Until I Met You (35 page)

Chapter 20

I woke up to the sound of shouting.  I didn’t know where I was.  All I knew was I was lying down and could feel people prodding me.

“Let me help Angelina, son.”

“Don’t you ever call me son again.  Not after what you did.  And why can’t I help her?  Take the blood from me.”

“Seth!” I cried
, trying to prise my eyes open.  It was no use.  I was falling again.  Back into the darkness.

I did
n’t know how long I was out for.  I still wasn’t sure what the hell was happening.  I managed to open my eyes and could see I was in a hospital.  The light was shining through, so it must have been morning. 

Looking across from my bed, I
could see Seth asleep in the chair.  He looked so peaceful that I didn’t want to disturb him.

I lay silent for a while
, just enjoying the peace from watching him sleep.  I could see his hands resting on his lap and the desperation I felt to touch one of them was immense.

He stirred a little, turning, but then he shot
up.  “Angelina!” he shouted.

He
snapped his head to mine, and I saw the panic fade from seeing me awake now.  He grabbed my hand and asked me if I felt okay.  I nodded my head, but I was still none the wiser as to what had happened.

“What am I doing here, Seth?”  The look on his face made me wish I never asked.

“You were three months pregnant,” he began, tears rolling down his face.  “You haemorrhaged so much that you lost the baby.”

I bit my lip and looked away.  I was trying to hold in the sob I knew was going to come at any moment.  I released it and the minute I did, Seth was there, holding me.

“I’m sorry, baby,” he cried into my shoulder.  “You needed blood, I wanted to give you some, but I don’t have the same blood type as you.  Unfortunately Dad does,” he said, looking at the drip.

Looking up, I
could see a near empty bag hanging above me.  I buried my head in my hands.  I couldn’t believe the almighty mess I had got myself in.  I didn’t even know I was pregnant—and now it felt as though I had been punished for loving Seth.  It screamed at me how wrong this whole situation was, that my baby was rejected because of it.  He or she wasn’t meant to come into this world—all because, genetically—it wasn’t right.

Seth held my hands
, and no matter how wrong I thought it was, I needed the comfort.  He needed the comfort.  This was his baby, too.

It was then I had this sudden realisation.  “I can’t understand it, Seth.  I was on the pill.”

Seth smiled and kissed my hand.  “It doesn’t matter, Angel.  If circumstances were different, I would have been over the moon with the news.”  He looked away for a moment.  “I punched my dad,” he said with a sarcastic laugh.

“What?” I asked, shocked.

“I punched him and he let me.  He didn’t even fight back.  It wasn’t even worth it.  I just hated him so much.  I saw you here and felt helpless and then I saw my dad and blamed him for putting you here.  It’s all one big fucking mess.  I hate him.  I can’t believe he did this.”  He shook his head, squeezed my hand and tried in vain to smile. 

“He wants to see you, but he knew I wouldn’t leave you alone
, so he’s staying clear for now.  I just never know what to do, Angelina.  I don’t know what’s for the best.”

I squeezed his hand back, knowing exactly what he was trying to say.  We were in love still and nothing could take that away.  It wasn’t our fault that we fell in lo
ve, but we also knew that we couldn’t be together again like that anymore.

He climbed on the bed and held me.  We stayed like that for an age, just holding each other—comforting each other with our loss.  I never wanted a child—but now that I knew he or she had been here—had existed—I couldn’t help but feel the pain.  The
baby was ours, the baby was something real, and that’s what really counts.  A soul destined never to be born is now lost from my grip.  A grip I didn’t even know I had.

A doctor came to check all my vitals.  He told me that I had to have a D
& C operation and that he wanted me in for one more day, because of the amount of blood I lost.  He said everything looked fine, but felt the need to express his condolences.  I doubt very much that the doctors knew of our situation—and I didn’t want them to.  I felt ashamed enough as it was.

Jonathan later came with some flowers, expressing his deepest sympathy.  That opened the floodgates for a millionth time since the day before.  I went from strong and tough, to a blubbering baby in the blink of an eye.  But pain like this was hard to take.

Thomas came to see me and Seth was reluctant to let him in.  I told him it was okay as I had to face him sometime.  He was—after all—my father.

“Angelina, how are you feeling?”

He came in and sat down in the chair opposite me.  I could see a bit of a shiner developing on his right eye.  “I’m okay.  I just wanted to thank you for the donation.”  I looked up at the bag of blood as he smiled.

“You’re more than welcome.  You are my daughter after all.”

I winced at the sound of him calling me his daughter.  I didn’t want any of this.  I wish I could wake up from this really bad dream.  I wish all of it would go away.

“I have something for you.”  He produced a jewellery box.  Once
he opened it, it revealed an intricate diamond necklace in a tear drop form.  It also had cluster of tiny diamonds around the main diamond.

I shook my head in disbelief. 
“What is this?” I asked, enraged.  “You think you can make up for lost time?  Daddies little girl who never got all the expensive things he could have given her as a child.  I never needed it, I never wanted it, and I don’t want it now.  I only asked you here to thank you.  I don’t want anything from you.”

He looked at me with pain in his eyes.  I didn’t want to falter.  Knowing him was too painful for words because it just reminded me of what I
had lost.

“But it wasn’t my fault, Angelina.  I didn’t even know you existed.”

I sighed.  “I know you didn’t and I appreciate that, but you never at the time thought about your actions, did you?  Did you ever consider how torn apart Melissa would be over what you did?  I know she doesn’t like me very much, but no one deserves to have her husband sleep with her best friend—no matter what the circumstances.  I would suggest you give this to Melissa—and I would suggest you grovel on your hands and knees for the rest of your life until she forgives you—that’s if she ever does.”  I turned my head away from him as I could feel the tears sting again.  “Please leave,” I said with a trembling lip. 

