What If I'm Pregnant...? (11 page)

Gina sank down in a chair at the table. “Don't be ridiculous,” she scoffed. “I'll do no such thing.”

Tanner's anger increased. The frustration he'd felt for the past two weeks where she was concerned exploded. He'd tried to be patient, had tried to make her see things his way without being harsh, but now his patience was shot.

“Gina, for God's sake, you could have been killed,” he exclaimed, residual fear still strong and bold inside him.

“But I wasn't,” Gina replied. “I handled it just fine.”

“This time…but what about next time?” Tanner wanted to bellow, he wanted to grab her by the shoulders and shake some sense into her. “I mean it, Gina. I'm leaving here Sunday morning and you will be beside me in that truck.”

Gina rose. “I don't want to fight with you now, Tanner. What I need is a nice, relaxing bath, so I'll just tell you good-night now.”

Without another word she left the kitchen. Tanner
turned his frustrated gaze to Colette. “I don't know how to make her understand. She's so damned stubborn.”

The corners of Colette's lips turned upward. “Gee, I wonder where she gets that?” The smile fell away, and her warm brown eyes were filled with sympathy. “Maybe she'll think differently in the morning.”

“I hope so.” He sighed. Now that the tenseness of the moment had passed, he was exhausted. “I better get out of here so you can get some sleep.”

Together they walked from the kitchen to the front door. “So, you're really leaving Sunday morning?”

“Yeah, it's past time I get back home.” He gazed at her, for a moment wishing he wasn't taking one young woman back to Foxrun with him, but two.

At the moment Colette looked as beautiful as he'd ever seen her. Her brown eyes were luminous and the pink robe accentuated her creamy complexion.

He wanted to wrap her up in his arms and carry her to his truck, take her back to his ranch and fill the well of need he sensed inside her. But of course he couldn't do that. She had a life here and a business to run.

“I'll miss you, Tanner.” She said the words slowly, as if with great reluctance.

He took a step closer to her. “And I'll miss you.”

Without conscious thought, he reached for her.

One last kiss, he told himself as he claimed her
mouth. One last moment of savoring the sweet delight of kissing Colette.

The frustration of moments before fell aside as desire ached inside him. He didn't just want to take her home with him, he wanted to take her home and keep her in his bed for at least a month. He wanted to wake up each morning with her in his arms and fall asleep at night after making love to her.

He broke the kiss, knowing his thoughts were foolish and to continue kissing her would only make leaving more difficult.

“Good night, Colette,” he said as he released her, then before he could say or do anything more foolish, he left.

 

“There's nothing better than cold pizza,” Gina exclaimed as she grabbed another piece from the box in the middle of the kitchen table.

It was just after midnight as the two ate the pizza that had been ordered hours before. Gina had taken a bath and put antiseptic on her skinned knees, and other than a touch of body soreness from her unexpected fall, she seemed none the worse for wear.

On the other hand, Colette had done nothing but think since Tanner had left. Her initial thoughts had been of intense sadness. He was leaving day after tomorrow, and she'd never again hear his laughter, never again see passion in the depths of those beautiful blue eyes.

As Gina had bathed, Colette's thoughts had turned to her. The trauma that Gina had suffered had horrified her, and for the first time ever Colette wondered if Gina wasn't making a huge mistake in not returning home with her brother who loved her so.

Watching Tanner wrap Gina in his arms and hug her with such obvious love and concern had touched Colette deeply. She couldn't help but think of all the times in her past she'd wished somebody had wrapped her up and hugged her with that same kind of love.

“Gina, maybe you should reconsider your decision to go back with Tanner,” she now said.

Gina set down her piece of pizza and stared at Colette with narrowed eyes. “What are you talking about?”

Colette shrugged. “You know Tanner only wants the best for you. Maybe it would be a good idea for you to spend another year at the ranch, finish up your teaching degree and not have to worry about paying rent or getting mugged.”

“He got to you.” Gina laughed without humor. “I should have known he would. He's been subtly seducing you the whole time he's been here just to get you on his side.”

