Authors: Sarah Hardy
Sometimes in life, hope is all we have.
When Past & Present Collide.
Copyright © 2014 Sarah Hardy.
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording or any other ways possible, without prior written permission of the author.
This is the work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents are the product of the author’s imagination or are used factitiously. Any resemblance to any actual events, locations or persons, living dead or alive is entirely coincidental.
To keep it real, some characters in this novel use bad language which some readers may find offensive.
To my darling husband thank you for all you do. You
’re my rock.
To my sister Angela and Jacobs support group on
Facebook. I love you all and appreciate your honest advice.
To my betas,
well what can I say? Thank you ladies this book is dedicated to each and every one of you.
Table of contents
ne: Day Five
wo: Day Four
hree: Day Three – Interview day
: The Past
ive: Day Two
ix: Day One – Hell
even: Sleepless Night
ight: Day Five – The news conference
ine: After the news conference
Chapter Eleven: Betrayal
Epilogue: One year later - Hope
About The Author
Sometimes in life, hope is all we have.
We co-existed as individuals.
No one was talking and Ella had crawled into a cubby hole
that not even I could dig her out from. She had concealed herself away from the world.
I don’t blame her.
I’m trying to be strong for her but I am getting close to the last resort. I need to get out of this house before I blow up in front of her and I’m in sheer desperation for that not to happen. One of us needs to stay strong and I know it won’t be her.
Ella broke the
evening we were first told.
At first she seemed to ignore what the police had said but I know
now, in hindsight, she never accepted it.
I was told by Frank that he had heard the scream rip
from her chest from the other side of their building, when they had first been told and then she just locked down.
But that night.
The night I had left the window open was the worst night of my life. I could seriously kick myself.
I just wasn’t thinking.
I knew Sammy hated sleeping with his window open. But for some unknown reason I had stupidly gone around the house later that evening, opening some windows as the house was becoming too claustrophobic for me.
I needed fresh air and I was comfy just sitting in his rocking chair
reading him his favourite book.
I never meant to open it.
When Ella noticed and flipped out I think the light had switched on in her head and the realisation of what was going on around her finally hit home. Because straight after that she went on a shouting frenzy, followed by a cleaning rampage. Which in all honesty, I’ve never seen her do before.
But by the time darkness came and
desperation had finally hit, she wanted answers and she wouldn’t accept anything from anyone until the top man came in.
Even then she wasn’t happy.
Really, I don’t blame her. No one was happy; even Frank had offered all his money to pay for extra men, lights, helicopters and extra anything really. But we knew all the money in the world couldn’t help us in this situation.
The house had become the main nerve centre for all the crew. A big tent had been drafted into the garden and was set up with all different things. To be honest I never took notice of what they were doing, all I knew was they had electric leads
running all along the floor which were taped down anywhere possible, so no one would trip. Huge lights had been positioned around so they could see and generators were everywhere. The place looked like a circus but honestly, it was hell.
I’ve started to feel helpless over the last few days
. She has refused to eat, change clothes, brush her hair. Damn I know she won’t stop brushing her teeth but that’s mainly because she can’t stop retching.
more sick to be had. Her stomach is empty. She is drinking water which is a good thing but I’m worried. I don’t know how much longer she can hold off before they place her in hospital.
Her strength is non-
existent and she is dehydrating to the extent of having hallucinations. They have drafted in her private doctor and they are constantly monitoring her situation. Really, I just think they are waiting until the news conference before they determine if they should hospitalise her.
I’m dreading if they do because I know she will find whatever strength she has left to fight them and I’m worried she will crack if they take her away from here.
Away from me and Sammy.
I’m watching from afar, I’m desperate to touch her but I don’t know wha
t to do in these circumstances.
I’ve never done this in my life. And even when I do get close I feel
her retracting from me. We’ve spent the last 6 months getting into a good place, and now I feel like we are back at the beginning.
I want her to need me like I need her
, but I don’t want to push only for her to retreat into her own mind and never let me back in.
I know we are in this together but at this momen
t I feel so isolated and alone.
I stood there staring at the pale complexion staring straight back at me.
Only it wasn’t me. It
was a ghost of my former self.
I’d lost so much weight I didn’t even recognise myself anymore. My weak frame was only able to stand as the porcelain sink was holding up my frail body.
My fixed dilated eyes looked lost to my face. They had drawn so far back that deep black holes now took their place.
I was a
hollow being of my former self.
I gazed back down and tried to clean the remainder of the blood that had spla
ttered all over the white sink.
, this blood belonged to me.
My life had become one big cluster fuck; I had r
oyally screwed the best thing to finally happen to me.
I’d pushed and pushed my boundaries to their limits. I knew seeking r
evenge would hit me in the face. Hell, I didn’t expect it to hit me head on at full force.
I glanced back into the mirror as another drop of blood dripped from my nose. I pinched the bridge of my nose and held my head back as the
metallic taste ran down the back of my throat. ‘Shit’ I said to myself as I started to retch. I hated the taste of blood, not that I’m an expert on it, but still I had this sickly feeling from it. I rarely get a nose bleed, only when I’m seriously stressed and my nerves are a wreck. And yes, you can say I’m both.
I am now officially on day 5. Did I tell you it was day 5
? Well it is trust me; I’m counting the seconds, the minutes even the fucking hours.