I felt
a hand on my shoulder and I immediately flinched.  “I’m so sorry, Angelina.  For everything.”

I hear
d him leave and I immediately released a breath I didn’t realise I was holding.  With it came a sob.  The tears came endlessly, mourning the loss of Seth, mourning the loss of our baby.

Seth came rushing in and saw the state I was in.  He was by my side in a flash, holding me in his arms.
  “I knew it was a bad idea letting him see you.”

I took a few
deep breaths, trying hard to get the words out.  “It’s okay.  I told him what I needed him to hear.  That’s it now.”

Seth later told me that my mother had been calling him.  I think she felt more relaxed talking to Seth.  They have always gotten along and he still talks kindly to her despite what has happened since.  He just blames his dad for what’s happened.  I blame both of them.  They both knew what they were getting themselves into.  I can’t excuse any of them for that.

The good thing is
, he told her I was fine, but I still wasn’t quite ready to talk to her just yet.  My dad called and I had plenty of time for him.  Even he was trying to get me to forgive her. 

“Angel,” he said.  “Your mum is in turmoil here.  Why can’t you find it in your heart to forgive her?”

“How can you defend her after what she did?”

“What happened was twenty-seven years ago now.  We have always led a healthy, happy marriage since.  I’m not going to break that up now.”

I knew he loved my mother, but I still couldn’t find it in my heart to forgive the betrayal.  “But it still happened, Dad.  She was still unfaithful to you.”

“I know
, sweetheart, but it’s in the past and I want to keep it there.”

“I can’t believe you’re not my biological father
.”

“I know, Angel, but you will always be my daughter and I w
ill always be you father, you got that?  That has, and will never, change.  Please don’t lose that thought.  I was the one who held you when you were born, who got up during the night to help feed you and change your nappies.  I taught you to ride your first bike and nursed your cuts when you fell.  I am your father, Angelina—because that’s what real father’s do.  I love you so much and nothing—or no one—will ever be able to get in the way of that.”

I pulled my hand over my mouth, trying hard to hold the sob about to escape, but it was no use
.  In between sobs, I managed to tell him just how much I loved him too.

At the end of the conversation, I promised him that I wouldn’t leave it too long before calling my mum.  That was the best I could offer right now.

The very next day, Seth came in with what distinctly looked like my suitcase.  I looked at the case and then at him.

“I know you’ll probably say no, but I want you with me at the penthouse for a couple of days.  I spoke to the doctor yesterday and he said you’ll need another couple of days to rest.  I want to be the one to look after you.  However long it takes.”

He looked away, probably because he didn’t want to look at me when
I said no.  The problem being was, I didn’t think I could cope being on my own at the moment.  Finding out about Seth and I was one thing, but finding out we had now lost a baby was another.  He had lost this baby, too.  He probably needed me as much as I needed him.  No matter what the circumstances were.

“
Okay,” I said softly.

He looked up from the floor and smiled.  It was a hint of a smile I thought I had lost forever—a smile of hope.

He placed the suitcase down and gave me a big hug.  I couldn’t help but inhale his scent.  It had always made me feel safe—made me feel content.

It
was very soon after that the doctor came in to let me know I could leave.  I was given some leaflets and told to rest for a couple of days.

The closer Seth and I got to his penthouse
, the better I felt.  I felt I was going to be locked away in the highest room, in the tallest tower—and that was completely fine by me.  I really couldn’t handle seeing anyone right now.

Once inside, Seth set my case down and put the kettle on for a cup of tea.  “I’m going to sleep in the spare bed for now.  I want you to be as comfortable as possible.”

I shook my head with a smile.  “Seth, I’m fine in any of the other beds.  They’re all just as luxurious.  I don’t need special treatment.”

“But you
do.  What you’ve been through—” he paused a moment and looked away—tears welling in his eyes.  “With everything that’s happened, I want to try and give you as much as I can—because you deserve the world.  I’d give that to you if I could.”

I walked towards him and took his hand.  I pulled him towards me and we stood there for a while, just savouring the warmth of each other’s arms.

“Seth, you’ve been through it all, too.  It’s not just me that’s lost—”  I couldn’t seem to get the words out.  Seth looked at me and nodded.  He knew what I was trying to convey and that was enough for me.

For two days I was with Seth, and for two days all we did was laugh, cry, watch movies and ate popcorn until our stomachs hurt.  I thought it would be hard to stay here with Seth, knowing that I couldn’t touch him and kiss him like I used to—but I found that having him with me was a great source of comfort.  It may have been the fact that what we had lost, we lost together.  That was one thing that couldn’t be taken away.

Mid-morning on the third day at Seth’s
penthouse, we had a surprise visitor.  Melissa exited the lift and immediately my back was up.  I thought she was here to shout at me, but Seth made sure she was going to be nice before he let her in.  He had found out since from Joey how badly she had treated me all this time.  He knew I couldn’t deal with that right now. 

She wanted in as she said she had something very important to tell us that couldn’t possibly wait any longer.  I had to admit—I was intrigued.

When she saw me she actually smiled, and for the first time, it seemed genuine.  She even asked me how I was. 

I made us all a coffee and once we sat down, she took a deep breath
.  “I’ve been debating in my mind for the last three days what I should do.  I heard you that day at the hospital,” she said, looking at me.  “I heard what you said to Thomas, and you had no reason to say all of that to him after the way I treated you.  All I can say now is how sorry I am.”