When You Least Expect It (2 page)

              Amanda was flicking through the channels on the television, mindlessly.  Ray had gone on to tell her about how miserable he was in his loveless marriage.  He was trying to stick it out for his children.  It was very apparent that he loved his children very much.  Still, she couldn’t imagine being sentenced to a life of unhappiness, voluntarily or not.

             
Amanda sighed.  She knew unhappiness.  She’d been married to her children’s father for twelve years.  They had been childhood sweethearts.  She’d loved him very much.  She’d thought they were so good together.  All she’d ever wanted was to get married and have kids.  She knew she was a good mother, and tried hard to be a good wife.  Her husband, Randy, never seemed happy though.  He was always working, or playing. He’d never seemed to want to grow up.                It shouldn’t have surprised her at all when she found out he was having an affair.  In fact, it explained a lot.  Nevertheless, it turned her life upside down.  She thought she’d never recover from the hurt this caused. For a year and a half, Randy had cheated, lied, snuck around and made her feel
she
was doing something wrong.  When he came home one morning at 6:30 am, and she was up, waiting for him, he confessed everything.  She had gone numb.  She would have never believed this of Randy. He left that day, leaving her to tell the children.  It was the worst day of her life.  She had no idea what to do, or where to go from this point on.  All she knew was that she had to carry on, for her children’s sake if nothing else.  It was the hardest thing she’d ever done.

             
She wiped her tears.  Even now, thinking about it all, upset her. She switched off the television and headed to her bedroom.  She crawled in to bed and snuggled under the blanket, trying hard not to notice the emptiness.

             
                                                        ~~~~

The next morning over breakfast, Elisa asked her, “Why is it you haven’t been on the computer lately, Mom?  You were on it so much before, I was getting worried that you were addicted to porn or something.  I’ve heard that can easily happen.” Elisa tried to hide her grin.

              Amanda choked on the piece of toast she was eating.  What was Elisa thinking?   Where does she come up with this stuff?

             
As she poured herself some cereal, Elisa went on, “I even called Aunt Hilary and asked her what she thought.  Of course, she didn’t think you had the least bit of interest in pornography.  One night I peeked out at you from my bedroom, because you were laughing out loud…sitting in the living room all alone.  You were chatting with someone.  What was that all about, Mom?” 

             
Amanda stared at her daughter.  She’d heard enough.  She slammed her dishes into the sink.  “Elisa Ann what goes on in my life is none of your business.  I am forty years old, thank you!” She stomped down the hall.  Elisa and Alex just looked at each other and giggled.

              Amanda went into her bedroom and called Hilary.  “What on earth are you telling my kids about me?  Elisa is under the impression I am some porno queen who talks dirty on the net at night!”

             
Hilary tried to suppress her laughter. She could tell her sister was angry and didn’t want to add to it by laughing out loud.  “Wait one sec, sis, I just told her you were a big girl and could take care of yourself. Why are you flying off the handle?”

             
She took a deep breath.  “Sorry Hil…Elisa can just drive me crazy, sometimes.”  She decided to ask Hilary about Ray.  “Do you think it’s wrong to make friends online?” 

             
Hilary groaned, “No, Mandy that’s the whole point.  What’s this all about?”

              “What if this friend is male, and married?  What if he is really interesting and you enjoy his company, and his marriage sucks?” She was playing with her hair, a little nervous habit she had.

              Hilary rolled her eyes. “Why do you have to over
analyze everything?  Just take it for what it is.  A friend you have made a very long way away.  It’s not like you’re having sex with him.”

              Amanda blushed and hung up the phone as fast as she could.  She was getting too old for this!

             
That night, she decided to send Ray an ecard.  It wasn’t going to hurt anyone.  She picked a rather benign one that just said, “
Hope your day is a happy one”
She signed it
Mandy40
and sent it.  It’d be interesting to see if Ray replied.

~~~

             
Ray couldn’t stop thinking about Amanda.  What was it about her?  She was definitely funny and interesting.  She was so cute, too.  Betty Boopish.  Ray laughed at that image.  He wondered what she really looked like.  He guessed she was pretty.  She just had to be.  Of course, he was a supposed Garth Brooks look alike, when in fact; he didn’t even know what Garth Brooks looked like.  If he was six feet tall, with brown hair and green eyes, then they could be twins.  Ray never really considered himself handsome, but found that women thought him attractive from time to time.

              Imagine her thinking they were cheating when they’d never even met, seen each other, or more importantly…touched.  To him, ‘cybering’ was innocent fun.  Of course, he couldn’t explain to her how his marriage really was.  He hadn’t even slept in the same bed with his wife in years.  As for sex, what was that?  But he understood her position and respected her for it. He loved that they seem to have all the same interests, and she was so easy to talk to.  Ray found himself thinking about this almost non-stop.  He stared out the window and let his mind wander.

             
Ray had been married for eighteen years.  His marriage wasn’t very happy and hadn’t been in a very long time.  His wife, Carrie, was just as unhappy, so they kind of just went through the motions of being a couple.  They had three daughters together, Glenda, 17, Norma, 16 and Nikki, 14.  He loved them more than anything.  He’d always been very close to them, and tried to stay involved in their lives. 

             
He’d tried everything to improve his marriage.  He wanted it to work.  Carrie had lost interest a long time ago.  She was the one who didn’t really want to work at it.  She felt as long as they were “mom and dad” that was all that mattered.  Ray needed more.  He needed to feel loved and wanted.  He needed to be touched.  He needed to feel like he had someone to share his life with.   It had been so long, he probably had forgotten how to really be with someone. 

              “Where are you,” asked his friend, Chad.  “You seem to be out of it, even more than usual.”

             
Ray blushed. He was daydreaming in the middle of a meeting.  “Sorry Chad,” he said, “long day, I guess.”  The truth was he spent most of the night online looking for
Mandy40.
  But she was nowhere to be found.  He was afraid he was never going to see her again.

              Chad was asking Ray a question.  “Is your wife giving you a hard time again?” Ray shrugged his shoulders and said, “What else is new?” They laughed and went off to get coffee with the thought of Amanda still lingering on his mind.

             
                                                        ~~~

             
The part of the day Ray dreaded most had arrived.  He was home.    Home was a three bedroom, modest brick home they’d lived in for five years.  It wasn’t huge, but Ray felt it was a nice home.  Almost the instant he opened the door, his wife, Carrie, started screaming.  It didn’t matter about what.  She just liked to scream at him.  He had stopped listening long ago. “I had a lovely day, thanks for asking,” he muttered to himself.  He went straight to the computer.  He wanted to check his email, hoping to hear from Amanda.  She had sent him an email!  “O Happy Day” he sang out loud.  He quickly opened it, after looking to see where Carrie was.  “
Hope your day is a happy one,
” he read.  If she only knew that because of her, it now was.  He hit reply. 
Thanks for the card.  It made my day.  I hope to chat with you soon.  Ray.
  He was ecstatic.  He’d continue looking for her tonight.  He shut off his computer, and went whistling off into the kitchen to see what was for dinner.  He hoped, for once, it didn’t have tomato sauce on it.

