Until I Met You (23 page)

After dinner I was able to sneak a bit of time alone with Jack and David in the garden.  I wanted to speak to them for the first time in eleven years.  I needed them to know how sorry I was.

We sat together on a three-seater swinging seat, sipping beer and gazing off into the stars.  I somehow felt more confident in the dark. What I was about to say was going to be extremely hard for me, but I knew it had to be said.

“Guys, I just want you both to know how sorry I am for that night.  I have never been able to forgive myself for what happened.  You have both been my rock and I love you guys—more than you’ll ever know.”

David abruptly stopped swinging and turned to face me.  “Angelina, you know how we feel about you.  You never, ever, ever have to apologise to us for what happened.  Jack and I would do it again in a heartbeat.”

“Here, here,” Jack said raising his bottle.  “I don’t want to ever hear that crazy talk from you again, Angelina.  We’re all here, alive and well—and quite frankly, dear girl, if it wasn’t for what happened, your sister and I may never have got together.  I’ve always been her hero ever since that day.  You don’t know what that does to a man’s ego.”

We all started laughing and we immediately relaxed.  I knew deep down they felt this way, but it didn’t stop the guilt from surfacing.  I was just glad that I had finally stepped up and told them both how I felt.

“You really like him, don’t you?” Jack said, interrupting my thoughts.

“I love him,” I said truthfully.  Jack and David looked at each other with shocked smiles.

“Wow, I never thought I see the day that Angelina Bradshaw would be in love.”

I pushed at David’s arm.  “That was very hard for me to admit you know.”

He held his hands up, laughing.  “I know, I know.  It’s really good to see.  I’m happy for you, Angelina.  I really am.  You deserve to find happiness.”

Rubbing his arm, I thanked him, and we both just sat for a little while longer, sipping on our beers.  “You know, Seth doesn’t know the whole story yet.  I will tell him when we get back to London, but I would appreciate it if you guys—”

“I know,” Jack said, interrupting me.  “We won’t say anything.  That’s your story to tell.”

My mum made up Julia’s room again for Seth, which we were both kind of happy about.  Now that we knew we loved each other, the temptation of being alone would have been too much.  We both wouldn’t have done anything—not under my parents roof—but it still would have been torture nonetheless.  I knew when that day would happen, because I knew that would be the day he had all of me.  The day I would tell him my story.

The week went in quick—a little too quick.  Everyone was fussing over me like a child.  Sometimes it was nice, but other times were damn right annoying.  I knew why they were all like that though, so I kept telling myself not to be so bloody ungrateful and just suck it up.

By the time the end of the week was drawing to a close, I was glad to be heading home.  I told my mum and dad that we needed to get back to move Seth’s stuff into his new apartment.  Of course, my mum wanted to know if I was moving in with him.  I told her that this was all new and that baby-steps were required.  I didn’t want to upset what we had.  I think she was just so happy that I had someone like Seth in my life—and for the first time ever—I had to agree with her.

Once we were back in London, we made arrangements to meet Jonathan at the penthouse with the keys.  Seth’s Solicitor had Power of Attorney, so signed the completion contract on Seth’s behalf two days beforehand.  This was his official moving in day.  All his belongings were moved in yesterday, thanks to Paul, who was more than willing to help.  Everything was going according to plan.

Jonathan was pleased to see us and told me that my bruises were healing well.  Everything was healing well thanks to my family, friends, and Seth.  I couldn’t help but feel a little nervous once he left us though.  Thanks to Paul, there was hardly anything that needed unpacking since he’d practically done it all himself.

“This was so nice of Paul to do all this for you.  The apartment looks great.  I could live in that kitchen alone.”  I was so busy looking around the apartment in awe of the place, that I didn’t even realise Seth was there in front of me.  He took my hand in his and kissed it tenderly.

“Then why don’t you?”  His cheeky smile was back, but I could tell he was deadly serious.

“Seth, I didn’t mean… I mean, I didn’t say that bec—”

“I know you didn’t.  It was only what I have been thinking anyway.  I want you with me—all the time.  I want to know that you’ll be here when I get home, or to know that you’ll be coming back to me once you finish work.  I want to be able to cook us dinner in that kitchen and be happy in the knowledge that you’ll be in my arms soon.  I want that every day—and I want it with you.”

His face was so sincere.  It was sexy, sincere.  It almost made me smile.  “I don’t know,” I said, finally answering him.  This is all just a little too—”

“Soon?  I know.  I just know that I want you in my life and I don’t see how waiting is going to stop that.  I don’t expect an answer now.  Just at least tell me you’ll think about it?”

He looked at me with those pleading, sexy, come-to-bed eyes and I melted.  I still couldn’t help hating him that little bit for making me feel this way.  “Okay,” I said, smiling.  “I’ll think about it.  You don’t need to bribe me with those come-to-bed eyes of yours.”

His face beamed like an excited child.  “You think I have come-to-bed eyes, Cookie?”

“I don’t have to answer that.”  I give him a big cheeky grin and he rewarded me with a full-on smacker of a kiss.  No matter how many times he kissed me, it still felt like the very first time all over again.  I would never tire of feeling his lips on mine.

“Let’s say we unpack the rest of these things and I will reward you with a bottle of champagne, and a slap-up take away meal—courtesy of our local pizzeria?”

I smiled at him, happy in the knowledge that despite all his worth, he could still be a down-to-earth regular guy.  “You know, that sounds just about perfect.”

