VAIN (The VAIN Series) (6 page)

"I'm far from perfect." I smile broadly. "Very, very far."

"I chose you for my show because you're perfect. Everything about you speaks to me in that way." It's meant to be a compliment. At any other moment, I'd completely absorb it that way. I want to absorb it that way. I want it to bear the meaning that it's meant to but it doesn't. The words are clouded by the fact that he made a conscious decision not to make love to me when I was tied to his bed; my body was literally dripping with wanton and tangible desire for him.

"If I was perfect you would have fucked me," I say clearly. The words sound brash and violent coming from my lips. There's an undeniable attack within them. It's not directed towards him as much as myself. The rejection that I felt that night mirrored what I'd been feeling for weeks after my lover in Paris chose to unhinge me emotionally by tricking me into seeing him with the woman who owned his heart. His public display of affection destroyed all of my self-esteem and being denied Noah's body had only multiplied the emotional impact of that tenfold.

"I couldn't fuck you." He reaches across the bed to cover my hand with his. "I couldn't let myself do it."

"Why?" My voice is cracking because everything inside of me is suddenly off balance. I had vowed not to bring this up with him. I had promised myself that I wouldn't dwell on it and instead would show up, pose and get the hell out of his life.

"One taste of you unravelled me completely. If I would have fucked you that night that would have been the end of me."

"You're too dramatic," I say half-teasingly. I want the room to have more air. I need to have more space to think and feel. "You didn't fuck me because you wanted to take my picture."

"No." He slides his body from the floor into the bed next to me. "I didn't fuck you because I'd never let you go if I did."

"You're a horrible liar." I push myself to the very edge of the bed to try and gain distance from him and his sudden pronouncements of unending desire for me. What the hell happened when I fell asleep?

"I want you so badly, Alexa." His tongue darts across his lips as the words flow from them. "I really want you."

"You want me?" I push my ass even closer to the edge. I'm about ready to tumble out and onto the hardwood floor. "You don’t actually want me, Noah."

"I do." He edges closer. I can feel the warmth of his body radiating against mine.

I'm inches away from falling into him and his lips. I have to pull myself together and get out of here before he decides he needs money shot for his gallery show next week.

"I can't do this." I press my hand against his rock hard chest. "We can't."

His arm leaps beneath the sheet to circle my waist. "Give me a reason why."

"You're playing me." I want the words to sound simple and straightforward. I want him to know that I realize that along with great picture taking skills, he's a master of manipulation.

"No." His hand traces a path across my bare hip. "I'm not playing."

"You don't fuck your models." I repeat back word-for-word what he said to me right before I signed the contract stipulating that he could take as many nude photos of me as he pleased.

"You said you break rules." The question floats across his lips with a raised brow. "Tell me that you don't want to know what it's like to feel my cock inside of your body, Alexa. Say it."

I lick my lips as the mention of his dick. He knows that I want it. My body has betrayed me endlessly since we began this wickedly tempting dance that he calls a photography project. "You know I can't say that."

"Tell me what you want." His eyes are focused completely on my mouth. "Say it, Alexa."

"No." I shake my head slightly. He wants me to confess that I want him right now. He wants me to utter the words and then he's going to grab his camera, take a round of photos and send me on my way.

"Did you fuck another guy the other night when you left here?" he asks, his eyes boring into mine. "Did you leave here and take another guy into your bed because I didn't fuck you?"

"That's none of your business," I spit back.

"I can't stop thinking about fucking you, Alexa." He shifts his body effortlessly so he's almost above me now. "I really want to fuck you."

"You're going to get me all worked up." I push my hands into his arms. "When you do you'll take another picture of me."

"I won't touch my camera until you come."

Now there's a promise that I wish I could bet on. I stare at his face, soaking in the chiseled features. His nose is slender, straight and strong. His jawline is uncompromising and full. The scar that weaves a path down his cheek is unmistakable, even though he hasn't shaved in days. He's beautiful, marred and completely unreadable.

"Let me have you." His voice is deep, dark and filled with a need that I feel within my own body. "Let me fuck you, Alexa. Now."

My mind screams at me to stop, my heart tells me that this can't end well but my body…my body slides over his as I give in to what we both need, want and have to have.