“That's ridiculous,” Colette scoffed, although she couldn't control the sickening disappointment that rolled through her as Gina's words imploded inside her.

“What's ridiculous about it?” Gina shoved away from the table, a look of disgust on her face. “Tanner doesn't like to lose and he'd do anything to increase his odds of winning, and the best way for him to win is to get you on his side.” She stood. “Face it, Colette, you've been played.” With these words she stalked out of the kitchen, and a moment later Colette heard the slam of her bedroom door.

E
arly Sunday morning Colette paced back and forth in her living room. She expected Tanner to arrive at any moment. He thought he was going to pick up Gina, but what he was going to get instead was a large piece of Colette's anger.

Since Friday night, when Gina had told her she'd been played by Tanner, her anger had grown by the minute. At first she hadn't believed what Gina had said, but the more she dwelled on it, the more she began to believe Gina's words.

If he'd truly felt something for her and hadn't just been trying to manipulate her, then why hadn't he made love to her when she had been so out of control from his kisses, his caresses. If he'd felt the same, he wouldn't have been able to stop himself from making love to her.

But instead he had called things to a halt. He hadn't been willing to take his manipulation of her to that length. She'd been grateful that he hadn't shown his face in the store the day before.

The hurt of Gina's words had been too close to the surface. His kisses had felt so real, her heart had cried out. His desire for her had seemed so genuine.

Now she'd managed to shove the hurt aside and instead simply felt a slow burn of anger.

She poured herself another cup of coffee. It was just after seven, and she had no idea when to expect Tanner, but she had a feeling it would be soon, for he'd want to get an early start back to Foxrun.

Gina had left at the crack of dawn, choosing avoidance over confrontation with her brother. Danny had come by for her, and the two had planned to go out for an early breakfast, then spend the day at the park.

Colette was grateful the young girl wasn't here. Despite her desire to the contrary, she already felt tears building inside her as she thought of never seeing Tanner Rothman again.

It was ridiculous, really. She'd never wanted a man in her life, had refused to ever consider the possibility of marriage. But there had been moments when Tanner had talked about the ranch and the small-town living that had sent a deep yearning through her.

She took a sip of her coffee, then touched her tummy. Okay, so she wouldn't have a husband to hold her through the night, and she wouldn't live in
a charming little town where everyone knew everyone. But she would have her family. Her baby would be her family and that's all she would ever need. Her baby would get all the love and all the attention and would never have to come second place to any man.

She jumped and sloshed coffee over the rim of her mug as the doorbell rang. Setting the mug on the kitchen table, she steeled herself for her final goodbye to Tanner.

As usual, he was clad in a pair of tight jeans and a navy T-shirt that deepened the impossible blue of his eyes. The sight of him created a deep ache in her heart, an ache she'd never experienced before.

“She's not here,” she said without preamble. “She told me to tell you she loves you, but she's tired of fighting with you and she's not returning to Foxrun.”

He stepped into the living room and muttered a curse beneath his breath. “I told her to be packed and ready to go.”

“And you thought it would be as easy as that? My, you are arrogant.”

He looked at her and frowned. “What bee crawled into your bonnet?”

“No bee,” she replied, and moved several steps back from him so she couldn't smell his dear, familiar scent. “I just can't believe that you issued a command and really expected Gina to comply just like that.”

“She knows I want her to come back to the ranch.”

“And when are you going to really listen to what
she wants?” Colette's anger with him sprang to the surface, although she wasn't particularly angry with how he'd handled things with Gina, this was a perfect opportunity to vent some of that anger. “You've raised her to be strong and independent and to believe in herself. Why can't you let her do that?”

“I will let her do that—when it's time.” He shoved his hands in his pockets, frustration etched across his forehead.

“It's time now, Tanner. You need to let her go.”

His frown of frustration deepened into a scowl. “You don't know what you're talking about.”

