What You See (27 page)

Once they were outside, Cole walked up to me and planted a
big kiss on my lips. “I’ve missed you so much,” he said.

I started to melt. His sweet smell and the gentleness of his
touch was intoxicating. “Whew, I’m already ‘bout drunk,” I stammered. “Now you
come along and make me crazy.”

“What am I going to do with you?” he asked, wrapping his arms
around me. “I’m so crazy about you that I don’t know what to do with myself,
and you turn out to be nothing but trouble.”

“What are you talking about?”

He drew back and looked at me with those bright blue eyes.

“Oh, I think you know where I’m coming from. How long did you
think you were going to keep me from finding out the truth?”

His tanned, muscular arms were still wrapped around my waist.
I was afraid if he let go, he would walk away and not come back. That was the
last thing I wanted. He reached up to swipe a lone, blond curl of hair out of
his eye.

In that instant, I placed both my hands on his shoulders and
ran them down his arms—a gesture I hoped he would find seductive. We had
developed a relationship that was both physically exciting and emotionally
stimulating, and I was determined to do everything I could to hold onto it,
even stretch the truth... lie... whatever... it didn’t matter. When it came to
Cole, I had lost all the moral upbringing my mother had ever tried to bestow on
me. I could play dirty... I think.

“You want the truth?” I asked, shyly. “Cole, I never lie to
you.”

“You don’t outright lie, but you sure know how to skirt around
the truth. Women have a way of doing that.”

He released his hold on me and walked over to the front
window. He stood there, staring out into the yard as if he was in a trance.

I walked over to him and pressed up against his back. My arms
instantly went around his waist. I knew Billy would probably kill me for what I
was about to say, but I didn’t care. I couldn’t lose Cole.

“I’ll tell you the truth about anything you want to know. All
you have to do is ask. But remember, at the same time, you have to be totally
honest with me.” I let that sink in.

His hands came up and folded over mine. “Jesse,” he
whispered, “I haven’t felt like this in a long time and I’m scared to death.
I’m afraid I’m going to fall in a black hole and never be able to crawl out. We
could have such a good life together, but...”

“Go ahead and say it.” I waited for the other shoe to drop.

“But we’re on opposite sides of the fence.” His eyebrows
curled up and the expression on his face made me feel like a dog being scolded
for digging in the flowerbeds.

“Who cares?” I vehemently demanded. “So what if we’re not
perfect? You want to know the truth? All right, I’ll tell you the truth,
starting with this.” I pointed to my shoulder. “We did pull over to the side of
the road and at one point in time I think I might’ve looked at some flowers. I
probably even thought of picking some for my mother. I didn’t fall on a pile of
rocks and scrape up my shoulder. Billy and I were hunkered down in the woods
next to the Hudgins’ house and Jay surprised us with a gunshot blast to my
shoulder. You know the Hudgins, don’t you?”

I let go of Cole and walked into the kitchen. This was
territory where I didn’t want to go, but we were beyond that. The alcohol had
set my lips free and there was no stopping now.

“Yes, I’m sure you do. I’m sure you know all about the
Carrolton case. That’s your job, right?”

“I’m not directly involved, but I’m familiar with the case,”
he said, meandering over to where I was standing. “Why? What do you know?”

“I know enough to know that we have her purse, and you can
bet the bank on her being dead. She’s dead and we have the proof.”

His face was indescribable. “You’ve been concealing evidence
from the police?” he yelled. He slapped his forehead and began pacing the
floor. “I don’t believe it! I knew this was going to happen the minute you
hooked up with Billy. How many times did I try to warn you about him? Huh?”

“You don’t understand,” I said. “It’s not what you think.” My
stomach was tied in knots.

He stopped pacing and pointed his finger at me. “Do you have
the slightest idea what’s going to happen to you when the cops get wind of
this? They’re going to throw your butt in jail, and there’s not a thing I can
do about it.”

“I didn’t do anything!” I pleaded. “I didn’t know anything
about it until it was too late. Please, just let me explain.”

