Violet Addiction (24 page)

“What the hell is that?” I gasped, my eyes horrified by the dangerous looking contraption before me.

“Breast pump,” Annabelle said, tossing the device onto the bed.

“For what?” I exclaimed. “You’re not a cow. You don’t get hooked up to a milking device!”

Annabelle giggled and rubbed her enormous tummy. “I might have trouble feeding the blob naturally. If that’s the case, I can express the milk and feed him with a bottle. If he stays with you and Cain, which he will for my own sanity, you can’t produce milk, so I’ll have to prepare some for you.”

I smiled at Annabelle’s grudging acceptance of the nickname, blob, which she now used freely. The bed before me was full of an assortment of baby items. It was Annabelle’s baby shower, and we were having a party in the warm sun of Cain’s parents’ backyard. Annabelle’s own apartment was too small, and even though her parents were here today, they certainly didn’t offer to host the party. Mine and Cain’s house still looked like a tornado had hit it, with boxes everywhere. The only furniture we had taken the time to set up was the bed. Mind you, between us we didn’t have enough furniture to fill the three bedroom sprawling home that was less than fifteen minutes from Annabelle’s. Three months had passed since Cain and I had argued over Annabelle dating and him buying a house without talking to me. Those three months had passed in a blur of activity. Cain and I had been playing gigs while trying to move our limited furnishings to Seattle.

We still argued often, but those disagreements were always followed up with makeup sex. Just like the makeup sex we had in our kitchen this morning when Cain accused me of leaving one of his Converse sneakers back in New York. I smiled as I recollected the fast and furious passionate moment that ended with us laughing like carefree teenagers over the thought of preparing food on that kitchen counter.

Annabelle had six weeks left before her due date, and I couldn’t imagine she could get any bigger. She was enormous, beautiful, but enormous. Her stomach was so tight I thought it might pop if something sharp prodded it.

“I guess we are going to have to set up a nursery at some stage,” I wondered out loud.

Annabelle waved the idea away. “You’ve got plenty of time. Toby assures me the blob will be attached to my boobs for the first couple of months.”

I gave Annabelle a wicked smile. “So, Toby, huh? Did he take the edge off all that horny baby energy you had going on?”

Annabelle blushed. “You are such a perv,” she laughed. “And no, we haven’t…you know…done it.” Annabelle began putting the gifts into a hamper Cain’s mom had loaned her.

“Well, as long as he took the edge off.”

Annabelle threw a big, soft teddy bear at me as the door cracked open.

“Hey, apparently there’s cake,” Cain said with a grin.

“Oh damn, cake!” Annabelle dropped the pile of toys in her arms and pushed Cain aside to get past him.

“Never stand between a pregnant woman and her cake,” I laughed. He pulled me out of the room, kissing my forehead. “Did you know they have these machines you can hook yourself up to so you can express the milk straight from your boobs?”

Cain looked a little miffed as his gaze dropped to my breasts. “You mean I’m the machine, right?” he said, a twinkle in his eye.

“Oh god, you’re gross.” I groaned.

On the back veranda, Cain’s cool, calm, collective parents stood with Annabelle’s much less cool, calm, collective parents. Harry was helping slice a piece of cake for Annabelle who, much to Toby’s amusement, was bouncing around in front of the cake like a pregnant bobble doll. The rest of the guests were soaking up the warmth of the sun beaming down on the chairs and tables spread around the backyard. Once Annabelle was stilled and silenced with cake, Harry stepped forward towards Cain and me.

“I still can’t believe you are going to be a fucking father,” he said quietly, trying hard not to let Annabelle’s virtuous parents overhear his wicked tongue. “At least you can warn junior about the dangers of swimming in hotel fountains, right?” Cain tried to give Harry an intimidating frown, but it didn’t really work. Cain was too happy to be irritated.

“And he’s got a wardrobe full of onesies to choose from for daddy-son onesie day.”

Cain gave me an arched brow. “Onesie day?”

“Every Sunday. It was mine and Annabelle’s idea. You and blob can dress in matching onesies and do your daddy-son bonding thing. All those onesies I bought you will come in handy for something after all.”

Cain grinned. “I can do that!”

“I’m damn fucking proud of you,” Harry said so quietly I almost missed it. His teasing smile was gone, and in its place was the sincere friend Cain and I had come to know well.

“Don’t go getting all soft on us now, Harry,” Cain chuckled.

“I mean it, Cain. You’ve both come a long way, and you’ve done well. I’m proud of you both.” Harry ran a hand through his short cropped hair. “You’ve both made mistakes, you learned from them, you got your shit together, and you are going to make a great family, both of you and Annabelle.” The small group of family and friends standing around us had heard Harry’s heart felt words and turned to watch, smiling at his kindness.

“We couldn’t have done it without you, Harry. You’re a good friend, the best,” I said a little awkwardly. I wasn’t used to warm and fuzzies with Harry. He, Cain, and I had more of a teasing relationship.

Harry smiled at me. “And no dying this year, honey. I don’t think my heart could take that again.”

At his words, a heavy silence fell around us.

“What are you talking about?” Cain murmured, his gaze moving from Harry’s face, which looked suitably chagrinned, and mine which no doubt had become a touch pale.

“Nothing, just stating a fact. If anything were to happen to either of you, I’d be out of a fucking job,” Harry said quickly, trying to cover his slip of tongue.

Cain had no idea of the horrifying reality of my overdose last year. It had never come up, and I wanted to keep it that way. I knew it would only add to Cain’s guilt over leaving me that night, and I had made Harry promise not to say anything.

“What did you mean die
again
?” Cain’s arm slipped away as he turned to face Harry. “What the hell is he talking about, Violet?”

