Warriors of Ryon: Bayden (12 page)

Chapter Twelve

Ellie watched Bayden walk away. Seemed she was doing that a lot lately. It’d been so long since she’d been intimate with a man she’d felt awkward at first. Felt as though maybe she wasn’t pleasing him, but then she’d looked up into his eyes. A perfect picture of pure shock and ecstasy had painted his beautiful face. She might be a little naive, but stupid she wasn’t. Bayden’s reaction to her mouth on him had been an exhilarating experience.

He was a gorgeous man. Her body still burned, still ached for him. She wanted more. No one had come close to making her burn the way he did. And oh she was going to spontaneously combust at any moment. She’d hoped he’d make love to her. But after his passion had had a few moments to cool down, she knew that wasn’t going to happen.

He still didn’t think he was good enough for her, but now she’d found one way to connect with him. If she had to love him with her mouth every night to finally make him see that she wanted him just as he was, she’d never complain. The mere thought of tasting him again, taking him while he growled out her name, thrust his hips to fill her mouth again and again with his thickness sent the now familiar ache low into her belly.

She took a deep breath and willed her yearning body to calm down. She got the foil-wrapped bar Zaira had left and slid it in her pocket before standing and folding the sleeping bag. After she stuffed it in Bayden’s pack, he returned.

She shifted from one foot to the other. “I need to, uh, use the bathroom.”

“Follow me.” He took her several feet away to a small rocky outcropping.

She did her business behind it. “Ready to go back.”

They began walking, and before they made it halfway back, Ellie stepped in a crack, and she lurched forward. “Ahh!”

Bayden grabbed her arm. Before she regained her balance, her foot entangled with his, and she tripped him.

She hit the ground back first, and Bayden landed on top of her. His gaze dipped to her mouth. Her breath hitched.

“Are you okay?”

“Yes.”

His mouth descended, slanting over her lips in a hungry kiss. He slowly rocked his hips, his erection bumping against her to the same rhythm his tongue stroked. She moaned and speared her fingers through his hair, dragging her nails over his scalp. She grabbed on to him and arched up, opening her mouth to give him better access.

The weight of his body sent heat pulsating low in her belly. His hands slid under her, cupped her cheeks, and pulled her tighter as he continued to rock against her. Her temperature shot up until she thought she might pass out or explode. She wanted him so badly nothing else seemed to matter…but it should. Having sex had nothing to do with trust or providing a stable foundation for a relationship.

They had chemistry. That couldn’t be refuted, but she wanted…more. Her heart constricted.
Oh my God. I’m falling in love with him
. Knowing that, how could she make love to him now, then act as though nothing had happened? She was certain that’s what he’d expect at this point in time. The answer was simple. She couldn’t.

She thought making love to him would be enough. Enough for her, enough to prove to him how much she cared, but it didn’t do any of those things. She wanted it all—trust, loyalty, respect, and faithfulness. She wanted him to love her and only her, wanted him to know that she was the only one for him.

Before she allowed herself to get lost in his scent, taste, and wonderfully warm body again, she moved her hands to his chest and pushed. He responded immediately. When he raised his head and peered down at her with his passion-glazed lavender eyes, she gasped. Was that a bit of something else sparkling in those gorgeous eyes? Something more than lust? Then
poof!
It was gone. She cupped his face, and when the stubble on his jaw scratched against her skin, she smiled.

“Finally realize we shouldn’t be doing this?” He tried to pull away, but she refused to let him.

“No. I realized that I want much, much more than just this with you, Bayden. There’s no denying that I want to be with you, but I want more than sex. To start with, I want your trust. And I don’t think you trust me after the tattoo incident. I can’t make love to you knowing that you don’t trust me.”

“It’s a moot point,” he said. “Whether I trust you or not doesn’t change the fact that I’m still not good enough for you.”

“I don’t believe that. I know I hurt you, and I was wrong to do so, but sometimes people hurt others and make mistakes. I make mistakes. I’m not drumming up excuses or asking for anyone to pity or feel sorry for me, but I’ve been through a lot the past few months. I allowed everything I’d been going through to cloud my judgment. I messed up and jumped to conclusions and didn’t think them through.”

