When Love Hurts (4 page)

Malcolm is half an inch taller than Jaylen and has long hair that he keeps in braids. He has a charming smile and wit about him that attracts more girls than he can handle. Malcolm walks a few steps to the kitchen table and sits in the chair. “I had to check on some stuff at the garage, and I know Jaylen’s been wanting me to do some stuff for him at the office so, yeah, here I am.” I nod. Malcolm still works at the mechanic shop even though he manages Jaylen’s bar. He considers the mechanic shop his side hustle, and I don’t blame him for getting that paper. He also doesn’t have to be at the bar as much as Jaylen, and they kind of split the day-to-day work and the office work between the two of them. “How you been?” he asks.

I shrug. “Been better.”

Jaylen leans against the wall. He’s only wearing blue jeans, and his abs are showing, making it hard for me to keep focused on Malcolm’s comments. I don’t know when, but throughout the conversation I find myself taking peeks at Jaylen’s abs as if I were still in school and he was the jock.
 

Malcolm nods. “I heard what happened with you and Chris.” I wait to speak because I’m not sure how much information he really knows. Jaylen could have filled him in, but if Malcolm or Jaylen had any hint whatsoever that Chris laid his hands on me, Chris would be dead by tomorrow. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m all right,” I say, shaking my head. “No big deal.”

“Yeah, okay.” Malcolm rolls his eyes before looking over at Jaylen as if to confirm what I said. I don’t know what it is about Malcolm, but ever since I was five years old, I could never get anything past him.
 

“Jay, you thought about what I said?” Malcolm asks.

“Yeah.” Jaylen comes off the wall and more into the kitchen area. He stands a couple of feet away from Malcolm before turning to face me. “There’s been a little change of plans. I know we agreed that when Malcolm came back you could stay with him, but Malcolm brought a friend home from Vegas named Tori that he wants to spend time with at his place. So instead of having you move over there and play the whole hiding game, we figured you might as well stay here until she leaves.”

I think about it. I don’t have the strength to move my stuff today. I just want a hot bath again to soak my wounds both physically and emotionally. I walk over to the chair opposite Malcolm at the kitchen table and ease down. I don’t notice until I’m relaxing in the chair that I had gripped the table for leverage just to sit down. Luckily, the two of them didn’t notice, or if they did they just ignored it.
 

“Sure, that’s fine,” I answer.

“Cool.” Jaylen looks over at the door before turning his eyes to the key hook he keeps near the TV. I don’t know why I’m staring so hard, but I didn’t think he’d be leaving this early.
 

“Wait,” I say aloud. “What time is it?”

Malcolm and Jaylen both look at their watches. “Twelve.”

“Are you about
 
to head to work, Jay?” I ask, staring at his lack of wardrobe.
 

“I already been. I just had to do a little paperwork and set up some things for tonight. Malcolm’s going there later to handle some other stuff, though.” He’s still taking short glances toward the door, and I begin to wonder what his plans are for today.
 

“Oh.” I turn back to Malcolm. “How was Vegas?”

“It was good. Met plenty of females out there. I mean damn, they was fine. This chick Tori—I’m telling you she’s got it all. She all that right there.” Malcolm laughs and smiles.
 

I’m about to respond, when Jaylen speaks up telling us to keep talking while he goes to run an errand. I watch him toss on his white Nike shoes and a white T-shirt before heading out the door. It’s weird that I’ve stayed in this house two nights and I’ve hardly spent any time with him. Maybe me seeing less of Jaylen is fine. The less he sees of me, the less chance of him discovering why it takes me so long to get out of bed in the morning.
 

I turn to face Malcolm once the door slams shut, and he’s staring at me with such intensity I hold my breath. “So, you want to talk about it?” he asks.

“About what?” I ask, standing up and walking to the fridge to avoid his deadly glare.

“Chris,” he says.

“Not really much to say other than he cheated. Nothing new with that, though,” I mumble.

“You want me to beat his ass?” His voice is hard.

“No thanks. It’s really not necessary.”I take out two eggs and close the fridge. I’m still avoiding Malcolm’s eyes, but I can tell he’s watching me closely.
 

“What you makin’?”

“Just a couple of eggs. Would you like some?” I ask, breaking them into a bowl and reaching for a fork.

