When Love Breaks (27 page)

ELORA

M
y phone rings as I leave for school. I glance down, assuming it’s Daniel, but gasp and nearly drop it, when the caller ID says
Logan
.

What should I do?

Should I answer it?

What does he want?

Am I ready to speak to him?

The phone rings for the third time, and I know it’ll go to voice mail after the fourth. It’s such a difficult decision to make in a fraction of a second. My nerves begin to make me shake, as I press the little green button.

“H—hello?” I say meekly.

“Hi,” he says in an eerily quiet voice. There’s a long pause before he speaks again. “I’m sorry to bother you. I know this is usually the time you leave for school.”

“It’s okay. I’m just leaving now.” I’m trying to gauge his mood, but he hasn’t given my much to go on yet.

“How are you?” he asks softly.

Really depressed and missing you terribly.

“I’m okay. You?”

“I’m fine.” His voice is still devoid of emotion. “So…”

“So,” I repeat. It’s obvious he has no idea why he’s called me.

“I’d like to…apologize…for my behavior that day—”

“Oh, God, please don’t apologize,” I interrupt. “You have nothing to be sorry for. I deserved the reaction you gave me.”

He snorts.

“No. I was very angry, and I didn’t mean to yell at you like that. I know that what you did was an accident. I know that because I know you, and you’d never do anything like that to someone on purpose. I guess I just need to know…why. Why did you drive away? What happened? Did you know I was there? Did you know I needed help? Did you at least think about helping?
Why?
What made you drive off?”

He needs answers—answers that I can’t give him. I sigh, and as I try to buy time to think, the silence overtakes us.

“I know you want answers, but…I can’t give you any. I’m sorry that’s not what you want to hear right now, but please know that I had no idea it was you on the side of that road. I didn’t know until that day in your driveway. I never lied to you up until that day, and I’m so sorry you found out the way you did. It’s killing me to know how much pain I put you through, and I’m sincerely sorry for my actions on that day.”

Tears stream down my face as I try to hold them in. I don’t want him to think I’m crying to gain his sympathy.

“You
can’t
give me answers, or you
won’t?
”

I pause.

“I won’t.”

“Why the hell not? You don’t think I deserve to know?” His irritation makes me wince slightly.

“It’s nothing like that, Logan, I swear. I just…” I pause again to gather my nerve. “Let’s just leave it alone. It’s obvious you’ll never forgive me, so what’s the point in rehashing it all? I regret what happened that day…more than you know, and I’d give anything to not be in that car.”

He snorts.

“I’ve gotta go,” he says acidly, and another round of pain lances through me.

“Okay,” I say, but it’s almost a sob.

He hangs up without saying goodbye, and I lean my forehead on my steering wheel and cry.

The next day, as I’m walking out of school, I’m running my last conversation with Logan through my mind. He sounded like he might’ve been in a better place in the beginning, but then his anger took hold. I can’t blame him. I know he’s probably trying to come to terms with all that’s been disclosed, and I’m certain he was disappointed in the fact that I refused to stroll down memory lane with him. The truth is, I can’t give him the details he wants. I just want to forget that day ever happened. Just then, I bump, quite literally, into someone.

“Oh, my God! I’m so sorry. I wasn’t paying attention,” I say as I look up.

“Hey, it’s okay, Elora. I wasn’t looking either,” Rory chuckles as he touches my arm. “Are you done for the day?” he asks as he begins to walk with me.

“Yeah, thank God. That test was horrible.”

“Oh, I know! I studied all night and day for it, but I think I failed it miserably,” he says. “I’ll be lucky to become a nurse’s aide, let alone an RN.”

I laugh for the first time in weeks.

“I know what you mean. Maybe, I should try for something in another field. I think I definitely bombed it.”

“No way! Not you. You’re so good under pressure. You’ll do fine. You’ll see,” he says with a confident smile.

“Thanks,” I smile back.

“Hey, to celebrate the end of the semester, do you want to get a cup of coffee with me? There’s a café within walking distance from here.”

My first reaction is to say
no
. I’m not really in the mood, and I probably wouldn’t be great company. But then, I don’t have anything to do but go home and stare at Daniel for the rest of the night, and I really need time away from
that
. I shrug.

“Sure.”

“Great!” he says, and we walk the short distance it takes to get there.

We place our orders, then find a seat. The small table we’ve chosen is in the corner near the couches. Rory sits, and I sit across from him.

“It feels so good to know we’re that much closer to graduating. I mean, I know we still have a long way to go, but every test gets us closer,” he says as he leans back in his chair.

“Yeah, if someone had told me how hard nursing school would be, I probably wouldn’t have done it.” I snort, then look at him. He’s sweating. I narrow my eyes. “Are you okay? You look a little flushed.”

He wipes his brow.

