Wanting More (21 page)

I was crying. Partly because he was blaming me and the other reason being because he really was completely in love with me. This man, this broken man, that I was completely in love with, was broken again and this time I was to blame. "Go ahead and tell me Conner. You're obviously going to anyway."

"Because the idea of never being able to have you again made me want to die. Because seein' you leave with that piece of shit husband of yours was my breakin' point. I wanted you for myself and after bein' around that, I knew I was goin' to have it."

"Conner, don't talk like that!"

He got up in my face and I didn't back away this time. "It's the fuckin' truth, Blaze. You think that worrying about me bein' with Heather is bad, you think about how many months I've had to lay in my bed thinking' about him touchin' and fuckin' what was mine. You can fight me and deny it all you want, but after that first night together, you've always been mine."

I couldn't look into his painful eyes and lie anymore about my feelings. I knew when I gave myself to him that night that it was more for me. At the time, I'd assumed it was just sex for him, but he kept being there and supporting me. There wasn't a time where I couldn't count on him.

“You’re right. You're totally right, Conner. I started falling for you that night. It wasn't the first time you'd come to my rescue. It was easy for me to fall right into your arms every time you came around. I suppose I wanted you to seduce me. At first, I wanted to believe that someone like you could want someone as damaged as me. I just never thought this would come out of it."

He leaned back in his seat, but grabbed my hand and kissed it. "Well, it did and I'm tired of fuckin' waitin' for it to be the right time. For months you've said you were leavin' him and I know there's two ways this story plays out. You'll either leave or you'll stay."

"You know my choice! How could you even think that I don't want to be with you completely? That's all I want."

I noticed that the radio had been playing the whole time when the truck got quiet. Some rock song that I didn't recognize was playing and Conner patted his fingers against the steering wheel to the tune. I really looked at him while he stared out into the night. He was mine. This handsome beautiful man had my heart and all he was asking was for me to be with him. I didn't care that he'd taken a pill, but I did need to make sure I was never the reason he wanted to do it again. "I want to be with you and never have to look behind my back again. I have a plan but it may take a couple of months. I'm not going to stop seeing you or being with you. I don't give a shit about the Heather thing anymore, as long as it’s really over with. I'm tired of us not being on the same page. I'm tired of crying myself to sleep thinking about you."

He grabbed my arms and pulled me over to him, while reaching around and guiding me to straddle him. The steering wheel was stuck in my back, so I leaned my body right against his chest. "I don't want to ever make you cry, Amy. I want you to know you're loved every damn day. I can wait out your plan so there are no loose ends, but I can't promise you that I will be patient."

"I don't expect you to be." I leaned into him and pressed my lips over his. As I pulled away, I noticed just how out of it he was. "Are you going to want to take another pill?"

He shrugged and leaned back in his seat. "Probably. I don't think it will be as bad as the withdrawals before, but it won't be fun for a couple days."

"Stay with me tonight." Yeah, it was a horrible idea, but Rick was off in another state and he still had a whole day of driving before he dropped off the load. As long as I was able to sneak him into the house, it would be fine. Since it was dark, the neighbors would already be in bed.

"That ain't smart."

I ran my hands over his cheeks. "Please let me take care of you."

He pulled his keys out of the ignition and put them in my hand. "I'm not in any shape to drive. If you think it's safe we can go there, if not I will pay for a room. Just drive me somewhere."

After switching to my car, I decided it would be safer if we just went to the hotel. The clerk gave me dirty looks when I came in with Conner's ID, but since we'd been there before she didn't question it. By the time we'd gotten there Conner was in bad shape. He couldn't keep his eyes open and had told me he'd finished off the bottle of whiskey right before I arrived to meet him.

He was fucked up and I wondered if he would even remember our conversation.

Once I got him into the room, he plopped face first onto the bed.

I pulled off his shoes and removed his pants. As difficult as it was, I was able to get him to get under the covers and at least use a pillow.