“Yes, I do,” she retorted, and took another step back from him. “I know you've tried threats and bribes to get her to go back with you.” She narrowed her gaze. “And I know you played me like a fiddle to get me on your side so the two of us could force her into complying with your wishes.”

He pulled his hands out of his pockets and looked at her in confusion. “What do you mean I played you like a fiddle?”

Colette felt the burn of her cheeks. “All your flirting with me, all the sweet talk, all the kisses, it was all about manipulation.”

He stared at her for a long moment, and she thought she saw a faint touch of color appear in his cheeks. Guilt, she thought with a renewed burst of pain.

In three long strides he was mere inches from her.
He took her by the shoulders and held tight when she twisted to get away from him. “Colette.” He said her name softly, then drew a deep breath. “I'll admit that the first night we all went out to dinner, the idea of using you to get to Gina did cross my mind.”

Pain seared through Colette as he confirmed what Gina had told her. She twisted again, needing to get away from his touch, his nearness as tears suddenly burned at her eyes.

“But, honey, I promise you every kiss I gave you was about my desire, not Gina. Every caress I gave you was about my need, not Gina.” His expression was soft and gentle and she was more than a little frightened at how desperately she wanted to believe him.

“It doesn't make any difference,” she replied, and this time when she turned her shoulders to escape his grasp, he released her.

She wanted to be angry with him, needed her anger to wrap her in a cocoon of ire where her hurt couldn't reach her. And she wanted to make him mad. It would be so much easier if they parted acrimoniously—then perhaps telling him goodbye wouldn't hurt so much.

“In fact, last night I officially made Gina my assistant manager and gave her a nice raise to go with the title,” she said.

His eyes darkened to the ominous shade of thunderclouds. “Why in the hell did you do that?”

Colette walked to the sofa and perched on the edge, ready to spring back up if necessary. “Because she deserved it. In the time she has been working for me, she's proven herself to be responsible and trustworthy. She's bright and hardworking and you need to let her go.”

Tanner raked a hand through his hair, his frustration obvious in the tension that rolled off him. “You could have worked with me on this.”

“Sorry, your kisses weren't good enough to make me put my personal beliefs aside.” She folded and unfolded her hands in her lap, wanting to end this discussion for good.

She needed him to get out of her apartment, away from her before her tears began to fall. “You know what I think?” She didn't wait for his response. “I think you want Gina home with you because you're afraid.”

“Afraid? That's ridiculous,” he scoffed.

“I don't think it's ridiculous. If you don't have Gina at the ranch then all you have left is your own life, and according to Gina, you don't have much of one.”

“You don't know what you're talking about,” he exclaimed, and took a step toward where she was seated.

She tensed, but continued. “Oh, I think I do. You've built your entire world around her and you're
afraid to let her go because you have nothing and nobody else in your life.”

“What do you know about it?” The storm clouds were back in his eyes and his voice was deep, with a sharp edge. “What do you know about loving somebody, caring about somebody? You've closed yourself up so tight you refuse to let anyone in your life. You're as dysfunctional as your mother, incapable of loving anyone.”

“That's not true.” She sprang up from the sofa.

“You told me yourself that you'd never had a serious relationship. You're twenty-eight years old and you hide in your work. You sell baby things to women with families so you can live vicariously through them, but you never put your own heart on the line.”

“That's not true,” she exclaimed vehemently. “Just because I don't need a man doesn't mean I won't have my own family and it doesn't mean I'm incapable of loving.”

He smiled thinly. “If you intend to have a family, then I would bet that sooner or later you are going to need a man.”

“Not in this day and age,” she fired back. “In fact, it's very possible that I'm pregnant right now.”

He looked stunned. “I don't understand,” he finally said. “How is that possible?”

“A month ago I was artificially inseminated.”

Her words were met with thick, heavy silence. She
looked away from the censure in his eyes. The anger that she'd so desperately tried to maintain dissipated, leaving behind only a heart filled with pain.

“How could you do that?” he asked with a touch of incredulity. “How could you consciously make the decision to condemn a child to a life without a father?”

