Un.Wavering (Claimed Series Book 3) (31 page)

Clearly, he was unbothered by her persistent glare to the side of his head.

He had his own way to deal with his brother’s death. Hayden had her suspicions that he would deal with the loss the same way she usually dealt with things. Avoidance. Constant exhaustion. Guilt. Distraction. Recklessness.

They were far more similar than she’d liked to admit. More than
he
knew.

Nicolas might be right in assuming the pack would be a better choice—a healthier choice—in helping her cope with her loss. However, he didn’t know how
she
handled things.

Her thoughts abruptly shattered when the truck came to a gradual stop. Up ahead, they were just shy of entering a clearing of several cabins. They were extremely small cabins and Hayden could see even more tiny structures scattered in the far distance.

Werewolves emerged, alerted to the newcomers. Her eyes immediately fell on a familiar brunette male as he stepped out from between two cabins. Her throat tightened and a fresh wave of grief made itself an uninvited guest in her stomach.

“Come.”

Nicolas was out the door before Hayden could properly recover.

She watched as he walked—glided—in front of the truck and towards her side of the cab. At Nicolas’ sudden appearance, Hayden noticed many werewolves shy away and whisper anxiously to one another. Their fear was evident.

Her door opened and she had no choice but to step out.

Steadying her shaking legs, Hayden planted her boots on the snow and faced the group of werewolves from a distance. Without Cole at her side, she felt like an outsider again, as if she didn’t belong. Looking at all the new and old faces struck an empty chord within her.

She spied the Albertville Alphas, Adolf, Eric, Tobias, and new males that appeared to be just as authoritative and commanding. Their attention locked completely on Nicolas, watching his every small move with single-minded intensity.

Hayden felt the rogue Alpha step behind her, closing in with his smothering presence. One hand wrapped around her throat, a finger just barely teasing the mating mark on her neck. She kept her eyes forward, not yet willing to step away from him to approach the others.

There was no denying Nicolas’ intentions. His hold around her neck was a claiming and territorial gesture, a reminder to the other males that she was
his.

Any other time, any other situation, Hayden would have fought against the territorial instinct. Now was not the proper time to restate his claim on her, a claim that hadn’t been entirely meaningful in the beginning, a claim that had once belonged to Cole.

“Don’t do anything reckless.” His breath teased Hayden’s ear in a menacing caress. His opposite hand grabbed the end of her braid and tugged at it sharply. “I
will
know. And I will come down on you.”

And then suddenly, his presence was gone.

She shivered as the cold encompassed her and her warmth vanished. Looking over her shoulder, she caught the trail end of his coat disappear into the trees. Clearly, he left behind the truck in favor of embracing his accustomed stealth.

Frantically, she wanted to race after him. His absence was just another loss she found difficult to swallow. He said he’d be back, but he could never promise. Promises like that were empty, she realized.

“Hayden!”

She turned at the call, watching the tall, lanky blond race towards her. He wore a wide smile, revealing the yellow teeth she remembered so fondly. His turquoise eyes were gentle, pure. A part of her wondered when she started to feel as if she’d taint her pack members just by being near them.

Hayden shook off the disconcerting feeling and took a shaky step forward. “Fergus,” she whispered, feeling everything crash down around her.

He raced crazily towards her, his face contorting with relief, with grief. She closed the distance and allowed him to sweep her off her feet. His arms crushed her in a binding hold and he sobbed miserably into the crook of her neck.

Her own resolve crumbled and she swallowed several times to prevent her own sobs. She couldn’t prevent the tears, however, and with her arms bound, she couldn’t wipe away the evidence.

“I’m so glad you made it back.”

But Cole didn’t.

She closed her eyes and turned limp in his hold. He cried out of relief, but of grief as well. He was unafraid to express himself, a trait Hayden had forgotten over her brief time with Nicolas and Cole.

“Fergus, let us see her.”

Over her Omega’s shoulder, she saw Blake, Addie, and Nathan stand close, their expressions varying degrees of sadness. It was hard to look at them. Extremely hard. Hayden felt something within her shatter as the guilt consumed her fully.

Reluctantly, Fergus lowered her back to the ground and released her.

Blake was the first one there.

He embraced her firmly, his expression fixed, yet his eyes bright with emotion. His hands tightened around her, as if reassuring himself she was truly there. He reminded her of the wholesome bond they shared.

He was her brother, a protective and faithful supporter.

“You were missed, Hayden.”

She’d missed him. She’d missed them all, and yet, she still felt out of place.

Nathan and Addie hugged her next, though she could feel strain in both of them. A part of Hayden wondered why she felt like she was supposed to come as a packaged deal. Without Cole, there should be no Hayden. She’d been introduced to the pack with Cole’s smothering presence at her shoulder. It was alien to interact with them without the pillar, without the backbone.

But maybe that’s how they all felt without their Alpha.

They were part wolf after all.

“I’d like to have a word with Hayden alone,” Blake addressed the pack, though his voice reached the observers. “Give us some time.”

He wrapped a secure arm around Hayden’s shoulders and she desperately wiped her tears away. As her beta led her away from the others, away from the strangers, she caught a glimpse of a familiar face in the crowd.

Asher.

Hayden hadn’t expected to see him back after he left his father’s side. But he stood at Eric’s shoulder now, watching her with concern, with pity.

She turned away and tucked herself underneath Blake’s shielding arm. There was nothing worse than feeling dozens upon dozens of pitying stares upon her. It made the grief personify into something solid and tangible.

“Thank you.” She looked up at Blake. “For taking me away.”

He nodded, his expression drawn into something severe and unwelcoming. “There are a few things I need to discuss with you. Alone.”