“Nah.” There’s a long pause before he asks, “Does Chris know you left?”

I don’t say anything, and keep my eyes on the eggs as I pour them into the skillet. If Chris doesn’t know I’m gone, then he must have never come home, and I know that’s not the case. I watch the eggs slowly start to bubble and keep focused.

When the eggs are done frying, I slide them onto a plate and grab another fork to eat with. I turn around, and Malcolm’s eyes are burning into mine. It shakes me up, and I’m unable to break the stare. Is he still waiting for an answer?

“I don’t know,” I say, and stick a fork into my eggs.

“Has he come looking for you yet?”
 

I think about sitting back in my chair, but I don’t want to chance having to use the table as a grip with Malcolm staring so hard at me. I settle for just leaning against the sink counter.
 

“No, I don’t think he will. Well, actually I don’t know what he’ll do. I just want to forget about him.” I take a big bite of my eggs.

“Do you miss him?” He isn’t looking at me as hard this time, and he asks with genuine curiosity as if my answer wouldn’t matter. But I know it would matter, because even if it doesn’t matter to him, it will matter to me.
 

“I don’t know. I mean, I know I say that answer a lot and I find myself thinking about him all the time. I just want to forget about him, but I know I won’t be able to move on for a while, so . . .” I stop, not wanting to say any more.
 

He nods, and I’m grateful he understands.
 

 
“Where did Jaylen go? And Angela, for that matter, anyway?”

“Jay went to the store. Ang went home. I think. I’m not sure. That’s all I know,” he says, resting his chin on his hand. “I just dropped Tori off at the salon to get her nails done, so she’ll be done in about another thirty minutes.”

I finish my eggs and wash my plate. Malcolm waits patiently until I turn around before asking his next question. “You still love him?”

“Yes,” I admit.
 

Malcolm looks me in the eye again and nods. “I kinda figured that. Hey, listen. I think you really need to decide once and for all what you really wanna do. ’Cause you keep breaking up with him and going back like it’s nothing.”

“I don’t want to go back with him. He doesn’t know how to treat me right.” I take a deep breath and close my eyes.
 

“Care to elaborate?”

I open my eyes and shake my head. “No, I mean, it’s just everything. It’s not one thing; it’s a lot of things. I mean, I do love him,” I continue. “I don’t think I cannot love him. I just don’t love the way he acts sometimes.”

“You know, you sound like one of them girls that’s trapped with a no-good-ass nigga,” he says, wagging a finger. “Don’t be like them girls. I’m telling you.”

I chuckle low to lighten the mood even though I don’t feel humorous at all. “So why did you come back home early again? I thought you weren’t coming home for another two days.”

Malcolm shrugs, leans back, and rests his hands behind his head. “Just in case I had to beat a nigga’s ass. Jay told me what was up and that he could handle it, but I was like, nah, and Vegas was dulling out anyway. I did everything the first few nights.”

“Oh. I think I’m going to lie down. No, better yet, I’ll take a bath.”

Jaylen walks through the front door just as I walk out of my bedroom. Malcolm left after I got settled in my bath and promised he would call me later to finish our talk. I don’t know what’s left to talk about. I have nothing left to say, and I’m not telling anybody about the fight Chris and I had. The way Malcolm looked both serious and calm about hurting Chris confirms that this secret is going to my grave.
 

The bath did help my sorenesss lessen though. I don’t have to lean on anything when I sit down and only feel uncomfortable when I bend over or stand on my feet too long. The eggs I ate didn’t last very long and now I’m starving. I smile at Jaylen as he closes the door behind him.
 

“Hey, how was your day?” he asks me.

“Good. Talked to Malcolm for a while, made some eggs, and took a bath.”

“All that before I got back? I was only gone for like an hour. How long did y’all talk?”

“Ten minutes maybe. Not that long. I ate the eggs as we talked.”

“Oh.”

“Still hungry though. Can we order some pizza or go out or something?” I ask.

Jaylen nods and plops on the couch. “I’ll order some pizza.” He pats the seat next to him. “Come sit down and talk to me.”

I gladly sit beside him. “Where’s Angela? Back home? How was last night? You guys were pretty loud.” I winked at him.