“I’m fine. My heart races when I have too much caffeine,” he says. “This is my millionth cup of the day.”

“Ah, yes, the hazards of studying for a nursing test,” I say, then laugh. “Give me your wrist. I’ll check your pulse.” I reach for his hand, the place my fingers on his radial artery. We sit still as I count the number of beats I feel. I frown when I notice an irregularity. “Have you ever had an EKG done?” I say, while holding onto his wrist.

“No. Why?”

“I’m not sure, but I think your heart is beating out of rhythm. It’s sort of fluttering.”

“Seriously?”

I nod.

“Yes. I would have that checked out before too long. It might be nothing, but I know some heart conditions, such as Supraventricular Tachycardia can be aggravated by caffeine.” His brow lifts in surprise at this news.

“Oh, God. A life without caffeine? How does one survive?” He makes an expression of mock horror, and I laugh. He then smiles fondly and covers my hands with both of his. “And,
that
is why you’ll make a great nurse. Thanks for being so concerned about me. I’ll have it checked out.”

Then, from out of nowhere, I hear a quiet gasp. Rory and I look over in the direction of the sound to see Logan standing before us. My face falls at his expression. He’s horrified…but why? I glance down at Rory’s hands, which still cradle both of mine, then I look back at Logan.

He clears his throat.

“Elora,” he says coldly, with a chill in his expression.

“Logan. What are you doing here?”

I’m shocked, and I pull my hands back from Rory’s.

“I was just in the neighborhood. I needed coffee.” His shakes his head slightly. “I didn’t know you’d be here with…” He stops before finishing his sentence.

I feel I owe him an explanation.

“Uh…Rory, this is Logan. Logan, I’d like you to meet Rory.”

“It’s nice to meet you,” he says with formality. They shake hands but then suddenly, Logan looks…nervous?

“Rory is my—”

Logan holds his hand up for me to stop talking.

“No need to explain,” he interrupts. “I have to go.” He turns to Rory again.” Take care of her,” he says, as if he’s just given Rory his blessing to marry me or something. I give him a puzzled look, but he leaves without a backward glance.

“What the hell was that?” Rory asks as the door to the café closes. I slouch into the back of my seat as, I blow out a long held breath.

“
That
was the one who got away.”

LOGAN

I
launch my fist toward the wall of my bedroom with everything I have, and end up with a nice hole in the wall. When I draw my fist back, I see blood forming across my knuckles. That’s going to leave a mark. I walk over to my bed and sit. Then, covering my face, I fall backward, eventually fixing my stare at the ceiling. I hear a soft knock at the door.

“Can I come in?” Michael says as he enters anyway. I scoff at his manners.

“You’re already in, aren’t you?” My voice is laced with sarcasm.

“Nice hole in the wall. You wanna talk about it?” he asks, as he falls on his back next to me and laces his fingers behind his head.

“Not really.”

“Can I guess?”

I shrug.

“Can I stop you?” I say, and he laughs.

“Nope.”

“Go ahead then.”

“Does it have to do with Elora?” I nod. “Did you call her again?” I shake my head. “Did you
see
her?” I nod, reluctantly. “Ah. I see why you felt like you needed a new window in your room.” He’s referring to my tantrum just now.

“You have no idea.”

“Tell me about it then.”

I sigh and muster up the strength to talk about what I saw today at the coffee shop.

“I saw her at a café. I stopped in to pick up some coffee, and I saw her. She wasn’t alone.” I hear him groan slightly. “Some guy named Rory was with her. They were holding hands.”

“Are you sure they were
together
together?”

I glance over at his ignorance.

“They were holding hands. What else could I assume from that?”

He shrugs.

“I don’t know. Did you ask her if he was her boyfriend?”

“
No.
Don’t be ridiculous. Why would I?”

“Um…so you’d know. Jeez, bro, you suck at this stuff,” he says and shakes his head. “If you want to know something, you have to ask. How else will you know for sure?” I shrug this time. “You have to ask yourself a question.”

“What’s that?”

“How did seeing her with someone else make you feel?”

I look back up at the ceiling. I don’t want to think about it.

“Like shit.”

“Good,” he says, and I look at him like he’s an idiot…because he is sometimes. He elaborates. “If you felt nothing at all, it would mean that you’re over her, and you could move on. But the fact that you felt like shit, as you put it, well, that’s a sign that you need to get over this little relationship hump and go claim what’s yours.”

“This
little relationship hump?
She fucking ran me off the road and left the scene. That’s not a hump, it’s a damned mountain. How am I supposed to overlook that?”

“I don’t know. That’s something you have to look inside yourself to find the answer to. I’m just saying that I don’t think you’re done with her. Maybe, just maybe, your love for her is stronger than your will to hold this accident against her. Maybe your heart is trying to forgive her, but your mind is fighting it. When in doubt, go with your heart.”