I started taking off my clothes and climbed into bed beside him. When I wrapped my arms around him he started laughing.

I reached my hand and found his to thread our fingers together. "What's funny?"

"We can't have sex tonight, darlin'."

"I wasn't trying to. Why is that even funny?"

He kept laughing. "My dick can't take anymore tonight. Not after the poundin' it went through earlier."

I swear I literally stopped breathing for a second. Now, I knew all about drunk people and how they ran their mouths about things they shouldn't. That wasn't what hurt me.

I knew there was a chance they were going to have sex, but when he said it the way he did, it stabbed me right in the heart. I was lying next to a man that had been with another woman just hours before. I pulled away from him and immediately started to cry.

So much for being strong.

He grabbed my hand and tried to pull me back against him. "Are you jealous? You want me to fuck you like that? I'll give you whatever you want, darlin'."

I kept telling myself it was because he was stoned. He would never hurt me like that.

But he was...

Tears streamed down my eyes. "Shut up! So help me God, I will leave your ass here all alone if you don't shut up right now."

"Don't be jealous."

"I'm not!"

He sat up and turned in my direction. He couldn't even keep his eyes open when he talked. I watched him lift his arms and point to me. "You are so."

I could barely speak I was crying so bad. "Did you wear protection, Conner? Please tell me you did."

He scrunched his face up. "How could you even ask me that, Blaze?"

"I want a straight answer."

"Yes. You're the only woman I've ever been with and not used somethin'. I told you that the first time we were together. After feelin' how much better it felt, I never wanted to wear one again, but yeah, I wore protection. Not that you have to worry about me givin' you something from Heather. I'm afraid if she has somethin' you and I may already have it."

I sat down on the bed and shook my head. "What are you talking about? I've never slept with someone that Heather's been with."

He laughed again and it was really pissing me off. "When is the last time you slept with Rick?"

I wanted to vomit and for the first time since we got to the hotel, Conner's eyes got real big. "Why are you asking me that?"

"Answer me."

I swallowed the knot in my throat. "I don't know. Months ago. Maybe it was even longer. It's been a long time. He and I stay away from each other now."

He grabbed my hands and played with them. "Darlin', Rick's fuckin' Heather."

Chapter 27

Conner

I woke up wondering where the hell I was at. To make matters worse, Amy was in the room with me and she wasn't sharing my bed. I tried to think back on what had happened, but it was all a blank after I left Heather's place.

I knew the reason why I felt like shit right away. I'd done something stupid, but my main concern wasn't myself, it was why the woman I loved was sleeping in a separate bed from me.

I got up to go to the bathroom and the room was spinning around. When I got to the mirror I couldn't believe how bad I looked. After taking care of business, I headed back to the beds and looked out the window to see it was still dark out. I looked at the bed I'd slept in, but chose to climb in beside Amy instead. She let out a little moan when I reached my hands around her waist and pulled her close to me. Something was wrong.

I kissed into her neck and as she stirred she pulled away from me. "Don't Conner. I don't want to talk to you right now."

"I wasn't tryin' to talk. I just wanted to sleep in the same bed, but now that I know you're mad, I want to know why."

She backed away and turned to face the opposite direction again. "You don't get to ask me that right now."

"The hell I don't. You better tell me. Did I say somethin' to make you mad? I promise you that I didn't mean to hurt your feelin's."

She put her hands in her face. "How long have they been sleeping together?"

Oh hell, I didn’t remember saying all that. I ran my hands through my hair and considered what to say without pissing her off more. “I can’t prove that they are sleepin’ together, but I saw a text message he sent her askin’ when he could see her again. Since I’ve known Heather I would say she can’t just be friends with a guy, especially if that guy is trying to get some from her.”

She laid back down and played with her hair. I saw her looking at little strands of it as if she were trying to avoid making eye contact with me. “That’s just great. That little fucking whore just can’t shut her legs can she?”

