Wanting Reed (Break Me) BOOK 2 (6 page)

Momma lives on Pine Street in Arlington just a few blocks away from AT&T Stadium on Legends Way. The stadium is literally right up the street from her house, and I’ve seen it almost every day the past month since I’ve been in Texas. It’s just a reminder that I could’ve been in there this past year working out with the team, but life has a way of unfolding for you, throwing some major bullshit in your plans. I pass the empty stadium parking lot for the last time on my way to the Dallas/Fort Worth Airport to see if I can salvage whatever I have left with Elle back in Boston. It’s only a twenty- minute drive, but it feels like the longest and most painful fucking ride of my life. I’m torn between leaving behind my Momma and Juju again and wondering what I’ll be facing when I land. Momma sits in the backseat of the car with me as I hold her hand. I’m glad she understands why I’m going back.

“One of these days I’m gonna get over my damn fear of flying,” I mumble to myself as we approach the large sprawling airport. Watching all the planes land and take off makes my stomach churn. Nothing helps as I try to psyche myself out of it by listening to music on my iPod. I can feel the rumble of the engines all around me as we pass the airstrip on the right on the way to the parking garage.

We slip through the revolving door, and I’m instantly blasted by the hustle and bustle of the large crowd and the frigid air-conditioned air. Everyone knows about my fear, and they give me shit for it every time. I can’t shake it for the life of me, not since I watched that movie
Castaway
with Tom Hanks. That shit had me scared shitless and is why I’m nervous as hell as I approach the ticket counter to check- in. The idea of the plane going down and living on a deserted island and talking to a damn volleyball for years gave me nightmares as a kid for a long time. Now, as a grown man, that movie still fucking haunts me.

“Hey, Wilson.” Tommy slaps me on the back.

“Cut the crap.” I laugh, returning the favor by punching him in the arm.

“Are we still scared of flying, big guy?” He chuckles, shaking his head in amusement. Momma walks beside me and smiles while Juju lowers her eyes and laughs.

“Lots of people hate flying.”

“Hate, but aren’t scared shi...” He looks at Momma who raises a brow. “Your face is as white as a sheet, and by the way you’re holding that carry-on of yours, I swear you’re gonna lose circulation in your hand left there,” he says, dropping his eyes.

“Tommy, leave my brother alone,” Juju counters, nudging him with her hip. “I could share with everyone what you’re scared of since you seem to enjoy teasing my brother about his fear.”

“Baby, you wouldn’t,” he pleads. Stopping right in the middle of the airport terminal, he gets on one knee in mock amusement. “Please don’t.” He pushes out his bottom lip playfully.

“Get up! You’re making a scene,” my sister whispers, grabbing him by the forearm and trying to pull up all six feet of him as she glances around. People have stopped to look, and Tommy seems to enjoy the attention he’s getting way too much.

“I’m just practicing for the big day.” He chuckles as he rises, brushing off the knee of his worn blue jeans as my sister adjusts the collar on his white button-down shirt. She shakes her head as she gets on her tiptoes to kiss him.

“You’re such a....”

“But you love me no matter what,” he cuts her off.

“I do,” she says as she wraps her arms around his neck.

I’m happy that Tommy and Juju have found each other. I watch them for a couple more seconds before I have to turn away. For a very short time, I had that feeling that you only get once in a lifetime. I thought that emotion would never appear for me because I wasn’t looking for it. I never expected it because I thought I didn’t fucking deserve it. Maybe I don’t deserve it after all, but it was good while it lasted.

Even though I’m leaving my family behind, I know Tommy will do everything to keep them safe. I can’t stand to look into Momma’s eyes. Seeing the tears blossoming in them, I lean over to give her a hug, enveloping her small body in my arms and trying to avoid the stabbing ache in my heart as she pulls away from me.

“Baby, I’ll be fine. We’ll be fine,” she whispers, rubbing my cheek with the outside of her tiny hand that I take in mine.

“You know I’ll be coming back.” I inhale deeply. “Just promise me that you’ll call me if anything goes wrong.
Please?
” I plead. My voice cracks as I watch a compassionate smile spread across her pretty face. “Promise me there will be no surprises.” She wraps her arms around my waist as I breathe in the scent of her perfume and hair.

“Don’t stop living your life because of me. I don’t want that for you. I want you to focus on you, baby. All I want is for you to be happy.”

“I wish I had half your strength, Momma,” I say, hunching my shoulders. I’m suddenly worried about where I’m headed in my life, if I’ll end up in a good place or if I’ll end up alone like my dad.

“You do. Don’t ever underestimate yourself.” She angles her chin up to me, and I brush her fine brown hair away from her eyes. “Don’t forget growing up and what you did. You lost part of your childhood, but I did my best to make sure I could fill that empty space for you. We did it together and that’s all that matters. You’re much stronger than you think.”

“I could be in a better place,” I say, thinking about my troubles with Jerry and if I can clean up the mess I made back in Boston with Elle. “I could have made better decisions.”

“We all can. Fight for it; fight for her. If she’s worth it to you, then you will do whatever it takes.”

“Live without regrets,” I whisper, pulling her close.

“That’s right.” She sighs as she hugs me back.

“Hey, man, stop getting all sappy over here.” Tommy throws his arm over my shoulder as Momma pulls away and takes a seat on one of the stiff plastic chair. “They’ve got me, bro. No worries. All right? I love them as much as you do, and I won’t let anything happen to them. I’ll feed and walk the dog and do all the stuff you should be doing,” he teases. “Just remember you owe me big time. Season tickets to every football game when you go pro. That’s all I ask.”

