Used (Unlovable, #1) (Unlovable Series) (6 page)

“Hmm … I didn’t get to talk to him for long, but he seemed intense and interesting.” When I went back to the party, the two bitches, whom I later learned had actual names, Becky and Amber were chatting him up. Then I watched him leave with a different girl altogether.

I ended up shooting the bull with Greer and the other ropers before grabbing Maggie and calling it a night. “So you’re interested in him?” she asks.

“I don’t know. I mean, I think I’d like to be friends with him.” I give myself a hard stare and question which type of friendship I’m looking for. Even if he wasn’t the one I could have
that
kind of friendship with, I still wanted to be actual friends. “I’ve just always admired him and his dedication,” I finally admit. “I’d like to get to know him better.”

“Well, I’m thinking maybe I judged him too harshly based on his looks. Pete spoke very highly of him. Speaking of looks, who was the good-lookin’ blond you were talking to?”

I blow out a deep breath and join her on her bed. “He’s a long, complicated story. That’s who.”

“Well, I’m not going anywhere except to change.” She bounces up and leaves the door open as I stretch out on her bed and contemplate where to start. She pokes her head back out after a few seconds and orders, “Talk.”

Laughing, I launch into a quick recount of my growing up with Greer. How we lived and breathed every moment together because our mothers and fathers had been best friends before they had a huge falling out. Fortunately, we were older when that happened, so it didn’t keep us apart. By the time I get to our brief attempt at something more than just friends, Maggie’s stretched out beside me and listening intently.

“The next part is not so simple.” Releasing another deep breath, I look her in the eyes and pray that she gets it without asking too many questions. “A couple of years ago, our relationship took a turn and we became … involved. A physical relationship, but nothing more … not
in
a relationship.” I bite my lip and wait for it. I tried to explain it to one other person, and she never got it and actually stopped talking to me. She then promptly told the biggest male gossip in school about our arrangement. That grew and festered into what I had to deal with at the party tonight from Becky and Amber.

Maggie shifts and looks like she’s thinking for a second before blurting out, “I don’t understand.”

That’s what I was afraid of. I’m going to have to be blunt. “We used each other for sex, Maggie.”

“Oh.” She nods once.

“Yeah, look, that’s the thing I wanted to talk to you about, and I hope that you don’t hate me and join in on the let’s-bash-the-hell-outta-Denver-club, but I have a reputation for having …” I search for the softer term for it. She’s too sweet. There’s no way I can say fuck buddies. “Friends with benefits,” I finally finish.

Her mouth makes the O shape before she finally breathes out, “Oh …”

“You know,” I tell her with a shrug, “it just works for me. I’m not tied down, and there are no expectations of them or me. We have a great friendship and then we … have sex. And everyone is happy.”

She narrows her eyes at me, assessing me. “You’re really happy with that?”

I flip over on my stomach and put my head on my folded arms. “Yes and no. It’s why I was shocked and a little disappointed to see Greer.”

“What do you mean?”

“We were supposed to go our separate ways, but he followed me.”

Her eyes widen. “Wow.”

“I know,” I say with a groan. “He’s asked me to give him a chance at an actual relationship. He’s never asked anything of me. I don’t know what to do.”

“I think it’s kind of romantic,” she says with a sigh. “And he is your best friend. Who better to fall in love with? Do you love him?”

I suck the air between my teeth sharply. That’s the crux of the problem. I do love Greer and at one time, I was falling
in
love with him, but I ruined that. And I don’t know that I can ever get that feeling back. “I love him like a friend. I don’t know if it can be more than that, though.”

Maggie further narrows her eyes at me like she’s bound and determined to get to the bottom of this. “Do you want it to be more?”

He did nothing to deserve my denying him, but things between us had been so strained because I had done some awful things. Now I wonder if I really was all right ending our relationship on that note. All those years, tainted with the ugly, unraveled threads I’d woven in. Our once-beautiful history cannot be denied, and if I let him back in, maybe we can capture that again with some work. And if I’m with Greer, that may be enough to keep from living up to my full slut potential. Even though it’s probably not the smartest decision, I find myself whispering, “I think I might.”

