Weregirl (3 page)

My heart quivers as I pull myself from the thrall of memory. Love. That’s the new emotion I felt that night, and every night I spent with him since. No wonder I felt so afraid. And still am.

Her summery scent breaks my concentration, the rippled feeling of her magic perking my wolf and lifting my head. Syd sits down beside me on her own appropriated chair, turning sideways to hug me tight. I squeeze her as gently as I can, fearing if I give in fully to my longing to embrace her I’ll crack one of her bones. She might be immortal and practically impervious to harm, but I still feel the protective drive to keep her from hurt, especially from me.

Syd pulls away, blue eyes bright with happiness. “I’m so happy you made it.” Her hands hold mine tightly, keeping me tied to her physically even as her magic winds around me. So familiar, the touch of her energy, I growl softly in my own joy.

“I wouldn’t miss it.” Thankful to her for snapping me free of my melancholy, I finally skim the crowd with my gaze and find Meira a few rows of chairs distant, already opening gifts, her bulging belly protruding over her lap. She looks radiant, full of hope and love, her human form all grown up from the little girl I used to know. “The baby is coming soon?”

Syd nods, fingers still laced through mine as though she fears I might leave her if she doesn’t keep close contact. “About two weeks, we think. It’s hard to know.” She grins at me, a kid herself again, the part of her I adore showing her face. While the woman she’s become impresses and awes me almost every time we meet, the girl she used to be is the impulsive, kind and temperamental soul I willingly linked my life to. “Demon pregnancies run about three months longer than ours, but since she’s part witch…” Syd shrugs. “Could be any second, I guess.”

A pair of scampering children spot us as they wind their way through the oohs and aahs rising from the gathering, focused on Meira. The girl squeals her delight and runs headlong for me and, unable to resist her beaming smile, I bend with my arms wide, scooping the tiny, dark-haired bundle into my arms. She hugs me around the neck, planting an enthusiastic kiss on my cheek before leaning away, earnest happiness in her deep blue eyes.

“Auntie Charlotte!” Ethie’s breathtaking beauty always makes me sigh over her, my protective instincts firing immediately when she and her little brother are around. She looks so much like her mother, though I can see her father in her, too, Quaid’s darker skin and wide-set eyes just adding to the girl’s attractiveness.

Her shyly smiling brother comes to stand between his mother and me, hazel eyes sparking with green points blinking under long lashes, strawberry blond hair almost down to his shoulders.

“Hi, Aunt Charlotte.” Gabriel’s sweet voice is maple syrup and fresh cut grass, his magic divine to my wolf side. I bend and kiss him, still holding his sister, offering my other knee though he’s almost too big to share my lap with her any longer.

Syd laughs as the two crowd in, making me their seat, two little heads on my shoulders. I rest my chin on her son and meet her eyes, contentment rumbling like a purr through me. I wink slowly to her and she pats my shoulder.

“Don’t let these two monopolize you,” she said.

“Momma.” Ethie glares at her mother. “Auntie Charlotte loves us.”

She bends and boops her daughter on the nose. “Bed time in a half hour.”

Ethie groans while Gabriel smiles his sweetest. “Okay, Mom,” he says.

Could any children ever be so precious as these? I hug them tight and shoo Syd away. “I’m perfectly happy to stay right here,” I tell her as she crosses her arms over her chest. “If you don’t mind, we have catching up to do and you have a party to get back to.”

Syd sighs and grins at me before turning her back. “Half hour, you two.” I watch her leave, knowing I can wrangle more time than that.

“Missed you, Aunt Charlotte.” Gabriel’s eyes look right through me, into my heart, and I tighten my arm around him, kissing his forehead.

“I missed you, too,” I say, choking up over the fact. I see them so rarely now, and accept my visits will be even fewer and further between when I mate at last and take the throne from my grandfather. How terrible gloomy and depressing to know I’ll likely only see my two darlings on official occasions and the few times I manage to get away.

Is it worth it to me, taking the throne, to miss out on all the benefits I’ve won from gaining my freedom? I don’t mean to waste my time with the kids thinking this way, but haven’t I simply traded one cage of control for another?