“Easy enough.” I smile as Juju comes up to clutch my good arm.

“I’m gonna miss you,” Juju breathes.

“No one said you can’t come out to Boston to visit.” I wink, pushing down the emotion building in my throat and trying so damn hard to keep my shit together.

“Woo!” Juju chirps as she pulls away to look up at me. “I heard that Boston has some great shopping, like Newbury Street and the Pru, and don’t forget Cape Cod and the beaches.”

“What do you know about all that?” I squint, watching as a wicked smile spreads across her face.

“Are you kidding me? This girl who loves to shop and is itching to get out of Texas has been doing her research.” She taps her temple with her finger. “Since I got my job as a buyer, I need to keep abreast of this kind of stuff.”

“You didn’t need to land that job to do all of this, baby.” Tommy laughs, grabbing my sister by the waist and pressing her back up against his chest. “I’ve said over and over again that you have a major shopping addiction.” He nuzzles his nose on her neck and looks up at me. “Damn, bro, have you seen her closet? It’s out of control.” He shakes his head. “We’re lucky she gets an employee discount, or we’d be broke in a minute.”

I laugh, thankful for everything that I have in front of me and glad that I spent this time with them. I know I’m never truly alone. They announce that my flight is boarding, and I peer over at the gate and back at my family. Smiling, I hold out my one good arm to pull in Momma. “I’m gonna miss you guys,” I whisper, kissing the top of her head.

“Baby, we’re not going anywhere,” Momma answers.

“That’s right. If anything, I’m coming up to see you. I hate hearing about Boston from Tommy. I want to see it for myself,” Juju says enthusiastically.

“I’ve got plenty of room for you,” I say, kissing her on the cheek. I glance over at Tommy as Momma and Juju step aside and clasp Tommy’s shoulder affectionately. “I don’t think I have to repeat myself. You know the deal.” I grin.

“Have I ever let you down?”

“Well.” I smirk, rubbing my chin, “there was the one time in college when I had that girl...”

“Damn, you gonna go there?” he answers in a hushed tone, glancing over at Juju who thankfully is talking to Momma. “Are you trying to get me in trouble over here with the lady?” He laughs.

“You asked the question.” I chuckle. “I know I can depend on you.”

“Till the day I die,” he says as he grabs me for a hug.

“Hey, watch the ribs!” I groan as he pulls away.

“Sorry, man. Just all emotional and sh...crap... now,” he says, glancing over at Momma. I have to laugh.

I reluctantly turn away and start to walk toward the gate. I hate goodbyes, especially this one, for some reason. I look over my shoulder, watching as my family gets smaller and smaller in my eyes, but bigger and bigger in my heart. The sound of the plane’s engine drowns out the pounding in my ears and the fear in my chest as I board. I’m not happy about being stuck in a tin tube for the next four hours at sixty thousand feet above the Earth. I could really use a drink right now.

When the plane finally touches down, I close my eyes tightly and hold my breath. The landing causes me to bounce around in the cramped economy-sized seat, so I clinch the armrests to keep from falling out. A huge wave of relief washes over me as the pilot comes over the loudspeaker, confirming that we’ve landed at Logan Airport under sunny conditions and temperature in the nineties. Finally, as we taxi down the runway, I exhale all the air in my lungs. Once the plane comes to a stop and I open my eyes, I notice my knuckles are white from holding on so tightly.

As I exit the plane, I feel my pulse pounding in my ears like a damn bass drum. I get a dull ache in my chest as I walk down the narrow white tunnel, returning to the life in Boston I started a few short months ago, but unsure of my plans involving Elle. Luke will be picking me up. I called him earlier this morning and gave him my flight information and where to pick me up. I snatch my phone from my back pocket when I hear it ring and check the text coming through from Luke saying he just arrived. I let him know that I would meet him outside.

If Elle were picking me up, it would be a totally different story. I would want her to be the first one I see and touch when my two feet hit the ground, but that isn’t going to fucking happen today. I frantically glance around the terminal, watching people hug and meet up with their loved ones. I quietly peek at my phone one more time and scroll to her number. I let my finger hover over number button to call her, but I quickly shove the phone back into my pocket and head to the exit instead.

As I pull my baseball cap over my eyes, I see her. For a minute, I think she’s here for me and I throw my bag over my shoulder and take a step in her direction. I stop when I realize who’s with her. I knew there were three scenarios, and I was hoping she picked the one where she ended up alone. What are the chances that she would be here
and
with Tyler? My throat goes dry, and I suck in my breath when I see Tyler standing next to Elle with his arm around her and kissing her on the cheek. That looks like a little more than a friendly kiss.

She’s wearing red.
My color
. She looks amazing, exactly the way I remember her when I walked away from her that day. She’s moved on with her life, while I’m still hurting.

I can’t handle it, as I look over one more time, hoping no one sees me. As luck would have it, I catch Tyler’s eye as he scans the crowd, and he hastily holds her closer to him. I wonder if that fucker saw me and pulled her closer just to fucking piss me off. Well, fuck, it worked. When she looks up and smiles at him, my heart snaps. She’s mine. She used to be mine. That asshole. Fuck. No.
You’re the asshole
. You were once in his shoes when Cane fucked up and now Tyler is where he’s always wanted to be. With her. I can’t go up to her. I can’t fucking imagine what it would do to her to see me. I pull my hat over my eyes and grip the bag like it’s someone’s neck. My neck. Just like that, my decision has been made for me. I have no chance to make anything right with her. She’s moved on, and there’s no fucking possibility in hell of fixing my mistake. I know Tyler won’t fuck up.