Un.Wavering (Claimed Series Book 3) (30 page)

She turned her head away from him as he approached her prone form. “I don’t see why you have any say in what I choose to do. As soon as I’m with the others you’ll leave and become neutral anyway.”

“That was before Cole left us.” His voice resonated right beside her, yet she remained facing away. “My interests lie elsewhere now.”

Her heart skipped a beat. “You can’t seriously mean that.”

A warm hand descended on top her forehead and angled her head in order to meet his eyes. Nicolas observed her, his expression of little comfort. “You are under my protection.”

Something vile curled in her stomach before lashing out at him. “Like Cole was?”

As soon as the words left her mouth, she regretted them. Despite it being true, it was a harsh statement. Hayden grieved, but she wasn’t suffering so much that she was blind to Nicolas’ own grief. Whatever happened with Cole, it weighed heavily on the other man.

Nicolas smiled grimly and removed his hand. “I was too late to reverse Celeste’s treatment of him, and he never truly recovered. Fortunately, I was able to enlist help from a healer and detoxify your body before it settled into your system.”

His tone was clipped, reserved, and she felt a pang of regret for being so crass. An apology was on the tip of her tongue, yet she couldn’t bring herself to say it. Instead, she looked cowardly away from his searching eyes.

He retreated from the side of her bed and approached the door. “We will leave for the pack tomorrow. If you have any other questions, they can wait until morning. Sleep.”

Rather abruptly, he was gone and Hayden laid awake for a long time after.

Silence was the third occupant in the truck that morning.

Hayden rolled her head against her shoulder and stared out the passenger window. They were heading up north to join the others and she didn’t know whether she felt relieved or apprehensive.

Cole had contacted Blake not too long ago to reassure his beta they were all safe. The pack was expecting Nicolas and Hayden to bring him back alive.

But they weren’t.

“What an ugly circle,” she murmured sullenly.

Because her statement was so vague, she didn’t expect Nicolas to comment. He wasn’t much of an active conversationalist, with the exception of last night when he roused her from her stubborn unconsciousness.

When they left the rogue establishment early that morning, he’d traded a few words with the other werewolves. From her brief observations, they seemed familiar with Nicolas, and even more familiar with his long absences. They clearly worshipped the man, and he spoke to them with patience she’d never seen in him before.

“Explain.”

It took her a fraction of a second to realize he’d actually encouraged her to continue.

“All of
this
was for nothing.” She couldn’t stop the bite in her tone, nor the way her emotions swelled. “Before all this happened, we were in exactly the same place we are now. We should have stopped when we were ahead. When we—when we had Cole safe.”

Nicolas didn’t reply for quite some time. His eyes focused straight ahead, never once straying from the road. His brother’s death must have been weighing heavily on him, yet he wrapped himself with a countenance of strength.

“You believe this was for nothing.”

She lifted her head from her shoulder and looked at him. “The whole
point
to
this—
to our partnership—was to save Cole.” Her pulse beat frantically and she tried to calm her canine half. “Finding out about Xavier’s past was a task we shouldn’t have even started.”

“Despite our large sacrifice, we found out information that will help the others. We’ve experienced Celeste’s soldiers firsthand. We found out about her origins—”

“None of that really matters,” she whispered fiercely and turned her head away. “We lost this war anyway. All we can do is destroy Celeste to cauterize the chaos.” A bitter smile curled the edges of her mouth. “And I bet I know how you would propose we kill her. We find Logan. And then we kill him. It eliminates two evils with one strike.”

Like Xavier and Marie Slayter.

Nicolas did not speak after that. Hayden knew she was being unfair to him, and yet, she couldn’t stop herself. She saw him as responsible for Cole’s death. Responsible for being so damn untouchable when his brother was not.

“I will not tell any other that Logan Crow and Celeste are life mates.”

His promise caused Hayden to stiffen in surprise. She stared out the window at the passing scenery, seeing nothing but snow and evergreens.

“I don’t believe it’s my place to divulge that secret,” Nicolas continued. “There would be many men who take advantage of that piece of knowledge and pounce on Logan the first chance they get. He was an infamous fighter. Perhaps we can use his knowledge and his skill to help aid our efforts.”