“You missed the big treasure hunt.” Ethie’s blue eyes are wide, her four-year-old soul aged beyond her time in this world thanks to the influence of her great-grandmother’s adopted magic. I feel and see Ethpeal in the little girl regularly now and wonder if Syd is aware of the scope of the sorcerer’s influence.

“I’m sorry I did,” I say, fixing my attention on here and now. Later would take care of itself. “Who won?”

***

Ethie spins out the story, Gabriel gently interjecting when she gets a detail wrong, though content, as always, to allow his sister the limelight. His quiet kindness and pure spirit make me think of his father and the loss of Liam. Which only brings me back to Sage.

No, I will not allow him to distract me. Not when I have these two darlings to watch over. I feel guilt, knowing my place should be here, protecting them as I did their mother. It is what I was raised to do. It’s the person I am, not a princess, but a bodywere as Syd calls me. I can’t help but feel my destiny has been skewed, misdirected by some odd twist of fate not meant for me.

A large ball of silver fur glides toward us, leaping up to settle on Gabriel’s knee. I’m feeling like a sofa at this point, but I don’t mind, especially when Sassafras stands on the boy, leaning in to touch my nose with his pink one.

“Should have known you’d be hiding in the corner with the kids,” he grumbles. “Took me a while to find you.”

I don’t have a free hand to pet him, though I know he understands. A large, black shape joins us, towering over Ethie’s dark head as Galleytrot sits on his haunches, tongue lolling from the side of his mouth.

“Hey, Charlotte,” he says.

I nod to him, my own little party filling me with all the contentment I need. “Ethie was telling me about the treasure hunt.”

Her huffing ends as I return my attention to her.

“As I was saying,” she rolls her eyes, “before I was interrupted.” And off she goes again into a detailed and excited explanation.

It’s hard for them when you’re not here
, Sass sends, mental voice soft. I am still becoming accustomed to speaking to others this way and falter before I answer.

It’s hard for me, too
. There was a time I wouldn’t have admitted such to anyone. But I am a different woman than I was when I first met the Hayles, no longer broken and in need of the focus on the job to keep me together. They have taught me trust and loyalty, the real meaning of love.
I would be here more if my life allowed
.

I know, I’m sorry
. His demon power sizzles along the edges of my wolf and she wriggles in response.
How are things back home?
 

Fine
. I do have a line, and he’s touched on it. I’m in no mood to share with him my troubles.

I see
. He sinks into Gabriel’s lap, amber eyes firing with magic.

It’s just…
did I not just decide to leave him out of it? Sass has a way about him that disarms me, even more than Syd.
I should be here, Sassafras. Taking care of the family
.

His tail twitches as he thinks my words over.
It’s not that
, he says.

Not entirely
. I bow my head, inhaling the scent of Ethie’s shampoo and her perfect little girl smell.
I know they have you and Galleytrot to watch over them. They don’t need me
.

He laughs in my head.
They will always need you
. Sass’s mental voice sounds whimsical, as though he’s in his own memory a moment.
And we could use the help, with this one, especially
. He’s staring at Ethie now, and I do my best not to laugh out loud at the implication.
She’s a handful
.

She’s her mother’s daughter
, I say.
You expected something else?
 

Sassafras sighs.
I’ve raised so many Hayle girls
, he sent.
But this one is something else entirely
.

Syd returns with a drink of water for me, taking Gabriel into her own arms. He’s half asleep, snuggling into his mother’s neck as Ethie winds down her story and begins to drift off, too. Sassafras takes Gabriel’s place on my knee, purring while the big hound lies at my feet with a groan of pleasure, dark eyes closing.

Impulse, fed by the girl dosing in my arms and my proximity to the people I loved the most, drives me to speak words I never intended.

“Syd,” I say. “If I were to step down as heir, would there be a place for me here?”

I’m shocked by my words, so much I can barely draw a breath once they have escaped me. Sassafras’s purr goes silent a moment before it starts up again, louder than ever. I feel him trying to comfort me and allow it, the red flare of fire in Galleytrot’s eyes letting me know he’s listening carefully.

Syd reaches out and takes my hand again. “Without question,” she says. “Any time, come as you are, you betcha.”

I laugh, unable to stop myself, while she watches me with a sad smile.

