Until I Die Again [On The Way To Heaven] (Soul Change Novel) (22 page)

“Jamie,” she whispered between breaths. “Make love to me. Really make love to me.”

He stopped and blinked, as though coming out of a trance. Still hovering over her, he took her chin firmly in his hand. “If you were anyone else but my wife, maybe I could pretend it was making love. I can’t pretend that with you.”

Tears filled her eyes, but she quickly blinked them away. “Why not?”

He got to his feet and buttoned his pants while adjusting his erection. “Because making love means giving you a part of myself I don’t want to give you anymore. I don’t even know if it exists.”

“But it does, Jamie. Doesn’t what happened here prove that?”

He glanced to where sheshe’d indicated with a nod. “Getting a guy who hasnhasn’t had sex in six months hard is no great feat. Especially when you’re dressed like that.” He touched the hem of her skirt. “That’s why you started touching me, asking how long it’s been. You were using lust to get to me, nothing new there…”

Dammit, she’d messed up again. “Okay, maybe I did use sex to get you to come closer to me. But it wasn’t about lust…”

“You always had lust and love confused. Maybe I did, too. Now I see the difference, and I don’t want lust anymore. Or love. Not with you.”

He grabbed his magazine and walked outside, taking a seat on the lanai beneath a light. She watched him from the slider, fighting back tears of anger and rejection. Was it lust she had been feeling? She certainly was no expert on romantic love. No, she wanted to prove that she loved him. And, she realized with a slight smile, Jamie wasn’t nearly as unaffected as he seemed to be. That was, unless he could read upside down.

Miguel sat at a solitary table in the courtyard where he and Jamie usually had their business meetings. He twirled his pencil, ducking when he tossed it up in the air and it came down point first.

“You ought to be a comedian, Miguel.” Jamie laughed as he joined his brother. “You missed your calling.”

Miguel studied Jamie for a moment, then glanced at his watch. With a raised eyebrow, and not a trace of humor, he said, “You’re fifteen minutes late, and you have a silly grin on your face. Since you’re always on time, dare I guess that you and your lovely wife made amends this morning?”

Jamie dropped down into the white wicker chair. “Dare I say that it’s none of your business?”

Miguel raised his hands. “Hey, just concerned for you, little brother.”

Jamie knew that, and yet he’d felt defensive. He shook his head, remembering her seduction last night. If she had placed a gun to his head, he wouldn’t have been more surprised. Hallie was usually not the one to initiate lovemaking. The few times she had, her approach was verbal. Never had she wanted to make love anywhere but in bed. He wasn’t going to mention how she’d worn old sweats to bed, how she looked sexy in them despite her intentions. “Do you know she talks to lizards?”

Miguel’s eyes widened. “The green anoles we have all over the place?”

“Yep. Caught her having an animated conversation with one that hangs around the lanai. She’d freak every time one got in the house, called them creepy little things.”

Miguel crossed large, hairy arms together and leaned back in his chair. “Did your amorous morning have anything to do with you wanting to soothe her after her conversation with Renee?”

“What conversation?”

“She didn’t tell you?”

Jamie shook his head, his curiosity now piqued. Oh, brother. Hallie could get dramatic. “What did Hallie say to her?”

Miguel leaned forward, rubbing his beard. “She didn’t tell you? Wow.”

“Tell me what?”

“It wasn’t what Hallie said to Renee, but what Renee said to Hallie. Now, don’t get mad at Renee. You know how she feels about you, and sometimes she doesn’t think things through. Promise you won’t tell her I told you. She confided in me, but I figured Hallie had told you.”

“I promise already. Spill.”

“Well.” Miguel leaned back and got comfortable, enjoying as he had always keeping Jamie in suspense. “Renee told Hallie that you and her were, well, she didn’t come right out and say lovers. More like ‘close.’ Then she told her that once a bungalow became available, you were going to move Hallie out and Renee in. Oh, and something about you and Renee loving each other.”

Jamie dropped his head down on his hands.

“Remember, you promised you wouldn’t tell Renee I told you, no matter how mad you are. You…”

Miguel stopped when Jamie lifted his head and let the laughter on his face burst out.