~~~

Chapter 3

              Amanda had not been on much since she had sent the card to Maineman.  She had been feeling a bit undecided about the whole thing, so shied away.  She felt enough time had passed, and he had probably forgotten all about her by now.  Still, her palms were sweaty as she logged on.  She went straight to the room she chatted in and tried to get lost in the conversations. 
Kitcat
was telling all about her new ‘boyfriend’.

             
“
He is so funny, Mandy.  He is sweet and loves music, and boy, can he cyber
!” Mandy loved
Kitcat
, but sex definitely was her favorite subject.  She was a therapist.  She lived in Utah and used the term, ‘nutcracker’ when referring to her profession. She thought she was hysterical and a lot of fun.

             
All of a sudden, “
HI”
popped up onto her instant messaging screen.  It was
Maineman
.   She hesitated for a moment, but couldn’t help noticing the way her heart flip-flopped into her stomach.

              “
Hi stranger!”
she typed.  “
Long time no see
!”               

             
“
Mandy, I am so glad to see you.  I’ve been searching the web for days, just hoping to run into you.”

             
He seemed glad to see her.  She had to admit it made her happy, but also uncomfortable.  After all, he was a married man.  She promised herself, not to get too close.  They talked about what was new in their lives, about their children and jobs.  Amanda told Ray about her day at work and all the funny stories that her patients gave her on a daily basis. 

             
“
Wow”
typed Ray
, “you must lead an interesting life, Mandy.  Speaking of which, and not to change the subject, but I was wondering if I could talk to you about something personal.”

             
Uh, oh, thought Amanda.  “
Sure, Ray, what’s up?”

             
“
Well
” he typed, “
I wanted to ask you about divorce.   If it’s too personal, you don’t have to, but I just want to know what its like.  How hard it really is, and how much your life changes afterwards.”
 

             
Amanda was hesitant.  What exactly was she supposed to say to this faceless man on the Internet?  Was she supposed to encourage him, or should she try to discourage him?  She opted to tell it as she’d lived it.

             
“
Divorce is the hardest thing I’ve ever been through.  It’s hard in all facets.  Financially, it was a nightmare.  Raising my kids on my own has been rough.  All
those things you hear about single moms…they’re true.  Emotionally, it’s been draining.  There is not a day goes by that I wonder what I could have done differently.  Overall, I have to admit, I’m happier.  I was miserable in my marriages.  Both men were abusive.  My kids were unhappy.  As hard as it is on my own…I’m still happier.  My life belongs to me.  I can raise the kids as I wish and I can do what I want with my life.  It’s lonely and heartbreaking at times, but I feel good that I can do it on my own.   It took a while, but I adjusted.  I learned that I deserve to be happy.  Everyone does.” 
She didn’t want him to think she was an advocate for divorce, but she hoped he understood the gist of what she was trying to say.  “
Of course, every situation is different.  I’m just telling you mine.”

             
“
I understand, Mandy,”
he typed. “
You’re right.  Everyone does deserve to be happy.  Thank you for sharing that with me. It sounds like you have been through the wringer.  You must be a very strong woman.”   

             
They changed the subject then, and talked about whatever came into their heads, from their childhood to the present.  Finally, Amanda looked at the clock.  It was almost 4 a.m.  “
Ray, you must be exhausted.  We’ve been up all night.”

             
“
I am, but the time went so fast I didn’t even notice.   I love talking with you.  But, I’d better get to bed.  Everyone will be up soon.  Goodnight, Mandy
.”

             
Amanda said goodnight and they both shut off their computers.  When she talked to him, she seems to forget what his life is like in Maine; that is, married with children.  She reminds herself she has to be cautious.  She certainly doesn’t want to be a home wrecker.  They’re just friends.  She chants this to herself, as she gets ready for bed.  She looked at herself in the mirror, and chanted out loud, ‘We’re just friends!’  She went to bed and repeated her new little mantra until she drifted off to sleep.