Authors: Unknown Author
Untitled (9 page)
Tessie bows and her audience applauds. Evvie comes over to shake hands with all her admirers.
Ida and Bella show up finally and our group moves off to another of the picnic tables on the grass. We are gathering to plan our errands for the day.
"So how was your date last night?" Bella jumps right in.
"Great," I say noncommittally.
"So how was the food?" asks Sophie, still reading the
Bugle.
"You really ate raw fish?"
Bugle.
"You really ate raw fish?"
"Yes," I say.
"So how's Morrie?" asks Ida.
I love the way they always take turns. I wonder if they draw straws beforehand to see who goes first.
They never take the hint. They know I won't tell them anything, but they still ask. "Fine."
"Feh,"
complains Bella, "she's worse with words than that stingy Irving." She gives me a gentle poke. "It wouldn't kill you to share."
"Hey, listen to this," Sophie says, excitedly waving the newspaper. "They're having a drawing in the
Bugle
for a free luxury bingo cruise for two! And it ends this week."
Bugle
for a free luxury bingo cruise for two! And it ends this week."
"Big deal," says Ida. "You really think you have a chance in hell of winning?" She continues to browse through her mail. "All ads," she says with disgust. She hides her disappointment.
"Well, it couldn't hurt to try. I'm buying five dollars' worth. Anyone want to throw in a buck?"
Bella dips daintily into her purse, pulls out a dollar bill, and offers it over to Sophie. "Count me in, partner."
There are no other takers. "You'll be sorry," Sophie warns. "When I win, I get to pick my companion, so you better start being extra nice to me."
"What do you mean—when
you
win? What about me? I put my money in. Can't I be the companion?" Bella says.
you
win? What about me? I put my money in. Can't I be the companion?" Bella says.
Sophie ignores her.
"I miss bingo," Bella complains. "Now that we stay out late on our stakeouts, I'm too tired to play the next day."
"Me, too," adds Sophie.
"I never win, so I don't miss it," says Ida, the perpetual voice of negativity.
A group of women walk toward us, looking very determined. Those who are still hanging around the mailboxes stay to see what this is about.
Hy and Lola, standing on their balcony on the second floor, are leaning over the railing scanning the action. Mr. and Mrs. King of the Roost!
"Well, look who's here," says Tessie, sunning herself on her bench while eating potato chips. She's always eating something. She waves to one of the women. "Hey, Sarah, what's up?"
There is an exchange of greetings between those who know these members of Phase Five.
May Levine is the spokesperson. "We've come to see Gladdy." The four women walk up to our picnic table. "We want to hire you."
Hy leans far over the railing. "Hey, Glad, I told you about the peeper. She's the one who got peeped." He struts up and down the balcony, proud of himself.
May looks at me, surprised. "You already know?"
Hy isn't finished. "Of course she knows. I told her. I know everything that goes on around here. Sometimes before it even happens."
May scowls, turns her back on Hy, and looks at us.
Evvie asks, "Did you recognize the guy?"
"No," May says, hands on hips, "but if I ever see that limp
putz
again I'd know it!"
putz
again I'd know it!"
Bella covers her ears as everyone else laughs.
"The coward was wearing a mask!" number two in the delegation, Sarah, contributes.
"A Superman mask," says number three, Edna.
"Did he wear a cape?" Casey wants to know. Her cousin Barbi adds, "With a big yellow
S
on it?" Apparently this is more interesting than getting to the tennis court.
S
on it?" Apparently this is more interesting than getting to the tennis court.
May says, "I don't know, all I saw were his eyes through the mask. And the
putz.
"
putz.
"
More giggles.
Practical me asks if she called the police.
May says, "Of course I did. Did I expect they would do anything? No. They laughed! And embarrassed me because they wanted me to translate
putz.
"
putz.
"
"This is a job for Super
woman,
" Sophie announces dramatically, pointing at me.
woman,
" Sophie announces dramatically, pointing at me.
