’ll be out in a minute.”

I glanced around her dressing room table, which was overflowing with hair products, makeup and the decimated packages of every candy or cookie wrapper from the vending machine down the hall. When she finally materialized in the doorway, she was wiping her mouth and face with a wet cloth.

“Something you ate, indeed. Looks like you went into sugar overdrive.”

“Oh that,” she dismissed with a wave of a hand. “Don’t tell anyone but I’m doing a detox. I was feeling a little shaky earlier so I ate a candy bar. It’s no big deal.”

“
A
candy bar?” I said as I lifted up a pile of wrappers.

“Per day,” she said sharply as she grabbed the trash from my hand. “I’m just messy. Ask anyone.”

“Yeah, listen… I don’t think that detox flush is a good idea. You’re not getting any nutrients or anything, and I know from experience if you want to function at all you have to cheat.”

“I know,” she admitted as she flopped into her makeup chair. “But I had to lose three pounds quick. That outfit they put me in for
Jace’s intro is unforgiving. It shows every bulge. With all this junk we’re eating night after night, I’ve gained weight in all the wrong places. I just needed to do something drastic. You know better than anyone that there are no free passes when it comes to the press. They expect certain expectations to be met, and woe to the girl who doesn’t meet them.”

I
caught a glance of myself in the mirror. “Yeah. I guess you’re right.”

She swung the chair around to look at me. “I’m sorry about what happened this afternoon,” she offered. “It was such a shitty thing for them to do.”

I had to smile. “Such language for a Christian girl.”

“I’m not
that
uptight,” she giggled. Then she grew serious. “I’ve missed you, Jay,” she said, adopting Corey’s nickname for me. “I mean it. Everyone on the tour is great but you’re like a sister to me. You understand me better than my own family. And I know I can trust you. That’s big for me.”

Each word she said hammered another nail in my coffin. “Shelby…”

“Say you’ll come and stay with me and my family in Nashville. They’d love you, I know they would.”

My stomach fell. “I don’t know, Shelby. I wouldn’t want to impose.”

She grabbed my hands in hers. “It wouldn’t be an imposition at all. We have tons of room. Oh, please say yes.”

I stared into her hopeful blue eyes. They were so trusting and so innocent, yet the lie came easily anyway. “Let me check with Eddie. I don’t know if he’s planning to come to Nashville or not.”

“I’ll hold you to it,” she said as she hopped up from the chair with a vigor convincingly masked by her pallid complexion.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” I asked again. Just a few minutes before she sounded like she
was coughing up a lung. Now she was shrugging out of her clothes like nothing in the world was wrong. She stripped down to her matching bra and panties and reached for the T&L outfit she wore for the encore. Where she had three extra pounds, I couldn’t even be sure.

“Yeah, fine,” she assured
as she dressed quickly, as though she was ashamed of her half-naked form. “Like you said, it’s not that healthy to do the detox thing. Probably low blood sugar or something.”