How we’d come to this crossroads in our relationship is a lot more complicated than I let on to Maggie, and it kills me how we were both jarred from our innocence with a series of soul-crushing events.

Chapter Four

Then

I
HANG UP
the reins and run my hands down the leather. We had a good ride. I smile when I think about Greer climbing on behind me and riding a little ways. His hands had never left my hips, and his lips had never left my neck. He’s been so wonderful, but we’ve never really discussed where we’re going with this. It has only been a month, but I hope our lack of labels is because he sees us like I do—undeniable and strong.

Our connection is so strong, and our being together seems like a “given” to me now. I can’t imagine not being with him after what we’ve shared this summer. Still, it’s like we’ve existed in a bubble, and I’m afraid it’s about to land on a sharp piece of grass. Our summer’s coming to an end all too quickly, and I wonder how things will be when we return to school. Will he tell everyone I’m his girl? Will I ride beside him in his new truck? Will he write my name on his notebooks, doodling little hearts around it? He certainly has doodled his name all over my heart.

Letting go of the reins, I spin around to head to the house. The ridiculous grin falls from my face immediately.

“What are you doing in here?” I ask Blake. My mom’s new husband cares absolutely nothing for our animals and has no right to be in here. Clearly, he’s been standing there a while watching me.

“I could ask you the same question, little missy. You’re supposed to be in bed.”
Shit!
Greer and I had sneaked out for a midnight ride. My mother doesn’t really give a shit; she might yell a little, but Greer’s mother will flip the fuck out. I hope they didn’t call her.

I narrow my eyes suspiciously. “How’d you know I wasn’t?”

“I just went in to check on you,” he says, as he closes the tack room door behind him. I swallow nervously. I can hear a slight slur to his words, and I know firsthand that he can’t handle his liquor.

I strive to keep the panic from my voice. “You went into my room? It was locked. How’d you get in?”

“I picked the lock, missy. I was worried about you when you didn’t answer the door.”

My blood boils and calls for me to throw myself at him, clawing and scratching, but I maintain my calm façade. “I’d appreciate it if you didn’t do that again. I’d also appreciate it very much if you stay out of my room and away from me. I don’t trust you, Blake.” As soon as I utter those words, my control snaps. “And, as soon as my mother wizens up, your sorry ass will be down the road just like the rest and her number seven will be a distant memory.” I am seething by the time I finish my little speech. I’m hoping that my strength puts him off like it has the ones who have come before him. How many times have I had to fight off my mother’s perverted husbands or their perverted friends and family? It’s repulsive. I need to make him see that I’m too strong to be fucked with. That I’ll shout the barn down and rip his head off if he messes with me. His free ride would effectively come to an end, and I’m praying that he won’t risk it.

“Sorry ass, huh? How you figure?”

I point my finger at him, and I curse myself at the little tremor that courses through me. “Because I’m not stupid. I know what you want from me, and I’m not gonna let you take it. I’ll die before I let you touch me, but I won’t die before I fight you with every ounce of life that beats within me.”

Blake throws his head back in laughter, surprising me. When he quiets down, he surprises me further when he says, “You have a mighty high opinion of yourself, little missy. I don’t want nothin’ from you. I just came to check on you. And don’t lie to your mother again, or I’ll be telling her all about your little midnight ride with Mr. Tanner.” I open my mouth to tell him not to talk about Greer, but he raises his hand and keeps on going. “Did you lay down for him?”

“What? No!” I admit, caught off-guard. I can’t believe I just told him that, but I didn’t expect him to have the nerve to ask.

“You know what happens to little girls who put out for their little boyfriends, don’t you?”

I just nod. I have no idea what he’s talking about. I just want him to leave.

“Umm, hmm,” he murmurs as his dark eyes roam over me. I fight the urge to shiver from the cold that sweeps over me. “Well, I’m going back to the house. You need to get yourself up there too. It’s not safe for little girls to be out in the middle of the night. Boogey man and all,” he warns with a stilted laugh. When he closes the door behind him, I collapse against the wall.

That was close. Too close. I told my mother he was making comments like that toward me, and she said she’d “talk to him.” Well, obviously, he needed more than a talking to. Maybe I need to start sleeping with my 20-gauge. I imagine the look he’d give me if I pulled that on him, and it makes me grin. He really doesn’t want to mess with me.