I could see he was wrestling with his emotions as he came
over to me and touched my face. “Okay, start from the beginning. I’ll try to
help as much as I can, but I’m telling you right now, don’t lie to me, and
don’t leave anything out.”

I had opened a can of worms and the only thing left for me to
do was to come clean. I told him everything that happened, starting with our
first visit to the Hudgins’, right up to Billy leaving to go pick up the purse.
I felt better afterwards, but I knew I would pay for it when Billy found out. I
assured Cole the purse would be in the hands of the police soon and everything
would be fine... as long as everybody kept quiet.

Billy
was furious
. “You did
what?” he screamed into my ear over the phone. “Jesse, I leave you alone for
one minute and your brain takes a hike. What’s the matter with you? Don’t you
realize he has no choice but to report us? He’s a cop, for Christ’s sake!”

“You don’t have to get huffy with me,” I whined. “Besides, he
said he’d take care of everything.”

“You can bet he will.” The line went silent for so long, I
thought he’d hung up. Finally, he said, “Does your mother know any of this?”

“Yes, she knows all of it.”

“All right, here’s what we’re going to do. Pack a few things
and I’ll take you to my folks for a couple of days. That’ll buy us a little
time.”

“I can’t do that, Billy. Claire’s coming and Mom needs me to
be here. I can’t leave now.”

He ranted and raved about being led away in handcuffs in
front of my family, including the kids, but I finally won over. I convinced him
that I wasn’t going anywhere. If the police were going to arrest me, then so be
it. I wasn’t going to run away from anything anymore. I don’t know if it was the
alcohol talking, or if I was going over the edge, but I had to bring things to
a halt. Life was getting too complicated.

“Jesse, are you all right? You don’t sound too good.”

“I don’t feel so good.” I dropped the phone and ran down the
hall to the closest bathroom. I managed to get the toilet lid up just in time
to puke my guts out. I felt awful. After I recover from this, I’m never going
to drink again... ever.

Ten minutes later, while I stood in front of the mirror
washing my face, Mom knocked on the door and said, “Honey, are you okay?”

“I’m fine, Mom. I’ll be out in a minute,” I could barely
answer. A few minutes later, I thought I heard voices in the living room. God,
please let that be Athena she’s talking to, I prayed. Pulling myself together
as much as possible, I opened the bathroom door and peeked out. “Oh, shoot,” I
mumbled under my breath as I walked out to face the music.

“You look rough,” Billy said.

“You do look pretty awful,” Mom agreed.

“What’s this?” I snapped. “I feel like I’m going to die. I’m
going to jail, and the two of you stand here critiquing the way I look.” My
self-pity floated through the room as I broke down and cried.

“I’m sorry, dear,” Mom said as she and Billy engulfed me in
hugs. “We didn’t mean anything by it, did we, Billy?”

He had that puppy dog look on his face. I half-expected him
to shake his head and wag his tail.

“We were just making an observation,” he said. “You do look a
little ragged, Jesse.”

I had to laugh at the silly way they were acting. They say
laughter is an escape route, and I desperately needed something to help me
escape the scared feeling I was harboring. I didn’t know what was going to
happen next, but I was sure it wasn’t going to be fun.

“We’re going to jail, aren’t we?” I cried.

“No, we’re not,” Billy replied. “Come over here and sit down.
We need to talk, if you think you’re up to it.”

“Why don’t I fix some coffee?” Mom asked, walking to the
kitchen. “I think Jesse could use some.”

“I think that’s a good idea,” he whispered.

“I had to tell Cole the truth,” I turned to Billy and said. I
tried to explain why I had betrayed his confidence. “I love him and I couldn’t
lie to him anymore. I don’t want to lose him. You just don’t understand what
it’s like to find someone you can truly love.”

“Oh, I think I do. I know exactly how you feel,” he said. “I
know how it feels to love someone so much you’d do anything to keep them. Love
does weird things to you. But for now, we have to concentrate on getting out of
this mess in one piece.”

“What are we going to do?”

“Where’s Cole?”

“He said something about damage control and went home. Said
he was going to clean up your mess... again. What did he mean by that?”

