What Happens at Christmas (3 page)

“I think this is the gayest place I’ve ever seen,” Sean said in wonder.

“I know, right?” Justin grinned. “It looks like a unicorn threw up on it. But it’s awesome. The atmosphere is great, and they make the best cupcakes in London, as long as you’re okay with epic amounts of food colouring and edible glitter.”

“Bring it on.”

Inside, the decorations were just as bright and sparkly. The tables and chairs were painted all the colours of the rainbow, and completely over-the-top Christmas decorations festooned every available nook and cranny. It was busy, but luck was on their side, and they managed to grab a small table in the corner as a couple of girls were leaving. “I already know what I want,” Justin said. “I’ll have the deluxe hot chocolate and a piece of their rainbow cake.”

“Okay. I’ll go and see what I fancy, and then I can order for both of us.”

Sean went up to the counter. There was a bewildering array of cakes, cupcakes, and cookies in various shapes and sizes. Sean grinned when he saw they had choc-chip cookies shaped like penises. Next to those was a plate of iced cupcakes that at first glance he mistook for roses with petals in varying shades of pink. But when he looked more closely, he realised they were vaginas with a little silver ball for the clit. He let out a snort of laughter.

An older guy behind the counter, with greying hair and a neatly trimmed beard, caught his eye and winked. “See something you like?”

“Well, normally vagina isn’t my thing, but the icing version looks pretty tasty.”

The guy laughed. “Same. But yeah, those are good. I can recommend them.”

“I’m tempted, but I think I’ll stick with the dick.”

“Motto for life.” The man grinned. He slid his gaze over Sean’s torso, obvious appreciation on his face. Then he glanced over Sean’s shoulder, and his smile turned a little rueful. “Your boyfriend doesn’t like us flirting. You can tell him he’s safe. I’m married, and while I might look, I won’t try and touch.” He showed Sean his left hand. There was a thick silver ring on his third finger.

“Oh, but—” Sean looked over his shoulder to where Justin was watching them. He raised his eyebrows and Justin ducked his head, looking at the drinks menu again. “—we’re not…. It’s not like that. He’s just a friend.”

“Yeah? My mistake. I thought he looked a little jealous.” Sean filed that bit of information away, but the guy was probably mistaken. “Are you ready to order?”

“Yes, thanks.” Sean gave their order and paid, putting his change in the tip jar.

“Thank you. One of our servers will bring it over soon.” His eyes twinkled as he added, “Enjoy your dick.”

“I always do.”

Sean went back to the table, grinning. “This place is awesome.”

“Glad you approve. The guys who run it are great. I want to be like them when I grow up. I think they’re a couple, although Frank—the one who served you—looked like he was chatting you up, so maybe not.” Justin’s smile was a little tense.

“It was only a bit of harmless flirting. He told me he’s married.”

“Oh, right. Good for them.” Justin glanced over at Frank, looking relieved.

Could Justin really have been jealous just now?
Sean wondered. Surely not, if he was still pining over his ex. Sean had occasionally wondered whether Justin had a crush on him at school. That was one of the reasons Sean hadn’t told Justin about his own sexuality. He was afraid that if he’d admitted it, it would have been impossible to hide his attraction to Justin. Then if Justin had been up for some experimentation…. Well, that was a whole can of worms Sean hadn’t been ready to open at the time. But surely Justin would have moved on from any adolescent crush he’d been harbouring.

Justin’s phone chimed with a text, interrupting Sean’s train of thought.

Justin picked up his phone to read the message. “Ugh.” He put the phone back down without typing a reply and ran his hands through his hair.

“What’s up?”

Justin sighed. “It’s our work Christmas party next weekend. I’ve already got a ticket, and nearly everyone in the office goes, but it’s for partners as well. One of my co-workers, Jess, is bugging me to come, but I can’t face it. I bet Andy’s going to bring his new boyfriend. I know he’s a shit and I shouldn’t let him get to me, but the thought of him parading around with my replacement, and me being there on my own, isn’t very appealing.”

“Is it too late to find someone to take?”

“No, they don’t need final numbers till Monday.”

“Well, then. Take someone else and flirt like crazy in front of him. Show him you can do better and that you’ve already moved on.”

