Victim of Love (20 page)

I moved over beside Laurie, the two of us staring at Beck. He lifted his head and wiped his eyes with a trembling hand. “Shit,” he said. “Sorry. Shit.”

“Are you all right?” I asked.

“Olsen,” Laurie said, “could you go make a cup of tea, please?”

“Yeah, sure.” I rose from the floor, frowning at Beck. “Be right back.”

As I stepped into the hallway, I bumped right into Townsend’s chest. “What’s going on?” he asked. “Who’s screaming?”

I took his arm and led him to the kitchen with me. “Beck had a nightmare.” I put the kettle on and got a cup out of the cabinet.

Townsend sat down at the table. “A nightmare? I fucking guess! That was him screaming?”

I sat down with him, shaking my head. “Yeah.”

“Wow.”

“Yeah. I’ve never seen anything like it. Scared the fuck out of me. Did it wake everyone up?”

Townsend glanced toward the bedrooms. “Pippa’s sleeping like the dead, and Kamal’s not out here so I guess he is too. Woke me the hell up, though. I thought someone was being murdered.”

I sighed as the kettle whistled, and got up to make the tea. “He cut his hands trying to break through the wall, and he smashed his head pretty good too.”

“Why is everyone getting hurt?” Townsend asked, rubbing his eyes. “We’re supposed to be on vacation, man.”

“I know. I’ve got to bring him this tea. Why don’t you go back to bed.”

Townsend stood. “Yeah. Breakfast in the morning?”

“Yeah, I’ll see you in the morning.”

Townsend shuffled off to bed, and I gingerly carried the cup of tea back down to the porch room, only now aware that I was still only in my underpants. I supposed it could have been worse. At least Laurie had known I was sleeping in Beck’s room. Had Beck’s nightmare occurred during one of our secret romps earlier in the week, things would be a whole hell of a lot more awkward right now.

I slowed my steps as I reached the door, guiltily listening to the mumbling voices inside.

“You told me this wasn’t happening anymore,” Laurie said softly.

“It wasn’t,” Beck said. “I swear. This is the first time in months.”

“Do you think it was because Olsen was in here?”

Beck’s heavy sigh. “I don’t know. Maybe. Probably. Fucking embarrassing.”

I entered the room with the tea. Beck looked up, still sitting on the floor, leaning against the wall as he rubbed his hand. He smiled.

“Hey.” I brought the tea over and knelt down before him.

“Thanks.” Beck accepted the tea from me and took a sip. “Are you okay?”

“Me?” I laughed. “I’ll live. How are you?”

He chuckled and rubbed his cheek. “Awake.”

“Olsen,” Laurie said. “It’s probably best if you go back to your own room.”

I nodded, and stood.

“Take your ice pack,” Beck said. “Is it still cold?”

I smiled, warmed that he was still trying to take care of me in spite of everything. “I think maybe you should keep it for your head.”

He smiled, then winced, touching the bruise on his eyebrow.

“I’ll get Beck some ice,” Laurie said. She gave me a tight smile. “I’ve got this, Olsen. He’ll be fine.”

I got the message coming off of her loud and clear. This was now family business, and I wasn’t welcome anymore. “Okay, goodnight you guys.”

“Goodnight,” Beck said. “Feel better.”

“You too.” I gave him a final smile before leaving the room.

Somehow, I managed to get back to sleep once I hit my own room. And somehow, I woke feeling refreshed the next morning, but my relaxation turned to concern when I remembered the events of the previous night. I immediately wanted to go check on Beck.

Forgoing my shower, I tugged on some clothes and went out to look for the others, finding almost everyone up and having coffee on the patio.

Including Laurie, who informed me that her brother had left at the crack of dawn.

No goodbye for me. No message. No note. Nothing. Beck was just gone.

And the vacation was over.

Chapter Ten

Reality Check

The weirdest part about being back at work after such an eventful vacation was how much everything had remained the same in my absence. Same surroundings, same coworkers, same daily grind. The only slight difference today was we had some visitors from another hospital lab who were thinking of purchasing one of the analyzers we used, so I spent some time giving them demonstrations, but after that, same old same old, watching the clock tick on the wall, doing my thing.