"Don't move your hands, Alexa." His voice trails over my breast right before his teeth sink into the flesh over my nipple. "I'm going to fuck you just like this."

I grip harder to the pillow above my head. I scream at the assault of tender pain that comes beneath his mouth. "Don't bite me, Noah," I whisper. "No."

He ignores my trembling plea and pulls my engorged nipple between his perfect teeth. The razor sharp taste of exquisite pain races through my body at warp speed crashing directly into my core. My legs fall open involuntarily just from the sheer weight of my desire.

"I'm going to make you so wet." His hand runs up my thigh and traces a path over my folds. "I've never been with a woman who got so wet. It's fucking amazing."

I moan at the sensation of his skilled hands on my flesh. He's going to make me forget everything I want and need to forget. Christ, if his mouth and hands are any indication of his skill as a lover I'm going to forget my own name. "Please fuck me." I can't temper any of this. My body is physically aching for contact with his.

I feel him shift on the bed and I look down to the condom package in his hand. This is the point where we stalled last time. If we can just get over this hurdle, I'm finally going to get the brass ring or in this case, the perfect, large cock inside of me.

"Your pussy is so wet. Look at how it drips." He finishes rolling the condom over him before he dips his hand back between my legs. I watch with baited breath as he runs the moisture over his dick.

"Oh, God," I whisper. "Now, Noah."

"Now." He pulls me legs apart and sits between them, his full cock resting in his hand. "I've never fucked a woman like you before. Christ, how am I not going to blow my load as soon as I get inside of that?"

I twist my hips as if to beckon him closer but he's already there. I feel the full tip on me. I arch my back off the bed to try and pull it in. I need it. I don't care what happens between us after this moment in time. I just want him.

"Goddamn." He spits out through clenched teeth as he slides his cock into me.

I shudder at the girth. It's already so much, so full and so good.

His arm wraps around my right leg as he hoists it up allowing more room within my channel. A deep grunt comes pouring out of his body as he plunges balls deep into me.

I come instantly from the assault. My muscles clench tightly around his cock. I claw at his arms, wanting him to still briefly so I can soak in all the pleasure.

"Christ, Alexa." His lips course hot over mine. "You fucking came already, didn't you?"

I can only nod into the kiss as I pull his lip between my teeth.

"You're the hottest thing ever." He pulses his hips into me, his cock touching a spot deep within me. Each thrust is an exquisite mixture of pain and pleasure all wrapped into one.

"Yes," I whisper unsure if the word actually left my body. I rock my hips up from the bed, trying desperately to keep up to his rhythm. He's fucking me hard and fast. The bed moves slightly with each tender assault. He's so strong, so muscular and he's so lost in our pleasure.

"Alexa, your body…." The words transform into a deep and animalistic grunt. "Fuck your body."

I grab hold of his shoulders trying to breathe. I'm so close again already. This feels so good. I can't tell him how good. No man has been so deep within every part of me before.

"Ah, fuck." He pulls back and takes my body with him, pulling me onto his lap as he pounds his cock effortlessly into my body.

"Your fucking pussy wants this." The words are pure and raw and only spur me on more. "You love this, don't you?"

I can't talk. It's all too much. I can only nod and rock against him.

"I'm going to come." He screams the words and his neck tenses, his shoulders stop and his hips pump over and over into me again.

"Where will the show be?" I ask quietly as I finish dressing. I can't believe that just happened. I can't believe I can walk after this just happened. After tying up the condom, Noah had gone to get a warm cloth and had washed my body tenderly, wiping away all the sweat that had gathered on my chest and forehead before the pulled the wet, moist cloth between my folds. It was tender, too tender for the man who now sat in front of me, half-dressed staring at his smart phone.

"The show?" His eyes dart up and over my face before a small grin pulls at the corner of his lips. "My show?"

"The pictures you've been taking of me…" I suddenly feel embarrassed that others will see what he's been seeing. "Those pictures. Where will you be showing them?"

"In New York." He moves past me to retrieve a pad and paper from a desk in the corner of his bedroom. "I'll write down the details."

"I'm not sure I'll go." I feel way too connected to him to let this continue beyond our photography sessions. Logically I know most of that is tied in to everything that happened in Paris. I just had rebound sex with the best lover I've ever had. Why did he have to appear in my life right now? I wish I had met him before I'd left on my trip. Maybe if I'd never met Beck, my heart wouldn't feel as completely muddled as it does right now. I never had trouble separating lust from love but since I found out what love actually feels like a few months ago, the line between them is blurred beyond any recognition.