“But I’m not ready to date. It’s only been two weeks, and I’m still at the feeling-sorry-for-myself stage.”

“I’ll go with you,” Sean offered. “I could be your date. We could pretend we’ve got together and are a couple now.”

“Yeah?” Justin looked thoughtful. “Are you sure?”

Duh
. It would hardly be much of a sacrifice to flirt with Justin all night. It would actually be a relief not to have to hide the way he felt for a change.

“Sure,” Sean replied. “I think I can manage to fake that I’m arse-over-tit infatuated with you. As long as it’s only for a few hours.”

“Gee, thanks.” Justin rolled his eyes. “You really know how to make an already-wounded ego feel better. But if you’re up for it, we should totally do it. Andy was always jealous of you before you went away. He saw you as competition because we lived together and were so close. I’d love to see his face when I walk in with you on my arm. I think he’ll hate it even if he’s moved on.”

“Okay.” Sean rubbed his hands together, excited at the prospect of getting to piss off Andy. “Let’s do it! Text your friend Jess back and tell her you’re in—with a hot date.”

CHAPTER THREE

Jess was thrilled on Monday morning when Justin told her he’d decided to come to the party after all.

“That’s great!” She clapped her hands, blonde bob swinging as she bounced with excitement. “I’m so glad. Show Andy that you don’t need a boyfriend to have a good time. You’re a strong, confident man who doesn’t need a partner to define him. I’m not bringing anyone either, so you can hang out with me and we’ll have a great night.”

“Yeah… um, about that.” Justin cleared his throat. “I’m actually going to bring someone.”

“Oh my God. You sly dog.” She slapped his arm. “Who? Do I know him?”

“No, you’ve never met him. He’s been away travelling since March. He’s an old friend from way back. We’ve been best mates since we were kids.”

“Oh, so he’s not a
date
date, then.” Jess’s mouth drooped in disappointment at the lack of juicy gossip.

Justin looked around the cafeteria to make sure nobody else was listening to their conversation and lowered his voice. “Well… technically no. But he’s going to pretend he is.”

Jess huddled closer, her face animated again. “So he’s going to pose as your boyfriend? To make Andy jealous?” Her eyes widened comically. “Oh! Are you trying to win him back?”

“God, no. Jess, this isn’t a Hollywood romcom. That ship has sailed. Even if Andy wanted me back, I wouldn’t go running just because he crooked a finger.”
Would I?
he briefly wondered. “No way.” He said it emphatically to convince himself as much as Jess. “But it might put his nose out of joint to see that I’ve got over him so quickly, especially with someone as good-looking as Sean—because Sean’s really hot. Did I mention that part?”

“No! What does he look like?”

“Tall, dark, and handsome. Think Poldark crossed with Mr Darcy.”

“Ooh, nice. And I presume he’s gay?”

“Yes.”

“Damn it. So… this superhot, gay best friend Sean. Have you and him ever…?” She raised her eyebrows as she lifted her coffee cup to her lips.

Justin felt his cheeks flush. “God, no. Never,” he said. “We’re friends, but that’s all.”

Jess studied him, and Justin’s blush intensified, heating his ears. He looked down, fiddling with a napkin to give his hands something to do.

“But you fancy him.” She made it a statement rather than a question, so Justin decided he could get away with not answering. Apparently he was wrong. “Don’t you?”

“I did, when we were at school. But I thought he was straight then, so it was just a stupid crush. Your typical gay boy pining over his straight best friend. It’s a rite of passage. But that was years ago.”

“Hmm.” Jess didn’t sound convinced. “Why wasn’t he out at school? You must have been gutted when you found out he really was gay. All that opportunity for teenage experimentation wasted.”

Justin sighed. He hated remembering Sean’s coming out.

It had been the one time their friendship was truly tested, during the summer after their first year at university. They’d both come back to their home town, and Sean had told Justin one night when they were walking home from the pub. Justin’s initial reaction had been one of hurt betrayal. He didn’t understand how Sean could have kept the secret to himself.

“How long have you known?” was his first question.

When Sean admitted he’d known for years, maybe almost as long as Justin had known he was gay. Justin felt as though he’d been punched in the stomach. He would have trusted Sean with his life, and all that time Sean had hidden something so fundamental. Something that Justin would have understood completely.

