Voices of Islam (144 page)

Thus, by examining the metaphysical and spiritual significance of marriage, it becomes easier to understand why Islam and the other great religious traditions consider marriage a divine institution, a ‘‘gift’’ from God. For the believer, whether Muslim or the follower of another faith, the commitment of marriage is first a pact with God and second a pact with one’s spouse. Each marriage is thus part of the divine scheme of the universe. The divine aspect of marriage is also present at the physical level, as sexual union can be seen as a desire for wholeness, a symbol of union with God, and a foretaste of the bliss of Paradise. In a way, the joy felt in sexual union constitutes a sensual ‘‘glimpse’’ of Paradise. It is because of this divine aspect of sexuality that

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Islam, like other religions, strictly regulates male and female relationships. It is also the reason why a full understanding of sexuality cannot be gained outside of the framework of tradition and sacred laws.

ISLAMIC MARRIAGE AS A SANCTIFIED CONTRACT

Unlike Christianity, which treats marriage as a sacrament, marriage in Islam is a contract, a legal commitment written up as such, sanctioned by God and acknowledged by society. It is a contractual agreement between two parties: the husband and the wife. Under this contract, each party agrees to fulfill certain duties in return for certain rights and privileges. The written contract is signed by both of the spouses, and the marriage agreement is made public to the wider community through festivities, the customs of which vary across the Islamic world. These festivities confirm that the couple has come together through a sanctified agreement in conformity with Islamic law. The Islamic bonds of marriage not only sanctify human sexuality and reproduction but also provide for companionship and mutual support. The stereotypical Western view of a Muslim marriage as a secluded harem of dark-eyed beauties that is ruled by a dominating and sexually insatiable male needs to be reassessed in the light of the God-given legislation based on the metaphysical principles sketched above. The socioeconomic situation of the Arabian Peninsula at the time of the Islamic revelation also needs to be taken into consideration.

Before God, all women and men in Islam are
nas
(singular
insan
), human beings. All human beings, whether they are males or females, are at once both slave (
‘abd
) and vice-regent (
khalifa
) of God on Earth. Women and men are spiritual equals in Islam and are addressed as such in the Qur’an. Therefore, one of the underlying premises of marriage in Islam is the primacy of the indi- vidual human being before God. Within the context of a marriage, a man and a woman serve each other and their children as well as serve God, thereby extending their responsibilities as slaves of God and His vice-regent. As Lamya Farouki has pointed out, ‘‘Instead of holding the personal goals of the indi- vidual supreme, Islam instills in the adherent a sense of his or her place within the family and of a responsibility to that group.’’
2
For a Muslim, the ultimate goal of the individual is to please God. Besides the prescribed rites and virtues

encouraged by the religion, the social obligations of both men and women are very explicit in the Qur’an, the Hadith, and the Sunna. One way of pleasing God is by carrying out marital and family duties. According to Muhammad Abdul-Rauf, ‘‘Moral restraint (imposed by marriage in Islam) is not an encroachment on human freedom, but a reasonable sacrifice for the sake of human dignity and in the interest of society and for the pleasure of God.’’
3

At the social level, a major goal of marriage in Islam was to establish fair- ness and equilibrium in what was arguably a disordered society in the Arabian

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Peninsula during the period before the Islamic revelation. This period is commonly known as the
Jahiliyya,
the ‘‘Time of Ignorance,’’ in Arabic. Rules for marriage and norms of sexuality revealed by God through the Qur’an provided the needed protection for women, especially widows and orphans. However, it must not be surmised that the rules of Islamic marriage were only for pre-Islamic Arabia. Despite abuses of the system, the time- honored models of Muslim marriage and the family have existed successfully for centuries.