Sarah announces, "We, the women of Phase Five, want to hire you to find—"
"The
putz
!" Tessie screams out hysterically, spilling potato chip crumbs down her sizable bosom.
putz
!" Tessie screams out hysterically, spilling potato chip crumbs down her sizable bosom.
It's becoming a circus. But why am I surprised? I should have moved this meeting upstairs. Too late. Hail, hail, the gang's all here.
Hy joins in again from above. "Let's get all the guys around here to drop their pants!"
Lola smacks him on the head. "You'd like that, wouldn't you, you letch! Showing off your equipment. We don't know that he's even from around here!"
"First," says occasionally practical Evvie, "let's talk about the fee."
The four ladies of Phase Five look shocked.
"What fee?" asks Sarah.
"You do this for money?" asks May. "I never heard of such a thing."
Evvie raises an eyebrow. "You got a problem with that? What do you think—we're a nonprofit organization?"
May says, "This affects all the phases. Let everybody chip in."
"Hey," says Edna petulantly, "next time it could be you! If you live on the ground floor."
"Yeah," says Sarah. "What about doing it
pro
bony
?" Obviously they, too, watch the jargonfilled lawyer and cop shows.
pro
bony
?" Obviously they, too, watch the jargonfilled lawyer and cop shows.
"How about
pro boner
?" Tessie screams with laughter.
pro boner
?" Tessie screams with laughter.
"That's
pro bono,
" Evvie corrects, hiding a grin.
pro bono,
" Evvie corrects, hiding a grin.
"Just go and catch him," demands May Levine, hands on hips.
"Oy,"
moans Bella, "more night work."
Well, I guess I have a new client.
Pro boner.
Pro boner.
15
A Funeral in Boca
I
still don't get it," Evvie complains. "Why are we schlepping up to Boca? And why did I need to wear dark colors and stockings?"
still don't get it," Evvie complains. "Why are we schlepping up to Boca? And why did I need to wear dark colors and stockings?"
She hasn't stopped questioning me since we started our drive up the AIA to Boca Raton.
"Can't you just enjoy a nice ride along the coast and not make a big deal about it?"
"No," she says. "I had a
nice
rummy tiles game set up for today that you made me cancel. Besides, enquiring minds want to know. And furthermore, why did we have to lie to the girls? Why couldn't they come along?"
nice
rummy tiles game set up for today that you made me cancel. Besides, enquiring minds want to know. And furthermore, why did we have to lie to the girls? Why couldn't they come along?"
"I gave them an assignment, didn't I? I asked them to go door-to-door in the other phases to find out if anybody would like to report on a Peeping Tom incident."
I think about Evvie when she was a kid. Always asking "Why?" No matter how many times I'd answer, there was another
why
. Even though I was only two years older, big sister was supposed to know everything.
why
. Even though I was only two years older, big sister was supposed to know everything.
"And besides," I say, "aren't you glad to have a day alone with me for a change?"
"Yeah, but I still would like to know why."
I smile. Good old dependable Ev. It used to drive me crazy when I was young, but now I really like her "enquiring mind."
Evvie pulls at her black cotton blouse, trying to blow air down her front. "Black makes you hotter and I'm sweating. Turn up the air."
"It's as 'up' as it goes."
"But why didn't you just tell them where we were headed?"
"All right already. It's because we're going to a funeral. And you know how they behave at cemeteries. Bella won't walk on the grave markers, Ida hates anything to do with death—"
"Wait a minute. Somebody died?"
"If one is attending a funeral, one might say that. But relax, it's nobody we know."
"Then why are we going?"
I sigh and turn off my Andrea Bocelli tape. Boy, do I love that guy's voice. "I intended to use the time on the trip to fill you in, but no—you have to know everything all at once. I'm filling you in now."
"Well, if you had just said so . . ."