“I can’t believe you didn’t tell me” was all he could manage to say. “I feel as though I don’t know you at all.” Hot tears threatened as anger and disbelief warred with the hurt he felt.

“I’m sorry. But I wasn’t ready to talk about it to anyone,” Sean said. “Please, Justin. You know what my dad’s like. I was so scared he’d find out if I started telling people. He still doesn’t know, and I have no plans to tell him yet.”

“But you could have told
me
. You know I’d never have said anything.”

Sean shook his head. “It wasn’t as simple as that.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Justin demanded, his voice rising. “Seriously, Sean. I get it. I understand being scared of coming out—not that I ever had much choice because people always assumed—but you could have talked to me. Even if you hadn’t told anyone else. We were best friends. I can’t believe you didn’t trust me with this.” His voice wobbled with the effort of holding back his emotions.

“I’m sorry,” Sean said again. “Maybe I should have told you. But I can’t change that now.”

Justin didn’t answer, and they walked in silence the rest of the way home.

When they got to Sean’s front door, which was just around the corner from where Justin’s parents lived, they stopped.

“You said we
were
best friends,” Sean said, his eyes dark and hard to read in the dimly lit street. “You’re still my best friend. Just so you know.”

Justin stared at him, taking in the strong features that he knew almost better than his own. The face of the person he’d been half in love with ever since he hit his teens. “You’re mine too,” he finally said. “Even if you’re a fucking idiot for keeping that from me.”

“I wish I could explain it better.”

“You don’t need to. I get it, even if I think you’re daft. Now come here, you twat.” He managed a small smile as he stepped closer and pulled Sean into a hug. Sean’s arms closed around him, and the hug went on for a long time. Justin breathed in the scent of Sean’s hair and skin, and his heart clenched. “Welcome to the club, you giant poofter.”

Sean pulled away, laughing. “Thanks… I think.”

Justin punched him lightly on the shoulder. “Night, mate.”

“Night.”

After that, things had been okay between them on the surface, but the hurt Justin felt had taken a long time to dissipate completely. He couldn’t help torturing himself with what-ifs. How might things have been different if Sean had felt able to tell him? Had Sean ever had feelings for Justin too—might he still? Justin was too scared to ask for fear of what the answer might be. If it was a no, that would sting. But if it was a yes…. Justin wasn’t sure what it would mean for his relationship with his current boyfriend. On balance, he decided it was better not to know.

“Justin?”

Jess’s voice dragged him back to the present. He blinked at the bright lights in the canteen and breathed in the smell of coffee, the memories fading.

“Um, yeah. It was mainly to do with his dad, I think. It was a bit of a surprise when he finally told me.”

She raised her eyebrows. “I bet.”

“Anyway. Like I said, we’re just friends. I don’t think he’s ever thought about me that way.”

“Well, let’s hope he can do a good job of pretending he fancies the pants off you at the party, then. I can’t wait to see Andy’s reaction.”

Justin grinned. “Yeah. I’m hoping it will annoy him a bit. At the very least, it will show him that I’m not moping around at home, crying into a tub of Ben & Jerry’s every night.”

“Definitely. I think it’s an excellent plan.”

During the week, Justin and Sean settled into a comfortable routine of cohabitation. Justin worked standard nine-to-five hours, and Sean spent his days applying for jobs online. He had told Justin his first choice would be a job in computing, but he’d take anything he could get at the moment, so he was applying for a range of graduate jobs all over the south of England. It was a quiet time of year for recruitment with Christmas approaching, but Sean had a few telephone interviews and was hoping something would come up soon. He was willing to find temp work through an agency in the New Year if he didn’t get an offer before then, and in the meantime he was living off the last of his savings. He still insisted on contributing a little towards food and bills, but Justin wouldn’t let him pay any rent.

“You’re sleeping on the sofa. I’m not making you pay for that!” he insisted.

“If you’re sure…?”

“I’m sure.”

“I need to go shopping,” Sean said on Thursday evening. “If you want me to impress Andy, I’m going to need something to wear that hasn’t spent the last nine months rolled up in a rucksack. All my old stuff’s still packed up in my dad’s loft.”