I watched Laurie out of the corner of my eye while she tested plasma samples. We’d been back a week already, and she’d not mentioned her brother at all, nor had I heard from him, though in reality that shouldn’t have surprised me. Beck had never said he’d call me or in any way led me on to think we’d see each other once our paradise getaway was over. Still, it made me sad, grumpy, and disappointed. I’d tried once to ask Laurie about Beck’s explosive nightmare, but she shut that conversation down before it even started. “It’s personal,” was all she’d say. That was the only moment I’d experienced some anger over the situation, and spitefully longed to tell Laurie just how
personal
things had gotten between me and her brother.

The weekend finally arrived, and I agreed to a schedule shift with one of the lab techs to work Saturday, because I had nothing better to do and wanted to keep busy. That evening, I joined Townsend, Kamal, and a few of Townsend’s friends from the cafeteria for beers at one of the local pubs, where I met a nice young man called Evan Pritchett. He was a social worker, cute and a bit nerdy with wispy light brown hair and glasses, very gay, and very interested in me. He was the third man to approach me in a week, and I figured I must be radiating some newfound sexual energy vibe leftover from my scorching week spent with Beck.

I gave Evan my number and told him he could call me, but lamented my lack of enthusiasm about the encounter. Prior to my vacation, I knew I would have been thrilled at the prospect of dating someone like Evan Pritchett. But I felt husked out, empty of passion, pining so hard for Beck I could barely sleep at night. I was a walking cliché for heartbreak, not eating enough, unmoved by the beauty of the summer days, doddering around like a zombie.

Another week came and went. I dodged two calls from Evan Pritchett, but at least had the decency to feel guilty about it. I knew what it was like to be blown off by someone after initial encouragement, and that wasn’t something I thought I’d ever do to someone else. But I wasn’t myself. I kept waiting for Beck’s effect on me to fade, but it just wasn’t happening. At work, I found myself staring at Laurie a lot, studying her features, noting the physical similarities she shared with her brother, and feeling like a lunatic for doing so. Eventually she noticed, and wanted to know if I was all right, because I seemed ‘spaced out’ and kept staring at her. I told her I was tired, and she brought me a coffee from Starbucks after her lunch break.

Most nights I just went home and watched television, my eyes drawn again and again to the stupid nun statuette that sat atop my bookshelf in the living room. At first I treasured it, gazing at it dreamily and relishing the memories it invoked. But eventually I grew to hate the damn thing and all it represented, and tossed in in a drawer, out of sight.

On Friday of the third week back in the world of reality, I heard Laurie giggling on her cell phone with someone as she worked at the computer. I knew she’d been in touch with the man she’d met at the Cuban restaurant down the Cape, and I grinned, watching her. Hell, at least one of us had made a love connection that lasted beyond the end of our vacation, and I determined to tease her mercilessly about it once she got off the phone.

“Yeah, he’s here,” I heard her say. “He’s sitting like four feet away from me.”

I glanced up.

Sliding over on her rolling chair, Laurie handed me the phone. “Beck wants to say hi.”

My breath caught in my throat, and I nearly dropped the phone when she handed it to me. Laurie slid back to her station and commenced working. I discreetly got up and moved to the far end of the lab, away from my coworkers. “Hello?”

“Hey, what’s up?” Beck’s voice was casual and devoid of emotion, but sent a thrill through me just the same.

“Hey,” I said. “How are you?”

“Not bad. Listen, I wanted to apologize for not saying goodbye. I had to jet out of there for a job and didn’t have time.”

“That’s okay,” I lied. “You been working a lot?”

“Yeah, been in and out. I had a really good time with you down the Cape. Sorry I was kind of a basket case.”

I chuckled. “You were fine. I had a good time too.”

I could think of nothing else to say, and Beck was silent on the other end. The silence stretched out, and finally Beck cleared his throat. “Okay, well just wanted to say hi.”

“Are you in town?” I asked, panicked suddenly, not wanting to let him off the phone.

“Yeah, I’m home. Got some funky items to sort out from a haul I did with some friends.”

I steeled myself.
Be brave
.
Don’t be the coward who doesn’t take risks
. “Maybe we could get together,” I said. “If you have time.”

Silence. Each second that ticked by was like a knife stabbing my gut. Finally, Beck said, “Uh, yeah. Sure. You can drop by if you want.”

“Oh. By your place?”

“Yeah, sure. Laurie can give you the address.”

My heart pounded. “Okay, great. When?”