“And
hell
no,” she says.

I sigh, giddiness passing.

“Yes,” Syd says, “because I miss you and love you and it’s not the same without you. The kids adore you, life is better when you’re here.” She looks away from me, up at the star-filled sky. Her sorrow is a living thing between us, my wolf snuffling at it and whining. “And no, because you are so much more than a servant to anyone. And if you came back, I’d worry it was for the wrong reasons.”

I nod. “You’re right,” I say. “It would be.” At least, for now. And since the near future means taking on fully the role I was thrust into, I can’t see what’s coming for me any other way.

“I understand, Charlotte.” Syd’s voice barely carries, free hand rubbing Gabriel’s back in absent circles. “The pressure. The responsibility. But it gets easier.” She laughs then. “Okay, I lied. Not easier. But you do get used to it.”

“I’m just a soldier.” What is it about tonight that has freed my tongue? I feel completely open to her, wanting to talk about it where normally my old way of being held me back. “I’m not meant for this, Syd. I wasn’t raised to lead like you were. And the longer I’m in this, the more trapped and hopeless I feel.” I sag around Ethie’s sleeping body. “I’ve watched you for years, in awe of what you’ve accomplished.” I meet her eyes, see her modesty firmly in place. “I just don’t think I have the capacity to commit like you do. Like you have.”

Fear of failure? Is that what holds me back? Of course, it is the most clear and precise answer to my standoff with my grandfather. My whole life, failure has never been an option, punishable by beating or death. Or worse. And yes, there has been worse, times I wished I could just die and be done with the pain.

Syd’s head lifts as magic stirs. I feel the touch of the drach, know she’s being called away. Syd stands, bends to kiss my cheek, Gabriel’s hair brushing over my collarbone.

“You have no idea how scared I’ve been,” she says, eyes intense and power holding me tight. “How many times I’ve been sure I’ve screwed things up to the point they would never, ever be okay again. We live with fear, Charlotte. It’s what keeps us humble and doing the right thing. Just so you know,” she straightens, hopping Gabriel a little higher in her arms, “I think you’re amazing.”

Quaid appears behind her, dark eyes full of worry. “Max is here.”

So I was right about the drach. I stand, too, as she hands off her son to her husband, Sassafras leaping down to follow Syd. I watch her go with a heavy heart, not so sure as she is I’m capable of fulfilling the role ahead of me but, thanks to her, more willing to try.

***

I let Quaid take Ethie from me as he smiles and offers his free arm.

“Bedtime,” he says. I’m cold without the girl’s weight in my arms, already missing both children as their father turns and carries them into the house. Galleytrot licks my hand on the way by, following Quaid and the kids, their constant shadow. I know they are in good paws with him, and with Sassafras.

My excuses wear thin as I admit the need I feel to protect them is just another delay.

Meira waves to me and I cross to her, feeling the collective eyes of the coven and vampires on me, my wolf shuddering at the attention. Miriam rises from beside her daughter to hug me, and I firmly embrace her back, the scent of lilacs filling my senses and washing away my sadness. She reminds me acutely of my mother, and the empty place in my life. I wish even more I could stay here and pretend this family is mine.

“You look wonderful, Charlotte.” Syd’s mother should talk. Stepping down as leader of the North American Council of Witches did her a world of good, not to mention shaking free of the influence of the Brotherhood. She is as youthful and stunning as I remember her, as is her demon husband, Haralthazar. He stands to shake my hand, a happy smile on his face. I know him little, his role in Syd and Meira’s lives a thin one until just a few years ago. But the wolf in me approves of him and so I allow his hug when he pulls me forward. They all treat me like I belong here, only making things worse. When I step back from Miriam and Harry, I admire the gorgeous couple they make, not just physically, but in the pure love they have for each other.

Meira struggles to rise to greet me, and I rush to her aid, guiding her to her feet. Her stomach reaches past the rest of her otherwise normal-seeming body, all belly as I’ve heard the term spoken. She beams at me, the demon she is shining through her blue eyes a moment in a flare of amber fire, red kissing her cheeks, the barest hint of her horns appearing in her piled black curls. Warm lips press to my cheek, her hands hot as she pulls me awkwardly to her, laughing in my ear.