Hayden heard the unspoken words between them.

Assuming they could
find
Logan, and assuming he was compliant in fighting with them against Celeste, he could live. If he proved to be difficult, however, Hayden knew Nicolas would take responsibility and hunt Logan down himself.

She couldn’t find it in herself to voice her objections, though the idea of Nicolas hunting her father frightened her to a degree she didn’t quite understand. As of late, her insides were nothing but a tightly wound ball of static emotions and thick anxiety. Trying to identify what she felt about something specific was virtually impossible. 

All she felt was fear, depression, and numbness. 

“How much did you really know about all this?” Hayden asked him, needing to talk, needing to break the silence, needing to hear his voice. “About Celeste? About your father?”

A humorless chuckle escaped Nicolas’ mouth. Dark lines formed around his mouth and eyes. “You know I had my suspicions about everything, but I was never certain of anything. I did not have the evidence.”

She turned and studied his profile. He was an extremely vague individual. Even when he answered her questions, he had a way of provoking a deeper response that only left Hayden with more questions.

She sighed. “Can you at least tell me what happened after Celeste took me? Did you manage to kill anyone? Celeste’s Carriers? Nolan? What about the rogues?”

For the first time since entering the truck, Nicolas turned his full attention on to her. His pale eyes flashed with something akin to dark humor. “Have I ever given you any reason to think I wouldn’t answer your questions, Hayden?”

The hairs on her arms stood at the seductive quality in his tone. Her spine stiffened when she realized how easy it was for her body to respond to him. It made her uneasy. She felt guilty she was betraying Cole. If just his voice alone could cause her skin to tingle…

Heat stained her cheeks and she turned away, hating herself.

So very much.

“Once I knew they wanted to take you alive, I did not stay and fight. I chose to follow you from a distance and assemble reinforcements,” Nicolas carried on easily, as if he were blissfully ignorant to Hayden’s plight. However, he was most likely very aware of it. “Celeste managed to get away before we even entered the lair. There were no Carriers there, only lesser followers and puppets.”

“Troy Arnold?”

“I couldn’t pick up his trail. I don’t believe Celeste has him.”

She pursed her lips at the bit of information. Troy was an important asset. He could have been killed in his basement when the puppets followed them downstairs, but she doubted it. He’d reassured her that he knew how to run.

“When you threatened Celeste in the woods, you told her you had power she wasn’t even aware of. I’m guessing you meant your secret band of followers. I wasn’t aware you were
actually
the rogue Alpha.”

Speaking about strategy and intricate details helped Hayden take her mind of things. For just a fleeting moment, she felt as if everything was right in the world.

His lip quirked in amusement. “My secret band of followers,” he repeated lowly, more to himself than to Hayden. “You are right. When I agreed to become Celeste’s scapegoat, I knew I had to create a safeguard for myself. There were many rogues in need of a commanding lead. I chose to keep their existence to myself.”

Nicolas had no shortage of self-preservation. He was smart to protect himself against Celeste, having the forethought he’d betray her someday for his brother.

“Did your rogues have enough control to at least rescue the other prisoners there?” It was hard to forget the suffering she’d witnessed at Celeste’s hideout. So many had suffered at her hands.

“Of course they did,” he replied, “though it’s hard to determine how long they’ll live.”

Hayden closed off after his statement, drawing in on herself both mentally as well as emotionally. The pain and devastation Celeste inflicted on innocents was astronomical. It became apparent how many challenges they would face on their road to destroying the woman and her brilliance.

It would hardly reverse the damage, but Hayden acknowledged the wild urge to find every last one of Celeste’s underground lairs. She would liberate the prisoners and destroy all the equipment, all the medical jargon.

She stared intently out the window, wanting nothing more than to be back out in the wild. As Nicolas turned off to a side street, the trees grew thicker and the road narrowed. They were getting closer to the others and Hayden felt her limbs grow heavy with dread.

An unexplainable restlessness settled in her legs.

She just wanted to run.

“They know.”

She tore her eyes away from the window and looked at Nicolas. “They know what?”

