Vengeance Bound (25 page)

I push the notion aside and rub my temples. I’ll let Niko in on the ugly truth of my past at some point. Just not now. Later, when the time is right.

I’m very good at lying to myself.

I watch Niko while I gather my thoughts. His gaze is steady, and although his lips have thinned into a grim line, he seems to be taking it all in stride, like I’m telling him what I did over my summer vacation. What did They tell him while I was out? What did he see that makes my story seem tame? I’m afraid to ask.

“My grandmother died from a heart attack shortly after I moved in with her.” I leave out the part about my arrest causing the heart attack. “I became a ward of the state, and Dr. Goodhart spoke with my caseworker and convinced her to sign my care over to him. She agreed. I was sent to Saint Dymphna’s in Savannah for observation. The next year was pure hell. Once he had me under his care again, he started injecting me with different drugs in the hopes that he could fix me. I was going to make his career. Eventually he found a combination that he thought worked.” It wasn’t until the night I left that I finally realized. The doctor was crazier than me.

Something in my expression makes Niko pull me closer, adjusting so that I lean back against his chest. He pulls my hair down from its ponytail, burying his face in it and inhaling deeply. I can feel him tremble, and his response to my story causes something vital to shift in my chest.

“So what happened?” he asks, his voice hoarse.

I manage a smile. “The Furies were stronger than he thought. I ran. A few weeks later I went back to Savannah to get some of my stuff. I’ve been running for the past two years, waiting for the opportunity to hurt Dr. Goodhart for what he did to me.”

Niko rubs his cheek against mine, the stubble on his face scratchy and utterly appealing. “Why?” he asks, his mouth next to my ear.

“My parents died on the way to Brighter Day. They were coming because of Dr. Goodhart, because he put me under that experimental therapy. My grandmother had a heart attack because of me. She couldn’t handle raising me. But that stress was because my parents were gone. His recklessness took my family from me. And now I’m all alone.”

I slump back against the couch, feeling utterly hopeless. Now that I’ve actually let myself think about my plans, I realize how pointless it was to tell Niko any of this. Even leaving out a great big chunk of the truth, it’s still pretty obvious that I’m a killer. How many girls plan to kill their doctors?

I push the heels of my hands against my eyes until bright spots appear. The apartment is completely silent. The only sounds are Niko’s and my breathing.

Neither of us moves, and I finally drop my hands back into my lap. “You can leave if you want. This is the point where you realize I’m batshit crazy and head for the hills. Really, I don’t mind.”

Niko wraps his arms around me, smoothing back a few tendrils of hair. I remain stiff for a few moments, but when he presses a soft kiss to my forehead, my resolve melts away. I curl into him, savoring his strength. I don’t deserve his compassion, but I’ll take it anyway. His heartbeats are steady and strong under my cheek, and my fear fades away as I listen to his even breathing. “I don’t think you’re crazy. Maybe I would have if I hadn’t spent the past couple of days with you. I don’t know. But I saw something while you were . . . occupied.” I adjust within the safety of Niko’s arms, leaning my head back to study his expression. His eyes are closed, his lashes casting dark crescents on his cheekbones. Again I want to ask him what happened while I was unconscious, but there’s a tension around his mouth that warns me off. I say nothing, and instead lay my head back against his chest.

I close my eyes with a sigh, and Niko kisses the top of my head. He squeezes me tight, and I squeeze back. “We can figure out how to deal with this. You can just forget about finding this doctor, and we’ll do an exorcism or take up voodoo, or whatever we need to do to keep Them away. I won’t lose you, not when I’ve just found you. You make me feel alive, and something else. I don’t know. Maybe it’s because you’re so different from everyone else. You make me want to try, and I’m not willing to give that up.”

I want to tell him that it won’t work, that I’ve tried fighting Them before, with disastrous consequences. Even Alekto hasn’t been able to help me do more than control Them, delaying the inevitable craving for justice. But I can’t find the words. I’m too selfish. The last thing I want to do is burst the bubble of happiness that’s surrounding my heart.

