When All Hell Breaks Loose (58 page)

No Toilet Paper?. . .or Anything Else?. . .
No Problem

In the event that you run out of anything to wipe your butt with after going to the bathroom, you still have an option, your hand and water. In many parts of the world, toilet paper will not be waiting for you in the outhouse. Instead you will find a water-holding container of varying design. There are a few techniques in using the water/hand combination and I'm sure you'll find which method works best for you. Some folks have tried the water/hand method and never gone back. Most people recommend that you wipe with one hand and eat with the other, use water to rinse with, and wash your hands thoroughly, but that's where the commonalities in the advice end. Below are some options worth exploring.

Techniques for Wiping Your Butt with Your Hand

(
Caution!
Beware of cuts or abrasions on your hand(s) that could come in contact with fecal matter.)

1
First, make sure you have some sort of container filled with water that is reserved for this purpose only. Have hand-washing supplies ready to go at the site of your defecation.

2
Go poop in some think-like-a-raindrop-approved location.

3
Using the hand that you don't eat with, try one of the following methods:

a. Slowly pour/splash water up from the water container as you use your fingers to wipe and dislodge fecal matter from your anus. . .
OR

b. Pour water from the container slowly down your lower back and into your butt crack while doing the same as above with your fingers. . .
OR

c. Have some water container that can create velocity, such as a bicyclist's squirt bottle or commercial drinking water container with the pop-up squirt top. Direct the stream of water at your anus while using the fingers as mentioned above. . .
OR

d. Entertain the family by inventing a unique method of your own.

Note: Some people prefer to wet their fingers first as they feel the poop is less likely to stick to their fingers: your call.

Regardless of which water/hand method you employ, WASH YOUR HANDS WELL after you're finished. If using this method, it will be a great advantage in comfort and cleanliness to keep your fingernails trimmed as short as you are able. Plan on using water to wash, not just waterless hand sanitizer, and have a bleach solution rinse, and maybe a fingernail brush, somewhere in your hand-washing routine.

Pertinent Potty Paraphernalia

The following are emergency sanitation supplies that will help you out when dealing with human waste. Purchase them now before the next emergency. Unlike canned corned beef, they will never go rancid, and they will always be useful for something.

Toilet paper (if the hardcore tips above didn't grab you, keep a month's supply on hand at all times)

Waterless hand sanitizer

Bleach-based spray disinfectant and/or a bottle of chlorine bleach—sodium hypochlorite 5.25 or 6 percent (Dry bleach is caustic and not safe for this type of use)

Antibacterial soap (alcohol-based)

LOTS of heavy-duty plastic trash bags with ties

Large trash can(s) with tight-fitting lid

Two or three five-gallon buckets with tight-fitting lids. Apartment owners might opt for these alone instead of the large trash can

Shovel or other digging tool(s)

Moistened towelettes or baby wipes

Quicklime or woodstove/fireplace ashes

A bunch of old newspapers (two or three weeks' worth). Use for making toilet paper or absorbent, homemade, portable potty bags, wrapping up garbage, lining large garbage cans for storing poop, and a variety of other sanitary uses

Four- to six-mil plastic sheeting. This roll of plastic has multiple uses, well beyond the realm of sanitation. If one of your tribe gets dysentery, using plastic sheeting to cover and protect his or her sleeping area will be a godsend