I shook my head, glancing nervously at the small crowd who was now definitely watching us with curiosity. “Not now,” I whispered.

Cain used a finger under my chin to lift my gaze. “You fucking died?” He looked completely and utterly shocked. I felt my dad’s presence at my side, and I tried to soak in his staunch, steady presence.

“Not now, Cain,” he gently reinforced my plea. “It’s a talk best left for when you have more privacy.” Cain looked to my father, then Harry.

“Does everyone know except for me?” Annabelle had struggled to her feet at some stage and now stood at Cain’s side, an equally shaken look on her face.

“You d…died?” she stammered.

I pulled Cain’s hand away from my face and took a step away, suddenly feeling suffocated by their combined distress. “We’ll talk about it later,” I said through gritted teeth.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Cain asked, hurt clearly evident in his voice.

“How did you die? Were you in an accident?” Annabelle asked with tears in her eyes.

“I’m sorry, Violet,” Harry muttered.

“What, you’re sorry you let me in on your little secret?” Cain laughed incredulously.

“No, I’m not sorry you found out. I thought you should have known. In fact, I tried to get a hold of you the night it happened, but you vanished. I told your parents Violet was in hospital.”

I glanced at Cain’s mom and dad who held a world of pity in their eyes. It made me visibly wince.

“You were in the hospital?” Annabelle shrieked. “Will someone tell me what the hell happened?”

“I overdosed!” I said, my voice calmer than I felt. The heavy silence around us made me shuffle nervously on my feet. My dad blew out a long, drawn out sigh, and remained right by my side. I glanced at Annabelle whose mouth hung open in shock. “I was a drug addict, cocaine was my dish of choice. I took it into my body like you would drink water. That particular night, I had a cocktail of whiskey, pills, and cocaine, I let two men take advantage of me, and as I began to sober up and realize what had happened, what I’d done, I snorted more cocaine. I inhaled until my nose bled and I lost consciousness. I was dumped in an emergency room, and I died on the table.”

Annabelle’s eyes went from distress, to outright anger as we stood in uncomfortable silence. “You should have told me,” she growled, her fury settled on Cain. “You were so worried about Toby and what sort of bad influence he might have had on our baby, and you’re shacked up with a drug addict.”

Cain’s head whipped to one side, his own anger directed Annabelle’s way. “She’s not a damn drug addict. She’s sober; she went to rehab. I trust Violet with my life. I’d trust her with my son’s life.”

Annabelle took a step away from us, shaking her head. “All good and well for you, Cain, but I don’t trust her. What if she has a bad day and gets high while my son is with her.”

“Our son,” Cain growled.

“I’d never do that,” I said with staunch determination.

“Addicts often fall back into old habits.” Annabelle’s righteous Catholic parents finally stepped up to their daughter’s side. They chose
now
to participate in her life, in her pregnancy, and of course it was to put me down. “It’s a risk that can’t be taken with a child around.”

The look Cain gave Annabelle’s mother was scathing.

“Cain, it’s not fair. If it was Toby who had the drug addiction, what would you say?”

“I’d take the time to get to know him, I would make sure I knew what kind of a person he was before I assured myself he wouldn’t be a threat to our son, just like you truly know Violet isn’t a threat to him.”

Annabelle actually considered his words.

“She grew up in a home of sin; it’s all she knows,” Annabelle’s father joined in.

“I suggest you be careful whose home you throw rocks at, George,” growled my dad. I wondered for a moment who he was talking to. Then it clicked, George was Annabelle’s father. “I know for a fact that your childhood wasn’t all rainbows and pussycats. Yet you seem to be just fine now.”

George didn’t seem as though he was ready to back down, but he didn’t say anymore either.

“I’m sorry, Cain, I don’t feel comfortable with Violet being around our baby, not right now. Maybe after a while…”

“Are you giving me an ultimatum, Annabelle? My child or Violet?”

“There should be no choice,” Annabelle whispered.

“She’s right, family first,” I agreed. Annabelle looked a little shocked that I had agreed with her. “What? You thought I’d demand he choose me over his own child?” I shook my head in dismay. “You really don’t know me at all.” I took another step away from the group who all watched me with a mixture of shame, disgust, and empathy. My dad stepped back with me, his hand still firmly wrapped around mine.

“What are you saying?” Cain asked in a low voice, stepping towards me as I stepped away.

The world around us narrowed until there was only Cain and me. I shook my head, tears pooling, falling, the hurt I had put behind me when Cain and I had left New York to start out life together in Seattle was back, with a vengeance.

“You shouldn’t have to choose, and I’d never make you,” I said with a gravelly voice.

“I told you I wouldn’t let you go,” Cain said with conviction.

“And I couldn’t live with the guilt of you making the wrong choice. You’re Cain Everett. You do the right thing, Cain, always. You love your son like nothing I’ve ever seen, and he’s not even here yet. I won’t ruin that for you. Can’t you see I’m doing this for you?”

Cain shook his head with frustration, then his disbelieving eyes flew to mine as something inside snapped and understanding bled into his features. “For me? No, no, no, baby, this is all wrong. Fuck!” He angrily ran his fingers through his hair and took a desperate step towards me. “It was me, Violet. I was the one who wasn’t worthy of you, do you see that now? I made mistakes, I screwed this up, and that’s on me, Violet. I know you’re scared, I know you want to give me this to me, I know you think it’s the right thing to do, but it’s not. I need you, baby. I can’t do this without you.” Cain had stopped moving, his eyes were glassy with unshed tears. “Please don’t leave,” he whispered, pleading, and it tugged at my heart, begging me to move forward, back into his arms where I belonged.