Welcome to My World (24 page)

Stella nodded and Dan slowly stepped back, an unspoken understanding that Harri was denied access to passing between them, before he gathered himself together and returned to the stage.

Harri sank back into her chair, feeling as if her heart had been ripped from her chest and stamped into the floor by the one person she thought would cherish it. Swallowing her tears, she stared at the floor as Dan resumed his talk. She didn’t look at Stella: she couldn’t. Not after the look she had witnessed passing between her and Dan. It was too much to bear.

The evening passed in a pain-edged blur, Harri desperately trying to hold it together and focus on the beautiful photographs appearing behind Dan. Finally, as the audience spontaneously rose to their feet to applaud him, Harri grabbed her coat and bag and hurried out of the Hall into the coolness of the alabaster-pillared lobby. Tears streaming down her face, she fled the building, running into the darkened grounds. It was a clear night and stars flickered like tiny pinpricks of light in the celestial indigo miles above her. Looking up, Harri wished she could disappear. This was all wrong. It shouldn’t have happened like this. While she knew she had been crazy to entertain thoughts of going off on adventures with Dan, she couldn’t stop the feelings of hurt and betrayal from bombarding her mind.

Angry at her own reaction, she slumped against a stone sundial and tried to corral her emotions. The
one thing
she secretly guarded as hers and hers alone – the raw beauty of Dan’s world and her dream to be invited inside it – had been snatched away from her hands tonight. He meant
nothing
to Stella – no more than another handsome guy in possession of a small fortune – so why had such priceless treasure been cast wilfully at her feet? As much as Harri loved her best friend, right now she wasn’t sure she could even be in the same town as her, let alone the same room.

It wasn’t that she was angry at Dan being bowled over by Stella. After all, she was gorgeous and any man would have been insane for not noticing it. And it wasn’t that Harri wanted Dan to fall in love with her, either. That would plainly be ridiculous – she was in love with Rob and couldn’t imagine being with anyone else. What hurt the most was that Dan represented the confident traveller she longed to be, so his disinterest in her removed another excuse from the well-rehearsed arsenal she relied on to justify not travelling alone. When the all-too-familiar loneliness ventured from the shadows in her life, it was Dan’s words, Dan’s voice and the images he captured that had kept her company through the long, empty nights. Dan was
hers
– someone she looked up to, aspired to be like and whose work she respected.

Harri swallowed hard and dug in her handbag for a tissue. Wiping her eyes, she inhaled deeply, filling her aching lungs afresh and feeling the stormy seas within her beginning to quell. Willing her heart to quieten down, she managed to salvage the tattered remnants of her common sense.

She was just beginning to feel calmer when she saw Stella carefully stepping in her ridiculously high heels across the dark, dewy grass, carrying Dan’s book. Taking another breath, Harri turned to face her friend.

‘Hey.’

‘Hey yourself. Are you OK? I looked round and you’d gone.’

‘I – um – I just needed some fresh air, that’s all.’

Stella’s blue eyes narrowed. ‘Yeah, right, except that isn’t what this is about, is it?’

Harri forced a smile, ignoring the pulse of her heart against her chest. ‘It is. Honestly. Just all a bit much, winning the book, you know?’

‘That would be this book that you completely forgot?’ She handed it to Harri, who hugged it close.

‘Like I said, I was a little overwhelmed.’

Stella’s expression brightened. ‘Oh, that’s OK then. I was worried you might have been upset about Dan and me. I mean, you must have seen the way he looked at me? I’m still shaking, H! I’ve never had a reaction to a guy like that before. Look, I actually have goose bumps! You know, if he asked me to go off with him right now I’d just grab my bag and go.’

Feeling like she had been punched in the stomach, Harri hoped the involuntary rush of air from her mouth sounded enough like a laugh to pacify Stella. ‘It seems to have been an exciting evening all round.’

‘Too right.’ Stella’s eyes were alive, sparkling as bright as the stars above her head. ‘So, er, I suppose we’d better get back in there and get this signed for you then, eh?’

Steeling herself, Harri nodded.

Harri wasn’t jealous of the way Dan’s eyes never left her best friend’s as he signed her book that evening, or the way his hand lingered softly on Stella’s arm as they chatted for what seemed like hours, to the exclusion of everyone else. But Harri still resented the fact that up until this evening Dan had merely been a source of amusement to Stella, who had mockingly referred to him as ‘your hunky travel guy’, poking fun at what she called Harri’s ‘schoolgirl crush’.

