Wanting More (24 page)

I tried to hold him; to separate his arms and fall into his chest, but he wouldn’t let me. He looked at me with such cold eyes. “Conner, please. I swear that you’re all I want. What do I have to do to prove it to you?”

“Just like you told me you loved me, but never could leave him. Do you know how it felt to see him touchin’ you? I can’t do this shit anymore, Amy. I’m not goin’ to let you hurt me anymore. Get back in your car and go home to your husband that beats and cheats on you. Have a nice fuckin’ life.” He took his beer and chucked it out into the dark parking lot and walked back into the bar.

Ty and Miranda were in there and I knew I couldn’t chase after him. I fell down to the ground and cried my eyes out. When I managed to get in the car, I only made it a mile down the road before I had to pull over.

I knew he was mad at me, but I had no idea just how mad. He wasn’t going to wait for me. I’d lost Conner and all of my hopes of ever being happy again.

For the next week, I sent hundreds of text messages. I called and left messages where I was crying so bad I was sure he couldn’t understand the words I was saying.

He never responded to any of them.

Even Rick knew something was wrong and it was hard for me to not be able to explain. I made up a lie that I was having female problems and needed to have tests done. I didn’t feel bad for lying to Rick, especially knowing that because of him, I’d lost everything.  The salon suddenly meant nothing to me without Conner in my life.

One week turned into four and all of my hopes of ever being able to talk to Conner again were slowly fading away.

I’d considered driving to the farm and begging him for another chance. I’d even considered telling Miranda the whole truth and pleading with her to help me. The problem was that I was still married and all of the help in the world couldn’t fix my current situation. Conner wasn’t ever going to forgive me until I could forgive myself and just walk away.

While trying to figure out a way out of my awful life, I started looking into Rick’s mail when he wasn’t watching me. I had cloned his phone, but never caught him making any calls to anyone suspicious. With him being home, my spy time was limited. At night, I’d followed him to work a couple times, but he never met anyone before he went in. I was beginning to think that maybe Rick had been telling the truth all along. Maybe he really did want to work things out with me.

That scared me even more. I’d promised to be with a man I was trying to take down and the only thing I could dig up on him was that for once he was being honest.

My way out wasn’t looking bright anymore and my hope of ever being with Conner again was fading into a forgotten dream.

Chapter 31

Conner

I was tired of waiting and there was only one way to end this game.

Play it my way.

Pushing Amy away that night at the bar was the hardest damn thing I’ve ever done in my life. She didn’t know it, but once I saw her pull away, I drove myself home. Ty and Miranda asked me what was wrong and I just told them I didn’t feel good. Besides, the damn bartender was getting on my last nerve, always trying to get me to take her somewhere.

Seeing the pain in her eyes and hearing her beg me to reconsider played in my head for days. It didn’t help that she continued to reach out to me for some kind of hope that we still had a chance of being together.

What Amy didn’t understand was that I was just waiting for her to take that leap of faith and show up at my door. I hadn’t given up on her, not just yet. She was where I wanted to be, I just needed her to let it happen.

Seeing her with Rick was the last straw for me. I know she was claiming to be pretending, although seeing her in the grocery store and watching him touching her, well, it was just too much to handle. It was like she was nailing my coffin.  I could see it in her eyes that she was sorry, but it wasn’t good enough anymore. I’d changed everything about myself to keep her safe and offer her a happy life, while she continued to live under the same roof with someone who’d done nothing but repeatedly hurt her.

I was hardheaded and tired of being the second priority. Maybe it was selfish of me to not give her more time, but I just couldn’t handle it. When I left that grocery store, I glued myself to Ty and Miranda to keep from wanting to take a pill. I just wanted the pain to go away and it was the fast way to make it happen.

When Thanksgiving came around and we were in Kentucky, I found myself missing Amy more than ever. I wasn’t there for an hour before I broke down and sent her a text message and honestly, I figured she would have kept the phone turned off by now, or maybe even thrown it away.

I miss my Blaze.- C

A couple hours went by before my phone buzzed. I was in the woods with my family scoping out hunting spots. My stomach was in knots anticipating what I was about to read. She could have been telling me to burn in hell, I just didn’t know.

I miss you more. – A

Can I call you? – C

Yes. – A

I had to walk around in the woods to find a spot with good enough service before I could call. I swear my heart was beating so fast as the phone began to ring. When I heard her voice, I just felt like driving back to North Carolina and getting her.

Hello?

Hey darlin’. God, it’s good to hear your voice.

She immediately started crying and I don’t think she was trying to hide it from me.

I thought you were never going to talk to me again. I miss you so much, Conner.

Yeah, that’s why I sent you that message. I miss you too. How have you been?

Aside from my heart being broken? Just peachy.

Amy, you pushed me away. If anyone’s heart is broken it’s mine. I gave it all to you and you didn’t want it.

That’s not true, Conner.

Yeah, I think it is. I gave you so many reasons to be with me, but you stayed with him anyway. Is he still being Mr. Perfect?

Did you call me to be mean?

I ran my hands through my hair and realized I was being an ass. I half expected her to hang up on me for it.

I’m sorry, darlin’. I guess I’m still torn up over it.

Conner, time isn’t going to change how much I love you. You can push me away all you want, but I’ve never stopped wanting you.

Well, I need more than you’re willin’ to give me.

So did you go out and find something to make you happy?

Are you really askin’ me if I’ve hooked up with someone else?

Well, I saw the bartender that night you broke up with me and since you’re home in Kentucky, I just figured they’d all be lining up.

It made me laugh that she thought that. Was I that much of a dick to her to make her think that I’d fuck other girls to forget about her? This wasn’t some stupid novel that her or my sister read. This was my real life.

