Wait for Me (35 page)

“Do you like it?” my mother asked.

“Mom, you know it's a girl, right?” I replied, placing the fluorescent green hat over my closed fist.

“So? It'll be easy to spot her,” she said.

I broke into laughter. “You're not wrong.”

“Even in the fog,” Sabrina added.

I stretched out across the couch, resting my feet on the coffee table. My mother settled beside me to start knitting for her next victim.

Peaceful, I watched Sabrina and Steph play on the rug with Lenya, who was on all fours chasing them tirelessly. To the right, to the left, backwards, forwards. Every time she managed to get close to either of them, she would stretch out her arm, instantly lose balance and tumble to the ground. Undeterred, she would get up and try again.

She must have inherited the Lether survival gene, I thought. She never cried. At the very most she would pout, before breaking into another smile. I wondered if the same resilience was developing in the little creature that was now only a few months away from joining this world. I hoped so, for her own sake.

Ester and her husband were setting the table for Christmas dinner, whilst Fred, Miranda and her very Italian mother were in the kitchen preparing food. The air was filled with the smell of Christmas… and a small accident from Lenya.

“I'll change her,” I said, standing up. “I could use the practice, you carry on.”

I scooped up my little niece and took her to my mother's bedroom. I retrieved a diaper and some wet wipes from Miranda's bag. Do people actually get used to this green stuff?

I kissed her hands, her belly, and her little feet, then dressed her again. She was adorable, and honestly, I could not wait to have one of my own. Well, partly my own.

As I was leaving the room, my eyes fell onto an open newspaper that was resting on my mother's chest of drawers. I scanned the title and stopped, curious. It was an article in the New York Post and a photo of Adam, cutting the ribbon for yet another gallery opening. The photo was far too big for that brief article. Beside him was a woman resting her hand on his shoulder. She was beautiful. Her body language displayed great affection and a certain intimacy. Maybe he had finally found the one – somebody who could drive away his demons.

“Dinner's ready,” Miranda yelled from the living room.

I closed the newspaper and carried my niece to the dinner table. I positioned her in the high chair, and, slowed by my additional ten pounds, settled in Dad's place.

“Merry Christmas,” said Fred, raising a glass. “And happy holidays.”

“Merry Christmas,” we answered in chorus.

We ate lunch, absorbed in cheerful chatter before it was time to open our presents. The majority of the gifts were for Lenya, and the majority of said gifts were annoyingly loud gadgets that put her into a frenzy for the whole of the afternoon.

I received the obligatory knitted scarf from my mother; a dinner set from Fred and Miranda; two maternity dresses, a book of baby names and a guide to child care from Sabrina and Steph; a multi-colored set of
muñecas quitapenas,
worry dolls in which to confide my darkest secrets, from Ester; and a crystal vase from Sally.

“It brings good luck,” she said. “But you haven't to put anything in it.”

“Thank you, Sally.”

Since my pregnancy, she had become a sort of second mother to me. Her presents were just as useless too, though marginally nicer than the knitwear.

“Have you settled on a name then?” Fred asked.

“Not yet, I guess I'll decide when she's born.”

“You could name her after your grandmother?” Sabrina suggested.

“Gertrude – an excellent reason to hate me before she's even been born!”

“I like Kristen,” said Steph.

“That's not bad actually – I'll add it to the list.”

“You really don't have anything in mind?” asked Fred.

“I don't know… I kind of had a thought, a couple days ago.”

“What?” urged Miranda.

I bit my lip, it was a little embarrassing but I liked it. As a child, I was crazy about
Star Wars
and I had always adored Leia, Princess of Alderaan.

“Come on, spit it out,” Fred insisted. “That face tells me you've decided already.”

“I was thinking… Leia.”

I watched the expressions around the room. They were approving.

“I like it,” my mother said.

“Yeah, but I'll decide for sure when I meet her,” and took a mouthful of cake.

“And if it's a boy?” asked Steph.