Chapter 13

We busied ourselves for a little while, unpacking some boxes full of his clothes and photographs.  His family all looked beautiful, with their beaming smiles and love for one another.  It was only now, when I saw the photos of Seth, that he was the only one with a haunted look in his eyes.  Even his sister looked completely contented.  It must kill her in a way to know that he still carried the guilt of what happened that night, twenty-one years ago.  It was only when he told me the story that I realised just how close in age we both were.  In fact, there was only two months difference between us, and I was the eldest.  Seth called me his cougar and we both laughed about that for a while after.

By the time the evening came and the pizza had arrived, I was more than willing to just sit by the fire and soak up everything Seth.  Every now and then I would look up towards Seth’s bedroom, knowing that we were going to sleep in there for the very first time.  Together.  I knew what was coming—there was no way of stopping that.  I didn’t want to stop it.

We ate the pizza, sometimes feeding each other slices.  It was romantic and more than a little erotic.  The champagne was going down a treat and was relaxing me a little. 

Once all the pizza had gone, Seth leaned in to give me a kiss.  “Mmmm, Champagne and roses.  My favourite.”

I giggled a little into his mouth and kissed him again—this time more hungrily.  I wanted him—needed him—but I had to tell him my story first.  I had to show him my true self.

I stood up from where we were sat on the floor, and Seth was about to get up when I told him to stay.  “I have to show you something.”  I unhooked the buttons of my jeans and pulled my jumper off.  It was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do considering no one had ever seen me naked before now.

I stood in front of Seth with only my bra and panties on, revealing to him the scars that will be forever be etched into my skin.  This was me, Angelina Bradshaw—bearing m
y soul to the one I loved.  I stood as he stared over my body—my body that bared the scars of that fateful night.

He came over to where I stood, kneeling in front of me.  He looked up, devotion set in his e
yes.  How could he feel that way about me now? 

His pools of blue glistened with the fire, telling me how much he loved me still.  No matter what—I was his.

He faced my biggest scar of them all—the one on the right side of my stomach—the one that the monster marked me with.  I thought Seth was going to touch it—trail his finger across it—but instead he gently kissed the tip.

I almost choked on the lump that was forming in m
y throat.  I swallowed it down, just like I always did and ran my fingers over his extremely short hair.  It felt so soft to the touch; I could have played with it all day. 

Feeling it was now or never, I held his head to my stomach, leisurely trailing my fingers down his face.  “
You trusted me enough to tell me your story.  Now it’s time I trust you with mine.  I want to tell you.  I need to tell you.  This is the first time I have said this out loud in eleven years.”

I knelt beside him and began m
y story.

“I was fifteen
years old when I met Jaden Covelli.  He was nineteen and I thought he was the nicest, coolest guy ever to live on the planet.  I was infatuated by him.

“He was nice to me and made me feel special.  He knew I was a virgin, and I alwa
ys felt he was waiting for me—because he liked me that much that he would.  We would go for walks and he would buy me ice cream and tell me he loved me.  He had a car he used to drive me around and I thought that was a big thing when I was fifteen.  Not all girls in my school had a boyfriend who owned a car.  I was almost like a lovesick puppy.”  I took a deep breath, feeling the guilt rise again.

“The onl
y problem I had is that my two best friends didn’t like him, and Jaden didn’t like them back.  He would say that they both wanted to fuck me and were just jealous that I chose him over them.  I didn’t like what he said, but I thought he was right.  I even told them that myself—the stupid child that I was.  They just said that they were worried about me and that someone his age shouldn’t be hanging around someone my age.  It caused a lot of tension between us for a while.”  The memory of that, along with the memory of that night, was almost too much.  I had to tell him though.  It was a part of my life, and now Seth is a part of mine. 

“One summer’s night, Jaden wanted to lead me to a barn in the middle of this field.  I thought he just wanted to spend some time with me alone.  I even thought it was romantic.  It was onl
y as we got to the door and I heard laughter that I realised it wasn’t just him and me.  There were five others in there.  They had all been drinking and already seemed a little out of it by the time we walked in.  I was hesitant to go, but Jaden soothed me and said that we were only going to stay with them for a little while and have some drinks.  I trusted him.  I took what he said and trusted that I was going to be safe—that he would keep me safe.”  The pain of it was all too fresh in my mind.  I had kept it hidden, buried deep down inside for so long that I thought I was coping.  I was wrong.  I wasn’t coping.  I was hiding.  Hiding from myself and the potential of what life could bring me.

With a deep breath, I knew I had to carry on.  I had come this far so couldn’t back out now.

Gazing up into his beautiful blue eyes, I took his hand.  “We were there for about an hour when things started going horribly wrong.  Jaden started touching me in places he never touched before.  I felt exposed—I felt vulnerable.  I told him to stop, but he just kept going, getting rougher and rougher as he went.  He then asked his friends if they wanted a go.”

Seth clenched his e
yes shut in anger.  I could tell this was hard for him to hear.  It was hard for me to tell it—but I had to do this.  I had to strip myself bare and reveal everything to him.  It was the only way I felt we could move forward in our relationship.

Grabbing his hand, I held on as tight as I could for fear he would be ripped from me.  He squeezed m
y hand back and took a deep breath.  He nodded for me to carry on.

“The
y held me down and each took turns to violate me.  My clothes would get torn and they would cheer each time a piece of my clothing got ripped.  It was like there was a party and I was the bright new shiny toy to play with.