Voices of Islam (146 page)

For Muslims, monogamy is the ideal, polygamy the concession to human nature. Having set a great example of monogamic [
sic.
] marriage, the Prophet was to set a great example of polygamic [
sic.
] marriage by following which, men of that temperament could live righteous lives. He encountered all the diffi

inherent in the situation and when he made mistakes, the Qur’an helped him to retrieve them. Al-Islam did not institute polygamy. It restricted an existing institution by limiting the number of a man’s legal wives, by giving to every woman a legal personality and legal rights which had to be respected, and making every man legally responsible for his conduct toward every woman.
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MARRIAGE AS SPIRITUAL FULFILLMENT

Whereas some religions, such as Christianity and Buddhism, encourage celibacy as an important virtue and support for spiritual fulfi Islam strongly recommends marriage. ‘‘Marriage is half of religion,’’ is a well-known hadith and is illustrative of the emphasis that Islam places on marriage. What does ‘‘half of religion’’ mean in this context? Marriage not only qualifies men and women to fulfill their social functions in life but also requires self-sacrifice, self-effacement, and humility. Because of this combina- tion of virtues, Islam has been called ‘‘a society of married monks.’’ What this metaphor means is that all people, both men and women, should aspire to a

The Spiritual Significance of Marriage in Islam
91

higher level of spiritual awareness within the context of marriage. Women in particular are offered many opportunities for practicing self-effacement because their active lives revolve around their children for many years. When her children are young, a mother gives freely of herself and her time in the interest of her offspring, a commitment that usually continues for the rest of her life. This type of self-sacrifice and the compromises that are necessary between partners in a successful marriage chip away at the solidity of the ego, which is pleasing to God. Spiritual masters of all of the great religions teach that the ego is a major obstacle to reaching God. Even if a person is less interested in reaching God than having a successful marriage, the latter still requires the sacrifice of self.

Many Muslim women find spiritual, social, and emotional fulfi ment in marriage. Islamic tradition situates much of such fulfillment in the wife’s ser- vice to her husband, a notion that is often misunderstood by Westerners who are committed to viewing Islam as antiwoman. However, when the Prophet Muhammad said, ‘‘Paradise is the reward of the wife who pleases her hus- band until death,’’ he did not mean that a wife is the chattel of her husband. Instead, he sought to stress the spiritual maturity that comes from giving selflessly to others, a message that can also be found in Western sources, such as Leo Tolstoy’s
War and Peace.
In a similar vein, the Prophet said, ‘‘The gates of Paradise will be wide open to welcome the woman who observes her prayers, fasts the month of Ramadan, preserves her honor, and obeys her husband.’’

Shortly before my marriage, I sought spiritual counsel and was told that marriage was a ‘‘school for the soul.’’ After being enrolled in this ‘‘school’’ for over 25 years, I have often found that I have only begun to learn the lessons of this ‘‘school’’ because the notion of the ‘‘self’’ that shrouds the heart is very hard. To crack this hard shell of egoism, marriage encourages self-effacement and lays the soul open to the spouse who knows us inti- mately. The great mystical teachers of Islam have said that for the spiritual man, the beauty of a woman reminds him of the beauty of Paradise, which he carries within himself. For a woman, the goodness and virtue of a man is a support and confirmation of her own inner goodness.

However, we also find in the Qur’an: ‘‘Oh you who believe! Verily, among your spouses and your children there are enemies for you, therefore beware of them; but if you efface, overlook, and forgive [their faults], then Allah is Forgiving and Merciful. Your wealth and your children are a temptation for you, whereas with Allah is an immense reward’’ (Qur’an 64:14–15). How are we supposed to understand such verses? One way to understand them is to see marriage as a ‘‘double-edged sword,’’ in the sense that attachments to children and spouses, as well as to material possessions, can cloud one’s spiritual vision and prevent a person from moving toward God. The ‘‘Holy War’’ in a marriage is the struggle to find a balance between offering love and mercy to one’s spouse and children and at the same time

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Voices of Life: Family, Home, and Society

attending to those elements of one’s own soul that turn one away from the remembrance of God. If a person is able to achieve this balance, she has indeed accomplished ‘‘half of the religion’’ through her marriage.

As Muslim societies race toward modernity, they often spiral into rampant materialism and purely material values. One fl repercussion of these material values is the neglect of personal commitments and responsibilities to family, friends, and other members of society. Because it is a reflection of the Divine duality, marriage is one of the most important commitments we can make in our lives. The union of a man and a woman symbolizes the unity of God and the potential union of the soul with the Divine Spirit. Seen positively, this sacred union has the potential to symbolically ‘‘re-create’’ the whole or complete human being through the marital union. Seen negatively, the dissolution of the marriage bond may ‘‘un-create’’—through an artifi al act of separation—the person, who is otherwise meant to be whole. By honoring through marriage their commitment to God and each other, Muslims fulfi l their double earthly role of God’s slave and God’s vice-regent. As the Prophet Muhammad said, ‘‘The best of you are those who are best to their women.’’

NOTES

1. From the point of view of Arabic grammar, it is ambiguous as to which gender was created first, the male or the female. Since the word for soul (
   nafs
   ) is feminine, this verse of the Qur’an could equally refer to the soul of a male or the soul of a female. Thus, the possessive pronoun ‘‘her’’ in the phrase that follows (‘‘and created from her/it its mate’’) refers to the soul and does not necessarily imply that the original nature of both men and women is female. In terms of historical creation, however, the Qur’an reaffi the general outlines of the Biblical creation story of Adam, in which man is created before woman.
   