"Shh, listen. When I had dinner the other night with Jack and Morrie, I opened my big mouth and said I thought those two women, the one in Boca and the one in West Palm Beach, were murdered."
"You're kidding."
"Don't comment. Those two women were both wealthy, both died unexpectedly of heart attacks. Less than a week apart? Too convenient."
She looks at me for a long moment. "You believe that?"
"I've no idea. It just popped out of my mouth. I really made a fool of myself, spinning theories like there might be a serial killer who hated rich women, or someone was killing them to work their way up the twenty-five-richest list."
Evvie ponders that for a moment. "Like Alec Guinness in
Kind Hearts and Coronets
?" Evvie relates everything to movies she's seen.
Kind Hearts and Coronets
?" Evvie relates everything to movies she's seen.
"I mean, it's possible, isn't it?" I ask her. "How come unexpected heart attacks? They weren't that old. They had plenty of dough to spend on keeping healthy. My money's on the ones who will be getting their money. Like their husbands."
Evvie's look is shrewd. "You can't just be happy finding cheating husbands and lost purses?"
I don't answer.
"You already solved a big murder in our condo. Wasn't that enough? Now you think everyone with heart attacks is murdered?" She looks at me intently. "Glad, what are you doing?"
For a long moment I don't speak. My sister knows me better than I ever give her credit for. Evvie waits.
"I don't know."
Evvie reaches over and pats my shoulder. I see tears form in her eyes. "You can't save the world," she says.
"All I want is closure."
"It won't bring him back."
"Please change the subject." I'm sorry now that I let this come up. What's the use? Even after forty years the pain is still fresh.
For a while we concentrate on scenery. We are afforded quick views of the beach between the fancy high-rise condos along the road.
"Wonder what those babies must cost," Evvie says to break the tension.
"A lot."
After a few moments, I look at Evvie. She's too quiet. "What?"
"Just remembering some stuff."
"What?"
"When our kids were little. And Emily used to come to my house after school."
"Until I got home from my job at the library."
"Yeah."
"Our kids got along real well." She laughs. "When they weren't beating one another up."
"And when Emily wasn't crying over losing her father."
"That, too. She was very brave. She didn't inflict her sadness on the rest of us."
"No, she saved it for when I got home and the two of us cried together."
Evvie leans her head against my shoulder for a moment. "Those were hard days."
"Yes, but thanks to you, there were so many wonderful ones. You organized the birthday parties. You took them to zoos and movies and parks. You gave my daughter joy in her childhood. I owe you big."
Evvie is never good at taking compliments. "You would have done it for me."
We are quiet for a while.
"The nightmares are coming back," I say softly.
Evvie throws me a worried look. "About Jack?"
I nod. "Funny, both men in my life named Jack. And it's the new Jack putting pressure on me to marry him that's bringing up the memories of my old Jack."
"Are you seriously thinking of marrying him?"
"That's just it. I don't know. I really feel as if I could love that man. He's such a terrific person. Yet, I'm afraid."
"You dated over the years. What's the difference now?"
"I never was serious about the others. Now I am."
"But you're afraid you'll lose him, too?"
"Yes. And I can't give up my loyalty to my husband."
"Glad. He'd want you to be happy."
"I know, but my mind won't accept it."
"But we've got it good, us girls. Why would you want to change that? Isn't it enough? Do you really need a man in your life at this age?"
"Hey, what side are you on? First you encourage me to marry and then you're making a case for staying with you and the girls."
"I only want what's best for you. And I'm not sure which it is." Evvie warms to her subject. "Maybe I'm just being selfish and I don't want to lose you.
"I mean, I know how it was when you first got here. You had your Brainiacs Club—you and all your smart college-grad pals. Francie and Millie and Conchetta and Sandra and Joan. You and your
New York Times
crossword puzzles and the political lecture series and plays you went to that we never understood."
New York Times
crossword puzzles and the political lecture series and plays you went to that we never understood."
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