“It’s not important,” he said, pulling out his cell phone.
“Get yourself together and follow me. We’re going for a visit.” With that said,
he got up and walked to the door. “I’ll wait for you in the truck.” He gazed
over to the kitchen where Mom was still fixing coffee. “Save the coffee for
later. Jesse and I need to do some damage control of our own before things get
totally out of hand.”

Cole
was sitting on the steps
drinking a beer when we parked in the driveway. It was almost dark and I could
see the sun beginning its descent into the night. Shadows lined the haggard
face of an otherwise handsome man. He was deep in thought.

Billy looked at me and said, “You still think he’s taking
care of things?”

I didn’t reply. I got out of the truck and ran to Cole. I
wanted to wrap my arms around him and make the last few days disappear, but it
was too late now. The look in his eyes told me everything I needed to know.
Things were bad and most likely were going to get worse.

Surprisingly, he hugged me and reached out his hand to Billy,
shaking it repeatedly. “You lucky son-of-a-gun,” he said. “Somebody loves you,
and it sure isn’t me.” Cole gestured for us to sit down and offered us a beer
as he opened the lid of the cooler next to him.

“Not me,” I replied. “I’ve had enough to drink for one day.”
I sat down and waited for the bomb to explode.

“I’ll take one,” Billy said.

The three of us sat on the steps watching the sun go down.

“How much trouble are we in?” I finally asked.

“It’s funny how things work. I called in to report what was
obviously an erroneous tip made by a drunken female, and was told about the
startling discovery of a vital piece of information. A worker picking up trash
for the Adopt-A-Highway program turned in a purse to the CPD. And we all know
who owns the purse. The CPD has been searching for this girl for months.
Anyway, my information was moot at that point.”

Whew! We were off the hook. I leaned over and kissed him.
“Thank you,” I whispered. “I love you.”

“Don’t thank me. I didn’t do anything. The important thing is
that the police have their first real lead in months.” He stared into Billy’s
eyes. “I made my report. I did my job. What happens now is anybody’s guess.”

Billy’s cell phone rang. He got up and walked off to the
side. “We’ll be right there,” he said, closing up his phone and returning to
me. “Your sister’s here. That was your mom on the phone. We need to get back.”
He reached out his hand again and said to Cole, “I won’t forget this.”

“Just take better care of my girl. I mean it.”

Thanks to the man I love, I wasn’t going to jail... this
time.

“I told you he’d take care of everything,” I bragged as we
pulled into my driveway. “He loves me. I knew he wouldn’t let me get into
trouble over this little mishap.”

“You’re in another world, girl,” Billy said. “It’s not over,
till it’s over.”

“You sound like Mom.”

Billy parked on the right side of the house next to Mom’s
van. In front of the detached, three-car garage, sat two automobiles. Billy got
out and asked, “Who drives the new Camaro? What a great looking car. I want one
of those.”

“Then why don’t you buy one? I know you have the money, and
if you don’t, you can always get Daniel to fix you up with a good deal. No
money down, no interest, and no payments until 2010,” I said, poking fun at
him. “I’m sure he can work out a deal to fit your every need.”

“Don’t be cute, Jesse,” he hissed as he closed the utility
room door behind us. We walked into the dining room and found Mom at the table
with my brother Jack, and a man I can only describe as Adonis—the youthful,
gorgeous, perfect replica of what God designed men to be. Claire was asleep on
the sofa, wrapped in a quilt, a book lying beside her.

The first words out of my mouth were, “Where are the kids?”
It was the only thing I could think of to say after I looked around and
evaluated the situation. Claire was stretched out on the sofa, while the kids
were probably sleeping peacefully upstairs and hopefully not in my bed. Jack
was sitting at the table with a man that I was sure wasn’t just another pretty
face. Mom had the weirdest expression on her face.

“Jesse... Billy,” she stood up and introduced us. “This is
Dennis—Jack’s partner.”

After all the confusion and chaos that has overtaken my life
since I moved here, why not a little more? My underlying suspicions of my
brother being gay had just been confirmed, and my puritan sister was a drunk.
As for me, I was still dealing with my own demons.