"Alexa." He pats the bed next to him. "Sit down."

I fidget in place, moving back and forth between my feet. I don’t want to sit down. I've never felt this vulnerable before and I don't like it. I want to wash it away. As soon as I walk out of his front door, I'm jumping in a taxi and sprinting home to shower. Washing Noah Foster out of my body and mind can't be that hard, can it?

"Sit down." His tone is unyielding and commanding.

"Please don't take pictures of me right now," I say in a hushed tone. I can't handle that. The thought of him pulling out a camera so he can capture the post orgasmic glow on my face is more than I can shoulder right now.

"Sit," he repeats even louder than the last time.

I acquiesce and sit a few inches from him. My eyes settle on his hands and the piece of paper that is now dangling from his fingers.

"Here are the details." He shoves the paper onto my lap and I grab for it before it flutters to the floor. "Come to the show with me."

"What?" I glance at his face. I need confirmation of what he just asked me.

"Let's go to New York together."

A ball of desire pools within me. He wants to take me to New York, to his show. He never leaves his home and he wants us to travel to the city together.

"I thought…" I stammer as I search for the compassionate way to present what I need and want to say to him. "I thought you didn't go out."

"I don't." His eyes watch my face for any reaction. "I want to go with you."

"Why?" I shake my head wishing I had tempered that with more compassion. It's too direct.

"You make me feel safe." The words are soft and barely audible. Before I have time to respond, he's on his feet, his thumb scanning his phone signaling that the discussion is over.

"The Brighton Beck is coming to town." The exuberance in Sadie's voice is unmistakable. It's the same giddiness that was there when she first talked about Noah. I can't say I'm shocked given the fact that she's been a Brighton Beck fan girl forever. The only difference now is that she has absolutely no idea that the world renowned watercolor artist is actually the same man I was sleeping with when I lived in Paris.

I can't react genuinely. If I do that she's going to stare down her nose at me for hooking up with him. "You're excited." That's a great comeback, Alexa. Now if you can just quiet the pounding of your heart to a dull roar, you might get through this conversation without confessing everything to your best friend. When I agreed to pop by to have a coffee with Sadie at the restaurant, I had no idea that Beck would be the sole focus of our visit.

"You remember him, don't you?" She asks as she pulls the plate of cookies across the table. "He was the friend that Hunter put you in touch with in Paris. Did you ever end up calling him?"

I'd called him days after I got his number when I was lost. He'd walked me through the maze of unfamiliar streets to a park bench where he and his incredibly handsome face had been waiting for me. I wasn't initially impressed with his talent, but his kindness, the tenderness he showed me as a lover and his profession of love for me had swept me off my feet. The fact that we were two Americans caught up in the romance of the city of lights didn't hurt either. We had an instant bond that cemented us together for weeks.

"Hunter's best friend Jax and his wife just had a baby. Brighton's coming to see them." Sadie's so sweet and unaware of the darkness that pervades Brighton's soul. To her, he's simply the brother of her husband's best friend. To the world he's a hero who whisked his girlfriend away to the best long term care facility in Europe after a horrific accident that left her unable to move. To me, he's the one man who managed to not only own my heart but break it into five million unfixable pieces.

"They live in New York, right?" I want clarification of where he's going to be. I can't imagine that Beck would try and contact me while he's on US soil after everything that happened between us, but he's unpredictable and if I'm going to have to face him, I want at least some semblance of a warning bell so I could throw my defense into action.

She nods as she takes another bite of cookie. "I think he's coming to Boston too." She shrugs her shoulders. "Hunter didn't say why, but I hope he stops by here."

I hope he gets hit by a train. "I know you love his work," I offer. I need to find a way to change the subject. Even though I was under the spell of Brighton's lies when I slept with him, the cruel and unmistakable fact is that he was involved with someone else when we had our affair. I thought he was over her, but he was just as invested in his girlfriend Liz then, as he is now.

"I'll call you to come in and meet him if he books a table."

"That's okay." I reach over to pat her hand before standing to leave. "I'm not a fan."