“You've already seen the ultrasound,” Sabrina snapped. “It's a girl!”

“I know, I know, but they're always getting it wrong aren't they?” she retaliated, looking at the group.

“Well, if it's a boy then that's easy, there's only one name I would even consider.” I was surrounded by expressions of panic.

“Robert, of course,” I announced, amused. “Oh come on… as if I'd call him
that
.”

“Oh, Sophie,” my mother whispered, welling up with tears.

“And how is Empress Indecisive so sure about this?” asked Sabrina.

“It was my Dad's name.”

My mom scurried to her bedroom, followed by Miranda's mother.

“Anyway, it'll be a girl so it doesn't really matter.”

“Leia Scott,” said Sally. “It works.”

I watched the others look daggers at her. “Leia Lether,” she corrected.

“Even better,” I said, laughing to lighten the tension. ‘Adam' became a sensitive topic three days after I discovered my pregnancy. Annabelle called to let me know that he had left the company, sold his apartment and moved away. That was all the information she had managed to extract from her (very shocked) husband. I thanked her and asked that we didn't contact one another for a while; that I wanted to keep my distance from his friends too. She was a little upset, but she understood.

Although the news was devastating, it might have actually worked in my favor. This was the same day I made the announcement to my family. I told them he wanted nothing to do with the child, and had given me a large sum of money to stay quiet about his involvement. I also said that he left because of the pregnancy. My brother was furious.

To calm him, I explained that it had to remain a secret and that telling anybody could compromise the pay out. Only Sabrina and Steph knew the real story, and they had no intention of sharing it.

“Yeah, Lether definitely sounds better,” agreed Steph. I thanked her with a wink and the atmosphere settled again.

“Sophie, we'll drive you home,” said my brother as I was getting ready to leave.

The offer was a little odd and I stared at him in surprise. “But… that'll put about a century onto your journey.”

I had moved out of the Bronx three months earlier and found a little place in Long Island, right by the ocean. The round trip would have taken him at least two hours.

“I don't want you getting the subway.”

“I take the subway every day, and I'm with these guys for half of the journey,” I said, gesturing towards Sabrina and Steph.

“I would just prefer that we gave you a ride in your current condition,” Fred insisted.

Miranda chimed in too. “Come on, Sophie, come with us. We'll get you home quicker.”

I couldn't say why, but I felt that there was something behind this seemingly innocent offer. Maybe they wanted to press the issue of why I hadn't chosen to live closer to them – a persistent complaint of theirs.

In the end, I gave in. “Whatever you say.”

We left my mother's and I settled in the back, next to Lenya in her bumper seat. The two of us fell asleep instantly. By the time I woke up, my brother was already parking in front of my house.

I got out of the car and he seemed nervous. “Merry Christmas then, Sophie,” he said. His eyes were a little bloodshot.

“What's the matter?” I asked, giving him a hug.

“Nothing, you know me, I just worry about you and I want to see you happy.”

“I am, it's modest, but I am. Come on, Fred, I'm a grown-up, you don't need to worry so much.”

“No I know. And I know how tough you are, more than anybody. I'm just sorry that you have to do this alone.”

“Better alone than in bad company.”

Fred nodded. “I'll see you soon.”

Back home, I left the bag of gifts on the kitchen table and decided to stop by Mildred and Arturo's restaurant. On the day I walked out of Adam's office, I took the subway to the coast. I ran into Mildred on the beach, gave her a two word update and collapsed into her arms. I ended up telling her everything about our absurd relationship and Adam's sick mind. She was so kind and understanding – she even offered to let me stay there. I accepted. Then it was she who managed to find the little house by the beach, which I could just about afford with my wage from Sally.

“What are you doing here?” asked Mildred, the moment I walked through the door.

“Just passing to wish you a Merry Christmas,” I said, slightly dismayed by her obvious agitation.

“You should get going,” said Arturo, behind her.

“Sorry?” I laughed, uncertain.

“Yeah, we're so busy tonight.”

