Watching Over You (25 page)

I reckon losing Amy was the start of the downward spiral for me. I tried to block out the grief with drink. Anything I could get my hands on. I stole whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted. I shagged men for money to buy alcohol. That’s when Brendan attacked me and left me for dead one night.

When I came out of hospital, I started to protect myself. I went inside myself, away from what was really happening, took my sister’s name and became Ella. I didn’t want to be Cassie anymore. As far as I was concerned, Cassie didn’t exist; she was gone. I’d left her far behind. I wanted to be Ella.

And none of this would have happened if my family hadn’t been wiped out. Even they all died and left me all alone. Why would they do that? It was the cruellest thing ever! Couldn’t they see what it would do to me? Abandoned – that’s what I was.

Why hadn’t I died in the accident too? If I had, I would never have met that fucking bitch. Billie started all of this; she didn’t want me in the way. She is the evil bitch not me. I hate her. I HATE HER! If she hadn’t come along, I would have been fine. I would have had a different life. I wouldn’t have had Amy but I would have had other children and a husband and a dog and a big house and I
’d h
ave had the dream. Everything would have been perfect. But Billie changed all that. I fucking hate her and all she stands for.

And now, I live in fear of Cassie. Cassie tries to take over Ella all the time. She frightens me. She makes me do things that I don’t want to do. She puts words into my mouth. She makes me screw men I don’t want to. She makes Ella cower in the corner. She is evil. NO
T ME.

I am not evil.

Chapter Twenty-Six

Later that evening, Charley tried to relax on the settee, watching trashy television. Casually flicking through a magazine, she wondered whether Aaron would stop by later. He was out on a stag night; it had been planned for months, but he’d told her that he wasn’t looking forward to it.

Shock, horror – she was missing him! She couldn’t help but grin. It was strange to think how much he was in her life now, as if he’d never
not
been a part of it. Every now and then, she still got pangs of missing Dan when she was with him but somehow over the past few weeks, her life had become complete with Aaron. It was as if she was meant to find him. Life was perfect again. She doubted anything could make it better at the moment. Although their relationship was so new, she realised that Aaron could be a keeper. Maybe that was why she’d been so reluctant to get involved with him earlier, on the rebound from Dan: she’d realised how good they would be together so she had kept him at arm’s length until she was ready to move to the next stage. He’d certainly made her life a lot more exciting. And she had Ella to thank for that, despite her going on about the power of a one-night stand.

She thought back to her conversation earlier that morning with Tanya, wondered how much she should be worried about it. Ella seemed to be far more vulnerable than she’d originally thought. Charley had taken her time reading through all the entries in Ella’s notebook. It had felt like a car crash waiting to happen – she’d wanted to read it, knowing that she shouldn’t but knowing that she would.

The first pages spoke of a relationship when Ella was
eighteen
. A man called Brendan who had abused her – Charley wondered at hearing the name whether it had anything to do with the attack on Brendan Furnival last night, although Lynne had said the police were looking for a man. Ella wrote of Mark and Nina, names familiar to Charley if she thought of their earlier conversations.

In every entry, Ella wrote about people letting her down, rejecting her, abandoning her. Some of the pages had been so hard to decipher that Charley couldn’t make out what she’d been trying to say. It was as if Ella had been writing so fast that she couldn’t get her words down quickly enough. And there was reference to someone called Amy all the way through it. Perhaps that was the baby Tanya had mentioned.

Curiosity overwhelming her, she went over to her laptop, deciding to search out what she could find out about the family. She Googled the name Cassandra Thorpe and made a guess at the year of the accident. Finally after a few attempts, she found what she was after.

The article explained what had happened on that fateful day i
n 19
87. Annoyingly, it seemed that Tanya had indeed told her most of it. There had been a head-on crash on the M6, and
Cassandra
had been the only survivor from a family of four – a little girl without anyone to look after her.

Charley thought back over her time in Warwick Avenue. During the eight weeks she’d been there, she had never seen Ella with a friend, a boyfriend, or a girlfriend – apart from the girl she had kissed on the stairs – and she hadn’t seen her since. She hadn’t seen any family members, either.

She thought about the diary pages again – maybe they had been written in one desperate melancholy sitting. Could Ella have penned it when she’d had a drink, perhaps, when she was feeling low? Charley knew from listening to some of her clients what they had gone through in their painful lives, so she had no doubt that some of it – even all of it – could be true. But the fact that Ella could be nice one minute, a bit full-on the next, and angry the next, she wondered if she had been having a psychotic episode while she’d written it, feeling upset with the world.

Or maybe she
had
made it all up.

Or was it all true?

If it was, no wonder Ella felt like everyone had abandoned her. Charley thought back to the time when she’d come tearing down the stairs at her when she had stayed over at Aaron’s. It all made sense now. It was impossible not to feel pity for her. Maybe, once Tanya had called to assess Ella, Charley could make more of an effort to get to know her – encourage her to get help. With Tanya on board once more, Ella could stabilise again.

