Unsuitable (4 page)

That
might hold if there were no dreadful mothers who hurt their kids or amazing
fathers who raised their kids perfectly competently alone. But the bias was so
strong, it lined her stomach. It would be easy to give in to it and why not? Someone
else could take the risk on Reece. Mia was too important to be the staging
ground for a battle about gender and ability and equality. But she was also too
important not to be.

Audrey
wanted a world where no one told Mia what she could and couldn’t do to earn her
living. Where her interests and capabilities were what determined the work she
choose to do, not centuries-old prejudice, ingrained beliefs about what men and
women were naturally good at, or an old boys’ network, or the kind of ingrained
bias that made people hire like people.

And
he’d had eleven interviews and eleven other parents had decided against him,
despite glowing references. How likely was it that his gender had a lot to do
with that decision?

“Reece
stays on the list until there’s a reason other than his sex to take him off, or
another candidate does better.”

“Them’s
fightin’ words, Aud,” said Joe.

Merrill
shoved plastic containers in a plastic bag ready to throw out. “Are you sure?”

She
shrugged. No, not sure, but Reece had so far given her no reason to distrust
him, and keeping him on the list wasn’t a big deal. “Joe really says merry hell?”

“He
really does.” Merrill looked at Joe with such fondness, Audrey suspected he’d
be saying it tonight. “He’s going to make the best dad, after he learns about
paper towels.”

Joe
furrowed his brow in pretend annoyance. “Hey, a guy in the throes of passion
can’t be held accountable for what he says.”

Merrill
tied a knot in the top of the plastic bag. “Or what he licks.”

Audrey
laughed. “Oh, too much.”

“Okay,
I’ll never lick the microwave turntable again, but it was good gravy.”

Merrill
considered that. “I’ll forgive you. I’ll never mention it again and I’ll let
you leave off the raincoat if you admit you cried during
The Notebook
.”

“No
fair.” Joe made a production out of sighing. He looked at Audrey. “The things a
man has to do for merry hell.”

Merrill
came around the table and slung her arm over Audrey’s shoulder. All the better
to gang up on Joe.

He
looked at them, shook his head and closed his eyes. “Okay, okay, I cried.”

They
hooted so loudly Audrey thought they’d probably woken Mia. She braced for a little
voice from down the hall and Joe said, “Well I did, it was a bloody sad movie.”

5:       Family
Affair

“But
why?”

Reece
grinned at Flip across the kitchen counter. “Because I asked you to.”

“But
why?”

He
knew she could keep this up all day. It was a being ten years old thing. He had
to be strategic about catching her out. “Because this is another job interview
and I really want this job.”

“But
why?”

Beside
Flip at the breakfast counter, Etta rolled her eyes. “Jesus, Reece, why are you
letting her do this?”

“Because
I’m going to win, and do you have to swear?”

“That
wasn’t swearing,” said Etta. Sixteen was the age at which knowing how to swear
like a builder’s labourer and take the Lord’s name in vain was important. But
if Etta did it Flip would, and Flip was a ten year old. No way. But it was
another battle he had to pick.

Flip
said, “But why?”

“Because
you love me, Flipper, and you’d do anything for me.”

“No,
I wouldn’t,” Flip said, then her eyes popped and she head butted the counter. “Ooh!”

Reece
lifted his palm to Etta and got a no enthusiasm high five. Etta kept her eyes
on her phone screen and dangled her hand off her wrist like a limp fish.

“Hah,
that was too easy, Flipper.”

Flip
sat and pouted. “Oooh. I don’t want to come with you.”

“You
don’t want an afternoon at the beach watching Sky’s volleyball. I guess there
are jobs you can do around the house instead.”

“All
right, I’ll go, but only if everyone does.”

Etta
typed something on her screen. “I’m not going.”

Great.
He needed Etta to watch Flip while he was talking to Audrey. “Ett, please. If
you love me...”

She
didn’t look up. “I don’t love you.”

“You
know how you need someone to teach you how to drive and Mum said in your dreams...”

Now
she looked up. “You dick, you’d welch?”

He
grinned at her. “Yeah, no tactic too low.”

“You
stink.”

“That’s
because I used your moisturiser.”

Flip
giggled and Etta opened her mouth to complain but Neeva slipped in behind her
and put her hand over Etta’s mouth. “Shut up about it. If he gets this job it’s
a sleepover.”

Etta’s
eyes widened and she shook Neeva’s hand off. Not easy. Neev loved a good
wrestle.

He‘d
expected this. It was time to move out for good. But the whole Sky thing was
complicated. “Oh, no. No girl germs in my bedroom.”