He stalked over to her and once again took her by the shoulders, forcing her to look into the eyes that radiated not only deep disapproval but pain, as well.

“Colette, you know what it was like to grow up without a father, and I will miss my father every day for the rest of my life. How could you consciously make a decision to give a child that same sort of emptiness?”

“I can be enough,” she said, and raised her chin defiantly. “This baby is going to have all the love I never had.”

“That baby will never be able to fill up the holes your mother left in your heart.” He released her and stepped back. “I feel sorry for that baby and I feel sorry for you.”

“Get out,” she demanded, angry tears scalding her cheeks as they fell. “I don't need anything from you, Tanner Rothman, especially not your pity.”

“Don't worry, I'm going,” he said as he headed toward the door. “But I have one more thing to say to you. You know, Colette, you're never going to be
able to fill up the emptiness inside you if you don't admit that you need someone.”

“And I have one more thing to say to you,” she replied, some of the anger gone from her voice. “You raised Gina in your own image. You raised her to be strong and capable and self-assured. Trust in what you did with her and let her go.”

For a long moment he gazed at her, and in his eyes she saw something warm and wonderful. She fought the impulse to throw herself into his arms, to tell him that she'd already discovered the need inside herself and she needed him.

“Goodbye, Tanner,” she said, and kept her gaze on him steady and strong, not wanting him to see the devastating emotions that filled her.

He turned and grabbed the doorknob and without looking back at her murmured a goodbye, then left the apartment.

Colette felt as if her heart was shattering. She felt it breaking into a million little pieces, and the pain forced a cry from the depths of her.

She sank back down on the sofa, half-blinded by the tears that filled her eyes. She hadn't been looking to fall in love. She'd never desired to fall in love. But she had. With Tanner. And until this moment she hadn't realized how desperately she'd wanted to be seated in the truck next to him when he returned to Foxrun.

She wept with grief over what might have been,
then wept because for the first time she wondered if she really could be enough for the baby she might possibly be carrying.

 

It took over fifteen minutes for Tanner to retrieve his truck from the parking garage where he had parked it when he'd first arrived into town.

As he waited for the attendant to retrieve it, he leaned against the office building. The air smelled of tires, oil and exhaust, but his thoughts were strictly on the woman he'd just walked away from.

Damn her for twisting his certainties into doubts, for making him question answers he'd believed he'd possessed. He scuffed a boot against the asphalt, wondering why her parting words had pierced through him like arrows of truth.

Had he been hanging on to Gina because he'd been afraid to face the emptiness of his life without her? Had it been fear for her that had driven him to come to Kansas City to bring her home or had it been fear for himself?

He had to admit there was a part of him that was proud of Gina for sticking to her guns and refusing to allow him to drag her where she didn't want to go.

He was proud of how she had handled the attempted purse snatching. She'd done everything right. She'd had her purse looped around her neck where it couldn't easily be plucked away from her. She'd screamed loudly for help, then she'd gone immedi
ately to the police. She'd handled the entire incident extremely well.

A squeal of tires indicated the imminent arrival of his truck. Within minutes he'd paid the attendant and pulled out of the downtown parking garage.

Immediately he turned on the radio, hoping to drown out his thoughts. However, even Garth Brooks and his friends in low places couldn't keep her out of his head.

Colette. Her name resounded inside him. The memory of her in his arms tormented him. The sound of her laughter rang in his heart.

He couldn't believe the lengths she'd gone to in order to create a family for herself. Artificial insemination. How could she have even considered such a thing? Artificial insemination was fine for women who were married and had found the normal route of getting pregnant impossible. But Tanner had never understood why single women would make a conscious choice to parent alone.

It's none of my business, he told himself firmly. She was none of his business. She was stubborn and fiercely independent and didn't recognize the neediness inside herself.

Just like you, a small voice replied. “Shut up,” he muttered irritably to the tiny voice. He turned up the radio, took the entrance ramp for the interstate and headed west, home to Two Hearts.