When Our Worlds Collide (21 page)

Chapter Thirty-Two

-Graham-

A simple look is all it takes. The slow movement in
Kennedy’s head nodding at me in silent encouragement. The silence between us
suddenly feels deafening. I know what it means to her. Hell, I know now what it
means to me. Being someone’s choice means everything.

Until Kennedy, I have never thought about the significance
of how important and consequential this type of decision is. It’s like giving a
gift that you know that you’ll never be able to get back whether you regret
letting it go or not. Once it’s gone there is no turning back. There are no do
overs in this part of life. 

As my lips move back to Kennedy’s I think long and hard
about what this means. I prolong what I know is going to happen by kissing her,
sliding my tongue along her lips gaining access after running a hot trail along
her jawline. I know she wants the same thing as her hands wander down my back
landing on my hips as my mouth finds hers again as if it has a mind of its own.

Regret isn’t something I will feel with Kennedy. I can never
regret anything that happens with her. I’m worried she’ll find regret with me. 
I don’t want to be the one who steals her innocence only to have her realize
that she handed it over to the wrong guy too soon. I want her to revel in it
for the rest of her life. I want her to be able to say without a shadow of
doubt that she will never regret giving up her virginity to me. I never seemed
to care before, never took it into consideration all of the other times when
girls gave it away without a second thought. With Kennedy, I feel…it’s just
different with her. I’m beginning to realize that I’m different with her.

Kennedy’s hands are eager as they move from my hips guiding
themselves to where my erection is rested against her thigh. I strategically
keep most of my weight off of her for this reason. Losing your virginity is a
big enough deal as it stands alone. She’s inexperienced in this department. To
put it lightly---I don’t want to freak her the fuck out.

Kennedy’s eyes widened as she grazes her hand along my
shaft. A sweet, but mischievous smile crosses her face as she unhooks the towel
from around my waist pulling it from under the comforter tossing it on the
floor beside the bed. Her heavy breathing and sparkling eyes are telling me
that it’s okay. Her eyes shine with trust. As I look down at her I can’t
imagine her looking any more beautiful. 

I run both hands through Kennedy’s hair as she kisses me on
the tip of my nose. There’s an understanding between us. I know that after this
everything’s going to change. I’m no longer that guy that I used to be. For
once I’m okay with it all, as long as Kennedy is by my side. What anyone has to
say doesn’t matter. They can say what they want. Fuck em’. Took me long enough
to realize this.

Kennedy’s it. We’re only in high school, but I know that no
matter what happens she’s the grand finale, the final pitch, the last and final
breathe. How could I have ignored it for this long?

Because you’re a fucking idiot, obviously.

I gently push one knee between Kennedy’s legs to part them
just enough to make room for me taking my time. She eagerly lets them fall to
the side. This isn’t going to be like any of the other girls. It deserves to be
drawn out and significant. She deserves every touch to be full of adoration that
only someone you love is capable of.

You’re a god damn poet. Who knew?

“Do you have a condom?” I whisper into her ear allowing a
bit more weight to push onto her. A part of me is hoping she won’t to prolong
us sleeping with each other. Making no mistakes when it comes to Kennedy is
imperative. I only want to do right by her.

“In my nightstand,” she answers through rapid out of control
breaths. I look at her sideways knowing that she isn’t the type of girl that
just keeps condoms in her nightstand for her long line of suitors. She shrugs
her shoulders in a small movement looking up at me with an innocent smirk. I
don’t need an answer from her. I reach over to grab the foil wrapper from the
drawer. I rip the material with my teeth rolling the latex on. Kennedy watches
on with an eager fascination that only makes me want her more.

I move my body in between her legs getting comfortable. “Are
you okay?” I ask watching her face for any change or discomfort.

“I’m perfect, Graham,” she smiles up at me with anticipation
brushing my hair back with the softest touch. I’ll never get used to hearing
her say my name.

I feel her heat as I inch closer and closer. It only causes
me to grow harder. I have never felt this frightened and eager before sex. With
Kennedy everything feels real and raw. It feels new. Feeling more worried for
her enjoyment is far different compared to my usual in and out routine I
practiced in the past with other girls.