Her heart plummeted. Whatever he wanted to talk about, it was clearly dire.

They moved further into the woods and passed a great deal of cabins and lingering werewolves. She avoided eye contact and kept her attention in front of her. After constantly fighting enemies on the run, it was strange coming back to a place of refuge, surrounded by numerous allies.

“You need to be careful with Nicolas,” Blake said, wasting no time as he led her inside one of the cabins. “Even from a distance, he will be territorial. I don’t exactly trust his intentions when it comes to you.”

“Blake, please, I don’t want to talk about Nicolas.” She ducked out from underneath his arm and ventured further into the single-room cabin. “I don’t even want to think about what you’re insinuating. Cole and I—”

“Hayden,” Blake interrupted, “I’m just concerned.”

The cabin smelt of the pack, predominantly Blake. The structure was so small, it could only fit a small kitchenette, a tiny bathroom, and a main living area where the pack clearly slept together in a heap.

Hayden restlessly stalked the perimeter of the cabin, feeling like a caged animal. Her eyes traced over the walls and the ceiling, measuring her new surroundings. Blake’s scent overpowered the others here and it suddenly dawned on her that he was the dominant male in the pack. He’d be their next Alpha.

Or would he?

“I know you and Cole…” Blake started, but tapered off and began a new line of conversation. “Cole called me a few days earlier and told me there was a possibility he wouldn’t return. He wasn’t feeling well, he said.”

She stopped pacing and faced the wall, her back turned to Blake. “He did?”

He sighed, clearly troubled at her detachment. “I didn’t want to believe it. He told me what he went through with Celeste and how it was affecting his body. From our conversation, I gathered he decided to trust Nicolas, and agree to uncover Xavier’s secrets.

“Yesterday, Nicolas filled me in on the rest. He told me everything, Hayden. You and Cole went through a lot. And I was obligated to share it with the other Alphas here.”

“Everything,” she repeated numbly. “About Logan…”

“Yes. And your connection to Logan.”

Hayden frowned at the wall, remembering Nicolas’ promise in the truck. He told her he would not divulge the fact that Logan and Celeste were life mates. She only hoped he hadn’t lied to her. As of now, she couldn’t come to terms with any of it herself, let alone what she expected the others to believe.

“There is something else,” Blake ventured, his tone hesitant. “Nicolas didn’t tell you everything. He thought it would be better if you didn’t know
yet,
but I think… that it’s unfair to keep it from you.”

She turned around and stared at him impassively. “There can’t possibly be more. I was there the whole time. I experienced
everything
alongside of Nicolas. And he’s telling you that he’s hiding something from me?”

Blake’s amber eyes softened and he gazed at her with concern. “It’s about Cole.”

Hayden shook her head. “I don’t want to hear it…”

“He wasn’t killed, Hayden.”

The words hit her hard. A powerful wave of euphoria swept through her body and she felt
life
warm her chest and face. Before she could properly embrace it, Blake had to open his mouth again.

“The drugs they pumped through his system were a lot more effective than what you and Nicolas originally believed. It altered his body chemistry, Hayden. He… he’s become one of Celeste’s soldiers.”

“No,” Hayden argued fiercely. “There is a way to reverse it. He’s
alive
, Blake! Troy Arnold! If we can find him! Or even my father!”

“Hayden.”

“There has to be a way to erase Celeste’s traces.”

“Hayden, he’s gone.”

“He’s not,” she growled. “You just
said
that he was alive.”

Blake leveled her with a firm stare. “Cole is gone! If you even think about it for a moment, you know it’s true.” 

She blinked at the harshness in his tone and her euphoria soiled into black, inky depression. The walls fell away from her, and she was back underneath Troy Arnold’s house, surrounded by death and experiencing Cole’s passing a second time.

“Nicolas was fighting alongside him one moment, and the next, Cole started attacking him. He became robotic and mindless…” Blake shook his head and pressed a hand against his face to hide his sorrow.

Hayden’s shoulders slumped and she stared at the floor. She remembered the thick, silver scar across Nicolas’ face. No one could have taken that man by surprise unless it had been someone he trusted to have his back.

And then the words
robotic
and
mindless
dawned on her.

Cole wasn’t a Carrier like Evan or Nolan, he was like one of
them
, one of Celeste’s mindless puppets. Hayden collapsed to her knees in realization. It was a fate worse than death.

“Nicolas assumes that Celeste did a lot of damage to Cole, even before you rescued him. And then when Evan injected him again on the run, it might have completed the transformation. The way Cole just snapped during the fight must have been triggered by Celeste’s presence…”

Hayden looked up at Blake. “Evan’s injection?” Her lips twisted into a wary smile. “You mean the injection I could have stopped with a simple throwing knife? But missed Evan completely?”

Blake crouched down in front of her. “It is not your fault. It’s not.”

“There could be a way, Blake,” she tried to reason with optimism and take her mind off her own failure. “He can’t be completely gone. There is just no feasible way it can happen. I won’t believe it.”

He frowned and reached out to touch her shoulder. “You were in bad shape when it happened. We don’t understand what you felt, or what you’re feeling, but from the way Nicolas described it, we almost lost you too. You didn’t even
see
what happened to Cole, Hayden, but somehow your wolf knew the exact moment when she lost him. Didn’t she?”

“Celeste just altered his chemical makeup,” she argued. “Maybe it made him unrecognizable to my wolf. Maybe that’s why I can’t sense him like before.”

“That is a possibility.”

He was appeasing her, but it couldn’t have been more discouraging.

Hayden pressed her lips together. “I need to be alone.”