Billy walked passed me without showing the least bit of
surprise. “Nice to see you again,” he said to Jack, extending his hand to him,
and then to Jack’s friend. “Fortunately, this time it’s under different
circumstances. How have you been?”

“Just fine, thank you.”

“You’re here early,” I said. “I thought you weren’t coming
until this weekend.” I glanced in Dennis’ direction and understood why Jack
would want him as his partner. What a looker! At the same time, I wondered if
Mom understood the meaning of the word partner, and how it applied to this
situation. I had my doubts.

“They’re going to stay all week!” Mom said, gladly. “I hope
you two don’t mind sharing a room. Jesse has offered to let you stay in hers,
but we hadn’t planned on it being a whole week. No problem. We’ll work it out.”

“Don’t worry about it, Mom,” Jack announced. He looked over
at his partner and smiled. “We needed a vacation, so we got a room at a little
bed and breakfast just outside of Stanardsville. We don’t want to impose on
anybody for that long.”

“But that’s so expensive,” she replied. “I don’t want you to
spend all your money on a place to stay when you can stay here.”

“It’s not expensive,” he said. “You’d be surprised.”

I pulled up a chair and sat down. My head was pounding and my
stomach was churning. Now I remembered why I gave up alcohol. I put that out of
my mind and tried to carry on a decent conversation.

“What do you do for a living, Dennis?”

“He’s a lawyer, silly,” Mom said. “They’re partners,
remember?”

That answered my question. Mom didn’t know. She had no clue.

“Mom, I think you misunderstood,” I said, slowly trying to
explain the meaning of their relationship. “I think what Jack’s trying to tell
you is that they’re in an intimate relationship, like Cole and me.”

Mom jumped and shouted, “That’s not true! Tell her Jack!”

The room fell silent as Jack reached out to take Mom’s hand
and said, “Mom, I’ve been trying to tell you that for the last half-hour.”

“You’re not one of those queers, are you?”

“Mom, don’t say that!” I yelled. “We don’t use that word.
It’s a slur. Jack’s gay, Mom.”

I saw the relief in Jack’s face. He had obviously spent many
confused years in his life coming to terms with his sexuality. It was all out
on the table, and we had to deal with it.

Mom stood there, rubbing her hands together while she studied
something imaginary on the floor. A couple of minutes passed before she could
bring herself to speak. Slowly, she lifted her head and said, “I apologize to
both of you. I didn’t mean anything ugly. I was just surprised, that’s all.
Please, give me time to think about it.” She whimpered, went to her room, and
then quietly shut the door. Athena jumped up from her crouching position by the
window and ran after her.

Claire bounced off the couch and sprang to life. “What’s
going on?” she asked. “I fell asleep.” She looked haggard and in a daze, but
still had the composure of a fine woman. “You’ll have to excuse my appearance.
I’ve been... Jack! When did you get here?” She walked into the dining room and
gave him a hug.

“Jesse! I’m so glad to see you! How’re you doing, Billy?”
Claire had covered all the bases, except one. “Who’s the handsome man?” she
asked, pointing to Dennis. “Is he one of your single friends, Jack?”

I still had a headache and I was tired of pussyfooting
around. “This is Dennis—Jack’s boyfriend.”

Claire didn’t even flinch. “It’s so nice to meet you,
Dennis,” she said, holding out her hand. “I’m glad you could come for a visit.”

I decided right then and there that Claire was not only a
drunk, but she must be taking some heavy medication. Her whole life had evolved
around uptight and moral standards that none of us could live up to. Yet, here
she was being the picture of perfection. Nothing appeared to faze her. Did she
already know about Jack being gay? Nah, she would’ve said something.

Claire was comfortable with the situation and I didn’t have a
problem with my newfound knowledge, so why was I having this uncomfortable
feeling in the pit of my stomach? I was worried because of Mom. How was she
going to deal with having a son who’s gay? Would she come around? So many
changes had occurred in the last few months, nothing would surprise me. I was
just about ready to call it a day when I heard a door open, and Mom walked back
into the room.