So instead I tilt my head back so I can kiss the underside of his chin. He angles his head so his lips can meet mine, and I sink into the kiss with a sigh. I tangle my fingers in the hair at the back of his neck, and swallow the words I should say.

There will be plenty of time for reality later.

MY HAPPINESS

The next few days pass in an amazing blur.

Niko and I spend every waking moment together. We go to breakfast at the town’s diner, and wax poetic over beloved childhood cartoons. We drive to King of Prussia to loiter in the mall. There Niko talks about his life before his father died, and I try to remember the happy times with my parents and grandma.

We drive up to the mountain in the middle of the afternoon and go sledding on the last of the icy snow. It’s a lot more fun with just the two of us, and we spend as much time kissing as we do sliding down the hill. Afterward we huddle next to each other in front of a fire, toasting marshmallows on wire hangers. I share anecdotes of the places I stayed during my trek from Savannah, carefully omitting my hunt for Goodhart in Charlotte. Niko talks about the places he wants to go, which is anywhere but West County, PA.

Through it all They are suspiciously quiet.

We even use a couple of days looking for information on Them. Niko finds quite a few Internet articles on the Furies, and he reads them out loud from the screen of my laptop. None of the information we find is helpful. The myths only vaguely resemble the story Alekto told me, and there are no hints about eliminating Them. There is nothing about Them possessing people to carry out justice, only tales of how They are relentless in Their pursuit of the guilty.

Does this mean I am the first person They’ve actually possessed? I doubt it. I want to ask Them, and I wonder once again why Alekto abandoned Them.

More important, what happens if I let Them have Their way again? What happens to me if They take over my body? At some point I’d really like to have a clear idea of what I’m dealing with.

Not knowing the answers to these questions makes me anxious, but I can’t exactly ask Them about it. Not only have I not heard Them in my head, but if my guesses are correct, They don’t exactly have a reason to tell me the truth.

So I wait for Their next move. Or for Alekto to visit.

I spend my time with Niko on pins and needles, expecting him to say something about my past, to attempt to pry into my memories of the months in Roland Thomas’s basement. He hasn’t asked me about the newspaper articles in my room, or the fake IDs and slutty outfits. Is he really that clueless, or is he giving me time to tell him the truth, the whole truth, on my own?

And how long can I avoid what is sure to be a painful conversation?

He doesn’t ask me about any of it. Instead he just acts like we’re a completely normal couple. The only hint I have that he thinks about it are the moments when he thinks I’m not looking. Then he watches me with a pensive frown, as though he’s trying to reconcile my manufactured Barbie exterior with the Internet images of a trio of women tearing people to pieces.

If he knew the parts I haven’t told him, it would be easier.

Niko suggests we try to find some books at the library, and he’s so excited about finding out something that might help me that I don’t mention I’ve already searched what the local library has to offer. The little we are able to locate is all stuff that we already found on the Internet and stuff I found last time. The librarian is young and seems charmed by the sight of us reading books together, and she recommends that we check out the state library in Harrisburg.

“They have a very large collection, and even though we can get most of their stuff on interlibrary loan, if you have a car, it’s faster to drive down there.”

Niko thanks her, and she turns to me conspiratorially after he excuses himself to go to the bathroom. “How long have you been dating?”

“Not long.” I’m uncomfortable talking about something so personal with a complete stranger. She gives me a small smile and nods.

“You two are such a cute couple. It’s so great that you can do research together.” I’m not sure what kind of a response to give. I can’t exactly tell her we’re trying to find a way for me to eliminate the mythological creatures possessing me. So I just smile.

After striking out at the local library, Niko and I follow the librarian’s advice and spend a day driving all the way to Harrisburg to do some research in the state library. The holdings list several antique books about Greek mythology, but when we ask the librarian to see them, he glares at us like we’re crazy. I guess he doesn’t want to trust an expensive collector’s item to a couple of teenagers.

Instead we search through the periodical holdings for any stories about murderous bird or serpent women. With the exception of a few vague stories in a Philadelphia paper from the late 1800s, we come up empty.

