Waiting to Believe (17 page)

Lisa pulled her hand away and was about to shoot Kacey a grin, but couldn't follow through.
This will be me someday . . .
she thought. Stepping back to the pew, she sank down next to Kacey and began to pray. “God of pardon and mercy, we humbly pray for the soul of your servant, Mary Odelia. . . .”

30

“You!” The flamboyant nun pointed at Kacey. “Are a lamb.” Then her exaggerated tone dropped and came out as a hiss. “Being led to the slaughter!”

Kacey's eyes widened. Her body froze. Sister Mary Boniface strode toward her with giant steps, stopping just short of Kacey's chair in the front row. “This is a drama class, Sister Mary Laurence. This is a session on improvisation. And
you
are a lamb, being led to the slaughter. Can you feel it?” She paused before sweeping her arms in a grand gesture. “Come, come, come, if you will, please. Show us.”

As Kacey stood to follow the bewildering command, the bell rang, ending the class. Kacey's relief was indescribable. She gave Sister Boniface a weak smile and turned to leave, but the sister was not done with her.

“Not so fast.” The olive-skinned nun was tall, lithe, quick moving. Her brows formed a black band across her forehead, which moved up and down as she spoke to the class. Kacey often watched them in fascination.

“Yes, Sister.” Kacey's stomach tightened.

“Sister Mary Laurence, I don't believe you are entering into my class as fully as I would have expected.” The brows were drawn into a frown.

“I'm sorry if I'm not meeting your expectations, Sister. I
do
like the class, but it's a little hard for me at times.”

“Hard?”

“Well, I—I'm sort of shy, and I hadn't really expected to be studying drama and—”

Mary Boniface drew herself up to her full height and leaned against her desk. “What makes you think you had a right to expect
anything,
Sister?”

The intensity of the nun's words sucked the breath from Kacey. “I apologize, Sister Mary Boniface. It's just that I'm not very good at drama and—”

Mary Boniface interrupted Kacey again, folding her arms across her chest, a small smile on her face. “I disagree. You
are
good at it. Shy? Nonsense! You have a sprightly spirit! Too sprightly at times. Use that enthusiasm, that energy here. In this class. This is an outlet for you!”

“Yes, Sister. I'll try.”

“This won't be the only drama class you'll take, you know. Your high school reputation has followed you. It's been suggested that you be assigned to teach drama after final vows.” The brows lifted and remained in an inquiring position as the nun riveted Kacey with her eyes.

Kacey paled.
She can't be serious!

Their eyes locked, neither moved. “Yes, Sister Boniface. I'll do my best.”

The eyebrows lowered, and the calculated smile returned. “‘To be, or not to be, that
is
the question'—is it not, Sister Mary Laurence?” Without waiting for an answer, the nun swept past Kacey and left the room, her habit swirling to catch up with her as she moved down the hall.

“We need a fourth for whist!” Adrian called to Kacey. Mary Callistus and Lisa were seated at the table with Adrian. Kacey slipped into the empty chair with little enthusiasm.

“Why the long face?” Callistus asked as Lisa shuffled the cards. In the background, Eddy Arnold's voice began the opening yodel of his hit song, “Cattle Call.” It was a favorite among the sisters, many of whom discreetly mouthed the words as he sang, “
The cattle are prowlin', the coyotes are howlin'
. . .”
Lisa had joined in, singing with more gusto than seemed acceptable.

“Shh!” Callistus admonished. “You'll get us split up again.”

But Adrian's gaze remained fixed on Kacey. She had a tender spot for the young postulant whom she had befriended that first night. She'd watched thoughtfully through Kacey's times of upset and frustration. “What's wrong?”

“
He's brown as a berry from riding the prairie
. . .”
Eddy's song continued without Lisa's harmony. The table fell silent, waiting on Kacey.

“I don't know why it's troubling me so much,” Kacey responded, “but I heard from Boniface this afternoon that I've been earmarked to teach drama after final vows.”

“Drama?” Lisa's surprise was evident.

“Yeah. I mean, I had fun with it in high school, and I like this class—well, not improv. But to spend my life teaching drama? That's not why I entered the community!”

Lisa dealt the cards. All four picked up their hands and held them without looking at them.

“Well, you don't know you'd be doing it for life.” Mary Adrian tried to mollify Kacey. “It could lead to other things.”

“Right,” Kacey said sarcastically. “Who knows, from there I could move on to teaching penmanship to postulants!” She laid her cards down and pushed back her chair. “I'm not up for this tonight.”

“Psst. You're heading in the wrong direction.” Lisa whispered as Kacey turned toward the staircase of Old Main. She and Lisa had just finished their World History class and were scheduled for “English Poets of the 18th Century.” Black clad sisters scurried silently past them.

“Gotta go to the dentist.” Kacey whispered back, “Believe me, I'd rather spend time with the poets.”

“Again? You've been going a lot!”