Neeva
popped onto the stool next to Etta. “You won’t even know about it.”

“Like
I won’t know by the knickers and wet towels Gin would leave on the floor.”

“That’s
true. Gin is such a slob,” said Flip, with all the wisdom of someone who’d had
to pick up after Gin as punishment far too often.

“Anyway,
I have to actually get this job for that to even be an option.”

“Mum
said she’d give you a reference,” said Neeva.

He
groaned. “You can’t have your mother give you a job reference when you’re twenty-seven.”

“But
why?” said Flip, and the rest of them groaned.

Neev
popped Flip on the back of the head. “Dork.”

Flip
held her hands out in front. “No, seriously, why can’t your mum give you a
reference?”

“It
doesn’t work that way,” he said to anyone who was still listening.

Etta
put her phone down on the counter. “So how come you need us to be at this
interview and how come it’s at the beach?”

“This
is a play date so we can suss each other out. I want Audrey to see I’m a good
guy with a loving family. So she can picture me fitting into her family.”

“That’s
hella creepy,” said Neev.

“It’s
whacked. I didn’t have to take my family to my job interview at Macca’s,” Etta
said.

Neev
put her head on Etta’s shoulder. “But you’re going to get me a job there when
I’m old enough, right?” Etta flicked her shoulder and bounced Neev’s head off. “Ow.”

“Looking
after a kid isn’t like serving a burger.” Working for Ronald didn’t get you out
of bed several times a night, didn’t ruin your ambitions for a love-life,
despite the crap uniform and the smell.

A
blue light flashed on Etta’s phone and she picked it up. “Have you ever actually
served a burger?”

“No,
Ett, but you never changed a nappy either. That was all on me.”

Flip
leaned over the counter and grabbed his wrist in a sudden panic. “If you tell
that Audrey Hepburn woman you changed my nappies, I’ll call you Flop in front
of her.”

He
peeled her little claws off. “I won’t tell her.”

“What
if we wreck it for you?” said Neev. “We should leave Gin at home.”

Reece
grunted. “There is that. But you won’t, because you’re my family and you love
me.”

All
three of them put index fingers to open mouths and made gagging sounds that
could probably be heard next door. “Classy.”

Neev
said, “We might not be able to help ourselves. We’re like all powerful wreckers
of things.”

Reece
looked at the screen of his own phone in case there was any last minute text
from Audrey. “Try to hold back for an hour.”

“Might
not be possible. Gin and me, we have self-control issues,” said Neev.

He
pocketed the phone. “I’ll give you self-control issues.”

“No,
you’ll give one of us your bedroom on the nights you sleep over,” said Etta.

Neev
and Etta high fived. Full on enthusiasm. The twins shared a room and so did
Etta and Flip. Getting their grubby bums in his bed had been part of their
scheming since he moved back home and Etta’d had to shift back in with Flip. She
still carried a grudge about it.

“That’s
not even an option.”

Etta
took a photo of him. “But why?” She showed it to Neev and they both laughed.

He
made a grab for the phone and missed. “Don’t fricking post that anywhere. When
I move out, you toss a coin for who gets my room.”

“Mum
says she wants to turn it into an office,” said Flip.

Etta
posted the pic. She turned her phone to show him. It was mostly shirt and chin.
“You’re never moving out. Like never. You’re too old to live at home. And
you’re not even ashamed about it.”

This
time he snatched the phone. The caption said, ‘What kind of dweeb lives at home
at twenty-seven? My brother, the loser.’ If he deleted it, she’d only do
something worse. For a whole month she’d tried to take shots of him in the
shower. She was after dick shots for some Tumblr site called dicks for girls,
that he was not cool enough for and was appalled she knew about. He’d foiled
her by wearing his Speedos.

“Why
can’t you live with Sky like a regular boyfriend?” she said.

“Why
can’t you mind your own business?” he said. So lame.

“But
why?” said Flip.

Neev
bopped her on the head again.

Etta
took her phone out of his hand. “You making us come to your interview is
putting us in your business.”

He
hung his head, a play for sympathy. “I can’t believe I actually need you guys
and you’re making it so hard on me.”

“You’d
fall down dead if we made anything easy for you,” said Neev.

“That’s
true.”

“Why
don’t you live with Sky?” Neev prodded. “You like, love her and stuff.”

If
only it was that easy. Sky was tired of waiting for him to commit to moving in.
But if he did, it was... jeez, it was too hard. “Why live with one woman when I
can clean up after five?”

