Victoria's Got a Secret (10 page)

She searched her mind for the right greeting, the perfect blend of welcome and cool. When that failed, she went with the standard. “Hi.”

The sexy smile she knew so well crossed his lips. For a second, all of the fights faded into the background and she remembered the sweet boy who charmed everyone.

He slipped his hands into the back pockets of his pants. “Guess I’m a surprise.”

“I know this isn’t ideal, but he’s a friend and—” Tracie stepped between them with her hand on Paul’s chest.

For some reason, the protective move ticked Jennifer off. Her dear friend was watching out for him. As if an explosion were imminent and he needed a guardian. Him and not her.

“This is ridiculous. We’re not enemies.” Jennifer did a little subtle pushing of her own and slid to Paul’s side.

His smile widened. “Never that.”

At his calm reassurance, the muscles across her shoulders relaxed. She leaned over and kissed him on the check, ignoring the guy who pushed past them on the way to the bathroom.

As soon as Paul’s familiar, comforting scent hit her senses, she pulled back. “I’m happy to see you.”

His gaze made a quick tour of her body, heating every inch in its wake. “You look good.”

“You don’t look too bad yourself.”

“Always nice to hear that from a woman.”

Tracie’s gaze moved between Paul and Jennifer in fast beats. “I guess I should go check on everyone.”

Paul nodded. “We’ll be fine. No bloodshed on the new floors. I promise.”

That they even had to deal with Tracie’s intrusion confused Jennifer. She got the distinct impression her friend had come to a disturbing conclusion: Paul was the wronged party. There was no other reason for the scowling and hovering.

When the silence drew out too long, Jennifer filled the void. “You still doing construction?”

“I’m about to start some hydro utility work. I’ve got a four-month stint, so I’ll be in and out until the contract is done. The hope is that it turns into full time.”

A focus. He’d found a solid job with solid pay. She was happy for him even as a kick of regret landed in her stomach. “Sounds hard but fulfilling.”

“It’s dependable, and that’s all that mattered to me when I took it.” He leaned his shoulder against the doorjamb and pressed in closer to her. “You?”

“I’m doing event coordination now.”

“Okay, I can pretend otherwise, but I really have no idea what that is.”

They both laughed, and just like that the odd tension crackling around them evaporated. This was Paul. He knew every inch of her and had either lived through or heard every embarrassing story. Through everything, she’d always believed he wanted her to succeed and this time was no exception.

“I set up meetings and conferences. Run them. There’s some travel, but that’s not a bad thing.”

“You’d be good at that.”

“Why do you think so?”

He shrugged. “You’re friendly. People like you.”

“I tend to be someone who hovers in the background.” Shy was the word she’d always used to describe herself.

“You shine as soon as you’re comfortable.”

His words filled her with a giddiness that reminded her of seeing him for the first time at fifteen. “Still the sweet talker.”

“Still beautiful.”

If his voice hadn’t slipped into a husky growl against her senses she never would have asked the question. But it did, so she gave in. “Do you still like me?”

“Can you really not tell?”

She didn’t realize how much she missed him until she stood by his side locked in silly conversation. The comfort of just being together was a gift she missed. “I’m happy you came tonight.”

“I almost didn’t, but Tracie insisted it would be okay.”

“Tracie.”

He leaned in as if he were sharing top secret information. “Your best friend.”

“Yeah, I know who she is.”

The need to change the topic swamped Jennifer. “Want some cake?”

He barked out a laugh that bent him double. “That is not what I thought you were going to say next.”

This is the Paul she loved—bawdy and totally at ease with his sexuality. He didn’t play games or pretend. When he wanted something, he said it.

“Where is your mind?” she asked once he stopped laughing.

“You don’t want to know.”

But part of her did and always would. “Maybe I should get you some ice water instead.”

He lifted an arm toward the kitchen. “Lead on.”

It took hours for the house to quiet down and the crowds to clear. Paul lay on the couch, wearing nothing more than his underwear and a tee, and stared at the dark ceiling.

He should have stayed a few minutes at the party and then cleared out. Hung around for just enough time to keep Tracie from being upset. That had been his great plan.

Jennifer’s sexy black dress caused the problem. She showed off those long legs that sent him over the edge every time she wrapped them around him. One look at her silky hair and take-me-to-the-bedroom smile and he was a goner.

Not that staying and crashing on the couch made an ounce of sense. The self-imposed torture of laying right down the hall from her made him wonder if he had grown up at all since he’d last seen her. He was alone in the family room with a blanket and a flat pillow. Not exactly his idea of a hot night.

He closed his eyes, but a rustling noise had him opening them again. He could make out Jennifer’s silhouette in the shadows. She stood at the end of the couch with her hands folded in front of her.

It was as if thinking about her had made her materialize. But this was better than a dream. This was flesh and blood real. And when she walked toward him, his lower half jumped to life.

He slipped his arm behind his head so he could lift up and get a better look at her. He thought about throwing her a line but stayed quiet. She was stalking, seducing, and he was not about to mess that up by saying something stupid.

She stopped next to him, next to the hand at his side. From this short distance, he could see her bare legs, all pale and lean, peeking out from under a nightgown that barely covered her most interesting parts. Before he could reach out and touch it, she shifted and the material swept to the floor.

Not even his fantasies worked out this well.

His gaze moved over her naked body. Slim hips and high breasts. She was so damn sexy it hurt not to touch her. Then she was lifting the blanket and sliding over him.