“Ellie, I—”

She pressed two fingers over his lips. “Please. I hope that you’ll be able to realize that I trust you with my and Molly’s lives. For me to do that, there’s no possible way that I think you’re anything other than a loyal, kind, trustworthy man.”

This time she couldn’t stop him when he rose up. Her body cried out for the sudden loss of warmth of his bigger frame. He reached out and helped her to her feet.

“Now it’s your turn to listen to me,” he said, looking her in the eyes.

Was he going to tell her that there was no way there’d ever be anything between them other than casual sex? She inhaled sharply.

“I’m not this upstanding guy you’re making me out to be. When I was an Enforcer on Koryan, I killed people—innocent people—because I was told to. It took a long time for me to figure out that the missions I was being sent on weren’t always legitimate.”

“Bayden—”

“No. Let me finish.” He waited until she nodded before continuing. “Not knowing still doesn’t erase the fact that I killed innocent people.” He flexed his shoulders and cocked his head to one side and then the other. “I’ve killed people as a Reaper too. It’s unavoidable at times. My life, my friend’s life, against those who threaten us; I’ll choose to crush the threat every time. I only kill when there’s no other way, but sometimes… I don’t see my life changing anytime soon. There will always be a chance I might have to kill.”

Her heart hurt for him. She couldn’t imagine the pain, the guilt he held inside him. No wonder he had trust issues. How could she blame him for it? Being a soldier was difficult at best in opportune times, but how did one cope upon finding out that the acts thought to be honorable were nothing but mercenary missions for a lying, greedy, heartless ruler. And to think about his awful childhood added onto what Bayden himself had just told her. How had he turned out to be the incredible man he was? That said so much for his character, and he couldn’t see past all of the things that weren’t his fault and realize that he was extraordinary.

“Now that you know, you can finally realize that everything I’ve told you about me not being good enough is the truth. How could I expect anyone to trust me? To love me? Impossible.”

“Stop cutting yourself down, Bayden. You aren’t as bad as you think.” His burst of laughter made her jump. “Once you realized what Mykal had been doing, you turned it around. You put your own life on the line to do so. Now what are you doing? Still helping people. You helped me and Molly, and you’re trying to help everyone on the other planets by searching for this fuel source. I can understand why you have trust issues, but not everyone will stab you in the back.”

“Really? Because
everyone’s
stabbed me in the back.”

“Everyone? Conlan’s stabbed you in the back? What about Thad? Sarek? Stryder? And contrary to what you believe, I didn’t stab you in the back. I didn’t turn away from you. I realized I was wrong, and I apologized for it. I made a simple human error. I wasn’t out to get you. Do you think Molly will stab you in the back? My God, Bayden. You have to let someone in at some time.”

“Why? Everyone I know has gotten hurt when they’ve let that one particular person a little too close.”

Then it dawned on her. “Ahhh. We’re talking specifically about women here, aren’t we?”

She was beginning to understand a little better now. Men like the Reapers, like Bayden, wouldn’t easily open their hearts to anyone, but when they did, it’d be forever. That would make them vulnerable. If Bayden gave her his heart, she’d literally have the power to destroy him without ever touching him.

He glared at her, and she frowned.

“Yeah. I thought so. You’re scared, Bayden.”

“I’ve never been scared of anything in my life.”

“Maybe not any tangible being or thing, but love scares the hell out of you, doesn’t it?”

“I don’t want to talk about this any longer. The others will be returning soon.” He walked away again, tapped his earpiece, and began talking.

She wondered if she’d ever get through to him. Before she could contemplate further, her stomach growled. She took the bar from her pocket. After unwrapping it, she sniffed it, surprised when the scent of blueberries wafted up her nose. She nibbled the bar, happy when the fruity taste hit her tongue. In no time, she’d finished the small treat. She shoved the empty wrapper into her pocket right before Bayden returned.

“The others are on their way back.”

She started to say something, but her brain went foggy, and a wave of dizziness swamped her. She swayed and reached for his arm.

“What’s wrong?”

“Just a little dizzy.”

“Maybe you need to eat something,” he said.

“I just ate a bar Zaira left me from your pack.”

“I didn’t have any bars in my pack.”

“Sure you did. That little fruity bar wrapped in foil. Zaira gave me one and took one with her.”

“I didn’t have any little fruity…Son of a bitch! I’m going to kill that lita.”