“So that explains it,” Jamie said between gales of laughter.

“Explains what? What’s so funny?”

Jamie shook his head, getting his laughter under control. “From what I gathered, Mom told Hallie that Renee and I were an item. Now
Renee
tells her we’re an item.”

Miguel looked sheepishly down at his hands. “I kinda told her she didn’t have a chance against Renee, considering the water under your bridge. I didn’t want that witch with a capital B to get back under your skin.”

Jamie leaned back, a grin still on his face. “And what did she say to that?”

“Well, it was kinda weird. She said I didn’t know her or her chances with her husband, and she wouldn’t have me shoving her out the door. With a tally-ho, no less. She told me there are things I don’t understand, so I should leave it alone. She was downright feisty. Now will you tell me what’s so darn funny?”

“Well, my wife comes out of a coma remembering nothing about her life, determined to save a marriage that she doesn’t even recall, and everyone has told her that I’m in love with a woman I haven’t even kissed. And still, she stays.”

“Do you think she’s brain-damaged?”

“She’s less neurotic now than she ever was. Okay, there are some weird things, like the lizard. Back in California, she got weepy when she saw a sheltie, saying how she missed her three dogs. I called her mother and asked; she’s never had a dog. She’s suddenly into nature. She spends hours exploring the uncultivated areas of Caterina and comes back glowing. She even cooks now. She made the most amazing dinner… from memory.”

Miguel raised his eyebrow again. “Cooks? Hallie? The Hallie we know, cook?”

“She’s not the Hallie we knew. I just don’t know how long it’ll be until she returns to her old self.” Jamie rolled a piece of paper from his notepad into a ball as another oddity clicked. “From
memory
. She made a complex dinner from memory. She forgets everything in her life but remembers how to make Chicken Carbonara.”

“Woman’s an enigma. I’d say she’s faking the whole lost memory thing to get back in your good graces, but she’s acting completely different. Wish I knew what it meant. The one thing I’ve got to say is that the lady is determined to win back your heart, whatever her motives.”

Maybe not after last night. Jamie stared at the rose bushes, remembering her hurt expression as she went for her walk that morning. She’d said she had to figure something out. Suddenly the thought of her giving up on him tightened his chest. He didn’t want her to leave just yet. He had things to figure out himself.

“Well, let’s get started on the budget plan…” Miguel stopped when Jamie stood up.

“It’ll have to wait. I need to find Hallie.”

Jamie followed her trail in the direction she had left from the house, using the shrinking weeds she’d told him about. He stepped over a rotted palm tree trunk and walked through a thicket of Australian pines. Less than an hour later, her cute derriere faced him as she leaned over a large rock. She was framed by the huge trunk of a wild fig tree, which looked like a magnificent grey elephant stretching its front legs up before her. All around, curtains of vines climbed up surrounding trees and made everything feel private and secluded.

She stayed motionless for so long, he wondered if there was something wrong. He started walking toward her, feeling half worried and half silly for following her. She cupped her hands over something behind the rock and slowly lifted it to her face. His shoe broke a twig, and she turned with a start. Instead of anger or question on her face, he saw awe in her blue eyes. She held her cupped hands toward him. “Look inside. Can you see him?”

She parted her fingers, and he bent to look inside the darkness. A tiny brown eye peered back, and he moved away. First she was talking to lizards, now she was capturing critters in her hands.

“What is it?”

She parted her fingers more to reveal the tiniest monkey he had ever seen. It was only five inches in length, with a striped tail just as long. Its brown eyes almost looked human as they darted from him to her and all around.

“It’s a Tangoo Island monkey. They’re very rare and only live on some of the Caribbean islands. Juicy told me about them.”

She let out a small yelp as it leaped from her hands toward her head. She looked at Jamie, her eyes filled with the wonder of a little girl.

He couldn’t keep the stupid grin from his face. Her gaze followed his to the side, but what he was looking at was beyond her range of vision. The monkey was holding onto strands of her hair. Its heart pumped like an engine, its hands curled around a lock of blonde hair as if it were a lifeline.

“We’ve got to have a talk about your hairpieces, Hallie.”