Islam brought a new social order to the Arabian Peninsula and ultimately to the entire sector of humanity for which it was destined. Islam, God’s final revelation to humanity, elevated the status of woman as equal with man before God. The Qur’an granted women new rights and responsibilities in the social domain and repeatedly commanded men to treat all women, even divorcees, with kindness. Men were given new rights as well, but they were also given new responsibilities toward women. One of the final pronounce- ments of the Prophet Muhammed before his death was, ‘‘Take care of your women.’’ Throughout his life, the Prophet was a model of kindness and justice toward the women who were entrusted to him. His general rule for the behavior of husbands is summed up in another famous hadith: ‘‘The best of you is he who treats his wife in the best way.’’

Because of the spiritual significance of marriage and the necessity for stable families and societies, volumes have been written by Muslim jurists on the rights and responsibilities of marriage. In the Muslim world, the laws, rights, and responsibilities of marriage and divorce have caused much debate in works of Islamic jurisprudence. The topic continues to be addressed by modern Muslims, who find themselves caught up in societies in transition, between traditional Islamic values and Western cultural patterns. However, the rise of the incidence of divorce in Muslim societies and the urgency to revise personal status codes in Muslim countries show that many Muslims have lost the understanding of the deeper signifi ce of marriage in Islam and no longer have the same commitment to marriage as those who lived in previous generations. This neglect of the marriage contract is often paralleled by a similar neglect of the ‘‘contract’’ that human beings have with God.

MARRIAGE AS AN ABODE OF PEACE

When asked what had prompted him to enter Islam, one young American Muslim that I know said he was struck by the happiness of middle-aged Muslim couples he had met and the peace and tranquility that characterized their lives. On the level of human relations, the ideal Islamic marriage should provide a sense of inner and outer peace—peace within the home and peace within the individuals who inhabit the home. Our relationship with our Creator has a direct influence on our relationships with our spouses and our

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families. True happiness can only be found in God. When this is understood, relationships with spouses are understood from a higher and more all- encompassing perspective and are thereby liable to be smoother and more tranquil.

In Arabic, one of the words for ‘‘home’’ is
maskan.
Literally, a
maskan
is a ‘‘residence’’ or a ‘‘dwelling.’’ This concept is related to the important Qur’anic term,
sakina,
which comes from the same Arabic root as
maskan.
The Arabic root
sakana
means ‘‘to dwell’’ or ‘‘to become quiet,’’ thus giving
sakina
the sense of ‘‘an indwelling presence that provides stillness or peace.’’ The Hebrew term
shekhinah
also carries a similar meaning. Thus, a
maskan,
a home, is meant to be an abode of peace and tranquility, a refuge from the tumult of the outside world. How can the home become an abode of peace? It can become such only if the relationships within the home are harmonious. The primary relationship in a household, upon which all other relationships are built, is the intricate relationship between husband and wife. This relationship can only be successful if both parties realize that marriage and the creation of a family are ‘‘signs’’ and gifts from God and if they respect this privilege by treating each other with respect and selfless service. As the Qur’an makes clear, recognition of the spiritual signifi nce of marriage is crucial to the success of the relationship between husband and wife: ‘‘One of His signs is that He created for you, from among yourselves, spouses (
azwajan
) that you may find peace in them (
li-taskunu ilayha
). Then He ordained that you treat them with affection (
mawadda
) and mercy (
rahma
). Verily in this are signs for a people who reflect’’ (Qur’an 30:21).

If a home is meant to provide an abode of peace for those dwelling in it, such peace can only be created by a family, headed by a couple committed to the long-term stability of the marital relationship. Through this commit- ment, the couple take it upon themselves to surrender some of their desires and personal freedoms for the greater good of the family. A Muslim home permeated by the sacred presence of
sakina
is dwelt in by a couple, their family, and sometimes an extended family. The couple strive to place their responsibilities toward each other and their children ahead of their own interests for the benefit of all who live in the home.