His jaw clenched noticeably. “Your pack knows about Cole. I spoke to his beta over the phone before we left this morning.”

“Blake?” She sank in her seat and stared unseeingly in front of her.

She considered asking Nicolas how Blake reacted upon hearing the news, but she already knew what the man must have felt. It surprised her that Nicolas took the initiative to contact the pack regarding Cole’s passing before her arrival.

“Take advantage of their support,” he suggested. “This will be a good time for you to heal and rebuild your strength.”

There was something about his words and tone that did not sit well with her. Hayden gazed unhappily out the window for a moment, trying to piece together the unspoken words he did not say.

It dawned on her a moment later. “You’re not staying,” she observed darkly. “You’re dropping me off like I’m some sort of lost child before running off again. I thought you said I was under your protection.” A sudden spark of anger and betrayal blossomed, though she didn’t understand why.

It wasn’t as if Nicolas’ elusive ways were new to her.

“You
are
under my protection.” He seemed utterly calm, completely in control of the situation. “I am not abandoning you. I will be checking in on you
frequently
.”

She smiled bitterly and shook her head. “Why even bother?”

“You know why.”

At his heavy insinuating, Hayden’s dark mirth faltered and turned cold. Her smirk faded and she turned away once more, no longer able to conjure up a proper response.

“The other werewolves do not trust me. Instead of wasting my energy and patience trying to dance around their suspicions, I can use my time looking for Logan and tying up loose ends. I cannot do that freely under the restricted laws of the traditional Alphas.”

Hayden made a noise of protest. “Then let me come with you!”

From the corner of her eyes, she spied the blurred forms racing between the trees and following their truck from a distance. Her pulse accelerated and she stiffened, ready for a confrontation. In the back of her mind, she knew them to be friendly allies,
her people
, yet she couldn’t force herself to calm.

Through the trees, she caught glimpses of several cabins and many, many more werewolves loitering about. They gathered and came together as a large group to greet Hayden. And that thought terrified her.

Petrified her.

“Please,” she begged, hating how weak she sounded as she pleaded with the Alpha male next to her. “I can’t imagine sitting idly, doing
nothing
and drowning in my grief. I need to be doing something to preoccupy myself.”

She refused to sit still. Even if Nicolas did not agree to bring her with him, she’d find a way to go herself. She was not domesticated. She would not suffer in coddling hands.

Not without Cole at her side.

“You need to be with others. It is imperative, now more than ever, that you learn how to detach yourself from always being on guard, from always being in battle.”

“What if I don’t want to detach? We
are
in constant battle now,” she argued fiercely. “What you’re asking me to do is to detach from reality.”

“Females are not meant to be warriors, Hayden. You need to learn how to live again.”

She bolted from her slouched position and grabbed a fistful of his jacket, exposing her teeth in challenge. She was suddenly furious and desperate. “Do
not
give me that bullshit on gender roles!” Her voice cracked and tears welled up in her eyes. “I am not a domesticated female who stays put—”

He was a depiction of complete calm as he put the truck in park and bypassed her constricted hold on his jacket. Despite her efforts, nothing seemed to deter him as he grabbed her around the collar and pushed her up against the window.

Her head clunked against the glass and he only applied more pressure, keeping her head inclined and her throat exposed. His cold eyes were alive with ire, possessing a fire that chilled her to the bone.

“It is too late for me to learn how to separate myself from constant battle. I don’t wish that on anyone. Male or female.” His knuckles curled into her neck, applying a near-choking pressure. “Is it too much for me to ask that you learn how to separate yourself for the both of us?”

She exhaled shakily and tried to loosen her stiff limbs. It was difficult meeting his eyes, only because she’d never seen them quite so expressive.

“I’ve already told you that I respect you and your combative abilities.” He slowly released her collar and retracted his hand. “I’m not asking you to sit out of this war. I’m asking you to properly adjust to a traumatic loss with those who can offer appropriate comforts.”

Hayden bit her tongue when her first, initial reaction was to ask him how
he
would deal with Cole’s death. But she remained silent and watched as he put the truck in drive and continued deeper into the woods.