She grinned. “He’s on my hair, isn’t he?”

He moved closer to retrieve the monkey, but on the way decided to kiss her instead. More tender than the night before, without the senseless, physical lust, he touched his lips to hers. She kissed back tentatively, her eyes filled with question.

His hands trailed around her back, and he closed his eyes and kissed her again, this time letting his tongue tickle along her lips. He heard her sigh, then her mouth opened in invitation. Her hands slipped around his neck, and he pulled her close against him, feeling her curves and remembering how perfectly their bodies fit together. He explored her mouth, the faint taste of toothpaste combining with her sweetness.

He tasted her again and again, exploring, moving against her. She, who had never liked French kissing, moved her tongue through his mouth like a woman tasting chocolate after a long diet. His hands moved up and cupped her face, his thumbs caressing the softness of her cheeks.

A shrill chattering noise jarred his attention from her, and he looked up to the monkey still clutching her hair. His fingers had been pressed against its tail, and once released, the monkey clambered on top of Hallie’s head.

He reached out and took the monkey from its perch, holding it out to her. She was looking at Jamie, oblivious for a moment to the monkey in front of her. Finally, she held out a finger, and the monkey jumped onto her hand. She touched its back, and Jamie ran his fingers down its striped tail. The light brown fur was coarse at the outer edges, but soft underneath. Their fingers touched, and as if exchanging static electricity, pulled away.

“What are you going to name him?” Jamie asked, desperately trying to break up the tension that crackled around them.

“Name him? I can’t keep him; he belongs in the wild.” She kept her gaze carefully away from his, making it hard to read her expression.

“If you want him, make him your own.”

Her gaze lifted to his. “What are we talking about here?”

He couldn’t help but smile, wondering himself exactly what he’d meant. “The monkey, of course. What else would I be talking about?”

“I can’t imagine,” she said, averting her gaze again. She stroked the monkey’s fur, deep in thought. “If I show him my love, and he leaves anyway, I’ll let him go. I won’t cage him in or try to tempt him into staying with me. He has to want to be with me.”

“What are
you
talking about?”

“The monkey.” She didn’t look at him, though he could see her expression was more serious than a monkey warranted.

“I heard you had a little chat with Renee yesterday.”

She looked at him then. “She told you?”

“No, she told Miguel, and he felt obligated to let me know. Is that what prompted…last night?”

Her blue eyes blazed at him. “I don’t want to talk about last night. It was dumb, and it’ll never happen again.”

They stood in silence for a moment, her stroking the monkey, him watching the creature and feeling envious. If she cared, as she said she did, then she would ask if what Renee had said was true. He realized that he had also led her to believe they had something between them by not denying it earlier. Four people had let her think he was having an affair with Renee. Would she ask?

She turned to him. “Dammit, Jamie, do you intend to stick me in a bungalow so you can move her in? Do you love her?”

His heart swelled, giving another indication that it was still there, pulling itself back together a shard at a time. If he told her that he loved Renee, Hallie might give up and leave. Or she might not.

“No, I don’t love her.”

She crossed her arms, her bottom lip pushed out. “And you’ve never made love to her?”

“No.”

“Have you ever kissed her?”

“Yes.” When he saw the disappointment on her face, he felt obliged to add, “On the cheek.”

Hallie’s eyes softened, and she looked at the monkey before returning her gaze to him. “How about George?”
 

“No, I’ve never kissed him either. Who’s George?”

She giggled, and held up the monkey. “How about George for his name?”

He wanted to kiss her again, wanted to feel her body against his. But there was a part of him that wanted to say something, anything, to push her away. What were her motives? Love, after all this time? Security? Or temporary insanity?

He nodded toward the resort. “I’ve got to get back to work.”

Her smile dissolved. “Sure. George and I will just keep exploring.”

He turned and headed back to civilization, to where the orchids’ heady perfume and solitude didn’t make him want to do rash things.

CHAPTER 12

Hallie was being scrutinized, and she didn’t like it one bit. It was enough that Jamie sometimes looked at her as if she was an alien, but now Miguel and Renee sat at the table watching her with curious glances.