“Any time. I’ll be around for at least the next couple weeks. Just come by. I’m in and out.”

“Just come by? Any specific day that’s better for you?”

“Nah, whenever. Any time. Just come by.”

I closed my eyes, cursing internally. Could he be any more vague and noncommittal? “Yeah, okay. I guess I’ll see you.”

“Okay, buddy. Tell my sister I said bye.”

“Yeah, okay.”

The line went dead.
Buddy
. Never in my life had I instantly hated a single word so much. Fucking
buddy
. Well, I guess it could have been worse. He could have said, “No, I don’t want to see your pasty white ass ever again”. But the “just come by” left me in the awkward position of having to be the one to put myself out there.

I wasn’t stupid. I knew that if he had any ambitions beyond the casual, he would have suggested we go for coffee or something, or at least set aside a block of time for me. All logic told me that Beck’s ‘just come by’ was an un-vitation rather than an invitation. If I had any dignity left at all, I’d follow my instincts and forget about it.

I handed Laurie back her phone. “Here you go.”

“Thanks.” She smiled.

“You look happy,” I said. “Got a date tonight?”

She laughed. “No, just didn’t expect to hear from Beck so soon. Kind of made my day. He seems good. Happy.”

“Yeah. He said I should stop by sometime. Uh, that you could give me his address.”

“Oh, yeah, I’ll text it to you. That’s cool. I’m glad you guys are friends now. Beck’s never really shown an interest in my friends.”

“Great. Okay, thanks.” I nodded and stepped away.

“Hey, Olsen.”

I turned back. “Yeah?”

Laurie bit her lip, frowning. “Can I ask you something without you thinking I’m weird?”

I walked back over and took the chair beside her. “Yeah. Sure.”

She stared at me a moment, then shook her head. “Ah, never mind.”

“Laurie! What is it? Just ask me.”

She took a deep breath and let it out. “Okay. The night you slept in Beck’s room. And you were both...in your underwear.”

My face heated. I swallowed hard. “Yeah?”

“Well, Beck’s always been quick to change the subject when...homosexuality is brought up in conversation. I always assumed he had some issue with it. So I was just...surprised. I know he was taking care of you after you got hurt and all. But I was just...surprised.”

I shrugged. “Okay. And?”

Her face went through a myriad of conflicted expressions, then she leaned in to me. “Is my brother...completely straight?”

I blinked twice. “I guess you’d have to ask him that.”

She huffed out a laugh and rolled her eyes. “Yeah. Right.”

I breathed a sigh of relief, hoping I was off the hook. It was definitely
not
my place to out Beck to his sister. “You two are close,” I said. “I’m sure you can ask him anything you want.”

She shook her head. “Olsen. Let me tell you something about how guarded my brother is. His best friend died, and he didn’t tell me until three months later.”

“How did his friend die?” I blurted out before I could stop myself.

Laurie turned her eyes away. “Suicide.”

My eyes widened. “Oh, Jesus. I’m sorry.”

She nodded. “He’d gotten mixed up with drugs. Beck tried to help him out but it ultimately got the better of him. I don’t want to get into that, but my point is, Beck isn’t the type to share a lot of personal information with me.” She eyed me cautiously again. “So you didn’t get any...vibes from him?”

“What kind of vibes?” I asked. I knew what she meant, but was scrambling to dodge the question before she backed me into a corner and forced me to lie to her. I started to literally sweat, could feel it dripping down my back.

“You know,” she whispered. “
Gay
vibes!”

I carefully considered my answer. “The main vibe I got from your brother Beck is that he’s a really complicated guy. And very,
very
hard to read. The truth is, even though I spent some time with him, I’m not sure I know him at all.”

There. That was the truth. I hoped it was enough for her. To my relief, she was nodding.

“You’ve got that right, Olsen. You’ve sure got that right.”

Laurie went back to her work, and I moved off, letting out a soft hiss of breath, feeling like I’d dodged a bullet.

Unfortunately, her questions had gotten my brain spinning in a dangerous direction. If Beck was committed to hiding his sexual orientation from his sister, he’d definitely loosened those reins when I was around. He’d taken a lot of risks with me, kissing me outside the bungalow, touching me in the restaurant. And yeah. Allowing me to sleep in his bed with him, not hiding this knowledge from Laurie or anyone else that had been there.