Her fingers dipped into the waistband of his underwear as her lips pressed against his collarbone. In the silence she caressed and enticed him. Her hot mouth, her soft hands. She had his neck lengthening and his head pressing into the pillow. When he caught his breath again, he lifted his mouth and found hers.

The kiss set off fireworks in his skull. Every nerve in his body snapped to life. He was aware of her smell and her scent, her legs as they straddled him and her fingers as they peeled down his underwear.

They didn’t speak. Didn’t need to. This rhythm was as natural to them as breathing. They’d made love so many times that words were no longer necessary.

It was the talking and thinking that killed him . . . so he didn’t try either.

A half hour later, she sat up and grabbed her nightgown off the floor and slipped it over her head. “No matter how hard I try or how determined I am, I can’t stay away from you.”

He trailed his hand down her back as his muscles recharged. “We’re even, because I can’t say no to you.”

“What does that say about us, do you think?” She peeked over her shoulder and stared down at him with soft hazel eyes filled with confusion. “Really, I want to know because I don’t understand it.”

That made two of them. When it came to explaining this, he was as lost as she was. “No idea.”

“Hmmm.”

His body had barely cooled when his brain whirred to life. The truth hit him as hard as his attraction for her. “I just know we can’t keep doing this.”

“I know.” She stood up. Took five steps, then turned around.

“It’s killing me not to be with you. To get this close and then watch you walk away.”

“I never meant to hurt you.”

“And I know that, too. On some level. On the days when I’m not furious or frustrated.” His eyes had adjusted to the darkness and he saw her clearly. Pain hovered on the mouth he had spent so much time kissing and loving.

She didn’t say anything for more than a minute. Neither did he.

As the house creaked from the wind blowing outside, she cleared her throat. “You should date other people.”

“I have been.”

Her head snapped back. “Oh.”

If he were standing, he would have kicked his own ass. The slap of the words sounded harder than he meant. He took out other women to forget Jennifer. It was that simple.

But he couldn’t admit that part without shredding what was left of his ego. “I didn’t mean for it to come out that way.”

She shook her head, even held up a hand as if she could block his words. “It’s okay. I deserve that.”

He pushed up on one elbow. “It wasn’t a punishment.”

“Okay.”

He needed her to get this much at least. “Just a statement. It’s truth. I need you to know I’m not sitting here waiting for you to come back.”

“Anybody special?”

“Only you.”

“When you say things like that . . .”

No, absolutely not.
He couldn’t wander down that road only for her to throw up another block and turn him around. “You’re free, Jennifer. I’m not holding you or trying to manipulate you.”

“I get that.”

“You snuck into my bed tonight, not vice versa.”

“And other nights.”

“Yeah.”

She backed up until she leaned against the wall. A heavy sigh shook her body. “One day there might be someone else with you, and there won’t be a place for me.”

“There should be. We both deserve to find what we need because we’re over.” That slap he meant because it was true.

If the words hurt her, she didn’t show it. Her body stayed slack, as if she’d been beaten up and waited for surrender. “Then why does it feel so unfinished?”

The description was so painful yet so true. “I’m guessing that’s how it will always be for us.”

“Undone.”

The word fit. Hurt like hell, but fit. “You should go back to your own bed, Jennifer.”

“Yeah.” But she didn’t move.

Since he couldn’t handle her standing there, he pushed. “Good night, Jennifer.”

“Good night, Paul.”

Amazing how that word sounded so much like good-bye in his head.

Eleven

Nothing cuts as deep as disloyalty.

—Grandma Gladys, The Duchess

“I
DON’T
KNOW IF
I
COULD DO IT
,” A
DAM SAID AS
J
ENNIFER
slid into the car seat next to him.

They’d spent the evening laughing over Greek food. It was a pattern they’d repeated often since they started casually hanging out together. They weren’t more than friends and never would be, but it was nice to go to dinner and not worry about the usual date stuff. With Adam, Jennifer could be herself and not worry about anything other than talking.

He was tall and dark and made her laugh, but he never shifted from the friend category to anything more. She’d given her heart once, and there was nothing left to share in that department.

“Paul and I are long over.” She pulled the seatbelt across her stomach with a bit more force than she intended. The subject of Paul tended to do that to her.

“I don’t mean you, babe. I mean him.” Adam started the car. The steady thump of the windshield wiper filled the space. “You guys used to date, and now he walks into your house and sees me there, waiting for you. Even though there’s nothing to be jealous about, he doesn’t know that.”

“And?”

“Just saying that can’t be easy on a guy.”

“Paul is fine.” She reached over and turned up the radio.

Adam turned it back down. “You’d be a hard woman to lose.”

“Thank you.”

Adam knew pieces of the story but not all of it. Jennifer owed Paul that small bit of confidentiality. She had only shared the deepest moments and fears with Heather and Tracie. Only they knew that Paul was the love of her life.

“I’m just saying I feel bad for the guy.” Adam rubbed his hands together and blew on them twice before returning them to the steering wheel.

“You were using the phone, not walking around the kitchen naked.” A chill moved through her as she watched the raindrops splash in a puddle.

“You know what I mean.”

She did. She’d grown accustomed to coming home and seeing Paul there. He’d been friends with Tracie for years and had a strong relationship with Heather. It wasn’t fair to ask him to walk away from those contacts when they split up.

Almost six months had passed since the birthday party. They’d kept everything friendly and hands-off since then. Despite that, having Paul stand there when Adam escorted her out the door earlier made a nerve at the base of her back thump.

“We’re over. Paul agrees.” She made that comment in her head every week. Maybe saying it out loud to Adam would give it some strength.