I kiss Kennedy softly before trailing my hand down to her
center where I find her wet in anticipation. I sink one then two fingers into
her core. She’s panting as I move them in and out slowly whispering my name
several times. I can feel her getting closer. I don’t want her to come until
I’m inside her. I slip my fingers out positioning myself towards her entrance
teasing her. I push lightly barely entering her. I hear her moan in
satisfaction. I’m dying to thrust fully into her. I stop myself knowing that
she won’t be able to handle it being her first time. 

I still my movements to insure she’s comfortable. I don’t
want to end up hurting her.

 “You need to move Graham,” she speaks through her clenched
teeth. I begin to pull out knowing that it is too soon. I should have known
better. Kennedy’s eyes pop open and before I know what she’s doing she’s
lifting her hips up and wrapping her legs around my waist. “What are you
doing?” she asks sweetly with a smile.

“I don’t want to hurt you. You told me to move,” I say
honestly. I can feel my dick twitching beginning to get harder inside the
shallowest part of her.

“That’s sweet and all, but I’m under no impression that sex
isn’t going to hurt just a little bit. I’m okay, honestly, I don’t want you to
stop. I just meant you need…you have to keep going.”

Oh, thank fuck.

I begin to move inside of her deeper at a snail’s pace,
still worried of ruining this for her. I hit the barrier and pause looking down
into Kennedy’s eyes that are wide with uneasiness from the pain she has to be
feeling.

“It’s going to hurt, babe, but I promise after the initial
pain that it will dull out.” Kennedy’s eyes shut as I push through to the good
part. I stop all movement allowing her to get use to me being inside her. I’d
be lying if I wasn’t seconds away from blowing my load prematurely.

“Open your eyes, Ken,” I whisper brushing a few stray hairs
out of her eyes. “I need to see you.” Her eyes open slowly paired with a
breathtaking smile.

Kennedy places her hand on the side of my face softly. “I’m
okay, but I need you to move, Graham,” she grins giving me a boost of
confidence that she’s fully enjoying this.

“I think I can do that,” I smirk knowing exactly what she
needs.

Before Kennedy, before she came into my life sex was just
that, sex. It was a consensual act between two people who didn’t expect
anything after the fact. Having Kennedy trust me with this only solidifies how
much she means to me. She has become the biggest part of my life quicker than I
could have ever imagined. I always believed eventually I would fall in love and
get married and all that other sappy shit people are constantly searching for.
I didn’t think it would happen for me until well into my thirties or later. Now
looking down at Kennedy I realize that I’ve found it. I found her.

You lucky, son of a bitch.

I rub my thumb along Kennedy’s cheek. “You’re beautiful. You
know that right?”

“Oh my god…” she keeps her eyes locked on me. Starting to
move her body along with mine allowing herself to let go and relax alongside
me. Kennedy trusts me enough to take something that I know I’m not worthy of.
I’m not worthy of the way she looks at me. I’m not being unrealistic about
that. I understand that she deserves someone far better than me.  

I could feel her teetering on the edge when she digs her
nails into my back when I begin moving in and out at a more rapid speed as she
holds on for dear life. “Just let go Kennedy,” I whisper in her ear. I
deliberately kiss her on that sweet spot behind her earlobe knowing it will
throw her body into frenzy. As if on cue I feel her clench and pulse around me
causing my own release.

I don’t move from above her. The thought of being apart from
her only causes an ache in my chest. Knowing she has just shared the most
intimate thing with me causes a wave emotion to crash over me. I watch her
strikingly blue eyes devour me with a simple look. I’m done in for and Kennedy
is the sole reason for my undoing.

“Kennedy, last night…” I allow the thought to trail off.

She plays with the tufts of my hair waiting for me to
continue. I’m not sure how to say it without confusing her. I don’t want her to
think that the only reason why I’m saying anything is because of what we just
shared. Kennedy must notice my apprehension.

