Waiting for Darkness (Blood Martyr) (16 page)

I was confused. Me? Different from the other vampires? I vague
ly remembered Kieran talking about the same thing, but at that time, I had chalked that off as extremely lame pillow talk. Now, I wasn’t so sure.

He cocked his head to one side, causing one side of his normally florid face, to get even redder from the cri
mson glass panes set into the cathedral walls. “Perhaps you are thinking of something? Something that points toward your rather odd standing as a supposed damned being? Just the fact you can walk around in the sunlight is quite a remarkable thing. I don’t know of many vampires who can stand the sun, and I know even less who can actually walk in it, sunglasses or no.”

“
I don’t know. Kieran…” I snuck a glance at Father Hernandez. “Kieran Black.”

He smiled. “
I know him. He’s come here several times, last week being the most recent.”

That struck as odd. Kieran didn
’t seem the sort of person who was into spirituality. But then again, most people would’ve never imagined me sitting in a pew of a cathedral.

“
Anyways, Kieran told me about how I was different. From my kind. At first, I didn’t know what he was talking about, but now since you’ve brought it up, I have to admit, I am a little more than curious. What makes you two think I’m so different? If I was different, don’t you think I’d be able to live without blood?”

He quirked a brow. “
Every person must have their fallibilities, their weaknesses. If you did not need blood to survive, then you would not be human.”

“
But I’m not human.”

He shook his head. “
No, but you are not a God, either, Tanith.

I was confu
sed. “What do you mean? So, if I’m not human, and if I’m not a God, and apparently, I’m different from other vampires, then what the heck does that make me?”

“
Isn’t that something that you ought to tell me? Tell me, have you actually stepped foot into a church? Onto any sort of sacred land?”

I was ready enough to say that something like that would have just been suicide, when I realized that, no, I
’d never been to such places. “Why would I? What would be the point? One step on consecrated land, and I’ll get covered with first degree burns over the majority of my body. That’s what happens to all vampires.”

“
Yes. It
would
happen to all vampires. After all, they are souls forsaken by God, they are souls God do not want back into his throng. Supposedly. But you, however…” His voice trailed off into silence, and he turned to look at me, thoughtfulness fixed onto his gentle features.

I couldn
’t see where this conversation was going. “So? Would you like me to go walk into an average church and see what happens?”

He smiled a secret sort of smile, the sort of smile that I neither trusted nor liked. On a holy man like Father Hernandez, it only made him look incredibly diabolical. In that instant, I had no problems seeing him as a man who would lead souls to their r
uin, using the name of God as a ruse. Scary, that.

“
No, no, that is completely unnecessary.” His eyes left mine and fixed upon the open doors of the cathedral. I followed his line of sight to see an old woman, back hunched over like a shrimp, as she tottered to the pew nearest to the doors. “Ah, it’s Ms. Brynn. I expect she’ll be wanting some consoling and someone to talk to. I heard one of her boys died during the pack fight between Phoenix and Kieran.”

Even if he hadn
’t given me that ‘look’, I already knew it was time for me to leave. I stayed long enough, commiserating, and the rector was just trying to tell me, in his own way, that it was time for me to stop thinking and start moving. Not to mention, I didn’t want the old lady to know her son had been killed in my club. The fact that I might've been the one to kill her son didn't make me feel any better.

I pecked Father Hernandez on a weathered cheek, and he beamed at me.

“Thank you. For everything, Father.”

He nodded.

“Any time, my dear Tanith. Any time you need someone to talk to, any time you feel the need for company, I am always here.”

Leaving the church, I felt light, as though a weight had been taken off my shoulders. It felt good, and my mind felt clear.

I knew what I had to do, and I was going to do it.

So what if Jamison did not want to talk to me? Well, it was just too fucking bad, because he and I was seriously overdue for a
‘therapy’ session.

He wouldn
’t break. He wouldn’t bend. I knew him, better than anyone else. He would come out of this, maybe even better than he was before this mess.

The drive back to the hospital was quiet, and I didn
’t even bother to turn up the rock music I loved. There were just many questions in my mind, and if music was added to the mix, I didn’t think I’d be able to drive right. Not that I was worried about me. Precious little could hurt me, car accidents not being one of them. I was more worried for the people in the other car.

Mitch had already left the building, and the sun had slipped below the horizon,
allowing me to take off the hideous sunglasses and toss them into the nearest trash bin, set next to the elevators.

The elevator ride seemed to take an instant and all too soon, there I was,
in front of the door, and on the other side, would be Jamison.

I took a deep breath before opening the door. Courage or no, but I did need to be gutsy, and guts wasn
’t something I had much of, not when it came to Jamison. The old, rusty smell of apprehension was starting to filter through my nose, and I opened the door before I lost my nerve completely.

Jamison hadn
’t moved from the spot when I last saw him, the only difference being the room was now lit by a pair of hospital lights set by his bed, and he was looking out the window, at the stars just beginning to rise in the night sky. His hair shone russet in the glare of the light bulbs and he looked at me, incredulity clear on his perfect features.

“
What are you doing here? I thought I told you not to come back here,” he said quietly, and already I could see his hands moving toward the intercom button set next to the bed.