Her phone rang, and a warm feeling came over her when she saw the name flash up on caller display.

‘Hello, you,’ she said.

‘Can I come over yet?’

She grinned. ‘Okay, fella. You have a deal.’

‘Good, because I’m already outside.’

Charley opened the entrance door and Aaron greeted her with a kiss. ‘I’ve missed you.’

‘You only saw me this afternoon.’

‘Your point being?’

She heard a noise behind her, turned to see Ella walking down the stairs towards them. ‘Hi, Ella,’ she smiled. ‘You off out on the town?’

‘You sound like my mother,’ Ella retorted. ‘What’s it got to do with you?’

‘Ella, I was only trying to –’

‘Considering you haven’t been bothering with me lately, I suggest you mind your own business.’

‘Oh…right. Well –’ The door slammed as Ella left the house. ‘Yeah, thanks. I’ll have a good night too,’ Charley muttered.

‘Yes, you will.’ Aaron pushed her gently towards the door of her flat.

Ella spent a troublesome Saturday alone. She’d returned last night to find Aaron’s car parked outside and then watched as they’d left together this morning. Realising she only had vodka to keep her company, she drank all day as she waited for Charley to return home. She wanted to talk to her. She needed to tell someone what had happened with Brendan.

Images of the attack kept flashing back; her knuckles were still sore from mashing up his face. She struggled to control her anger as she remembered kicking out at him, how good it had felt to pull back her foot and bring it forward with as much force as she could muster. She could see the blood coming from his mouth where she had split his lip more than once. Her eye began to twitch. No, she didn’t want to see it.

In the window now, she looked down onto the avenue, over towards Jake’s house, but he wasn’t there. Ella smirked; served him right for abandoning her, the cheeky bastard.

Next door, she could see Jean. She’d seen so much of her lately: should she show her some more?

She slapped at her face. Of course she shouldn’t.

She undid her dressing gown.

Of course you should.

But then she spotted Aaron’s car coming along the avenue. She peered at her watch, tried to make out the time. Was it late, was it early? Was it Friday still? Was Charley coming in from work? No, it was Saturday – had she lost a whole day again?

Spying her chance as Aaron drove off, leaving Charley alone, she decided to go out to say hello. Maybe she could strike up a conversation long enough to invite her upstairs to her flat. Then she could talk to her. Charley would listen, she was sure.

But after staggering down the hallway, by the time she g
ot
to her front door, she lost her nerve. She couldn’t hang around on the landing as if she’d just come out. Charley would see right through that. Instead, she dropped to the floor and listened for her to come in.

The entrance door opened and closed. Ella held her breath, listening intently, hoping she’d come up to see how she was.

She won’t bother with you!

‘She will, she will, she will,’ Ella mouthed silently. But the
n sh
e
gasped as she heard Charley letting herself into her flat. She scrambled to her feet, opened the door this time, and ran down the stairs, almost tripping in her haste.

There was no one there.

Charley
had
completely ignored her.

See, what did I tell you? You’re not worth the bother.

Ella ran back into the flat and slammed the door. Clenching her fists tightly, she dug her nails into the palms of her hands. How dare Charley take no notice of her! She wouldn’t be ignored, damn it. Who the fuck did she think she was?

She caught her reflection in the tiny hall mirror: skittish, ugly, angry. In one swift move, she drew a hand across the shelf below it and scattered the miniature bottle collection, sending them crashing to the floor. Some smashed; some bumped and bounced down and into the boxes and containers piled up.

She pulled at her hair and let out a roar.

Charley was putting away food in the fridge when she heard a loud crash. She paused, listening attentively. But there was nothing else. She padded through into the living room and looked outside. It sounded as if someone had bumped into a car or something. But the avenue looked as quiet as usual.

Pausing, she glanced up to the ceiling. Could it have been Ella? Should she go and see if she was okay?

She wasn’t sure what to do. It could be something or nothing. She wasn’t even certain the noise had come from upstairs.

Back in the kitchen, she flicked on the kettle, deciding to make a cup of coffee. If she heard anything else, she would go up.

Paying no attention to the mess in the hall, Ella went through to the closet, closed the door, and sat down. Maybe if she stayed in there, Cassandra would leave her alone. She needed time to get her head straight, too. It wasn’t right being too agitated about Charley.

Who the fuck does she think she is, ignoring you?

‘
La la la la la la.’ She covered her ears with her hands. Despite trying not to, she was losing control; knew it could only get worse. Bad things always happened when she was out of control.

You need to teach that bitch a lesson.

‘La la la la la LA!’ Ella banged the back of her head on the wall behind her, again and again.

You know what you must do, don’t you?

‘I can’t.’

Let me in.

‘I can’t!’

Yes, you can.