Yeah, hold that thought. I can see my family comin’ and I don’t feel like endin’ this conversation just yet.

My cousin Colt came walking up to me. “Hey, you ready to head back?”

I put my hand over the phone. “Just give me a minute.”

“You want me to take John back?” Colt asked.

“Yeah, if you don’t mind. Do me a favor and don’t mention that it was because I was on the phone. I don’t need anyone in my business.” My sister and her big mouth would just make me more pissed.

“Sure thing. You should have invited her to dinner.”

I shook my head, wishing that she really was with me. “Yeah, it’s not like that. Can we talk about it later?”

Colt chuckled and walked away. “Yeah, see you then.”

Amy? You still there?

Yes.

Sorry, Colt was askin’ me somethin’. Now, as far as me hookin’ up with other women. You really think it’s that easy for me?

According to your sister, it’s how you’ve always been.

My sister needs to stay the hell out of my business. When did you talk about me anyway?

A long time ago.

Well, people change.

Yeah, I guess they do.

Speaking of people changin’, where’s that husband of yours?

Conner, please don’t ask me about him.

No, how come you can talk to me this long? Where is he?

He’s at a meeting. Then he is picking up the turkey and stopping by his daughter’s boyfriends to ask her to come to dinner.

So he leaves you home alone now?

Today he did. Look, I know what you’re thinking and you’re wrong.

Yeah, I don’t think I am. He wouldn’t trust you unless you gave him something he wanted. Guess I know where we stand.

Did I act like this when you were messing around with Heather?

That was a fake relationship, not someone I was married to.

I am faking.

With which one of us?

Fuck you, Conner. I hate that you made me love you and then pushed me away.

I pushed her away because I thought it would make her leave him.

Woman, if you weren’t so damn hard headed we would be together right now, instead of arguin’ about it.

You’re the stubborn one, Conner!

Well it takes one to know one I guess.

Are you going to just hang up and not talk to me for another couple of months?

No, I plan on hangin’ up and textin’ your ass until you either write me back, or call me. When I get home you’re goin’ to come see me, Amy. If you don’t I’ll drag you away from him myself.

I hung up on her because I said what I wanted to say and I knew what I needed to know. She still wanted me and after being without her, it was enough to make me want to fight for her.

While my crazy ass family celebrated our time together, I became obsessed with talkin’ to Amy. I texted her for the next couple of hours, up until my damn sister had to open her mouth.

"Who do you keep talkin' to?" Colt asked.

I put the phone back in my pocket. “It's just a friend." My sister was giving me a dirty look like when we were teenagers.

"What's the big secret?" Now she had Colt up in my shit.

Ty leaned forward. "Trust me when I say that you really don't want to know."

"Is it somethin' I should be concerned over?” Apparently I was going to have to explain some things.

I just shook my head. "It ain't nothin' like that. I just have this friend that I enjoy spending time with. We're just friends, nothin' more."

"Because she's married." Miranda replied with her eyebrow cocked.

I was ready to put my boot in her damn ass. "Just friends. Leave it alone, Randa!" I grabbed my drink and walked out of the house to get away from my nosey family.

Colt came out to the porch and stood next to me. “Want to talk about it?"

"Why, so you can get all pissed at me too? Look there ain't nothin' goin' on that anyone has to worry about. Even if I did want it to, she would never be okay with it. She's just in a real bad situation and doesn't have anyone else she can trust."

"So, is this someone you met at meetings?"  What the hell would she think I was going to meetings and hooking up with chicks for? Did everyone think I was that awful?

"No, since I know you aren't going to get off my back, I will tell you. It's Miranda's boss Amy. I'm not goin' to divulge her personal drama, but let’s just say she is in a very bad way and I am the only one that knows the truth."

"And how did you get to be that lucky guy?"

I needed to tell someone the truth, even if I didn’t tell him everything, I just wanted to get it off my chest. "I guess it started when I first moved there. She came over after having a fight with her husband. I happened to be really sick and she sat up with me until I pissed her off. We weren't exactly friends, but a while later, after a night out, I found her in a parking lot all upset. I took her somewhere to be safe and she told me enough for me to be concerned. After that she started confidin’ in me. I don't think it was because I was ever her first choice, it was just that I already knew."

"I never pegged you as the kind of guy that was just friends with a woman."

I shook my head and laughed. "Neither did I, but even if I wanted somethin' else, it would never happen." Not right now at least.

"So, this is the woman that helped with that Heather girl problem?"

"Yeah, and that is a whole different story that we need a bottle of whiskey to talk about."

After the conversation with my cousin and the way my family was all in my shit, I knew it was only a matter of time before I broke down and told them all that I was involved with Amy. She wasn’t ready for us to be a couple, but I was and I was going to find a way to make it happen.

Chapter 32

Amy

My Thanksgiving wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. After being able to talk to Conner after so long, I was more than giddy. Even though he wasn't in the best of moods, it was still good to hear his voice and that he still loved me.

When Rick came home, his daughter was with him. She had pierced her nose and her lip and had a tattoo on her neck. Her boyfriend who followed in behind them was in some band and had tattoos from his fingers and up his arms. He had those big things in his ears that stretched the lobe and wore his pants down below his ass.

Rick had the same expression as I did when they finally walked into the living room. We both began to laugh and tried to not let them hear us.

Rick reached his arms around me and kissed the top of my head. "It's really nice to hear you happy. You think that after dinner we could maybe take our relationship to the next level?"

Oh god...this was not happening to me. I eased my way over to the counter and started mixing up some stuffing. "How about we just see how today goes and if we're even awake enough. Plus you have to entertain the two rock stars in the other room and who knows when they're going to leave."