She swayed again, held on to his arm tighter, and then she got the uncontrollable urge to giggle. “What bitch?” She started laughing and put her hand over her mouth to contain it. “Oh! You mean Zaira. The bitcha-rooney-dooney, who—” She snorted and smashed her hand harder over her lips.

“Can you walk?”

“Maybe.” She tried to take a step, and the ground rushed toward her face. Just before she fell, Bayden scooped her into his arms.

She couldn’t stop giggling after he picked her up and began carrying her. “What’s”—snort and then laugh—”wrong”—laughing hysterically—”with me?”

“You’re high, Ellie. You’ll be fine.”

“Are you saying someone spiked my brownies?”

“Um. Sure. Whatever that means.”

* * * *

Ellie sat on a rock, sipping the water Bayden had given her. The pounding in her head pulsed and intensified with each heartbeat. She squinted. Bayden stood only a few feet from her, and she didn’t miss the way his gaze kept resting on her, or the way Zaira shot her venomous glares now and then. Apparently Zaira thought it’d be funny to leave Ellie the snack that she mistook for an energy bar. A snack that turned out to have a drug in it called rev, something that Bayden explained was a stimulant.

Ellie glared right back at Zaira. The best she could anyway since any change in facial expression caused fresh pains to shoot through her head. She was beyond upset that Zaira had thought it to be a harmless joke.

“Get over yourself already,” Zaira finally said after another glare from Bayden. “It’s not like it killed her or anything.”

Bayden’s face darkened. The other men acted as if they weren’t paying attention because they obviously didn’t want to be a part of the shit storm Bayden was about to rain down upon Zaira.

“You could’ve fucking killed her, Zaira. Do you ever stop and think about anyone but yourself? She’s not from any of our planets. What if she had an allergic reaction to it or had gone into shock?”

“Seriously?
You
are preaching to
me
about thinking about anyone but myself? How many damn missions have I gone on for the sake of others? How many times have I helped you all out? I wasn’t trying to kill her. If I had been, she’d be dead.”

A shiver of dread slid down Ellie’s spine. Her dislike for Zaira had now grown and spread to fear. The woman wasn’t right in the head.

“You’ve never done anything out of the kindness of your heart, Zaira. You’ve been paid for every fucking time you’ve helped us, for every mission.”

“And everything you all do is out of the kindness of your hearts?” She laughed.

“Not everything, but we didn’t all become Reapers to make money or to get rich. We did it to help people who are in similar situations we’ve been in.”

“Give me a break. Nobody does anything for free.”

“Maybe not the people you’ve been hanging with lately. I don’t think we’ll require your help any longer once we return you to Cerbys.”

“You bastard.”

“Tell me something I don’t already know.”

“You can’t just drop me like that.”

“Watch me.”

“I’ll make sure the rest of the Renegades never help you again.”

“I doubt that. Just because you fuck them all, it doesn’t mean you own them.”

“You’ll pay for this.”

Bayden walked toward Zaira until he was nearly toe-to-toe with her. “Don’t threaten me or anyone under my protection. That includes everyone here plus many more. Let it go. Put on your big-girl pants and walk away from this one, Zaira. I know your reputation and your hunger for revenge against anyone you think has done you wrong. Don’t make this into something it’s not. It isn’t as if we’re that close or even friends for that matter. It’d be a grave mistake on your part to cross me.”

“Fine.” Zaira smiled sweetly.

Warning bells began to clang in Ellie’s head as she realized the Zaira train was in danger of derailing. Ellie thought about the way Zaira watched Bayden. The way she watched him when she thought no one else was watching. How her ire grew every time she saw Bayden spending time with Ellie. Her stomach lurched, and her skin prickled. Zaira thought she was in love with Bayden, and he’d just given this woman—a mercenary—the ultimate brush-off with a threat attached.

Ellie would breathe a sigh of relief when they reached Cerbys and said good-bye to Zaira. Until then, she’d be on guard.

“You okay?”

Ellie jumped. She’d been too absorbed in the argument between Bayden and Zaira to notice Conlan’s approach. Looking up into his green-eyed gaze, she nodded. Conlan was a gorgeous golden-skinned man with dark hair and a hulking muscular frame. He didn’t appeal to her the way Bayden did, but she wasn’t so blind that she couldn’t appreciate him.