“You can tell me anything, Graham,” she says with such
conviction making me believe that she’s right.

“I don’t know how to say it,” I explain.

“Try from the beginning.”

I pull out of Kennedy knowing that this is a conversation
that will be better off not being buried deep in her. Propping myself up on my
elbow to peer down at her flushed cheeks knowing that I’m the reason behind her
crimson coloring is exhilarating. I’m just going to have to say it, just blurt
it out.

“The night that I hit you is the scariest moment of my life,
Ken. I thought I had killed you and knowing what I know now I wouldn’t want to
live in a world where you don’t exist,” I pause to take a breath. Nerves are
multiplying. I’m never nervous. I can feel a lump forming in my throat. “Then I
screwed it all up and I can’t make excuses for my behavior. I was scared. I’m
still scared about this. This thing that is happening between to us so quickly
and then last night happened and when I saw you lying on his bed I felt like
someone had ripped my heart out because you being in pain at all physically
makes me ill, Kennedy. I’d never purposefully hurt you and I know my word
doesn’t mean much right now, but I promise you that I’ll do anything to fix
what I did.”

“I believe you,” Kennedy shifts herself up on her elbows
quickly kissing me.

“That’s not all. Last night when I went into the bathroom to
grab my phone you must have fallen asleep. I sat there watching you. Just
sitting on the edge of the bed and I knew that something had changed in me
because when I looked down at you I knew that…” I brush the hair from her eye
to behind her ear. I needed to see her when I said what I needed to say.

“You knew what?” Kennedy looks worried about what I’m going
to say. She wraps a blanket around her almost seeming that she’s expecting the
worst to come from my mouth.

“I knew that I just might be in love with you.” The breath
that I’ve been holding in all this time finally releases. The pain from holding
it all in dissipates to nothing.

Kennedy doesn’t say anything as she sits full up in the bed.
The sunlight’s protruding through her window leaving a cascading yellow hue to
cross over her body making her skin glow. Her bare back was exposed to my eyes.
I admired the way her spine sticks out just enough to show that she’s slender.

A small tattoo that’s hidden to the rest of the world is
just on the inside of her upper ribcage. It’s a pair of ballet shoes.
Well,
that’s a surprise
.
I’ll need to ask her about that one later.
This
only reminds me of what Kennedy has lost because of me. The one thing she loves
the most is dance. It’s all been ripped from her grasp. I’m the reason why
Kennedy might never dance again and nothing will ever make that okay.

How can I have the nerve to confess these types of feelings
I have for Kennedy and expect her to reciprocate them when I have been selfish
and untrustworthy all along? How can I expect her to share my feelings when I
don’t believe I deserve her? Fuck, I don’t deserve this girl.

“Graham…” Kennedy’s voice is horse. I move my hand to her
back continuing to make circles with my fingertips up and down her spine
running over the tattoo. “I think I just might love you back.”

She quotes me from last night when I thought she had been
sleeping.  Relief quickly falls into place knowing that this crazy amazing girl
loves me. We both lie down next to each other touching each other and just
being in the moment. As we talk, I think that we both let everything catch up
with us---Craig’s attack, Kennedy giving me her virginity, then admitting once
and for all that we obviously aren’t meant to be friends. It’s a lot for less
than 24 hours. There’s no one else I’d rather be lying next to right now making
every decision that I’ve made to get here make complete sense.

Kennedy’s parents come home around noon just as I’m pulling
up my jeans after lying in bed all morning. We managed to talk for hours about
everything except the one thing that’s important. What’s going to happen come
Monday? Were we going to stick with the same plan to act like we aren’t
completely involved or make it known? I will do whatever she wants because
right now she’s all that seems to matter. The idea of hiding what’s happening
and what already happened doesn’t sit well with me. I don’t want to hide her
like a dirty secret.

The lock on the front door clicks open. Kennedy rushes out
of her room as quickly as her crutches will allow greeting her parents before
they have the chance to enter her bedroom. I’m left alone in her room hopping
around trying to find my shirt. Catching me half naked in their daughter’s room
is the worst first impression.