I laid down on my stomach, but turned my head to face her. “Amy, are you upset because of what I did with her, or what he did? I can assure you that after she found out who I was even she knew it meant nothin’ to me.”

If she was jealous of Rick and Heather I was going to be pissed because it would mean that after everything he’d done to her, she still had feelings for him. “Maybe a little of both. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I hate Rick. I wish he would drop off the face of the earth, but that is fucked up in so many ways. We went to that dinner to hook the two of you up and the whole time he was trying to get into her pants too. When did he even manage to get her number?”

“When I had you in the bathroom with me, I reckon’.”

“Oh, yeah. When we came back they were in a serious conversation. I guess I was too involved with other things to notice them.”

“Me too. All I could think about was you leavin’ with him.”

“All I could think about was you leaving with her.”

I knew she was watching me that night, but I was mad. I wanted her to be with me, not riding home with that bastard. Then it turns out he was even more of a douche than I had originally thought. “I told you this that night and I’ll tell you again right now, I never wanted her.”

“Conner, we can use this to our advantage. If I can get pictures of them hooking up, I can blackmail him into letting me leave and keeping my business. He also doesn’t want the town knowing that I cheated on him. He wants everyone to think he’s this great guy.”

“He ain’t a great guy. He’s a fuckin’ drunk.”

“Would you just consider what I am saying to you? It’s going to take time either way. I already downloaded a cloning app on my phone. When he gets home I am going to copy it to his phone and track his phone calls. When I find out when they are meeting we can get the photos.”

She rolled over on her stomach and mimicked my position. I reached over and moved her hair away from her face. “Wouldn’t it just be easier to hire someone to look into his personal shit?”

“I can’t afford it.”

“I’ll give you the money.”

She shook her head. “I can’t let you do that. This is my mess.”

“Darlin’, you’re my girlfriend. If I want to give you money that will help us be together, then let me.”

She started crying again. “I want to be your girlfriend, more than anything Conner, but I have to get out of my marriage first. The only reason I haven’t left yet is because I will lose everything. If I can pull this off, I could possibly keep my salon without having to fight him in court.”

She wasn’t looking at what would happen if this plan of hers backfired. She was putting herself in danger and I didn’t like it.  It wasn’t exactly as easy as pretending to like a girl to get information from her. This man was violent and he could seriously hurt her if he found out. “I’m not okay with this plan of yours.”

“Well, you’re really not going to be okay with the rest of my plan.”

“Don’t you dare say what I think you’re goin’ to.” I wasn’t going to let her do it alone. It was out of the question.

Amy stood up and put her hands on her hips. “We need to keep our distance for a couple of months. Heather knows who you are and she already has a huge problem with you and your family. If she finds out you and I are doing this together, she’ll tell Rick.

As much as I want to be with you, I can’t take the chance. You telling Heather the truth has made things impossible for us to sneak around. He thinks you moved back to Kentucky. It has to stay that way.

We’ve waited this long. Isn’t it worth a couple more months to be able to never have anyone threatening us again.” She walked into the bathroom without letting me respond. I heard the water turn on and knew she was getting a shower.

I didn’t like anything about her idea if it meant I couldn’t see her. I thought that after I dealt with the Heather shit and got my family on the right page again, we could start our future. Now, there was something else standing in the way.

When I climbed in the shower behind her, she didn’t welcome me like she had in the past. There was animosity between us now and it was going to drive me crazy.

I reached for the tiny bottle of shampoo that came with the rooms and started washing Amy’s hair. She kept her back to me, but didn’t fight me when I touched her. I leaned into her body, massaging the shampoo into her hair. “I’m sorry for last night.”

“Which part?”

Since I could barely remember anything, I had no idea how much I had to apologize for. “For everything except the times where I talked about how I felt about you. I know how I get when I’m messed up and I always say the truth, so I know at some point, I told you all about how I felt.”