2. Lamya Farouki,
   Women, Muslim Society and Islam
   (Plainfi Indiana: American Trust Publications, 1994), 17.
   

3. Muhammad Abdul-Rauf,
   The Islamic View of Women and the Family
   

   (New York: Robert Speller and Sons, 1977), 49.
   

4. Martin Lings,
   Muhammad: His Life Based on the Earliest Sources
   (London, U.K.: George Allen and Unwin and Islamic Texts Society, 1983), 24.
   

5. Hamza Yusuf Hanson, ‘‘The Rights and Responsibilities of Marriage,’’ course recorded on CD, delivered at Zaytuna Institute (Hayward, California: Alhambra Productions, 2002) with reference to Al-Ghazali, op. cit. II, 30.
   

6. Sunan Ibn Maja
   (Cairo: Dar al-Kutub al-‘Arabiyya, 1952), Vol. 1, 594.
   

7. Sahih Muslim
   (Beirut: Dar al-Kutub al-‘Ilmiyya, 2001), 1056 (hadith no. 2,753).
   

8. Hamza Yusuf Hanson, ‘‘The Rights and Responsibilities of Marriage.’’
   

9. The Glorious Qur’an,
   Text and Explanatory Translation by Mohammad M. Pickthall (London, U.K.: The Islamic Festival Publications, 1976 ), 750.
   

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R
ESPECT FOR THE
M
OTHER IN
I
SLAM

•

Aliah Schleifer

The relationship of the Muslim with his parents should be of the highest order of human relationships. This includes spiritual, financial, and emotional responsibilities, and is ongoing, even beyond the point of death. Ordinances are defi in the Qur’an relating to this point and are further specifi

by Hadith, Islamic jurisprudence (
fi h
), and commentary. The reward for satisfactory compliance with the Qur’anic ordinances is Paradise. Mu‘awiyya ibn Jahma narrated that Jahma went to the Prophet Muhammad and said, ‘‘Oh Messenger of Allah, I want to fight and I have come to ask your advice.’’ The Prophet asked, ‘‘Do you have a mother?’’ ‘‘Yes,’’ Jahma said. The Prophet then said, ‘‘Then stay with her because Paradise is under her foot.’’
1
Abu Umama narrated: ‘‘They are your Paradise and your Hell-fire’’—that is, the parents.
2

Thus, the clarification of these ordinances becomes essential to a Muslim, who wishes to know exactly how he can attain this reward, and exactly what will block him from it. In general, most statements of responsibility to parents include both father and mother, but the mother, in Islam, is granted more in this respect. Abu Hurayra narrated that a man came to the Messenger of Allah and asked, ‘‘Oh Messenger of Allah, who is more entitled to be treated with the best companionship by me?’’ The Prophet said, ‘‘Your mother.’’ Then the man said, ‘‘Then who?’’ The Prophet said, ‘‘Your mother,’’ ‘‘Then who?’’ The Prophet said, ‘‘Then your father.’’
3

Nawawi says that the Arabic term
al-sahaba
used in this hadith means ‘‘companionship.’’ It is intended to urge one toward kindness to relatives, the most deserving of whom is the mother and then the father. Giving the opinion of the
ulama
(the Muslim scholars), he says that the reason for giving the mother preference is due to her exhausting efforts for the sake of her child; her compassion; her service; the great diffi of pregnancy, delivery, nursing, and rearing of the child; her service and care for the child when it is sick; and so on. In the view of the ulama, the mother is the strong- est member of the family in kindness and devotion.
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Voices of Life: Family, Home, and Society

Two verses in the Qur’an provide general injunctions to the believers to practice good treatment of parents. The fi t says: ‘‘Worship Allah alone and be kind to parents’’ (Qur’an 2:83). In their commentaries on this verse, Tabari, Ibn Kathir, and Qurtubi are in agreement about the meaning of the accusative noun,
ihsanan,
which is usually translated as ‘‘be good to,’’ but Ibn Kathir devotes more discussion to good speech toward parents, while both Qurtubi and Ibn Kathir stress parents’ rights.

Tabari states that grammatically, the expression
wa bi’l-walidayni ihsanan
(‘‘and be kind to parents’’) is connected to the preceding expression,
la ta‘buduna illa Allah
(‘‘worship Allah alone’’), and thus their meanings are connected.
5
Speaking of the two connected expressions, Ibn Kathir says that these are the highest and greatest of rights, that is, the rights of Allah, Most Blessed and Most High, that He be worshipped alone, with nothing associated with Him; then, after that, is the right of His creatures, and He firmly commissions them and their children with the right of parents. Thus, Allah draws a parallel between His right and the right of parents.
6
Qurtubi says that Allah, the Great and Lofty, makes a parallel in this verse, between the right of parents and the Unity of Allah because the first formation (genesis) proceeds from Allah, and the second formation—upbringing— proceeds from the parents. Thus, Allah compares thankfulness to parents with thankfulness to Him, this being expressed explicitly in Qur’an 31:14, ‘‘Give thanks to Me and to your parents.’’
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