“Oh okay, well, stop by my place later. I have Christmas presents for you.” I glanced around the restaurant. It was practically empty, save for a few scattered couples and a trio.

“Get off home,” Mildred said, almost ejecting me out of the door.

“Okay,” I muttered, incredulous. “See you later then. You will come by, won't you?”

“Of course we will, as soon as we close.”

I fastened my coat and found myself alone outside the restaurant. Did they just throw me out?

A group of guys ready for a party piled out of two cars. They were going to the beach and it made me want to cry. I couldn't stand these raging hormones. Ever since I fell pregnant I couldn't even watch television – even sentimental commercials were inducing floods of tears. Rather than head straight home, I decided to walk along the sea front, ambling between bonfires. Amongst the many regrets in my life so far, one of the more minor ones was having never spent a night on the beach, singing around a fire. About thirty feet away, I stopped to listen to a group singing
Home
by Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros. That song was mesmerizing. They hit the chorus:

Ah home, let me go home
Home is wherever I'm with you.
Ah home, let me go home
Home is where I'm alone with you.
Home. Let me come home
Home is wherever I'm with you.
Ah home. Yes I am home.
Home is when I'm alone with you.

After another dose of tears, I pressed on home. As I got closer I noticed three figures on the porch. I approached cautiously, trying to decipher who they were.

“Hey there,” I said.

All three of them turned in sync. I could not believe what I was seeing. It was Adam with a man and a woman. I recognized the woman immediately – it was the same one from the newspaper I had seen just hours earlier.

“Sophie?” said Adam, stunned.

“Adam—” I whispered, frozen at the bottom of the steps. I shifted my bag in front of my stomach to hide the bump. All three of them descended towards me.

“This is my sister Susan, and her husband Donald,” said Adam.

I shook their hands, embarrassed. “Nice to meet you,” I said, looking into his sister's eyes. They were so similar to Adam's. Her lips curled into an affectionate smile. In person, her warmth was even more apparent.

“What are you doing here?” Adam asked sternly.

“What are
you
doing here?”

“Mildred and Arturo ordered me to come to this address. They said they had to show me something.”

“Ah right,” I replied, restraining my anger. “Well, this is their house, but I think they're still at the restaurant.”

“Yes, we had dinner there,” he replied.

“Do you live here?” Susan asked, putting a hand on her husband's shoulder.

“No,” I answered quickly. “I live in an apartment a few blocks away from here. I was just out for a walk and saw you. I thought I should check whether you needed something.”

Susan frowned, puzzled.

“You moved?” Adam asked.

“Yeah.” I was sweating now and the bristly wool of my mother's knitted hat was itching the life out of me. “Anyway, I'd best be off,” I took a step back. “I have to be somewhere. It was a pleasure to meet you,” I said, shaking hands with Susan and Donald again.

I quickly glanced at him and briskly walked away, holding back the urge to run. My only thought was to go to the restaurant, burn it to the ground and beat Arturo and Mildred with their own kitchen utensils. I was unstable after the encounter. I called Mildred to warn her that I was furious and on my way.

“What the hell were you thinking? Mildred, how could you send him to my house?”

“He has the right to know that you're carrying his child. Don't be so stubborn – he deserves to know.”

“Mildred, you call him this instant and pretend that you live there. Offer him a bottle of wine and send him home. I cannot deal with this, and I really need the bathroom.”

“Sophie, be brave.”

“Mildred, I've told you already – it's not about courage or bravery. This is the way it has to be, he won't accept this.”

Arturo took the phone. “Sophie, tell him the truth.”

“Oh, seriously… you as well? What's wrong with you guys? I am capable of making my own decisions!”

Mildred appeared on the line again. “Sophie, I can't take it any more. If you won't tell him then I will.”

“Oh come on, stop it now or I'm going to—”

“You're pregnant?” Adam's voice paralyzed me. I turned to look at him, a rabbit in headlights. How long had he been following me?