But on the way back to the car, time seems to stop. A man walks past me, and the sight of him makes my middle clench in agony. His hair is blond sliding into silver, but the line of his jaw and his gait are familiar. I can’t breathe, my eyes locked on him. But it’s not his face I’m looking at, exactly. It’s the four long scars that mar one side.

Dr. Goodhart. For months I’ve been looking for him, and all this time he’s been a few miles down the road.

As I climb into Niko’s Jeep, I watch the man walk into a building, my heart thudding loudly in my chest. The gold lettering reveals the building’s purpose: Pennsylvania Department of Public Welfare. He’s been here, right under my nose. Now I can make him pay.

But why didn’t They know he was here? We’re so close.

The bubble of happiness deflates in my chest, and it’s all I can do to hide my despair from Niko.

Because I know he won’t understand. He’s made it pretty clear that he thinks I should give up my quest to find the good doctor, but I can’t. I want the man dead. The question is, do I want my revenge more than I want to be with Niko?

I can’t answer that. I’m almost afraid to try.

I don’t let myself dwell on the dark side of things. Being with Niko is great, and I’m so happy, I could sing. It isn’t until it all comes crashing down that I appreciate how wonderful it has been.

We slip inside my apartment after an early dinner at a pizza parlor and games of Ms. Pac-Man on an old table-video-game. Niko killed me, but I had so much fun trash-talking that I barely even noticed. If there was any doubt in my mind that I was starting to love him, the past week has erased it. From his curly hair to his battered work boots, Niko is everything that my life was missing.

The best part about spending time with Niko is his total understanding of my reluctance to go any further than a few heated kisses. I want to do more with him, but I’m still very uncomfortable with the idea of it. I don’t know what it will do to Them, especially since They’ve been so quiet. Kevin Eames will always haunt my conscience, and even though They haven’t responded to the closeness between us, I still worry that taking things further will unhinge Them.

Despite my worry that Niko will lose his patience, he doesn’t seem to mind. Every time his fingers skim across the sensitive skin of my belly, I pull back in alarm, and he pauses and removes his hand. Before I can stammer out an excuse, he kisses me on the nose and smiles. “I’m in no hurry. You shouldn’t be either.”

With the exception of Their presence in the back of my mind and the guilt over not telling Niko everything, my life is perfect.

So I’m less than thrilled when Niko’s phone rings as we settle on the couch.

“Just ignore it,” I say. We’ve both been getting calls all week, not just from our friends but from the school as well. I’ve missed almost two weeks of school, Niko only a few days less. I’m going to drop out, especially since I need to leave soon if I’m going to stay anonymous. I’ve waited to bring that up with Niko, along with everything else I’m keeping from him. I’m hoping he’ll want to come with me and that he’ll overlook the wrongness of my crimes. Right now I don’t want to face reality and how unlikely it is that he’ll follow me like a lost puppy. I just want to stay in my cocoon of happiness.
One more day,
I keep telling myself.
Then I’ll come clean.

When will I learn that this kind of bliss never lasts?

Niko gives me a sympathetic smile and answers his phone anyway. I can hear the person on the other end yelling, so I move away into the bedroom to give Niko some privacy.

I busy myself by making the bed, putting new sheets and a comforter on it. The purchase ate up the last of Hank Meacham’s money, leaving me with nothing but the money I had set aside for food. But the sheets are so soft that I’m pretty sure it was worth it.

Afterward I lie down on the mattress, relishing the luxurious feel. I sigh in delight as Niko walks in. His expression is initially grim, but when he catches sight of me, his eyes light up and a deliciously wicked smile spreads across his face. “Wow.”

I roll over so that I can look at him upside down, my head hanging off the side of the bed. “I know. Come lie down. It’s crazy comfortable.” I pat the mattress, and Niko runs across the room to do a belly flop onto the space next to me. I bounce up into the air, and when I land, I’m laughing like an idiot.

This is what it feels like to be happy.

Niko rolls over and kisses me lightly on the lips. It’s a teasing kiss, and before I can get my fill of him, he pulls away. I sigh, and his expression darkens once again. “I have to go home.”

His tone is so bleak that I snap upright. “Why? What’s wrong?”