Neev
mimed fat old man. “Ho, ho, ho.”

Etta
smirked.

Flip
said, ”What’s a wet dream?” and everything got very quiet, horror movie before
the stupid blonde chick goes out where she was going to get killed quiet. “It
doesn’t have anything to do with mermaids, does it?”

Reece
groaned. “Nothing to do with fish or the ocean. Etta will tell you.” Let’s see
how dicks for girls girl cuts it on that.

Etta
shook her head and glared at him. “No, I won’t. You want me to come to your
weirdo job interview you explain it.”

“She’s
ten, Etta.” He looked at Flip, looking at him. How the stuff did they get here?

“I’ll
tell her,” said Neev.

“You’re
thirteen, how do you even know?”

“I’m
fourteen and I can read.”

“Somebody
tell me,” said Flip. “Is it just for boys?”

The
three of them looked at him with eyes that could probably tell he wore blue
undies and at the same time would be grossed out to learn he did. He was
thinking of a way out of this when Flip whispered, “Is there blood?”

Ah,
shit, one of them had been telling her stories. Etta kept her eyes on her
screen and Neev made a detailed study of a tea stain on the counter. Which
meant it was probably Gin. The whole menstruation thing was Mum’s gig, but you
couldn’t live with five women and not become more expert than your average guy
about the curse, and Flip was worried.

“No,
Flipper, there’s no blood. It’s not about that. It’s something that happens,
mostly to boys and it doesn’t hurt.”

“They
wet the bed, don’t they?” She wouldn’t look at him.

“Not
exactly. It’s not piss.”

Neev
giggled. Etta said, “Don’t get into me about swearing.”

Flip’s
face was bright red. “You don’t have to tell me.” But he could see she was
imagining all sorts of shit. Did he even want to know what Gin had told her?

“You
know how boys have sperm,” he managed to say without going falsetto. She
nodded.

Neev
said. “Gross,” and Etta snickered.

“Sometimes
when they’re asleep some might come out.” If he used the word ejaculate, that’d
only bring more carry-on and he’d be here all day explaining. There wasn’t
enough embarrassment in the world for that.

Flip’s
face was pink. All the girls were like Mum, pale, blonde and skinny with brown
eyes, where his hair was so dark it was almost black and his eyes were green,
but there was something about the shape of Flip’s face that made them at least
look like they might be related, and he could still occasionally blush exactly
like she did.

“Out
of where?” she whispered.

“Of
their wang,” said Etta.

Neev
shrieked and slapped her hands over her mouth and Flip’s face turned scarlet. Reece
thought she might cry. “Jesus, Etta.”

“Jesus,
Reece.”

Neev
flung her arms over her head, twinkled her fingers. “Jesus loves you.”

He
palmed his face. “Jesus says you have half an hour to get ready to go.”

They
scattered, because no McGovern girl ever went to the beach without slathering herself
in sun cream, even in winter, because a freckle was death. He still had one
McGovern girl to check on.

Gin
was sitting on the back step. She’d have been able to hear them, but she’d made
no move to join them or get ready. She was having one of her bad days, which
meant she either came so he could keep an eye on her or Etta would need to stay
home with her.

“Hey
buddy. Is it bad?”

Gin
looked up from her ereader and nodded. “My chest is really tight.” Her puffer
was on the step beside her so he knew she’d used it, but she wasn’t tense and
her shoulders weren’t around her ears.

“Give
me a number?” The number system and his familiarity managing Gin’s asthma was
what helped him get the job with the Flannery’s.

“I
dunno. It’s just tight.”

She
wasn’t wheezing. He looked at her closely. Her lips were pink. “There’s ice
cream at the beach.”

She
shrugged. He let that sit for a minute. “What did you tell Flipper about wet
dreams?”

“You
don’t want to know.”

“Probably
not. But you freaked her out. Don’t freak your baby sister out. It’s cruel.”

“Etta
freaked Neev and me out all the time.”

“Yeah,
all the time.” Neev sat on the step above. They were three wise monkeys with Gin
on the bottom, Reece in the middle and not much wisdom between them. “Remember
when she told us you could get pregnant if you wore thin undies and sat where a
boy sat.”

Gin
nodded. “We used to wear double undies.”

“Oh
man.” Reece slapped his hand on the stair railing. “That’s why there was always
so much extra washing.” The twins giggled. “You know that’s not what happens.”

“We
know,” said Gin. “Please don’t be embarrassing and explain how babies get
made.”

“Ask
Mum anything like that, not Etta. She can’t be trusted.”

Neev
yelled, “Etta. Etta.”