Sakina
is also produced by love and mercy, which should be continually refreshed in a relationship, particularly with one’s spouse. The self-sacrifi

of love is manifested through mercy toward one’s spouse and one’s children. The mutual sharing of love and mercy produces
sakina
—peace and tranquil- ity—within the family. The ever-increasing strife and conflicts in today’s world mirror the state of unhappy households. In both dysfunctional societies and dysfunctional families, individuals put their personal interests before those of others and thus cannot live harmoniously. Dysfunctional families also refl the discord, unhappiness, and disequilibrium of individual souls. A soul’s ultimate happiness and well-being are dependent upon its relationship with God. Worldly pleasures and success can provide

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temporary happiness, but if our relationship with our Creator is not in order, we will never find true contentment or peace nor will our relationships with others be easy.

RIGHTS AND RESPONSIBILITIES WITHIN ISLAMIC MARRIAGE

In Islamic jurisprudence, the laws pertaining to marriage are based on what promotes the greater good for the couple, the family, and the society as a whole. One of the things not normally understood in the West about Islamic marriage is that women have at least as many rights as men in a marriage. This is because it is understood that a woman’s primary obligations to society are the all-consuming task of bringing up her children and creating an honorable lineage—young adults who are spiritually, physically, emotionally, and intellectually beneficial to themselves and to society.

Children require approximately 12 years of appropriate care, education, and supervision to assure their spiritual, moral, and educational develop- ment. The care and nurturing of a child is, in principle, a full-time occupation for the first 10–12 years of the child’s life. In order to carry out these duties to the best of her ability, a mother needs the assurance of complete economic support and maintenance so that she can focus on this most important func- tion. This is why man is required to bear the financial burden of maintaining the family in Islam. In addition, man also has a responsibility to protect both woman and children because of their being physically weaker than man is. In return, a woman protects and maintains the
maskan,
the household or abode of peace, in which her husband and children can find refuge from the pres- sures of the outside world. In a Muslim marriage, the husband is responsible for the outward aspects of existence—job, income, support, and protection— whereas the wife is responsible for the inward aspects of existence—the home and the good of those who dwell in it.

The primary source of Islamic regulations for the rights and responsibil- ities pertaining to marriage is the Qur’an, but their details are worked out through the Sunna and the opinions of legal scholars. However, the Qur’an is not vague in its prescriptions for a good and moral family life. It is quite specifi about how men should treat women and vice versa, the rights of wives and divorcees, the rights of small babies and young children, and the treatment of orphans. In addition, the laws of inheritance are spelt out very clearly in the Qur’an, leaving little doubt about their application.

At the time of her marriage, a bride has the right to a dower (
mahr
), which in principle is a financial guarantee for her in case of divorce. Throughout the marriage, and even for specifi periods after a divorce, a woman has the right to complete economic maintenance by her husband.

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Islamic law insists that a woman should not be preoccupied by economic concerns so that she can devote all of her time and energy to nurturing, educating, and bringing up her children. Well brought up, God-fearing children who are able to take charge of their own lives and souls are the greatest legacies a human being can leave in this world. In order to carry out this important goal, Islamic law puts the responsibility of financial maintenance on the man so that the woman can devote herself to preparing her children to be responsible Muslims and constructive members of society. In fact, a man may fi himself responsible for more females than just his wife, including his unwed sisters, his mother, or his aunts. Although most Muslim jurists agree that women have the right to work outside of the home or operate their own businesses, they are not required to contribute their income to the family coffers. In addition, some schools of Islamic law agree that a wife should be maintained under the economic conditions that she was used to in her own family.

Turning to the rights of men in marriage, the Prophet’s cousin Ibn ‘Abbas (d. 687
CE
) reported that the primary right of a man in marriage is sexual access to his wife. Although this may seem ‘‘chauvinistic’’ to modern thinking, in an Islamic marriage a man has the right—within reason and normal expectations—to have a sexual relationship with his wife whenever he desires her, except during the times of a woman’s menses, illness, fasting, or other inconvenient moments. Of course, a woman’s privacy should not be abused. The purpose behind this right is to prevent adultery by ensuring sexual satisfaction. However, it must be pointed out that women also have a right in Muslim marriages to seek sexual satisfaction on a regular basis. Some schools of law state that impotence or lack of sexual performance on the part of the husband can become grounds for divorce.