That night, as she lay in her hotel room bed, she waited until she could hear Stella’s breathing pattern become deepened by sleep before allowing her tears, which been threatening to break forth all evening, to pour down her cheeks, carrying her broken dreams with them as they soaked her linen pillowcase.

Stella was uncharacteristically quiet on the drive home next day. In fact, she had been like this since breakfast that morning – even while they were shopping, which was strange, seeing as spending money was usually Stella’s
raison d’être
. Harri sat in the passenger seat and willed the miles to pass more quickly.

‘How amazing was our illicit weekend then, eh?’ Stella’s question brought Harri sharply back to reality.

‘Yeah. Great.’

‘I mean, who would’ve thought a boring talk on expeditions in a dusty old building could turn out to be so fascinating?’

‘Hmm.’

‘And Dan signed your book! How cool was that! You see, I told you it was worth going to see him.’

No, you didn’t, Harri thought, watching fields, trees and motorway asphalt rushing past the window.

There was a pause as Stella fiddled with the radio until she found a station playing thudding dance music. Harri closed her eyes and willed the tension headache banging away inside her head to leave.

‘So, go on then. Ask me.’

‘Ask you what?’

‘Come on, I know you’re dying to know what Dan and I were talking about last night.’

Harri swallowed hard and desperately tried to think of another topic to change the subject. Frustratingly, nothing came.

Not that it mattered to Stella. ‘He’s
amazing
, Harri! I mean, you know me, I’ve met my fair share of different blokes in the past, but he’s something else. And those eyes! Seriously, it’s years since I went giggly over a chap, but I’m a flippin’ mess today. And he’s been texting me all morning – seriously, H, he’s so sweet!’

Please stop. Just stop now, Harri pleaded silently, half-entertaining the idea of opening the car door and escaping via a high-speed stunt roll across the hard shoulder of the M40. ‘What time do you think we’ll be back?’

‘What? Oh – er – I don’t know, about four-ish?’

‘Cool. I’d better text Rob and let him know.’ Harri reached into her bag and busied herself with her mobile phone.

Stella continued her eulogy for a few more minutes, until Harri’s obvious snub finally registered. ‘OK, what’s the problem?’

‘There’s no problem,’ Harri answered curtly, not looking up from her phone.

‘Don’t give me that. You’ve been arsey with me all morning.’

‘I’m surprised you noticed.’

‘What’s
that
supposed to mean?’

‘Nothing.’

Stella slowed the car a little. ‘Come on, Harri. If you’ve something to say to me then just say it.’

Harri looked up, her blood beginning to boil. ‘
Fine
. I will, then. You weren’t supposed to fall for Dan, OK? All you care about is how much money he has, when he is so much more than just a healthy bank balance! You can have your pick of men – like Julian, for example. Remember him? The guy who paid for this whole weekend? Out of all the men in the world, why pick the one that I like?’

The Figaro swerved slightly as Stella turned to stare open-mouthed at Harri. Gripping the steering wheel, her eyes returned to the road as she shook her head slowly. ‘I can’t believe you just said that.’

Neither could Harri. But there was no going back. ‘It’s just like you have everything you want, Stella. Amazing looks, guys at your beck and call, holidays whenever you want . . . The one thing I’ve always had is Dan.’

‘In your
head
,’ Stella retorted, ‘and that’s only the image of him you’ve concocted. Until tonight you’d never met him, so how can you make out like I’ve stolen him from you?’

‘Dan means nothing to you. All you’ve ever done is poke fun at him.’

‘No, I haven’t! I’ve always said he was fit . . .’

‘Oh, like that’s all he is – another piece of meat for you to lust over until you find the next one? He’s been the butt of so many jokes you’ve made, Stella! Even when we were sat in that hall last night, you were still mocking me for liking him so much.’

Stella slammed her fist on the steering wheel. ‘Would you listen to yourself? You’re acting like a spoiled child over this – and blaming me for something I haven’t done. He’s not yours, Harri! You don’t have the monopoly on Dan Beagle. And there were seventy other people “lusting over” him last night. Am I supposed to apologise to them, too?’