He chuckles. “Yeah, she went back home. She had to run some errands with her aunt or something like that. She’s coming tomorrow night.”

“When is she moving in with you? As much as she stays here, she might as well,” I say.
 

“Man, I don’t even know. She’s always saying she will, but whenever I bring it up she just brushes it off. So I’m like, fuck it. I think it’s her parents, though. They don’t really know me like that, and they don’t want her moving in with someone they don’t know.” Jaylen’s face is nonchalant about the subject, so I decide to change it.

“How old is Angela anyway? Twenty-three?” I ask.

“Nah, she ain’t your age. She’s twenty-five like me. It’s just her parents that keep tripping. This girl ain’t ever moved out of their house before.”

“Strict parents, huh?” I ask.

“Yeah. I guess. I don’t know why they’re like that, though. Fucking annoying.” Jaylen leans back on the couch and turns on the TV.

“At least she has parents,” I mumble.

Jaylen pauses, then wraps an arm around me and pulls me in for a hug. “Don’t think like that, Jess. Sometimes you have to move on from your past and let it go.”

I pull away from him feeling my face get hot. “Forget my past? How can you tell me to forget my past when I barely had one? My childhood was . . . it was. Yeah, it was good times, but I was never truly happy. I didn’t have a real family. Not a real one like you did, and I just don’t like it when people complain about their family when they should be grateful for what they have.”

“Yes, Jess, I understand that but—”

“No, no. I just can’t move on from my past because my past is really all that I have. My mom and dad didn’t want me, and Grandma Mae had to raise me. If it wasn’t for her taking me in, I would had ended up in an orphanage. Now she’s gone, I don’t have any family left, and I just feel . . . I just feel . . ”

“Jess, don’t.”
 

I open my arms wide and continue. “What do I have now? I don’t have a place of my own. I don’t have a job. I don’t have a boyfriend or parents. I don’t have any friends. My past at home with Grandma Mae was really the best part of my life. I won’t forget that.” I lower my arms back to my sides. I take deep breaths as Jaylen starts to rub my back. It feels good, but I hate myself for getting so worked up out of nowhere. I sit up straight. “Forget about the pizza. I’m not hungry anymore.”

I stand up to leave, but Jaylen grabs my wrists and pulls me back down. I let out a short scream. I had fallen on his arm, and that didn’t sit well with my back. The scream only lasts a second, but I can tell by the look on Jaylen’s face that it’s too late.
 

His eyes narrow, and his eyebrows pinch together. Finally, he drops my wrists. “What did you scream for?”

“Nothing. You just startled me, that’s all.”
 

Jaylen’s face relaxes a little. “You sure? Because that was a scream of pain.”

“No. No. I’m sure.” Jaylen just stares at me for a minute before reaching his arm behind me in what looks like a hug.
 

“Ouch!”

Jaylen quickly pulls my shirt up to the point where my bra is showing, exposing the deep bruises Chris had left on me. I don’t have time to respond before Jaylen stands up and starts shouting. I try to calm him down, but he won’t hear me. He’s pacing back and forth in front of the couch.
 

I stand in front of him with my hands on his chest. “No, Jay, no. It wasn’t Chris. I fell. I swear I fell!” I shout.

Jaylen doesn’t say anything for a moment. He keeps looking at me with eyes that are surely meant for Chris. “Stop lying to me, Jess. Did he lay his hands on you?” When I don’t respond, he closes his eyes as if he’s counting. “Did he touch you, Jess? Just tell me.”

When I don’t answer, he backs away from me and walks to his room. I stand there in the living room breathing heavily, not knowing what he’s up to. I start to walk back to his room, when he comes out with a gun in his hand.

“No! Jay, no, please don’t do anything stupid!” I grab his hand that holds the gun and squeeze tight.
 

Jaylen nudges me aside and walks to the door. I run in front of him and block his exit. I spread my arms across the door and stare at him hard.
 

“He didn’t mean to hurt me! It was an accident!”

“Stop with the bullshit, Jess. Accident, my ass. I’m tired of that nigga always hurting you, and now he’s laying his hands on you. Now that’s a fucking problem.” He reaches for the doorknob. I put my hands on his chest and try not to cry.

“Please don’t hurt Chris. This is between me and him. I can fight my own battles—”