I feel myself picking up the rinsing cup and throwing it full force towards the mirror. I watch as the mirror shatters to pieces
, as the cup falls to the sink with shards of glass flinging back at me.
ty Fuck!’ I scream.
ump down crying again. ‘Please, God. Please don’t punish me anymore. Haven’t I been through hell and back?’ I scream, pounding my fist against my chest. ‘Don’t I deserve a fucking break? Just one break, please, God.’ I never prayed. To be honest I never believed but when times got tough, I chose to believe. I believed everything happened for a reason and I was being punished.
I had done this. I had everything money could buy but my
respect, and hell had I wanted that. I wanted to show him who was boss.
My selfishness and stubbornness had done this to us. I was to blame even though there was a room full of arseholes who would kindly disagree with me. The
y would say what they thought I wanted to hear. No one would dare voice their opinion and tell me the goddamn truth.
‘Wankers,’ I say
, as I laugh to no one and everyone.
I don’t even know why they are here, patronising me. Don’t they see
that I don’t give a shit about what they are saying? Bloody hell, I’m not evening listening to them and now they are here in my house and trying to get me to attend some news conference or whatever Tim had called it.
‘Smile and nod,’ I said to no one. ‘Smile and nod.’ Who the fuck are they kidding
? I can’t even stand and support myself and they expect me to smile.
What have I got to smile about?
‘Hair,’ I said laughing. They want my hair to look pretty; before I knew it I was in stitches lying on the floor as more tears flowed down my face. Fuck, I was a mess.
The knocking had started again. I hated the knocking. Couldn’t they see I wanted them to go and leave me alone
to wallow in my own self-pity?
‘It’s my pity party, leave me alone,’ I
said to myself.
I leant ba
ck and opened the door slightly. “What?” I said with my hoarse voice. Jacob had lowered himself to his knees so we were eye to eye and he knew I would be able to understand him.
The problem wasn’t deafness
; it was a broken shattered heart.
“We need to go sweetheart
, are you ready?” He gazed at me with so much compassion. His eyes looked like mine, black circles, huge bags but he looked clean, shaven and dressed in fresh clothes. Me? I had the same yoga pants and top on since the day I was told. The only thing I had done was brush my teeth and that was to get the sick taste out of my mouth, I couldn’t care less about anything else. I held two fingers up to him and he just nodded with complete acceptance.
How did we get here? Everything was so perfect; it was only 6 days ago when we were sitting in the park as a happy family. Yeah
, me happy, it was the best day of my life. Jacob had asked if he could take me and Sammy to the park and we jumped at the chance of spending a Saturday together as a family.
Everything had been going great over the last 6 months
. We were finally happy; we had talked about the past and decided to try again. But this time we went on dates and were courting like a proper couple taking things slow, but it was good.
We had packed a picnic and were having a great time. My boys were playing football on the grass, not that Sammy was
playing; he was more interested in chasing any dog he could find. We had even discussed that this weekend we would go out and buy him a puppy together.
y was perfect; Jacob and I had been rolling around like the couple I had always envisioned for us. We had fed the ducks; he had pushed the swing while I sat on it, laughing and then we just walked around blissfully happy while acting goofy.
We had even discussed him finally spending more night
s with us during the weekends. At the moment he only stayed on a Saturday night but now we were going to extend it from Friday through to Monday. I know I could have done full time but we needed to make sure for Sammy’s sake that we were a solid unit before we made the final move. I wasn’t playing games anymore. Sammy came first and he always would.
The knocking started again and I flung my eyes open as I sat there in a trance. Why did it feel so real? I shivered as I tried to stand up
to open the door.
Beth and Taylor were waiting on the other side. They helped me up and let me lean on them as I looked around
for Jacob. Beth instantly shook her head. “I’m sorry honey he needed air, we will help you to the car.” I just nodded. I couldn’t even support myself without dropping, my strength was non-existent.
Beth pulled my hair from my face and I flinched away from her. She had devastate
d me with her comments yesterday, I knew she was only doing what she does in a crisis but this was my crisis and I was entitled to deal with it how I see fit.
Tim was walking by
Taylor’s side chatting on and on about what we would expect today. As the front door opened I noticed Jacob stood there with his head held high and fingers raking through his hair. He didn’t even acknowledge us as we headed on over to the cars.
My mind was playing tricks on me as we sat in the car being transported off the grounds of my property. I was slowly hallucinating
. I could honestly see him everywhere I went.
Just as the huge gates pulled open
, flash after flash went off all around the car. Beth or Taylor, I don’t even know who, had placed their cardigan over my head so the press wouldn’t have any more pictures of us for their pleasure. I say their pleasure, as they are doing more harm than good. They are questioning everyone I know.
They have even blamed me. Me
? Can you fucking believe it? Do I look like a total wacko? I sniggered to myself thinking about it, because if you looked at me this very moment I would have to answer yes to that very question. I’m not a snob and I don’t usually go over the top on my appearance. Yes, I like nice clothes but I’m a high street girl through and through. I would rather shop high street any day than spend obscene amounts of money on outfits I hardly feel comfortable in. But no, not today. My hair hasn’t seen a brush and I’m sporting these very sexy yoga pants.