‘It isn’t him, it’s what he represents,’ Harri returned. ‘I have images, thoughts, dreams of the world –
up here
,’ she tapped her forehead. ‘And I know I’m going to sound like a lovesick groupie, but I wanted him to ask me to travel with him. That was
my
dream.’

‘Don’t be ridiculous, Harri! Like that was ever going to happen.’

‘But it
is
happening. For
you
. . .’ Harri’s voice cracked and she stopped.

Silence filled the car’s interior as both friends processed the facts their argument had revealed. After a while, Stella spoke, a marked difference in her demeanour. ‘I’m sorry. I didn’t know you felt that way.’

Harri’s head flopped back against the headrest and she closed her eyes. ‘Well, you do now.’

The bright click-click of the indicator broke the atmosphere in the car as they turned off the motorway and drove along the A-road through fields and countryside towards Stone Yardley. Despite her sense of justice at letting out her true feelings, Harri’s conscience began to prickle into life the nearer they came to home. This wasn’t Stella’s fault and neither was it Dan’s. They were clearly attracted to one another, and who could blame them? Certainly not Harri, even though the events of last night still held her heart in their grasp.

She was just about to speak when Stella beat her to it. ‘Look, the last thing I wanted was to upset you, H. You’re my best friend, for crying out loud. The truth is, I have no idea what happened last night – I just know that this feels different to the other guys. And I’m sorry, but I can’t let this opportunity pass me by. I don’t want us to fall out, but I have to see where this could go.’

Harri nodded. ‘I know. And you should – Dan’s amazing. He could be really good for you.’

Stella’s eyes flicked across to Harri. ‘You think?’

‘I know.’

‘Thanks, H. That means a lot.’ Relief spread across her face. ‘By the way, what you said about me having whatever I wanted?

It’s not like that at all. I have fleeting relationships that never really seem to go anywhere. And the holidays only happen when someone else is paying for me. I
don’t
have everything. You do. You have a brilliant boyfriend, who is still there for you after seven years. I’ve never had anyone love me and want to stay with me as long as that. You guys are going to get married, have kids, grow old together – the whole shebang. I’m lucky if I can keep the same boyfriend for longer than a month. That’s why I have to try this out with Dan – because I think he might have the potential to be
my
Rob.’

They had turned into Waterfall Lane and were almost at her home. Harri waited until Stella had pulled up outside the cottage before giving her a hug. ‘I’m sorry, Stel. Go for it with Dan.’

Stella hugged her back. ‘Thank you. And thanks for an awesome weekend.’

Harri watched Stella speed away, a cloud of dust rising from the road as she did so. Her best friend’s words rang out in her mind:

I don’t have everything. You do
. . .
You have Rob
. . . Feeling a rush of peace, Harri made a call on her mobile as she walked up the path to Two Trees Cottage. ‘Hey fantastic boyfriend of mine – I’m home!’

That night, Harri thought a lot about the events of the weekend. Seeing Dan’s reaction to her best friend had hurt her, unquestionably. But while the unfairness of it still smarted, the experience began to assume a deeper significance. Dan’s world was compellingly beautiful and would always be something Harri returned to – but it was ultimately untouchable. Stella’s words had really hit home: what mattered was what Harri had, right here in Stone Yardley. Rob, her job at SLIT,

Stella, Auntie Rosemary, Alex and Viv – people she loved and who loved her back. And as far as her dream of travelling was concerned, Dan Beagle wasn’t responsible for showing Harri the world. It was up to her to see it for herself.

The next morning at SLIT George had decided to utilise visual aids for the benefit of his weekly ‘motivational chat’ and was struggling to erect a shiny new whiteboard.

‘Erm, do you need some help with that?’ Tom offered. ‘No, thank you very much, Thomas,’ George replied with a great deal more fluster in his voice than he had intended. ‘Everything’s under control here.’

Tom checked his watch and shrugged helplessly at Harri, who stepped forward to assist. George, red-faced and shiny-headed, allowed his assistant manager to complete the task for him.

‘There,’ Harri said, handing George the pack of whiteboard pens from the desk beside her.

‘Thank you, Harriet. ‘Right, well, today I want to talk to you about STDs.’ He ignored Nusrin’s snigger and carried on. ‘Somers Travel Direct has been a proud supplier of SLIT for years and it’s always been our intention to work closely with them. As you well know, luxury coach tours are by far our biggest seller and we want to continue that tradition.’