I take in a deep breath and exhale loudly. Since when is he such an expert on relationships? I tell myself that he’s wrong, but I know, as usual, he’s right, though I’d never tell him that.

“So, what are you gonna do?” he adds.

“I don’t know what I
can
do. I’ve asked her for answers and she’s refused to give me any. How can I forgive her if I’m still trying to understand why she did it?”

“Maybe it’s more complicated than it needs to be. Maybe you can forgive her without all the details. There’s obviously a reason she’s not saying anything. Maybe you should take her at her word. She’s said she’s sorry. So, just believe her.”

I exhale again. Can I do it? Can I just forgive her, even though I don’t understand the whole situation? I hated seeing her with some other man’s hands wrapped neatly around hers. Those should’ve been my hands. I let Michael’s words sink in.
Just believe her
. Is my love for her stronger than my quest for justice? Can I simply let her keep all the whys and hows to herself? I rub my face, as I analyze everything she’s said to me since we broke up. Something isn’t sitting right with me. I need to see her—to talk to her. I have to know if we can get past all this.

I sit up abruptly. I’m on a mission—a decision’s been made. Michael follows my lead and smiles.

“Atta boy. Go get her,” he says with a wink and a slap on my back.

As I approach her building, adrenaline shoots through my body, and my nerves take over. Shakily, I get out of my car and head up to her apartment. I raise my fist, and after a slight hesitation, I knock. Closing my eyes, I take one last deep breath and wait on pins and needles for her to open the door.

I don’t have to wait long, as her surprised look makes my heart rate increase.

“Logan. You’re…here.”

“May I come in…please?”

“Of course,” she says, then shifts to one side to allow me to enter. I look around. We’re alone. I hear the door latch behind me, and I’m reminded of the last time she left my house. I swallow and turn to face her.

“I hope I’m not interrupting anything. I just had to see you.”

“Um…no. I’m not doing anything. What can I do for you?” Her voice is apprehensive so I gesture to the couch.

“Can we sit?”

She nods and walks toward the couch. She sits at one end, and I sit at the other. I pull one leg up, so I can look at her. I need to gauge her reactions, to know if I can do this.

“These last few weeks have been very hard for me. I’ve not only been battling my anger over the fact that I now know who was driving the car that caused my accident, but I’ve been struggling to come to terms with the fact that it was caused by the one I love.” She bows her head shamefully and peers down at her fingers. I clear my throat and run a nervous hand through my hair. “Look, I know you. I know you very well…and if you say there’s a reason you drove off…I believe you.” Her head swings up abruptly. “I know you’d never purposely do something to harm anyone, and for that reason, I’d like to extend my forgiveness.”

She rubs both hands over her face. I think she’s speechless.

“Logan…are you sure you can do that? For reasons of my own, I can’t tell you what you need to hear. I’m not sure you can live with that.”

I scoot closer to her and take her hands in mine. Those hands that some other guy was just holding.

“The pain of losing my legs was great...but not as great as the pain of watching you walk out of my life.” I bring her hand up to my lips and kiss it softly. When I lower it, I search her expression for any sign of hope. “Elora, I can live without the details…what I
can’t
live without…is
you
.”

“She won’t give you details, but I will,” says a voice from behind me. I turn around to see Daniel standing just feet from us.

“Daniel, no!” Elora says, which causes me to look back at her.

“You’ve done enough for me. Now it’s time I tell my side of the story,” he tells her. He walks farther into the room and sits on the chair opposite us. I turn in my seat to listen.

“Daniel, can I see you in the other room,
please?
” Elora’s face is angry as she silently scolds her brother. He shakes his head.

“No. No matter what you say, I’m going to tell him.”

“
No!
”

“
Yes.
I’m not going to watch you throw your life away over something that’s my fault.”

I feel as though I’m watching a tennis match as I look from one to the other. I’ve finally had enough.

“Let him talk. I want to hear what he has to say,” I demand, and she looks at me with concern. I then turn my attention to Daniel.

“Elora was wasn’t lying when she said she was on the road that day in October, but she didn’t exactly tell you the truth after that.”

“Daniel,” she warns, but a sad smile from her brother silences her. He continues.

“It was early evening as we drove home from the bar. I’d been there since early afternoon, when a call placed by the bartender, to my sister, summoned her to pick me up. I was drunk but somehow, I convinced Elora I was okay to drive home. She wouldn’t give me the keys to my car, so I grabbed hers. She protested loudly, but I can be an asshole sometimes, and I ended up behind the wheel. She told me to take it slow, so I wouldn’t rouse suspicion, and we were on our way. I don’t remember all the details, but I can tell you what I remember.” I nod, as I anxiously await the rest of his story.