Kacey glanced down the hallway to make certain they weren't being seen or heard. “You're telling me!” she said, “And it's no fun! Do you know we can't have Novocain?”

“What?” Lisa's startled response came out louder than she intended.

“We're supposed to ‘offer it up.'” There was no denying the scorn in Kacey's voice. “I think that's going a little too far! Why should we accept unnecessary pain? How's that glorify God?”

“Maybe it's just you,” Lisa speculated, “since you always think they're trying to break your spirit.”

Kacey shook her head. “Nope! Just wait till it's your turn. You'll be told to ‘offer it up,' too.”

Lisa shuddered at the thought as Kacey kept on talking. “It's costing a lot, too. I think they called Dad to get him to pay.”

“No fair!” Lisa said but her mind was still on the lack of Novocain.

Sister Mary Helena was seated at the wheel of the 1959 Chevrolet Bel Air which gave testament to its ownership: Black. Practical. Meticulous. Devoid of personality. The chubby old nun offered no greeting as Kacey climbed in beside her. Pulling away from the curb, she asked, “How long will it be?”

“An hour, I suppose. I'll call you when I'm done.”

The car lurched forward. Kacey glanced over at the driver who sat with her hands precisely at 10 and 2. As she pulled into the lane of traffic, Kacey glanced again, this time at the speedometer. Twenty six miles per hour. Kacey's nerves were on edge. She wished for the distraction of a radio, a luxury not found in a convent vehicle. But what she wanted most of all was to shout, “Step on it! You drive like an old nun!” A fantasy, of course.

Moving from the car to the dental office, Kacey felt the first bite of winter. Inside, the waiting room held only a few, all in brightly colored bulky sweaters and heavy coats. Her gaze scanned the room until it rested on the back of a coat she recognized.

“Mom?”

The herringbone clothed figure turned, her arms stretched out to the bewildered novice. “Kacey! I'm so happy to see you!” Rose reached to kiss her daughter's cheek, folding her arms tightly around Kacey but Kacey stepped back from the embrace.

“What are you doing here? How'd you know I'd be here?”

“Oh, honey, I wanted so badly to see you!” Sadness etched Rose's face.

“How'd you know I'd be here, Mom?” Kacey asked again.

“Oh, the major superior or the mother general or someone called. They want your father to pay so I just asked what dentist you –”

“You can't do this!” Kacey interrupted. “You can't come looking for me!” Her voice was ragged, her cheeks flushed.

“Ahh, where's the harm? Is it so terrible a mother wants to see her child?” Once again she stepped closer to Kacey but Kacey held her at arm's length.

“You know the rules, Mom. This isn't allowed!”

“Kacey, I
need
to see you!”

“I'm sorry you feel that way but –”

Rose's hand shot up like a stop sign. “No! You've got that wrong! You shouldn't be sorry
I
feel this way. You should be sorry
you've
cut yourself off from me. From your whole family!”

“I can't have this conversation. You've gotta go!”

Aware of the waiting patients watching the exchange through diverted glances, Kacey was embarrassed, but Rose was unfazed. They stood frozen, looking into one another's face. Finally, Kacey's tone softened as she repeated, “You have to go, Mom.”

Rose reached out to touch Kacey's sleeve but Kacey pulled away. “Mom,” she said, her voice now choked with tenderness. Inside her head the battle raged. Pain roiled in her stomach. She knew she could not yield.

Rose's shoulders slumped as she gave up and turned toward the door.

Kacey struggled to take a deep breath as she watched her mother leave.
She walks like an old woman..

Sister Mary Laurence!” came the call as Kacey was leaving the college library. Sister Mary Boniface hurried toward her on the icy sidewalk. “I'm glad I caught you! I've got good news!”

Kacey frowned.
What good news could come from Sister Boniface?
They stood face to face in the cold.

“Despite your initial apprehensions, you've done very well in my class. I'm pleased with your work.” A pause. “Well, your improv could still use some work.”

“Thank you, Sister,” Kacey interjected.

“It was obvious to me that you'd had experience in theater, and in spite of what you say, you've got a knack for it.”

“Thank you, Sister.”

“And so,” Sister Mary Boniface put on her most cheerful face, “I have decided to give you a significant assignment. I'm putting you in charge of our spring play!”

“No!” The word flew from Kacey's mouth before she could stop it.

“Yes!” came the reply. “No need to thank me. I've thought about this a great deal. You are the most qualified.”

Kacey shivered. “I don't know what to say.”

Sister Mary Boniface was oblivious. Her smile did not falter. “You've heard of
The Sound of Music
? Lovely story. Lovely!
You
will direct it!”

Kacey's fingers flew to her mouth. The stinging cold rushed through her, and yet her face flamed. “Sister Boniface, I don't think—”

“Nonsense! Of course you can! I will prepare you every step of the way. We begin immediately.” She clapped her hands in delight. “This will be a grand experience for you!”