I wait a few more minutes so I don’t have to see him as I head back into the house. As I turn to latch the door, I’m pushed into it, and a hand is over my mouth before I can scream.

I throw my hands behind me to swat at him, but he just pins one of them, and the other swings blindly, missing its target. “Shh,” he breathes in my ear, “this can be fun or not. Depends on you. I’m gonna let your mouth go, and you’re not gonna scream. Got it?” I nod frantically.

The second his hand slips away, I start screaming bloody murder and kicking at him. My boot connects with his shin a few times, and he cries out in pain.

“You’re gonna fight me? Even better,” he mumbles against me. A wave of nausea washes over me. Pulling my hands behind my back, he clasps them both in one of his strong hands and forces me to the ground face up, effectively pinning my hands behind me. I am trapped under him. There’s no fucking way this is happening. With one hand, he starts undoing my jeans, but it’s hard for him because I’m squirming so much. Pain shoots through my arms as I pull against him.

“Get. Off. Of. Me. I will kill you, you sick fucking bastard,” I stress every single word.

I hear the crack before I see his hand move, and I whimper as my cheek explodes with pain from the backhanded blow. The sting radiates out from my cheekbone, and for a second, my brain focuses on that instead of how to get away. “You’re not gonna do
shit
. You see, you’ve been wiggling this sweet ass in front of me for months now, and I’m done with that.”

“I have not. I hate you. You’re si—”

Crack.

Pain.

Warmth.

Blood.

“Oh, that’s gonna leave a mark. Now, how are you gonna explain that to your momma?” he taunts.

I suck air between my teeth, willing myself not to cry, but I can’t
not
cry. God, it hurts, and for the first time in my life, I feel completely helpless. Panicked whimpers erupt from my mouth as I glance around wildly, trying to figure a way out of this. The fight leaves my body like a retreating army, and he feels it too. He’s finally gotten my jeans down to my knees, and all that’s protecting me is the slight fabric of my panties. I hear him unzip, and my whimpers turn into pathetic sobs.

“Oh, yes. This will go much better for you that way, Denver. Much better,” he murmurs as he moves his body over me. He looks down, focusing on freeing himself, and I realize I have an opportunity because he’s somewhat moved off of my legs. I go slack in an effort to get him to relax even more, and it works. The second I feel some room between us, I bring my knee up hard, making contact with his groin. I don’t stop, though, when he stills and cries out. I force my knee into his crotch again, and once more, until he crumples and falls off of me. I roll over to the side, crawling away from him. I push myself up on my knees and run the back of my arm over my face to clear the snot and the tears and the blood from my face.

“You little bitch,” he breathes through clenched teeth.

“And don’t you forget it!” I scream. “I’ll kill you. I’ll fucking kill you,” I cry.

“Denver?” My head flies up when I hear the familiar voice. Oh, no. Oh my God.

“Greer,” I choke out.

He looks confused and frozen. “What’s going on?”

“He was going to …”

Greer whips around and stalks to the corner, grabbing a pitchfork.

“No, Greer,” I cry, as he runs at a cowering Blake. He’s standing over him before I can move.

“She’s not going to kill you. I am,” he says quietly. His quiet is deceiving because I can feel a cold, calm vehemence steeling his every word.

I shove to my feet, and pulling up my jeans, I stumble to him and throw my arms around him. “No, Greer, come on. Don’t do anything you’ll regret.”

“Oh, I won’t regret it.”

“Please, Greer, he didn’t hurt me. I’m OK. Let’s go tell my momma.” I cling to him and squeeze him tighter.

“I want to hurt him,” Greer says. “I want to hurt him like he hurt you.” He slices the air with the pitchfork, and both Blake and I cry out. He stops an inch from Blake’s face. “Do you see this, you bastard?” Blake whimpers and nods. “This is the least of your worries. You ever come near her again, you’ll never see me coming. Do you understand?”

“I’m sorry,” Blake cries out. “I thought … I thought she wanted it.”

“You thought no such thing. I heard her screaming. Did that sound like
want
to you?” he screams the question.