“We were on the highway. I was about to miss our exit, so I quickly got over into the right lane. Elora kept telling me to slow down, but I was in a hurry and trying to avoid being seen by the cops. Suddenly, she looked back. She said she heard something. I looked in my rearview mirror, but saw nothing. I assured her there was nothing there, but she kept insisting and had me pull off to the side of the road. We both watched as a small puff of smoke began to rise from the berm. She started saying she thought we’d hit someone. Panicked, I denied it, even though I thought it could be possible.”

I close my eyes, trying not to relive that moment all over again.

“Anyway, that puff of smoke turned into a larger one, and Elora tried to open her door. She said she was going to see if someone needed her help. I knew if she did that, it would mean that I caused an accident, possibly injuring someone, and I might see jail time. I just couldn’t handle that thought. I reached across and pulled her door shut. I told her we’d call the police, when we got further away, but that I wasn’t going to let her near there. She begged and begged me to go back, but as she protested…loudly, I just kept driving. She then dialed 911. She kept looking back, as I kept denying I did anything wrong.” I inhale sharply and close my eyes, as the image of the fleeing SUV surfaces. I remember reaching out for the retreating vehicle, pleading for it to stop. When I open my eyes, Daniel looks directly at me. “Logan, please accept my sincerest apology. I’m so sorry. I was drunk. I panicked, when I didn’t know what to do. I should’ve gone back. I shouldn’t have let Elora keep this a secret for me. I should’ve turned myself in. The truth is, if I had known it would come back on my sister, I would have.” He glances at her as a tear streaks down her cheek. I can tell he regrets her involvement.

“Thank you,” I say. “Thank you for telling me.” I don’t have the capacity to say anything more to him. He nods his head and stands, walking back into the hallway, presumably to his room. I turn to face her, as I know it’s my turn to apologize.

“Elora—”

“Logan, I’m so sorry,” she interrupts. “I didn’t want this to happen, especially not to you. I should’ve never let him get behind the wheel. I should’ve made him stop at the first sign something was wrong. I should’ve leapt from the car. I should’ve done
something
. I’m so, so sorry.” Tears streak down her face again, as she takes the blame for that night’s events.

My brow furrows.

“You did nothing wrong, Elora.
Nothing
. Do you hear me?” At her sobs, I scoot even closer, and wrap my arms around her. She melts into my embrace and cries into my neck. “Shh. It’s okay.” I pull back slightly to see her face. Her eyes are pink and her cheeks wet, so I reach up and wipe away her tears. “Hey, don’t cry. You have nothing to be upset about.”

Her sorrow filled eyes reach mine as she sniffles.

“But, I could’ve stopped him.”

I shake my head.

“Maybe, but what’s done is done. You weren’t the driver. You could only do so much. The fact that you tried to get him to do the right thing means
everything
.” I kiss her forehead, then let her head fall back onto my shoulder. “I only wish you had told me sooner. Are these the details you wouldn’t tell me?” She nods, her head against me, and I nod in acknowledgement. “You let me blame you. Why did you do that?”

She sniffs again and pulls back.

“Daniel’s my brother. I wanted to protect him. I didn’t want him to get a DUI, and I was afraid he might go to jail because I was too weak to stop him.”

I snort.

“Daniel’s a big boy. Maybe, he needs to take responsibility for his actions. That’s sometimes the only way people learn.”

“And that’s what I intend to do,” Daniel says as he walks back into the room.

“
What?”
Elora says as she stands abruptly. “Daniel, you can’t! They’ll put you in
jail!
”

He shrugs.

“Maybe, Logan’s right. Maybe, that’s what it’ll take to make me realize I’m not a rebellious teen anymore. I can’t go on like this forever. I’ve been self-medicating with alcohol since the accident, but now I need to take responsibility for what I did.” He looks at me directly. “Please forgive me. I’m so sorry that I was the one who caused you so much pain. If there’s anything I can do to make it up to you, just name it.” I nod, then give him a small smile.

Elora starts to cry at the thought of her brother owning up to his mistakes. She walks over to him and throws her arms around him.

“Please don’t do this,” she begs. He unwraps her arms from his neck and smiles fondly at her.

“You’ll be okay, and so will I. Stop worrying so much about me. You’ve got someone else to take care of now.” He glances over at me again and winks. I smile and walk toward him. Daniel stretches out his hand, and I glance down at it for a moment, before reaching out to shake it. He nods slightly, then turns his attention back to his sister. “I’m so sorry for letting you take the blame for this. I didn’t realize that this was the reason the two of you broke up. Had I known, I would’ve confessed sooner.” She nods and hugs him one more time. Then, after ignoring his sister’s pleas, Daniel walks out the door, headed in the direction of the police station. Elora is upset, but she comes to stand next to me. I place my arm around her shoulders.