Coward.

So he was going to cheat, was he? So he was going to try to get me chucked out, was he?

If he could cheat, then, well, so was I. Two could play at this game.

“I wouldn’t do that if I were you, Jamison.”

He glared at me, eyes hot with anger. Ah. So we were actually going somewhere now. I liked Jamison with emotion. Anything was better than the empty pain he showed me before. “
Oh, really? Well, what the fuck are you going to do about it, vamp?”

He never called me
‘vamp’ before, in jest or otherwise. Clearly, Raylene had a lot to answer for.

I almost regretted killing her so quickly. Almost.

I braced a chair under the doorknob. "No interruptions. Not now."

His finger fell away from the
intercom button, untouched, and he dropped his head, features masked in darkness. “Why did you come back? What’s the whole point? You can’t change something that’s already happened.”

I hated hearing him sound like that. Dejected, melancholy, despondent. N
ow I was wondering if he was going to take his own life.

“
You’re right. I can’t change what already happened. But things that happened are past. You can’t think on them, you can’t waste your time going through the memories like going through individual grains of sand. That’s not even living. I won't let you.”

His hands rested in his lap, the beautifully thin pianist fingers I always envied, clasped as if begging for forgiveness. “
What would you know? You’re supposed to be dead.”

Said by anyone else, I wo
uld've laughed. Said by Jamison, it hurt.

“
Why did you go to Raylene?”

His face contorted into an ugly mask of pain and torment. “
Do you really think I would’ve gone to her, if I’d known her to be such a destructive, sadistic bitch? No, I went because it was a cat house; because I thought I could learn to be your dominant.”

I was completely nonplussed.

“So you’re saying this is about the sex?”

“
No!” His hands slapped down on the bed in anger. “It was never about the sex, you stupid, stupid vampire. This was about you! I went because I thought I could learn to be stronger than you.”

Then I knew, and the realization made my knees weak.

“You never needed to be stronger than me, Jamison. You were strong enough to begin with,” I said in a small voice.

His
voice choked on unshed tears. I could sense the bitter anger he felt, and I felt utterly impotent. Would that I could go back and wring Raylene’s neck a hundred times over. But I couldn’t.

Like I said, things that were past, were past.

“You don’t understand. For five years, I stood by your side, and I watched as man after man passed through your life, and I’ve seen you make complete fools out of them. But they still wanted you even after what you did to them. But more the fool I, because I wanted what you gave them. You gave me your friendship, but God fucking damn it, I wanted more! I wanted everything you could give to a man, do you have any idea what kind of woman you are? Any man would kill to have you as his.” His hands clenched into the sheets. “And I was such a dumbass to think I could make you mine.”

Truth be told, I was getting rather sick of people starting to give me god
like attributes. First Kieran, then Father Hernandez, and now Jamison. What did they see in me that I could not?

He laughed b
itterly. “I thought I’d come back a stronger man, but instead I end up weaker. Funny how life just likes to fuck you over, don’t you agree?”

I didn
’t know what to say. “Jamison…”

“
But none of that matters now.” He reached over and turned out the lights so the small hospital room was bathed in darkness and shadows, the moon peeping from behind its cover of thick clouds. Pulling the covers over his head, he turned his back to me. “None of this matters now. I’m tired, so will you please leave? And don’t come back here again, Tanith. I mean it. I’ve never had to use spells on you, but if I have to, then I’ll do it.”

The room went silent, except for the sounds of his breathing.

I could have left. I could’ve pulled the chair from under the door, and just walked out. Like he asked me to.

“
No.”

I couldn
’t do it.

“
I’m afraid you can’t just throw me out, Jamison. This is my fault. I am responsible for the way you are right now. You can’t do this to me,” I said softly.

He turned over, staring at me. “
What the fuck is wrong with you? Have you lost your hearing? Didn’t I tell you to just fucking leave me alone?”

I shook my head and peeled off my jacket. “
Well, it sucks for you, because I’m not leaving.”

“
What are you doing?” He asked, pulling himself up as I pulled the white camisole over my head and let it join the rest of my clothes on the sterile hospital floors.

I had to admit, I felt a bit silly in just my underwear, but there was nothing else I could think of. If I couldn
’t comfort him with words, then the only thing I had left was my body.

Slipping in under the thin hospital sheets, I could feel his body rigid next to mine, his skin strangely cool.

“I fucking hate you. You think you’re different from Raylene, that you’re tamer than she is, but in truth, you’re just as sadistic as she was.” He whispered, as I put my arms around him, and pressed myself against his back. “You do this to me, when you know that I can’t do anything in return. You offer release to a man who’s in too much goddamned pain to take what you want to give.”

I laid my head against the nape of his neck and breathed in the cinnamon scent of his skin. “
Hush.”

It took a while but slowly his body started to thaw, started to lose the stiffness, and when he turned around to face me, to curl hi
s lithe body against mine, he was soft, pliant. I cradled his head against my breasts and hummed a lullaby that had been lost centuries ago.

“
Will you leave me?” he asked quietly, voice heavy from sleep.

“
No.” I said. “I won’t leave you. Ever.”

And I mea
nt every damn word of it.

TO BE CONTINUED…